Parents Getting Kicked out of Gym

[gymster]

My gymnast is almost 12 going into level 9, and has started crying in gym everyday and gets kicked out everyday? She does not know why she is crying and does not want to quit. The parent in me is frustrated I pay for her to be here and kicking her out is not solving it. As a former coach I understand her coach is frustrated and their is a safety issue, I also get the issue of what it looks like to rec kids and parents and the time and distraction it takes from the kids who want to be here. As a Mommy I overanalyze it and think my poor baby ( I Never
Vocalize This) I do not know what hat to wear so I try them all and nothing is working. We are going to cut back on hours and see if that helps. Any suggestions?

 

[bogwoppit]

Why exactly is she being kicked out of gym?

 

[Aussie_coach]

Thats awful, I'm guessing the no crying rule was put in place by a male coach? Crying is very normal and very healthy. She would only cry if she was truly passionate about what she was doing and really cares. If she didn't care she wouldn't get upset.

I think the reason for the crying was actually explained in your first sentence, where you said she is almost 12. I was exactly the same at that age and know of many kids who are also.

When kids are 11-12 they begin developing all the new hormones and can become very emotional, they will find themselves crying for very little reason and sometimes for no reason. Quite similar to what many women experience as a part of PMS.

Cutting back her hours won't make a difference.

I would suggest you talk to the coach, if possible to a female if she has a coach or a gym owner who is female and they will have a better understanding of this time. I am not saying male coaches can't be wonderfully understanding and supportive (many have wives and daughters and can understand these issue's well).

Perhaps look for a compromise, I personally think it is crazy to kick a child out of the gym for crying but perhaps this is the policy in your gym. If this is the case perhaps a compromise could be organized. Instead of kicking her out of the gym entirely perhaps have a spot where she can go an calm down for 10-15 minutes and then return to training when she has settled.

 

[gymster]

When I say kicked out that would be out of practice. Also Her Coach is Female and we are not talking about just shedding a few tears we are talking lip sucking sniffling body shaking cant get a grip crying. I understand why she has to be removed when she gets to this point I just dont get what to do to prevent it. She has been with this coach more tan 1/2 her life. She spends more time with her than with her family. They currently train 36 hours a week. I think a break in hours might help maybe ease some feelings of being overwhelmed.

 

[MdGymMom01]

When I say kicked out that would be out of practice. Also Her Coach is Female and we are not talking about just shedding a few tears we are talking lip sucking sniffling body shaking cant get a grip crying. I understand why she has to be removed when she gets to this point I just dont get what to do to prevent it. She has been with this coach more tan 1/2 her life. She spends more time with her than with her family. They currently train 36 hours a week. I think a break in hours might help maybe ease some feelings of being overwhelmed.

Well, to me, it seems like she is obviously overwhelmed and possibly over-trained. Like the above poster said--age 12 is a very emotional age for girls. I would seriously talk to the coach and see if there are skills that she is specifically struggling with. Also, talk to your dd to see if she is feeling too much pressure to perform. This is definitely a situation that needs to be addressed and looked in to. Good luck and keep us posted!!!

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

I think the reason for the crying was actually explained in your first sentence, where you said she is almost 12. I was exactly the same at that age and know of many kids who are also.

When kids are 11-12 they begin developing all the new hormones and can become very emotional, they will find themselves crying for very little reason and sometimes for no reason. Quite similar to what many women experience as a part of PMS.

Cutting back her hours won't make a difference.

As the mom of a 13 y/o, I was thinking the exact same thing - puberty in all it's glory is most likely the cluprit. It's a bumpy ride (my kiddo can be in the middle of a department store shopping and break out into sobbing tears just out of the blue and has no idea why) and it's frustrating for both the child and the parent, but this too, shall pass.

 

[gymster]

Well She is going make us all crazy I am sure before she is done! After discussion with the coach she is taking a short break (day or two) and the coach is going to sit down with her and together they are going to come up with some written practice goals. We are going to also adjust the schedule a bit. She is a very strong gymnast but she does not really understand practice yet. She has always been able to slack off and still compete very well. I know this will only go so far. Sometimes as we watch these kids that are truly amazing we often forget how little they really are.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Mind if I mirror this thread in the coaches section?

 

[gymster]

No Feel Free!

 

[gymjoy]

You could be describing my dd last summer! What a mess she was - and I just did not know what to do with her. Like you, no matter what I said or did seemed to make any difference. It was all tears and "not knowing" with her. It was so very confusing to her (and sometimes it still is)

My dd did end up adjusting her training schedule and repeating a level of her own accord to relieve some pressure. It worked for her for the most part (she is still a pre-teen stress/hormone mess some days ).

We talk a lot about what's going on and how she feels about things. Though I do not talk about skills and such unless she brings it up. I also try to get her to focus on things outside of gym and practice as often as I can.

Wish I had more words of wisdom. If you can both get through is time you will come out stronger on the other side. Best of luck.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Mirrored: http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/coach-forum/29118-kids-crying-during-practice.html

 

[Pickle's Mom]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but how much sleep is she getting? Hormones and body changes can wreak havoc on a pre-teen's sleep cycle. And going to school and working out probably means she doesn't have much time to "catch-up".

Sleep deprivation is common among this age groups and contributes greatly to emotional upheavals. You may want to try some natural sleep remedies (some are just as simple as giving her a foot rub before bed) and adjusting the "lights out" time to see if that helps.

 

[gym law mom]

I think your dd may be overwhelmed with the hours, be tired and doesn't quite know how to deal with it all. 36 hours of practice/week is a lot. Its only 4 hours short of an adult's usual work week.

I think the few days off are a good idea and the meeting with the coach to set goals. See if you can get her to open up some about why she feels so upset that she literally cries herself out of the gym. Sounds like she needs to cut back some and just be a tween. No harm in missing some practice time to go to sleepovers, parties with kids outside of the gym.

Pickle's Mom had a great idea regarding sleep. She should be getting about 9 hours/night at that age. Also make sure she is eating healthy meals and getting some snacks.

One question. Once she has to leave the gym because of crying, does the crying stop, continue or get worse? If it stops that's an indication that she might not want to be there.

 

[Gymdad2]

I agree - I think its time to cut back - way back. 36 hours for an 11 (almost 12) seems like way to much to me. My DD is 17 and L10 and has never practiced more than 20 hrs/week and that has been a full load for her. She does manage to make time for school and homework and outside friends, but just barely. I don't see how your dd can do 36 and still have some kind of life, and I don't think its necessary unless you are planning for an elite career and are homeschooling. If its tough now it will be even worse when she gets to highschool and has 2 or 3 hrs of homework.

 

[Flippers Mom]

My gymnast is almost 12 going into level 9, and has started crying in gym everyday and gets kicked out everyday? We are going to cut back on hours and see if that helps. Any suggestions?

Flipper is also 11 years old and working level 9. She has always been a happy-go-lucky kid who was embarrassed by any show of emotion on my part. She will make fun of me for crying at movies. She is showing no physical signs of puberty, but she cried at a movie the other night - a sure that hormones are coming into play. She later told me that she had no idea why she was crying.

36 hours a week at the gym could also be overwhelming. This is the age at which kids start exercising more freedom and spending time with friends outside of school. We are careful to let Flipper have lots of activities outside of the gym (she works out 20 hours per week) and take days off fairly liberally this time of year. Once again, trying to achieve balance between life, friends, family, fun, etc.

 

[NotAMom]

Sounds like she needs to cut back some and just be a tween. No harm in missing some practice time to go to sleepovers, parties with kids outside of the gym.

That's the key. Changing things up a bit, like doing another activity (swimming, cycling, bowling, etc.) or helping out with some chore (whereever it may be), might help too.

I think it's ok to stay busy for a short period but as we all know gymnastics is a year around sport. Spending 36 hours in gymnastics practice (not counting meets and daily mental fatigue) non-stop week after week with no break is just asking for trouble.

 

[mariposa]

I agree with everyone that it sounds like she needs to cut back her hours, 36 hours a week is insane IMHO for her age. It is obviously too much for her right now and a break from it could help keep her from burning out completely.

 

[gymmom14]

Can I ask a (maybe) dumb question? Why does she train 36 hrs a week? Is it an elite program? Do many other girls her age/level train that much? Does she train until late at night? I assume she homeschools, but is it done at the gym?

I also agree that the crying is just a symptom of the real problem. The trick is to figure out what the real frustration comes from, then you can figure out how to help her fix it.

This sport is so different than most others. My dd is a 12 yo training L8. She goes 20 hrs a week. She is a solid mid-35 gymnast. She is not a 38 gymnast, she is not going to the Olympics etc. It is hard to explain to non gym people why we do this.

Good Luck! I hope it all works out.

 

[Blackie6]

36 hrs a week? If I were 12 I would be crying too! She sound incredibly talented, but she is still a kid and maybe needs some down time? Maybe some family & friend time? I would cut back on the hours and let her do something else outside of gym. Maybe she needs a breath of fresh air.

 

[kristilyn73]

That is a lot of hours for a kid.. and she might not even realize that it is a lot for her.

My DD is 14.. just started her cycle a few months ago. She was at practice one day vaulting, things weren't going her way. Nothing terrible just couldnt stick the landing. She was crying.. then she was laughing because she was crying! She knew that it was silly to be crying over something so simple.. but the hormones just knew better.

I have no real advice but to just be there for her to talk to..she probably needs to know that girls sometimes cry for no reason (ask any mother who has seen a Halmark commercial or that darn coffee commercial..)