Parents Fear so young??

[taylortumbles]

Hi everyone. I don't think I've posted on this board before .

A little history... I used to be a gym owner/instructor, but I closed last April. My gym started out gymnastics and turned cheerleading as I lost all of my equipment in a move and there was a higher demand for all star cheer. I was originally located inside a YWCA and they went under and all of my equipment basically became property of their liquidation, even though I had paid for some of it with a car accident settlement and the rest I busted my butt fundraising for. Anyway, that was years ago. I relocated and couldn't afford equipment beyond mats.

I never forced my daughter to do cheerleading or tumbling as I didn't want to be one of 'those coaches'. I wanted her to do it if she showed interest. Last year when she turned 6 she began to show interest and she started taking classes 1 day per week. She has little natural talent and struggled with nearly everything but she enjoyed it and worked really hard. Other parents were sort of turned off by it as they felt the 'owner's daughter' would be amazing I guess and it not only put me in a rough spot but her as well.

Anyway, I closed and she begged me a few weeks ago to try gymnastics so I signed her up at a nice gym with a reputable program. Now you must know that my daughter has an overwhelming amount of fear when it comes to many things in her life. Unfortunately she has dealt with a lot death at a very young age. Her 2 brothers (my sons) passed away. Her aunt (not much older than me) died a couple months ago and Grandma died less than a year ago. After dealing with all of this death she has a lot more fear than most children her age and please don't suggest counseling as it's not in my budget and not covered by insurance and they want $140/hour. Other than the fear, she is a perfectly normal child and is exceptionally bright for her age.

She had her first gymnastics class yesterday and she didn't do too bad. She was fine with floor tumbling and fine on low beams. High beams she was not very cooperative and bars was a nightmare. She wouldn't even pick up her feet to do a tuck, pike, or straddle swing and wasn't thrilled about doing a pullover. Her coach was really good with her and held her through everything and basically made her do it, but in a positive encouraging way. When class was over, I asked her how she liked it and she said "It was GREAT!" with a lot of enthusiasm. I asked her if she wanted to go back next week and she said "Yes". I've tried talking to her about her a fear a few times this week and she says she is just scared to do certain things.

So should I keep taking her to gymnastics in hopes it may build her confidence and help her conquer all of this fear? I'm used to the little ones being fearless, not full of fear.

Has anyone else experienced this with their little ones?

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

My youngest daughter (not a gymnast, but a dancer) was very fearful from a very young age, and even now as a high schooler continues to be.

Not to dive too much into personal information either, but my husband passed away when my daughters were 6 and 4. Since then she's had some other difficult experiences that have really impacted her personality. There was even am extended period of time where she refused to talk. I also understand the financial burden of counseling. Both my husband and I were in transition phases with our jobs around the time he passed away, so things were rocky for some time.

Shortly after this I enrolled her in some rec gymnastics classes because she'd expressed some interest watching her older sister and I was already at the gym anyway. Her experience sounds somewhat similar to what you described your daughter's experience was. She did a few more classes but began to really dislike it and never really broke out of her shell. She eventually said she hated it, so I took her out right away. She then expressed interest in dance and I enrolled her in some dance classes. That really was where she shined, but even there she had fear issues. She ran off the stage bawling during her first recital, but still wanted to continue. It was a slow and steady process with her and for every step we took forward, sometimes we took three steps back.

I too was used to kids being fearless. My older daughter and my son were incredibly fearless at her age so it was a new situation for me. I continued to enroll her, after first speaking with her instructor that she did have some emotional problems that required some patience. She really began to excel in dance and now in high school it's really what's helped her get through some difficult times.

So, I wouldn't recommend pushing her too hard. But from what you describe that doesn't appear to be the case. I know with some children, like my daughter, they may struggle with fear/emotional/psychological issues that they get the most relief from through activities that they enjoy. It can be a healthy coping mechanism. They just adjust to new situations in a different way than other kids. I'd keep enrolling her, if she continues to express interest and doesn't have any major, major issues.

If you want to talk more in detail, feel free to PM me. Good luck to you and your daughter!

 

[gymnut1]

I have coached many little ones who start with fear especially on beam and bars. It is not unusual. Just make sure the coach doesn't push her too hard. Once she gets over the first hurdle of fear she might fly. As long as she is enjoying herself go for it. Knowing she has overcome little fears will give her tools for other situations. Good Luck and hope she hangs in there.

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

My daughter had just turned six when she started gym, she showed no fear on the beam or bars. Surprisingly she was and still is terrified of the air board when vaulting. Her level one vault was a rocket jump from the air board onto a landing mat and to watch her you would have thought she was being tortured.
She is now learning cartwheel on the high beam, but still finds the air board scarier... but she loves gymnastics and always says what fun she has. I find it hard to comprehend that the scariest thing in the gym is not the bars or the beam but the board you jump off to vault!

I would say that if your daughter is having fun you have nothing to worry about, gymnastics is great for building confidence.

 

[10.0]

It sounds to me like a fear she will overcome. Most kids are scared of the high beams for quite a while and for some reason a lot of them fear pullovers. I do find that most little kids fears happen because something actually happened (they fell off the high beam, hit their knee on the bar) and most older kids fears are based off something that MIGHT happen. It is funny you see a level 4 that split the beam 5 times but get back up be terrified of trying a back hand spring because she *might* fall on her head. Fear is a strange animal.

 

[mtbmom]

I am so sorry for the losses both you and your daughter have suffered. I am sure that everyday is difficult for both of you.

Sometimes fear in children is not only a real fear, but a test to see if those that are there for protection will be there for them. My best advice is for you to allow her to continue gymnastics since she loves it. And I would not even address the fears with her at this time. Just ask her how was practice. If she shares her fears with you than you can encourage her. Otherwise, just support her. As for fears outside of gymnastics, I've found with my DD, the more I tell her not to be afraid, the worse it is. She needs to know we are there to protect her. Over the summer, I just calmly acknowledged her fears when she expressed them, gave her a hug and moved on. This has really helped. I think love and support is the best thing you can give your daughter right now.

As for counseling, have you looked into grief counseling through the school? That may be available. If not, look into some self help books. I'm so sorry your family has been through such terrible tragidies.

 

[gymjourneymom]

I'm so sorry to hear of the deep losses your family has suffered...heart breaking.

I agree with mtbmom's post, love & support is the best thing for your DD!!! If she loves gymnastics then let her do it. But with NO pressure. Just take it day by day & let her love of the sport grow & develop. Be supportive & let her know you have faith in her abilites, hopefully her self confidence will blossom.

If you've ever read any of my post you'll know that my DD has dealt with severe fear/mental blocks in this sport since she was abut 9yrs old(younger then fear usually hits). She is now 15yrs old, is still in love with this sport & is still battling her fears(worse than ever). They have never gone away. She has never been without a mental block on at least one event...and it changes level to level skill to skill. She over comes one, only to get another one or for the 1st one to come back. It's always been 1 step forward 3 steps back process for her.

You may ask..."Why does she continue in this sport if it's so stressful for her?". Well, let me tell you, I ask myself they same question everyday!!! For my DD I think she likes to face her fears...she doesn't want to give into them or let them win over her. It has become like a mission with her or therapy. She loves gymnastics, so she's going to do it however she can...on her terms. So, I support her. She has surprised me & amazed me time & time again, with her determination, strength & will power to win out over her fears. She has grown into an amazing young lady!!! Her will power to continue in gymnastics & confront her fears (when many thought she should just give up) has helped her character to devolop in ways I cannot even describe. She doesn't back down in the face of adversity...ever. It's not something you see in many adults let alone a 15yr old!?!

Gym fear, anxiety really is a fear of the unknown & a self confidence issue. When ppl experience fear they feel out of control. She just needs time & supportive in these situations until she feels comfortable & in control. This is an unspecified amount of time for each person. For yourDD, if she loves gymnastics, then I'd let her do gymanstics....but on her terms. Let her continue her classes & learn to love the sport. Without pressure or expections of being on the JO path or any type of team. Let her just love what she's doing for a while until she feels VERY at ease. Support her, let her know YOU have faith in her & let HER self confidence build. I think she will let you know when & if she's ready for more or if gymnastics just isn't going to be an ongoing path for her. I say just take it slow & let her be the guide to how much or how little she's ready for.

Continuing on gymnastics, on her terms, has been a type of therapy for my DD. No she won't be going to college on a gymnastics scholarship or even make it past L9. But what she has gotten & continues to get from this sport are lessons about herself, as a person, that she will take with her her whole life. She knows she is strong(mentally & physically) & she has self confidence that will carry her through difficult situations in life that will have nothing to do with the sport. THAT is why she continues on day after day in the gym. She is building her character & her self confidence while doing something she loves that keeps her in great shape and she has great friends. What's NOT to love?!?

I have to say I haven't been happy with the way many CB posters have been presenting our sport of late. I think parents of young kids may come here & get the impression that this sport is all about pushing young ones to high level gymnastics...it's elite or bust. There are so many life lessons young girls can get from being involved in this sport on ANY level!!!! If a child just wants to do rec. classes that is GREAT!!! She would learn so much about herself & what she is capable of. And if she wants to do higher levels at some point that is great too. But I think just being involved in this sport on any level( if the child loves it & wants to be in it) is WONDERFUL & should be supported & encouraged!!! JMHO. Good luck you & your DD!!!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I am also sorry about all the loss you and your DD have experienced. I was all set to write a lengthy response back and then read Gymjourneymom's post. She has said everything I would have said, and much better than I could have.

My 15 year old DD has also faced the same situations w/fears and mental blocks and she keeps plugging away as well.

If your daughter is happy and wants to go back, that's really all you need to know!

 

[taylortumbles]

Wow, words cannot even express how much all of your responses have meant to me. Thank you so much for all of the advice and words of encouragement.

I am going to allow her to continue, with no pressure, as just this week alone I have seen amazing strides in her confidence. She may have only taken one class, but it has affected her in so many ways. When I took her to the park this week, she was climbing on playground equipment that she wouldn't look twice at before. I think gymnastics is really going to give her the confidence she needs and I will be supportive all the way, as a mommy and not a coach.

Thank you again. I really appreciate it . I've always been on here with my 'coach hat' and I never had the opportunity to see what an amazing group of mom's are on here