Parents Coach/parent friendliness

[leotardmakermum]

Something I've been wondering about: where is the line between being friendly with a coach, and being too friendly?

Here's the scenario.

Yesterday we were leaving a training venue. Head coach walks past the back of our car as I was packing things into it, and says bye to my daughter (called her by name), but he said nothing to me. Sure, he may not remember my name on the spot, but it did seem just a tad rude. I thought, "Do I say goodbye to him or not?" It might seem like I was being overly friendly, or it might seem that I was pointing out his rudeness in ignoring me. I said nothing, but it really seemed wrong and uncomfortable to not say anything.

Shortly afterwards my daughter's squad coach walked past and said goodbye to both of us, to which I replied in kind. It was natural, and comfortable.

Where is the line between being friendly, and for want of a better word, being "sucky"? ie sucking up to the coach, brown-nosing etc - I don't know how much of my phrasing is idiomatic Australian slang!

I don't want to be best friends with the coaches at all - given that practically the only thing we have in common is my daughter and her gymnastics - that would just be weird. I want to just be naturally friendly with them, without me or them feeling that the only reason I am doing it is because I want favouritism for my daughter. I don't want favouritism - I just want to be normally friendly!

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

I would say you use generally accepted rules of etiquette, politeness and respect.

Treat a coach as you would treat anyone you know at the same level - other teachers at your child's school, the principal, your dentist, etc.

I say hello to strangers I pass on the sidewalk and usually they return the sentiment. I would have said hello/goodbye. If they do not return the sentiment, I wouldn't change my approach the next time. That is not being over friendly. Having said that, our HC will always do the same with DD, and nod to me. I recognize that as her way, after several years of experience, and realize she is in no way trying to avoid me, etc. I do however say hello/goodbye each time.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

Saying hello or goodbye is just common courtesy. That first coach should have acknowledged you, adult to adult, and also as your child's coach, perhaps even introduced him/herself if you've never met? This is someone your dd will spend a lot of time with.

Our coaches are super friendly and our parents/coaches/gymnasts do a lot together in and outside of gym, but I understand that our team is the exception not the rule, lol.

 

[leotardmakermum]

Thanks to you both for confirming what I would have thought was reasonable. I should be able to feel free to say hello/goodbye, and it would have been reasonable for him to say the same. Glad I'm not going mad.

He does know my name, but perhaps because it had been a long day, he just couldn't remember it right then. But saying "Bye [daughter's name]'s mum" would have been totally acceptable in my books, even if he can't remember my actual name!

 

[htimcj]

DD old HC just said Hi Mom to every mom

 

[Seeker]

Our coaches are super friendly and our parents/coaches/gymnasts do a lot together in and outside of gym, but I understand that our team is the exception not the rule, lol.

Our team is like this too...and I'm very grateful.

 

[leotardmakermum]

...our parents/coaches/gymnasts do a lot together in and outside of gym...

I think this might be seen as crossing that "line" here! Glad that it works for you. That's great.

 

[billise]

I echo fliptwisttumble pretty much word for word!

 

[Midwestmommy]

If it were me, I would have just called out, see ya have a good night. Really, I would not be too sensitive and would cut him some slack. He just finished breathing chalk dust and dodging flying feet and arms for hours, maybe it's hot and sweltering in the parking lot. Perhaps he was already fantasizing about a shower, big cold glass of water and a comfy chair.

Or maybe he had to go home to mow the lawn, fix a door and entertain that night when all he felt like was a nap. Who knows. I have had a night or two when I purposefully dodged a coworker on the way out the door (people I really like) because I was just pooped. Happens to the best of us at times.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Some coaches are actually intimidated by parents, they are used to dealing with children a lot and can struggle with adult interactions.

I would be saying hello and goodbye to the coach and if anything you are helping the, to become more comfortable interacting with parents.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I have seen too many parents take every slight opportunity they can to corner the coaches and talk about their child. So I think many coaches are a little gun-shy to start a conversation so they lean towards the other way and avoid the parents. Personally I make it a point to not talk gymnastics with the coaches when I see them around casually. If there is something I want to discuss I send word with my dd that I would like to talk to the coach after practice. I think this keeps the line drawn and I think they realize now they can say hi and chat a bit and it won't turn into drama or a long conversation. It just takes time to get to know the coaches and for them to be comfortable with the parents because I bet they honestly never know what to expect. If I were you I would continue to say hi in a situation like that and keep it at that.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Yea,,, Even though it has nothing to do with you, it is highly possible that your HC just got bombarded with parents before she/he made it to you. So I would not take it personal at all, unless they continue to snub you. As a coach and a parent I see both sides and honestly there are a few parents that always go out of the way to complain after meets no matter what.... Here is a wonderful tip to all parents, be nice to your kids and coaches after each meet. Speak to us about your concerns the following day, when you have had time to think about it and we have had time to unwind. It can wait....

 

[Deleted member 15064]

great advice to just stay casual when greeting coaches & not probing about your kid, the gym or - goodness knows - negative stuff.

that way they know they can greet you & not have to get embroiled in something more unless they initiate.

when it comes time that you need to address the coach about a particular issue, you will have built a foundation of light, positive, brief interactions to work from.

 

[Ex member]

Sorry to drag up an old thread ...

My oldest dd's coach is what I would call quite friendly, she does make an effort to talk to us parents after the session, even if it's just a brief chat about what they were working on during the practice, dd's coach does now my first name and has even used it and always says hello in passing , but I guess the nature of dd's group requires the coach to be more hands on with parents as its a disability group.

My youngest dd is taught by a few different coaches (rec) and I don't really communicate with any of them, even if I passed them unless they spoke first. The only exceptions are that I have spoken to the head coach once as I wanted a chat about dd's progress and was told to speak to him any time if I had any further questions, something I haven't done since our first chat and also dd has become quite fond of a young coach and this young coach is quite friendly and will take the time to chat when you need to, this coach I have had several conversations with sometimes she has initiated it and sometimes I have if dd had an issue during session, dd prefers confiding in this coach as she has built up some trust with her, I had a situation that need sorting out at dd's last session and requested to speak to this particular coach as the coach who was with my dd was busy taking another class and it wouldn't have been appropriate asking to speak to her. I guess the other coaches would have been fine to talk to but I have never needed to.