Parents Embarrassment

[Flip4funmom]

I'm sure this won't be a popular post but I'm going to ask anyway....

If you KNOW your child is going to go to a meet and be embarrassed would you still let them go or pull them out?

I can give my reasons if needed.

 

[z2akids]

Why would he be embarrassed?

My DD has competed at meets knowing that she won't do well. But that doesn't mean she will be embarrassed. Her team and coaches are supportive. The families are all supportive. Other teams don't really pay any attention and wouldn't care one way or the other.

 

[Flip4funmom]

This meet is with the kids from his old gym, the gym we were FORCED to switch from. The new gym has him competing much lower just because "they can't trust his skills yet". If it was any other meet it wouldn't be an issue but I know my son and I know as soon as he knows they (mainly his old coach) are watching he won't want to do anything, because it's not what he was doing with them.

 

[LindyHopper]

I know my son and I know as soon as he knows they (mainly his old coach) are watching he won't want to do anything, because it's not what he was doing with them.

This may not be a popular response with you, but here goes. If you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will react that way, it is a sign to me that, although he can physically do the skills needed to compete (what level or skills is not part of my point), he may lack the EMOTIONAL maturity to compete.

If his coaches feel he is ready, then prepare him for the meet. Tell him the other gym will be there. Don't let it be a shock or surprise. I know @NY Dad went through a similar situation and may have some advice.

Hand him off to the coaches at the meet and let them handle it.

 

[raenndrops]

Actually, the other coaches my not even be watching. They have their own gymnasts to deal with.

I would be in the "suck it up or you arent ready to compete" camp. He needs to go out there and do what he is supposed to do. It doesnt matter what level he is competing or would have competed for the other gym. If he wants to compete, he needs to be able to deal with competing no matter WHO is there.

 

[trampolinemom]

What level he competes does not matter at all. Even if he competes at this age or not does not matter at all in the long run. Also there is a very big difference between being able to throw skills and being able to do them competitive. In this there can be a very big difference in gyms. Some gyms can let a kid compete say a back somersault as soon as he or she is able to do it. Some might take a year polishing it and not let the kid compete until he/she has a decent kick out close to 12 o'clock, good form and is 100% consistent. All gyms are different in what they think is competitive. You should guide him in this so that he has no reason to think about the level thing in a negative way. It seems from your posts that you are a bit upset as well that he will compete a different level than planned at his former gym. This does not matter at all. You see talented kids go through the levels to elite in so many different ways. Especially what he does at 5 is simply no issue at all. Let it go. I guess the coaches from his old gym will not be watching at all since they will be busy coaching their own gymnasts. And his new coaches will know how to handle him just fine.

 

[Aussie_coach]

How does he feel about it? Does he want to compete?

 

[JessSyd]

If he does not want to compete pull him out, if he does want to compete, let him compete. Do not worry about the other gym at all. Unless they are in exactly the same rotation, he won't be watching them and they won't be watching him. You will be in the audience, and he will be just another little boy in another gym's competition gear. And if he is competing a lower level he is less likely to stand out and be noticable amongst bigger boys.

Also, I think you are either projecting your own worries, or having too many grown up conversations in front of him. Five year olds, even very bright, quite anxious ones, decide when to worry by taking their cues from the adults around them. If you are excited and happy he will see it as an exciting happy occasion. If you are worried and ambivalemt, he will pick up on that.

I know you have had gym problems and things are tricky, but your child is five. Five is very, very, very young. Everything he does with his spare time should be about fun and discovery and learning and enjoyment. His gym appears to be a huge source of stress and worry for you, and by extension for him. You have changed gyms and are still tense and anxious about things. Please consider some sort of circuit breaker. Rec gymnastics, watching less, a season off. He should be having fun and you should be having fun watching him. If this isn't happening, something is not OK.

 

[Learning Parent GB]

I think that his age is on your side here. He might feel a bit odd about seeing his old coaches, but I'm not sure he is old enough to be embarrassed about what he is competing. If you can show him that you are happy with what he is doing then he will probably pick up on your cues. And much as we are supposed to be the adults, I think you being aware of it is a very natural feeling. So I say go, smile, get that first 'paths crossing' thing out of the way and leave with your head held high and a happy boy who has competed well rather than with moves he isn't yet ready for. Make it a really fun day all around and the moves don't really matter.

 

[profmom]

Weslan's mommy. Your child is five. FIVE.

Even in T&T, gymnastics is a marathon, not a sprint. You are putting so much time and energy into worrying over every single thing that he has to be picking up on it. We can't tell from your posts if your fretting is rubbing off on him yet, but I can guarantee that if it's not, it will be soon. And that is eventually going to drive him out of the sport.

He should not be under any pressure whatsoever to do ANYTHING relating to gymnastics right now. Your main goals for him as an athlete at age five should be ensuring that he gets to practice most of the time, mostly on time, is dressed somewhat appropriately, and isn't disrupting the class. Whether or not he competes is utterly and completely immaterial for anything relating to long-term progression. It is even more irrelevant whether or not he does well when he competes.

Back off, don't say a word to him, and let his coaches handle it. That's why you are paying them. If they've made the judgment that he's ready to compete, they'll manage it, and if he messes up, it will not matter one whit to them or to him. Make sure that it doesn't matter visibly to you. It's like striking out at teeball. Really.

 

[amiandjim]

There should be zero pressure on a five year-old child, competition or not. He should not even be aware of levels, who he is competing against, etc...

My daughter competed level 1 at 5, and the only thing she knew was that she got to put on a pretty leotard, and got spray glitter in her hair. She and I were both proud when she remembered the routines and that’s about it. She didn’t even really know what her scores were or what they meant!

 

[Taxidriver]

At 5 it’s not about the level he competes or his scores but just about learning to do what he does in gym in front of a crowd of people.
My dd gyms philosophy is they will only enter a gymnast into a competition that they can do well at and by doing well I’m not talking about them winning or placing but that they can compete the routines well and skills they are confident in. Sounds like your new gym is only happy with him competing moves he is really secure with and I see nothing wrong with that.
Yes seeing his old coaches might be a bit of surprise if he doesn’t know in advance so I would tell him they will be there and if I thought necessary point out they will be very busy with their own gymnasts.

 

[skschlag]

Please, Please, Please let him be a 5 year old. No 5 year old should have this stress and pressure. They should totally be in gym just for the fun. If you allow him to just have fun and not stress over competition, he will lasts longer in this sport.

He should not have to worry about getting skills, competing a certain level, stress over seeing old coach. He should just be excited about doing the cool flippy things and learning new things.

 

[z2akids]

I still don't really understand how a 5 year old will be embarrassed competing at a meet that his old team attends.

First of all, they may not even be in the same session. If they are, they likely will all be too busy competing to notice what your son is doing. If he is doing skills he is comfortable with rather than skills he was having trouble with, he should feel good competing for his new gym.

He seems awfully young to be embarrassed by this situation and I wonder if that emotion is something you are projecting. Just because he competes a lower level this year at 5 years old, there is no reason to think he has any less potential than you thought he had at the old gym.

I remember my DD's first season when she competed rec league. The girls were all excited when they received pretty pink ribbons. They had no idea for a long while that blue meant best scores and pink was not "good" in relative terms. Even my 7 year old had no idea. Don't let your worries stress him out. There were a couple of girls in that rec league who were well aware of blue being best and were upset when they didn't get blue. Neither of them is still in gymnastics.

If he is really still this stressed out at the new gym, he may need time away. 5 year olds should not be stressed by a children's sport.

 

[acam1103]

I have a pretty smart and relatively gymnastic-talented 5 year old. He is on pre-team (basically level 3 MAG). They have two little "fun meets" in the spring. If his coach decided not to keep him there and we switched gyms he would be sad but the idea of being "embarrassed" at those meets would be well beyond his years.

I also have a very wise, mature and talented just turned 8 year old son. I would say he's just getting to an age where he could understand socially enough to feel embarrassment. Though, he's overly keen on himself so he would probably just look at his old coaches and think "fools." But seriously, I do think you might be worrying about feelings that are well beyond what your son will experience.

If HE brought up not wanting to compete then please listen to him. He has plenty of time.

 

[momnipotent]

OK, posting a regional results page from last year-picking a page where it would be hard for anyone to identify your gym, but...look at the gyms in the top 3 and notice what gym isn't there-it's like this in pretty much every category your current gym had kids competing at regionals last year-their kids are good. Tell your son he shouldn't be embarrassed to compete a lower level for a better gym-there is a reason they are better.
Also (and I'm sorry because there's really no way to say this that comes off the way I mean it, and it is said from experience and out of true care and concern for you and your son and his longevity in the sport). Have you considered something anti-anxiety to help you with the whole gym situation you have found yourself in? I was in a similar place for a different reason a few years back, and it really helped me across many areas of my life. Not meds necessarily, but even essential oils or something? Just something to think about-I think we get caught up a lot in these situations where we get really anxious (especially over our kids) and we don't even realize it until we hit an "a-ha" point-for me, it was crying in the parking lot for something really minor that made me realize I had to do something. It really transformed my outlook on everything (gym included-although gym wasn't 100% the catalyst, my ODS was definitely going through things that were stressing him (and by extension me) out.) Just a thought-I see a lot of where I was in the tone of your posts and wish I had figured it out for myself earlier, so I thought I'd throw it out there.

 

[mls529]

Switching gyms - regardless of the reason - can cause some anxiety for kids, when they see their old teammates. That was true for my 11 year old who moved from a high potential JO team to an Xcel team (girls). She definitely had some anxiety about seeing old teammates at the first meet and that they would "judge" her. But this is life, and I reassured her it is fine (although to be honest, I was nervous too!). And guess what --- it was totally fine! I told her: Just get out there and do what you love. While your son is much, much younger, he needs to take the same approach. Get out there and have fun. Don't worry about other people/other gyms/old coaches. Kinda a good life lesson!

Also, maybe MAG is different, but a different team and different level likely would never be in the same rotation, which is what others said above.

 

[mommyof1]

I say this with all kindness, and as a mom who has gone through much hand-wringing over progress and competition readiness over the years (and who actually did consider pulling my kid from a meet at a much older age because I didn't want her to have a bad experience and was talked down by the wise parents here). It doesn't sound as if either of you is ready for him to compete.

Your son is five years old. I remember when my kid was five years old. The constant anxiety over every little thing. When will she climb to the top of the rope? Will she fall off the top of the rope once she gets there? When will she get her pullover? When will she get moved up a level? Will her leotard fit? Why haven't the leotards come in yet? All the parents of itty bitties in that gym were the same way . It was even worse for the parents who had been told or believed that their kids were fantastically talented. After every practice, they'd ask the coaches when their kids were going to move up because "she can already do a front tuck off the sofa and a back handspring on the trampoline in the backyard. She needs more." The level of anxiety among the parents of the five-year-old set was so high that it probably would have been a good thing for the gym to diffuse Rescue Remedy into the parent observation area. And this was just preschool preteam. Now take that level of insanity and add to it the pressure of competing. I can't even imagine how crazy those parents would have been. They needed a few years to calm down before their kids started competing.

Didn't your son's new coaches initially suggest not having him compete this season? Why not follow their recommendation? Everyone would probably be happier.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Sorry I’m a blunt person. And there really is no easy way to say this.

I think you are more worried about being embarrassed.

Your son is five. He should be having fun. That’s it.

You need to step back. You are over involved. And any stress or embarrassment he is likely feeling is due to the vibes he is getting from you.

At five it’s supposed to be fun. As his parent you are supposed to be his soft place to fall.

It should be have fun honey. With a big smile on your face.

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

I have a pretty smart and relatively gymnastic-talented 5 year old. He is on pre-team (basically level 3 MAG). They have two little "fun meets" in the spring. If his coach decided not to keep him there and we switched gyms he would be sad but the idea of being "embarrassed" at those meets would be well beyond his years.

I also have a very wise, mature and talented just turned 8 year old son. I would say he's just getting to an age where he could understand socially enough to feel embarrassment. Though, he's overly keen on himself so he would probably just look at his old coaches and think "fools." But seriously, I do think you might be worrying about feelings that are well beyond what your son will experience.

If HE brought up not wanting to compete then please listen to him. He has plenty of time.

This. So much this. My DD was your typical oldest child. Wise beyond her years, very emotionally aware and mature. There is no freaking way she, at 5 or 6, would have been capable of having the feelings you are talking about unless I planted them in her head.

I suspect this is how you will feel at the competition, which I think is totally normal in a situation like this, but is also something to just get over.

If it is as you say, that you know your kid and he will definitely feel this way, then he's got the emotional awareness of a middle schooler and should be able to totally understand the point momnipotent made. That he is at a way better gym now, and doing things their way will make him a much better gymnast at all future levels.

I would like to very nicely echo what another poster or two have said. You sound a lot like my very best friend, who has anxiety issues. The important part is making sure you don't let them rub off on your kids. You need a way to manage this or it will eat you alive and drive your kids out of the sport. My BFF has meds she takes when she feels her thoughts spinning out of control, but there are also things like meditation or essential oils that have been shown to help. You've got to find a way to chill and let it be.