Parents Challenges of A Nearly 4-Year Old

[amphomma]

I'm pretty sure I'm just dealing with the typical developmental challenges of a little girl who is about to turn 4, but I kind of need to unload after a challenging day. Since part of the challenge involves gymnastics, I figured I'd post it here. I'd love to hear I'm not alone.

Little A is showing signs of being very gifted physically (especially in gymnastics and general flexibility and strength) as well as intellectually. Her brother is very bright (he is 8 and has skipped a grade) and I know we met with a lot of the same challenges with him when he was a preschooler.

Here was my day: in one hour, I had to explain (again) to Little A why she shouldn't and couldn't attempt a full flip from a standing or bouncing position in our living room. "But I can picture it, Mommy! All I have to do is A, B, and C...I can land on my back on these pillows...I won't get hurt." A few weeks ago she asked her teacher where/if she could try a flip in the gym. Her teacher told her not yet, and to keep working on more foundational things. Phew. Little A dreams, literally, of doing incredibly advanced gymnastics skills. As she was falling asleep, she told me she was "dreaming" of running up to a vault, doing a handstand on it, and flipping off of it. Can you tell she was watching the "big girls" training during her last class??

In the next hour, after I'd talked her down from her sofa cushion and gotten her to practice much safer things, she told me she had to go potty. Little A was on the "late" end of normal with potty training. But, she has been great about no accidents and heading for the bathroom when she has to go. Today, she kept asking for a diaper. I managed to talk her out of that, too, but I'm just confounded.

Does anyone else have a 3 or 4 year old who can't decide if she is 2 or 8? That's where my sweet little girl is. I want to encourage her, guide her, and mostly let her know we love her no matter what!! I'm sorry this is so long, but I needed to get it off my chest, my husband has been working 14+ hour days for the past 4 days, and I thought I might find some company here!

 

[gymdog]

Potty training regression is normal in 4 year olds. Just keep with consistent routines and gentle messaging of "diapers are for babies. Babies also can't [go to big kid gymnastics classes, use the iPad, go on the swings, etc]. Also check into the medical side of things, if anything is painful (UTI, constipation) that could cause the sudden change - these things often go unnoticed in kids.

For other unwanted behaviors I like the 1,2,3 Magic method. You have to be consistent and try to cut down explanation/negotiation in places where you know she understands what you mean. For the flipping, I would just say "I am not asking if you can do it without getting hurt. That is not allowed in the house." You'll have to repeat it a lot but just make sure she understands it's not a discussion about whether she can land on her back or not, or do it without getting hurt or not.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

sounds pretty normal too me. and i raised a few of them.

 

[IreneKa]

Little A dreams, literally, of doing incredibly advanced gymnastics skills. As she was falling asleep, she told me she was "dreaming" of running up to a vault, doing a handstand on it, and flipping off of it.

Do you believe in reincarnation? I saw this video on youtube recently of an amazing 2 year old shooting the balls through the hoop like a pro. All the comments were saying he must be reincarnated basketball player. Your daughter must be reincarnated gymnast, dreaming of doing vaults! LOL

Good luck to your DD! She sounds like a very talented little girl!

 

[amphomma]

Tj

Do you believe in reincarnation? I saw this video on youtube recently of an amazing 2 year old shooting the balls through the hoop like a pro. All the comments were saying he must be reincarnated basketball player. Your daughter must be reincarnated gymnast, dreaming of doing vaults! LOL

Good luck to your DD! She sounds like a very talented little girl! [/quote

Thank you! We don't believe in reincarnation, but we do believe that God gives special gifts and talents to each of us. It is fun and amazing to discover these in our children. I love seeing her joy, and I hope she always dreams "big"!

 

[amphomma]

Potty training regression is normal in 4 year olds. Just keep with consistent routines and gentle messaging of "diapers are for babies. Babies also can't [go to big kid gymnastics classes, use the iPad, go on the swings, etc]. Also check into the medical side of things, if anything is painful (UTI, constipation) that could cause the sudden change - these things often go unnoticed in kids.

For other unwanted behaviors I like the 1,2,3 Magic method. You have to be consistent and try to cut down explanation/negotiation in places where you know she understands what you mean. For the flipping, I would just say "I am not asking if you can do it without getting hurt. That is not allowed in the house." You'll have to repeat it a lot but just make sure she understands it's not a discussion about whether she can land on her back or not, or do it without getting hurt or not.

Thank you--it sounds like we think and parent pretty similarly. I know this season of life is full of these sorts of growing pains. My husband and I are trying to be consistent, wise, and protective without being over-bearing! We love our little A!

 

[amphomma]

sounds pretty normal too me. and i raised a few of them.

Thank you. I knew in my heart that our day was normal for this stage of her life, but I guess I just needed to send it out there. My husband has had a rough week of work, so I try not to unload too much onto him when he comes home wiped out!

 

[Committed]

You've gotta watch out for the fearlessness. I feel like I'm always talking my 6yo down from trying something dangerous. For instance, I told her to absolutely NOT to do a back tuck into the pool (we have no diving board and I am terrified she won't jump backward).

She won't be able to do any tricks if she's in a cast!

 

[cbifoja]

Amen! I caught mine squatted on the top of her wooden play set, getting ready to try to walk across the 2x8 above the swings. Extra gray hair that month.

Sorry about the potty training. That is a hard one. My dd was a late trainer and it was frustrating....probably more so for me than for her!

 

[dani4]

You are making me scared for the future because your almost-4 year old sounds like my 2 1/2 year old. She is extremely bright, questions everything, advanced in all areas, and is probably a gifted athlete (she's definitely strong and flexible and coordinated and all that). Very competitive too. She's also a major daredevil and it's hard to talk her out of doing things that she really wants to do. I thought that maybe it would get better when she's older and has some sense, but I guess 4 is not older enough? My daughter is already saying "I want to do that" (in a serious tone) when she sees the big kids doing some big skills at the gym.

My 4 1/2 year old is very different (much mellower personality and not so advanced for her age), so I don't have enough experience to give you any advice at this moment. Perhaps you'll help me in a few years.

 

[amphomma]

Amen! I caught mine squatted on the top of her wooden play set, getting ready to try to walk across the 2x8 above the swings. Extra gray hair that month.

Sorry about the potty training. That is a hard one. My dd was a late trainer and it was frustrating....probably more so for me than for her!

Yes, it is frustrating, but I'm having to remind myself that I thought she would "never" use the potty (an exaggeration, I know), and then one day after months of encouragement, it finally clicked. This is a hiccup; we will get past it. I need to be her "safe place to land" in all things!

As for the fearlessness, that too is a process. I'm trying to encourage her gifts and to use her courage to her advantage, but to use it wisely and humbly. Tricky with a preschooler who has stubbornness that goes to the moon!

 

[amphomma]

You are making me scared for the future because your almost-4 year old sounds like my 2 1/2 year old. She is extremely bright, questions everything, advanced in all areas, and is probably a gifted athlete (she's definitely strong and flexible and coordinated and all that). Very competitive too. She's also a major daredevil and it's hard to talk her out of doing things that she really wants to do. I thought that maybe it would get better when she's older and has some sense, but I guess 4 is not older enough? My daughter is already saying "I want to do that" (in a serious tone) when she sees the big kids doing some big skills at the gym.

My 4 1/2 year old is very different (much mellower personality and not so advanced for her age), so I don't have enough experience to give you any advice at this moment. Perhaps you'll help me in a few years.

Yes, your littler girl sounds very much like my Little A. She wasn't as much as a daredevil until recently. She's always been stubborn, though. I guess when two stubborn parents have kids...you do the math! I say find an outlet for your 2.5 year old, whether it's gymnastics or another sport. You'll both go batty if there isn't something to challenge her and wear her out (in a healthy way). Little A has actually gone back to taking naps now that she is doing so much gymnastics at her class and at home! Seeing big kids do things is definitely a major influence. On one hand, it helps the little ones dream big and try things they end up being able to do...on the other hand, they don't understand concepts like muscle development and body awareness to an extent that allows them to accept that they just aren't ready to try certain skills. We just have to keep trying to find that balance!!

 

[amphomma]

You've gotta watch out for the fearlessness. I feel like I'm always talking my 6yo down from trying something dangerous. For instance, I told her to absolutely NOT to do a back tuck into the pool (we have no diving board and I am terrified she won't jump backward).

She won't be able to do any tricks if she's in a cast!

I actually used the fear factor to temper some of Little A's fearlessness. When we were discussing the mechanics of the forward flip she was begging me to let her try, I told her, "I don't want to scare you, but I kind of need to scare you". I went on to explain that if she lands on the wrong spot in the wrong way on her neck/head, she could lose the ability to move anything at all for the rest of her life. That made some impact on her stubbornness, and she also needs to learn to trust her daddy and me for her safety!

 

[dani4]

Yes, your littler girl sounds very much like my Little A. She wasn't as much as a daredevil until recently. She's always been stubborn, though. I guess when two stubborn parents have kids...you do the math! I say find an outlet for your 2.5 year old, whether it's gymnastics or another sport. You'll both go batty if there isn't something to challenge her and wear her out (in a healthy way). ....

The reason I started taking my kids to gymnastics one year ago was so my younger daughter would have an outlet.. and so my older daughter would improve her strength & coordination. So far I would say it is sort of working, but it's also giving her more ideas for crazy things to do around the house.