Parents DD's "school parent" drama...

[mamaoftwo]

Ugg, I need a small parent vent! I hope it's ok here! I am also soliciting advice if there is any.

Do any of you deal with this? DD is at a relatively large elementary school (approx 300 students). I think there are 3 total team gymmies there (and none are in her grade), though a few do rec gymnastics. The kids are only on "day 4" of the new school year, and already the questions have started. Quotes from the past four days:

-Oh, you're DD is STILL in gymnastics?
-Is she still doing that pre-team thing?
-Isn't 4 hours per week for a 2nd grader too much?
-How can this even be fun for her?
-I think that competition at this young age is terrible for such a young girl.
-Maybe, if your DD stopped gymnastics and focused on her reading, she'd be a better reader (DD IS behind in reading, but she has a learning disability, which quitting gym won't fix, this one really peeves me off).
-Don't you think you should focus on family and school?

Sorry for this vent, but I dealt with this all of last year from some of the moms, and I've really had it. I've begun limiting my answers to pretty much "Yes, she's in it. She loves it. It's a lot of work but she's doing great!". While in my head, I'm thinking: "Um, don't you think I'd pull her if I was concerned? Do I look like an idiot?" And mostly: "Mind your own business"! I mean come on, I don't question what THEY are doing with their kids, at home, while they AREN'T in extra-curriculars. Or, how WELL they are doing in their Spanish class, or horseback riding, or soccer, or... or... and then pepper them with questions about WHY their kid is doing it.

I never bring up the subject to them, but it's usually easily brought up due to my DD's handstands, pull-overs on the low bar at the playground, etc.

It makes me want to leave with her, not let her play, and just ignore the other parents. But it's not about me, so I let her play, and suck it up. Arggg...

Do any of you deal with this? If so, do you have any tips for dealing with it? I am also a Daisy leader for many of the kids, so I need to maintain SOME relationships with these moms...

 

[lhmom]

DD competed last year at age 6 (level 4, practicing 9 hrs a week) and I got the raised eyebrows and comments from people- still do on occasion. I usually just keep it at "she enjoys it" or "she handles it well" and change the subject to their kids. Seems to work and I get less annoyed.

 

[Blessed4x]

My DD also has a processing disorder and reading difficulty. Did you know there's research that shows gymnastics is beneficial for learning difficulties? Many if the same movements are used in OT for kids with sensory integrative disorder. Gymnastics is something my DD can feel good about that she is better at than the other girls in school. It does seem to bring out some pretty strong opinions in people, doesn't it? I don't recall anyone ever saying a thing when my DS was on 2 competitive soccer teams at the same time!

 

[bogwoppit]

Over the years I have learned to change the subject very quickly. Can you imagine last year when DD was diagnosed with the stress fractures??? Well all I got was "OMG I bet you wish she had never done gymnastics!". You cannot educate those who choose to be dumb.

I am sure the gifts gym gives your kids will outweight any negatives. Plus I can guarantee that the mothers will give up one day. Oh yeah that'll be graduation day!

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

School mom drama is just as bad as gym mom drama IMO. I say that having been a teacher then a school administrator then a district administrator. I just read a great article about the state of American education and many teachers are leaving in droves due to the parents. One veteran principal said she'd stay if she could teach a school of orphans. I could rant and rave about this forever. On the bright side I didn't have to deal with these people parent to parent with my girls since I was too busy playing teacher.

But realistically 4 hours is nothing close to too much for an average 7 year old. That's the same amount of time many kids that age play soccer or ice hockey. Our ski club that trains as much as elites has kids that age on the mountain training that much, nothing more. Unless the child has some difficulties with that as an individual, there's nothing wrong with that amount of time!

It's hard to ignore them but you just have to. These are the mean girls from high school who grew up into being mean, petty adults. Make sure your daughter is having a blast and is safe and healthy and just forget about them. I remember back when my son was in high school at a tennis match. Bri was about 3 and I was pregnant with my youngest DD. I had my DS pretty young and I'm a young person on top of that. Some of the uppity women gathered around me and were swooning over my son's tennis skills (he'd lived with his dad for 2 years before he passed away who taught him to play). They asked if we had privates and what have you. I was currently in community college in an interpreter program and TAing for pennies at a local middle school and had gotten quite sick when Bri was born and hadn't worked. My husband was a raft guide who hurt his shoulder badly, so needless to say our finances weren't in check. The women started going on about their husband's jobs and where they were going for Spring Break. When they found out about my husband's job and mine they were horrified. I made a comment about how we were only able to subside off animals we hunted ourself and lived off my son's income working a pizza place. Needless to say they left me alone the rest of the season.

(Not that I'm suggesting you do this! Burning bridges is never fun, but it was almost 20 years ago and I was a little less mature than- still not completely mature but I've definitely progressed)

Best of luck! I've never seen a single parent of any of my son's classmates. Working in the school system where my daughters were I still see a few parents, but most of the nasty ones have drifted away now that their kids have graduated high school. Hang in there, you can do it!

 

[gymgal]

we are a homeschooling family so I don't get this from school but I do get these types of stupid questions regarding our homeschooling. - Seriously, If I believed I wasn't doing what is best for my child/family, do you really think I'd continue to do it? Do you really think I've gone into this blindly and not thought about all aspects? - that's what I want to say to most people who question me about our choices. funny, we haven't gotten many concerns about dd's gym but we did get it with ds's travel ball (about 10 hrs a week from 7-10 years old).

And I would definitely use the research that shows gymnastics helps to build organization and brain connections. Very good for learning disabilities

 

[MaryA]

You know, there is something about giving birth that makes other people, including perfect strangers, feel they should have an input on how you raise your child. From a baby sleeping in a stroller with her head lolling at a funny angle ("Don't you think she's UNCOMFORTABLE sleeping like that?" She's SLEEPING so obviously not!) to my 2-year-old twin daughters playing in the front yard in matching outfits ("You tell your mommy that you are INDVIDUALS and she should dress you that way!" Being a mother of twins is hard as HE**! If it gives me some pleasure to dress them in cute matching outfits while they will still let me, please allow me to do so!).

I know there was a thread not too long ago about what constitutes "normal" and why people feel like telling you you're depriving your child of a "nomal" childhood by having her so involved in gymnastics. Quite frankly, if you had asked me before DD started gymnastics if I would ever allow one of my children to be practicing a sport for 15 hours a week at the age of 10, I probably would have said, "No way!" It does sneak up on you, from that first rec class, to preteam, team, etc. until it has pretty much taken over the life of the entire family. So to a certain extent, I do understand where the people who think that I'm crazy for allowing my daughter to be involved in anything to such an extent (though I don't really get too much crap from people these days, though I suspect some are thinking that I'm crazy, just not saying it). I won't say that her hours in the gym don't cut in to family time or creative play time or any number of important things. It's definitely a sacrifice. But a quick google search gives a statistic that the average 9-14 year old spends 20% of his/her waking hours watching TV. So if my child was coming home from school and watching 4 hours of TV, she would be normal. However, since she's going and spending 4 hours in the gym, she is somehow being deprived of a normal childhood. I guess the difference is that, if she was spending 4 hours a day in front of the TV, or playing video games, I could LIE about it (possibly even to myself).

If your daughter was not doing her homework because she was spending so much time at the gym, then it might be time to reassess, but not doing gymnastics is not going to fix a learning disability.

I think parents desire to be the best parents they can be makes them insecure. If I see your child doing something that my child can't, whether it's winning the school spelling bee or standing on her head, I'm going to think, "I wonder if I had done xyz with my kid, would SHE be able to do that too?" and then the defense mechanism sets in, "Well, I would NEVER do XYZ with my child because... (insert valid reason here)."

Sorry for the stream-of-consciousness ramble here... I think it's past my bedtime!

 

[cher062]

Unfortunatly there are folks out there that just don't understand the gymnastic kids or their lifestyle and no matter what you say to them they will never get it.

Try to ignore the ingnorance of others. You can't change them only how you respond to them.

I usually try to just answer with Yes or No answers. No explinations beyond that and move on to a new subject

So If they ask "does your kids still do gymnastics? " My response is something like this.

In a very excited, supporting and very happy that my kid is still doing it tone
"Oh Yes she is, and is your Daughter STILL doing Soccer (or what ever)

for "Isn't 4 hours a week too much for a 7yo" the answer is in a confident tone "Oh No of course not"

And so on - I think you get the idea. short quick yes or no Answers that don't require any more conversation with tones that make them know you know what is best and should shut them up in a nice way.

with that said i mostly get the number of hours question even now after many years of doing this. If I want to do the long conversation thing I will usually counter the question with "No I don't think so, So what activities does your child do?" when they give me the long list of activities I have no problem pointing out an overly scheduled child doing a good 10 - 12 hours on after school teams and activities.

I think alot of parents have issues too with the lack of all those other activities out there, but really any one here can atest to that a child who is a team gymnast is very different from other kids. They have a drive and desire for this sport I don't see in kids who do community sports teams (like local soccer, little league, etc).

I also think parents with those questions can't believe the dedication a kid can have and think its "abnormal" and as a parent we should "fix" this and that our kids are "missing out on a normal kid life" what ever that is.

I too am a girl scout leader and honestly If I ruffle a few feathers with an answer to my DDs gymnastic life that is their issue not mine. They need to get over it. I know Im a good parent and support my DD's interests as much as I can.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yes to all that...and let me add. i think you all know we own a gym. so, my own personal children would hear at school "what a mean coach i have at gymnastics cause he made me do straight arm kips and then he made me condition...and then he made me... and so forth.

these gymnasts/kids were talking to my children about THEIR OWN father. and then of course the teachers would ask my children (at the time) and beating around the bush mind you, if they were treated well at home.

so, this would be my explanation of all things answered above with 3rd metacarpals and moutsa's!

 

[cher062]

Oh Dunno I hear you on the "treated good at home" thing. When DD was first starting out she had brusies all over and believe me there were some raised eyebrows. I use to worry about that annual visit to the Dr with my DD. My DD always has bruises in places most kids don't get them (hip bone, back area) and her legs were just covered in bruises. It was so great that my DD's Dr was a former gymnast too and totally knew the battered and bruised look of a gymnast.

 

[Deanna]

I try to stick to the advice my Daddy gave me. "Don't go into a battle of wits with the unarmed." I do as Cher said..simple yes or no answers. Or if Im filling full of you know what and vinegar I will try to work it into the convo, in a nice, overly sweet way (you know how southern women can be..lol) that its DD choice to be there for that much time, and work that hard at her age. And that sitting in front of the TV for hours on end (as Mary also said) just isn't her cup of tea. I can tell by the look in their eyes (you can literally this look pass behind their eyes)..as they realize that was a jab. Bless their hearts.
All joking aside. I really try to avoid any petty bs. Im really a very laid back kinda gal. But we all have those days sometimes where if someone looks at us sideways we are ready to tell them about it..lol.

 

[emorymom]

Wow, sorry you went through that.

Here in Atlanta, Georgia most of the kiddies are doing multiple competitive ball sports at 6 (it seems). Weekday playdates are impossible due to every night being booked with something, the only difference is that my kids have a few specialties instead of doing the sport of the month plus Kumon plus piano plus scouts plus basket weaving.

Perhaps you could waive your hands in the air helplessly and mysteriously when faced with these questions and say "Her great-aunt was from (insert random place here ... Wyoming, Syria)" and then drift away.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I feel sorry for those other kids if their parents think 4 hours a week of sport doesn't give them enough time to focus on school in the 2nd grade! What are they going to be like when their kids are in High school?

 

[DbacksMom75]

I have found the universal phrase in the south for any woman who wants to sweetly tell someone off is "Bless your heart..."...lol
I got the same questions when dd was a gymmie and get the same ones now that she is in cheer.
"You spend how much for her to do that?"
"Don't you think 7 hours a week is to much time to do something like cheerleading?"
"What about your other kids?"
"Isn't it to dangerous for her to do?"

The list goes on and on....like someone else said mean girls turn into mean women and full of jealousy they can say some pretty mean things. As long as you feel right with what your gymmie is doing, it's really none of their business. As I like to say "Bless your heart for having so much concern for my daughter...where is yours again?" and I walk off.

 

[monkeysmom]

I don't really hear this too much

My daughter's school K-6 is bigger than that. I have no clue how many gymnasts are there, but I know there are at least a few. I work outside the home fulltime so I really don't have the opportunity to chat much with other parents except those I run into at activities or occasionally at school functions.

I do get comments from other parents at times. It's generally not about my child, but rather commenting that they limit their own child to one activity--one or two nights a week or whatever. I respect each family's choice, so I don't take it personally.

When someone does overstep a bit or ask about the number of hours, I just say that we do gymnastics, dance and music instead of video games and TV. Personal choice. Though I did let her watch a show while I was getting ready this morning...so it's not totally true, ha. I am lucky that my daughter doesn't have any problems/issues at school. If she ever did though, school and education would be our number one priority. Easy for me to say though, since I don't have to make those tough choices... I doubt that kids who don't participate in gymnastics or some other activities are spending 100% of that extra time doing schoolwork though.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

I hear it all the time too- just like what you wrote. My DD is also in 2nd grade and goes 12 hours per week so you can imagine the comments I get.

I look at it this way. If DD hated it, cried every day on the way to the gym, begged to not go, couldn't get her homework done, or was doing poorly in school then it would be an issue with me. So far none of those things happen. I really don't see how DD doing gymnastics is any different than their child doing dance, soccer, piano, and scouts all in one week-- just as much of a time and energy commitment to me. My DD has just decided this is what wants to do.

I just ignore it.

 

[Chocoholic]

I'm lucky, I don't get those comments from other moms. Sometimes they ask about her hours but there is hardly ever a follow-up criticism. Now from my parents and sister . . .

 

[Deleted member D3987]

family members can be the worst...

 

[flipper's fan]

I also kind of fancy the Columbo response : Oh, you think so? Geez, what do you think she should be doing instead? really? I was kind of confused, because you know, I saw all these kids going into the gym, there's about a hundred of them in there. Most of them looked pretty happy. I really had no idea. Let me think about that.

But seriously, what do other kids do that our gymkids don't do? Mine goes to school, watches TV, plays Wii games, goes over friend's houses, posts on Facebook, swims, rides her bike, goes to the movies, sporting events, and plays soccer ( although that does require a little juggling). Every kid is not going to be an academic genius- if they were then that would be "average". Academics are not the only skills you need to get through life. I heard that even colleges like to accept well rounded students.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Columbo was one of my favorite shows. you're showing your age? he just passed away a couple of weeks ago.