Parents Gym Secrets....

[TheGMom]

I just want to know. DD came home from practice on Wednesday telling me a part of something coach said, but refuses to tell me the rest. This has happened before. Am i the only one, or..?

 

[AgingHippie]

Yes this has happened before, how old is your DD? It was usually something the coach said to my daughter that embarrassed her but wasn't that bad. I think once the coach told DD she looked like she was trying to poop the way she was squatting or something. DD didn't tell me right away. We laughed about it when she finally did.

 

[TheGMom]

10, but she tells me its not bad. Just little secrets that bug me to death. I have a feeling its about team. Things like moving levels and such. JUST TELL ME!!!!!!! Come on DD!!!!

 

[AgingHippie]

My DD is 10 too. If its about team that would drive me nuts too. Here is to hoping she slips up!

 

[TheGMom]

Is your DD in rec? Or team?
DD is in a new program, lvl 4 rec, which is basically not level four, they do level 4 vaults, but beam is more backwalkover & backhandspring, bars is just like, level 5, and floor, some girls are learning to twist. But, that is the class team girls are picked out of. Yet, i doubt it is about team..... Life is so confusing.

 

[AgingHippie]

DD is L5 team. Are you hopeful for team?

 

[MILgymFAM]

I just want to know. DD came home from practice on Wednesday telling me a part of something coach said, but refuses to tell me the rest. This has happened before. Am i the only one, or..?

Nope, never happened. My kids don't keep secrets from me in general, but with gym I get a more complete rundown than I could ever want. If a coach were telling my kid to keep a secret from me I would have a problem. That's not appropriate in my opinion. Is your child young enough to simply have forgotten and just called it a secret?

 

[duyetanh]

I will play devils advocate. Could it be something good that is meant to be a surprise?
Other than that, no coach should tell a child to keep a secret. Not to irritate you, but I am guessing your daughter is trying to be cute, so to speak, and not tell you something that went on, so she could get your attention? Or maybe she wants to keep part of her gym world to herself, which I do understand. My dd tells me pretty much everything, but there have been a few times she has not, and I have respected that. I do not consider that to be a secret. But to be told, "It's a secret," would really chap my hide. We have no secrets amongst family other than buying a present for someone (for ex), so if she said it's a secret, well, I would have a problem with that.

 

[Ali'sMom]

Nope, never happened. My kids don't keep secrets from me in general, but with gym I get a more complete rundown than I could ever want.

Me too!!!

 

[skschlag]

I mean, there are good secrets and bad secrets. If my son's coach wants to surprise me in a meet with a new skill and tells my ds to keep it a secret, there is nothing wrong with that. It totally depends on what the secret is. I know that he has things that he keeps secret from me, even though we talk a lot. He is a teenager. They have secrets.

Now, would I like the coach asking my child not to tell me somethign that is harmful to him or others, no. But I don't think that would happen in our gym.

I would wait to see if the secret comes out.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I like surprises. I bristle at secrets, secrets get my antenna up.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I mean, there are good secrets and bad secrets. If my son's coach wants to surprise me in a meet with a new skill and tells my ds to keep it a secret, there is nothing wrong with that. It totally depends on what the secret is. I know that he has things that he keeps secret from me, even though we talk a lot. He is a teenager. They have secrets.

Now, would I like the coach asking my child not to tell me somethign that is harmful to him or others, no. But I don't think that would happen in our gym.

I would wait to see if the secret comes out.

Even here, I don't like it. It's just the implication that the coach should have the ability to tell my child to keep something from me. It's just a big nope in my book. If and when my daughters keep secrets from me, I want them to be their secrets that they keep close to themselves for their own reasons. I don't want anyone in a position of influence to tell them to keep secrets because it sets a poor foundation of authority. My kids need to know, in their bones, that they *can* and *may* tell me anything and no one else can supersede that ability.

 

[skschlag]

If D's coach says something like...ooh, this is cool..don't tell your mom, let's surprise her, I don't care. that is not a secret.......

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Me too!!!

Same here! But if she did have a "secret" about gym it would probably drive me nuts!

 

[duyetanh]

If D's coach says something like...ooh, this is cool..don't tell your mom, let's surprise her, I don't care. that is not a secret.......

This would be ok with me.

 

[TheGMom]

Just to clarify, i know its not something bad. I know what coach said whatever ( DD told me ) and she would not keep a bad secret from me.

 

[TheGMom]

* the coach (or DD)

 

[sce]

I would find a time to have a conversation about secrets in general and about people asking her not to tell things. The gym thing might be benign but a future "secret" might not be.

Aslo, help her to understand the difference between talking to Mom an Dad and sharing or not sharing information more widely. I mean, I know my dd is moving to level 4, but she nor I are supposed to share that widely yet as not all decision have been made and many level 3s are not moving up. See, it si a secret but she can talk with em about it.

 

[cbifoja]

My kid can't keep a secret any more than she sprout carrots out of the top of her head but if she ever indicated that ANY adult (other than my immediate family) asked her to keep a secret from me, that would cause me a LOT of concern.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

in my mind it boils down to :
"Surprise" - something to be revealed at a later date, usually accompanied by a "TADA" = okay
"Secret" - we'll just keep this between us, don't tell your parents = NOT Okay