Coaches Disheartened hearing from the gym owner

[s28r2119]

Hi all,

I had another account here for years. But, I have closed the email for it. So, I made a new one. I recently had a negative experience with a gym and just want to share.

I coached team and recreational classes. I love coaching and the sport itself. I want to share some things I’ve heard from this place because it unsettled me. But, maybe I’m crazy.

1. “We don’t cry here. It’s selfish because it brings everyone else’s mood down.”

2. “You’re not as good as we thought you’d be.” (Referring to me as a coach)

3. “[insert name of kid who cries frequently due to stress] is so great and we should all be like her!” Yes, the kid is great. But, all that pressure is really tough for a kid and emphasizing how perfectionist they are is unsettling to me.

4. “Team kids who are new complain about coaches because they can’t take it.” but then “Team kids who are older and higher level act like this because they know they aren’t going to get to go to college and want to take coaches down with them.”

5. “If they were really being abused, they’d have told their parents if they’re old enough.”

This was all after I shared that several team gymnasts confided in me about their hurt feelings. I didn’t share the kids’ names, but I wanted to share their concerns with the owner.

 

[jrthegymnasticscoach]

Leave. That. Gym.

 

[s28r2119]

I did. They were going to fire me because I had one class that had a couple kids complain about me being mean which was shocking because I had never had a serious complaint over my years of coaching and I was generally considered a popular coach. I wasn’t allowed to reach out to apologize to the parent or child nor was I allowed to be counseled on better coaching or have that class switched to another coach and I just coach something different. Even the parent claimed it wasn’t ultra serious. I’m someone who will own it if I’m wrong. I had no issue hearing out the complaint and then offering an apology.

I don’t believe in abusive coaching, it’s why I try to learn from my abusive coaches that I had growing up. But, I am not perfect. Though, I learn and grow. I would never want a kid to be hurt by me, so I’d apologize and own it and be better. I think it’s important for kids to get to hear apologies from adults. If I’m out of line, I apologize. But, this was a one time thing for me. I blame part of it on my stress of being around other coaches who make athletes feel bad. Still, I should’ve risen above that.

So many kids told me they liked my feedback because I help them get better, but don’t only focus on what they’re doing wrong.

This gym also tried to accuse me of theft because I liked the music remix one of the kids had for a floor routine, so after I clocked out of work, I stopped by the company iPad on my way out the door to look up what the sampled song was. It was kind of familiar and I wanted to be able to listen to it at home. By looking it up after I had clocked out and because my phone was in my hand (sue me, I’m a millennial), I was accused of theft of the music and back-talk when I was genuinely baffled by the situation and was too joking about it. At every gym I’ve seen or worked at, people can ask about the music and it’s not a crime to stop and do something on your way out the door.

Sorry to ramble, it just really sucked.

 

[Dahlialover]

I’m glad you were able to leave that dysfunctional place. There is a lot of demand for experienced coaches. Good luck finding a better employer.

 

[s28r2119]

I’m glad you were able to leave that dysfunctional place. There is a lot of demand for experienced coaches. Good luck finding a better employer.

Funny enough, they considered me ‘inexperienced’. I’ve been coaching since 2016/2017. That’s not super experienced, but I know a fair amount. They claimed that if I was ‘truly experienced’, I’d know that the kids who would confide in me were basically just complaining because they sucked as gymnasts.

What’s crazy is the kids never blamed the coaches for their lack of progress. What the kids didn’t like was how condescending and negative coaches were. How one coach would scowl at them all of beam every day. How one of them would only say what the kids did wrong instead of giving corrections with a positive spin and encouragement.

 

[Dahlialover]

It sounds like they got under your skin with their criticisms. I suggest that you work hard to unhear all the things they said to you when they were trying to tear you down and discredit your perspective. Be confident in yourself. Find a new gym. When you get there, don’t talk too much about your old gym because you don’t know who is friends with who. Just be your best self.

You might enjoy this podcast from The Shift Show about leaving a toxic gym.