Parents Heartbreaking sight

[wnl256]

No, not my DD thankfully.

I was hanging out at a meet Saturday after DD competed -- she wanted to stay on and watch the level 9s. During stretch she wandered off with a friend so I went out to try to find them. I found my way to the awards room thinking they might be there. Awards were being announced for the previous session, which was USA level 3. I stood in the doorway at the front of the room and looked around for my daughter and her friend. While I didn't see any sign of them, I did see a sight that would break any parent's heart. As gymnasts were being called up to the podium to get their medals, one young girl sat apart from the rest, trying desperately to keep her composure, and failing. Tears rolled down her face as she shook with emotion. She would occasionally squeeze her hands up against her eyes to try to make the tears stop, but they just kept coming. She didn't have any medals around her neck and I can only assume that she wasn't going to get any.

Our kids work so hard at this sport. It's hard to see the disappointment in their faces when they don't succeed. Give your gymmie a hug tonight and tell them how proud you are of them!

 

[kandkfunk]

That story broke my heart and brought tears to my eyes. That was my DD for much of her career. During her first year of level 3, for both a fall and spring season, she never received a single medal or ribbon. I never saw her cry at an awards ceremony, but I know she felt horrible. Often, she was the only one on her team to leave with nothing. Although it was heartbreaking, it made her stronger in the long run and she is still in the sport 7 years later. But I'm not sure if that works for all kids.

 

[my4buffaloes]

That is very sad! That is why I like for awards to go farther out for the lowest levels. These girls do work so hard - even if they weren't the best that day, they deserve a little something to reward just the bravery to get out there.

 

[Jenny]

That is very sad! That is why I like for awards to go farther out for the lowest levels. These girls do work so hard - even if they weren't the best that day, they deserve a little something to reward just the bravery to get out there.

or like here where only the top 3 or 6 get something even out of 70 + kids. Almost everyone leaves with just a certificate and that is fine because it is normal.

 

[profmom]

I think it's harder if they start out winning a lot and then have to adjust to not winning than the other way around. But eventually they learn that it's about their own achievements, regardless of scores and medals. It's hard for a parent to see, but it really is making them stronger if they can learn how to manage both failure and success gracefully.

 

[CanAmGymMum]

This is why I really dislike having awards handed out to so many kids. I think it does more to single out the ones who don't get anything since most kids leave with at least one medal around their neck. If only the top three or six were awarded, then there would be many kids leaving without medals. And, once they finally do earn one, it would mean a lot more.

 

[2G1B]

This is my son's 3rd year competing and yesterday was his first meet where he didn't place on anything. He was disappointed; but really... he didn't do a great job. I actually think it will help him realize that he can't skate through and still win. There was some stuff going on that contributed to him not doing his best, so hopefully next weekend will be better. But for yesterday we focused on the 2 events that he did improve on and getting ready for his next meet. I honestly think it is kind of good for them to not win sometimes. I mean, I felt bad for him; but it is also a good lesson.

 

[GYM0M]

I am soooooo thankful that our coaches select meets that medal all the way out for AA, at least. Some even medal all the way out for all events! We have had 2 meets this year. The first medaled for all four events to 4th place, 5-???? got ribbons & 1-3rd in AA got trophies and medals the rest of the way out. The next meet medaled all the way out for all events. 1st-3rd place were still recognized with the color of the medal and the ribbon (1st, gold, blue, etc.). 4th & out all had the same medal. Everyone left with 5 medals each for level 5. I like it that way because it prevents this scenario from happening.

 

[IreneKa]

We had a meet yesterday, where there were no placements at all. They gave out the achievement ribbons (blue for 9+, red for 8+, etc.), and then gave out AA medals to everyone, without announcing the placement. We figured that they were calling them out from the lowest score to the highest, so you could still tell who got higher scores, but it wasn't that obvious. At first I was a bit irritated they did this, but after the meet I was actually glad! DD improved on a couple events, but didn't do very well on beam, so her AA score was low. She would have been much more disappointed if she didn't get a trophy, or didn't get as many medals as some other girls on her team. But as it happened, everyone got 4 ribbons and 1 medal, so she was okay. Although, one girl on our team got the highest score out of everyone in the session, I'm sure she was disappointed that she didn't get a trophy. It's hard to find the balance to keep everyone happy. On the one hand you want your child's achievements to be recognized, on the other you don't want it to be rubbed into their faces if they didn't do so good.

 

[gracyomalley]

In the kids 4th year of competing - DD placing much more consistently now than ever before, older boy always on a few things does well and poorly on other events, youngest an occ. place only - but I guess I'm in the camp of preferring a few places out only....I actually HATE the meets where they call each kid up all the way down, because as soon as they've "been around the block" the kids know that even if they are last they will have to go up and smile while it being pointed out that they were last - repeatedly, in front of everyone....sure, that's good character building, but I'd rather see them up there if they really did something amazing....otherwise we'll celebrate their achievements and share disappointments without it being so public!

 

[gracyomalley]

plus less awards means faster awards...and I'm always WAY ready to go by then, as are the kids....Not sure who all those awards are really for, actually?

 

[kandkfunk]

This is one of those CB topics that always gets lots of comments and people are pretty passionate on both sides. I can only speak from our experience. While that first year was difficult for my DD, in the long run, it made her a lot stronger. Had it been the other way around, as Profmom mentioned, I'm not sure she would still be in the sport. As it stands, she doesn't expect placements and when she does place on something, it makes it way more special and memorable. At her 3rd level 8 meet this year, she finally placed on an event. It was just 5th on vault, but I think it's a moment that we'll both remember for quite some time. She had been working very hard on vault and the hard work paid off that week.

 

[cbifoja]

I'm not 100% sure, but I swear that every meet we've gone to, the events are awarded out 50%. Then about half of the time AA is 50% and the other half it's 100%.

My DD had her first no medal meet recently. She was crushed....no, wait....she was playing Candy Crush during awards. She said she was a bit surprised that she didn't place on anything but said that she had fun and had tried her best so oh well......

It was harder on me because I was worried that it was going to be hard on her. I think it's kind of sad for a kid to be made to feel that they have to medal for it to be a successful meet. We have a gymnast at our gym that has a LOT of parental pressure and it is sad what the kid has to be put through. Thankfully, she's talented and clean so her placement pleases momma.

 

[Becauseisaid]

Well I personally am not a fan of participation ribbons/medals as I think they give kids a false expectation. HOWEVER I am a fan of compliments. I can always find at least 1 thing a kid did that I can compliment them on. I think an honest compliment is far more effective than a last place medal. My 2 cents. Your mileage may vary.

 

[wnl256]

I'm not 100% sure, but I swear that every meet we've gone to, the events are awarded out 50%. Then about half of the time AA is 50% and the other half it's 100%.

This has been my experience as well. As I understand it, USAG standard (minimum perhaps?) is 50% rounded up. AAU standard is 50% rounded up for events and 100% for AA. Individual meet directors may exceed this at their discretion. Tiger Paw, for example did 100% AA.

I'm not all that sold on taking AA out to 100%. What's worse for the kids: not getting a medal, or being told in front of everyone that they are dead last?

For the developmental levels (1 to 3) a participation token might work. Those kids are still so young and the placements really aren't all that meaningful anyway. But by the time they get to level 4 they need to come to terms with failure. Still breaks my heart to see it, tho.

We have a gymnast at our gym that has a LOT of parental pressure and it is sad what the kid has to be put through. Thankfully, she's talented and clean so her placement pleases momma.

We had a girl on the team that rarely placed well and usually left the meets in tears. But talking to the mom about it I'm convinced that the mom was indirectly placing pressure on her to perform. I'm not sure the mom even realized she was doing it, but the pressure was there. Hard to tell at that point if the tears were for personal reasons or the feeling of disappointing mom. They have since left the sport.

 

[aerials]

Most of our meets awards are out to 50% within age group. However this past weekend the awards for every event and AA was 100%. At first I thought, great some girls who never get medals will get them this weekend. But the mom next to me had a daughter that was last in every event and AA. I think everyone seeing that you were dead last is worse than no medal. I really felt for her.

 

[2G1B]

For MAG we have been to some meets that were 40% for awards and some were 50% + 1. For USAG girls it has normally been 50+1 or 50%. Last year my girls did AAU and that was normally 50% for events and 100% for AA. the girls knew when they were last place and I don't think a medal helped. For the very young girls (5 year olds) it was sometimes 109% for everything.

 

[bogwoppit]

I think this is when I prefer our system. Top 3 get medals, the next 5(maybe if the group is very large) get ribbons. The rest nothing. Our groups can have up to 60 kids in them too.

Sad to see a child cry, but sad that the system sets them up to expect medals.

Being used to getting medals is really not what the sport should be about.

My kids walked away from plenty of meets empty handed, they each have a small pile of medals. But they can name every meet they came from without labels on the back, they are very special to them.

 

[curlymop]

As far as whether the participation medal means anything to the kid who is last, I think it depends on the age. What the original poster is describing is what my son experienced at his very first meet. He had turned 6 just days before, so he was barely old enough to even compete. There were 12 kids in his group, and they gave medals to the top 8. He was crushed. I hadn't even warned him of that possibility, since I had been informed that everyone received something at that level. He would have been absolutely thrilled to stand up there in second to last place (which was where he placed) and have his name called out.

We recently went to an out of state meet (with different award rules), and they went all the way out for AA. My son actually did medal on of the events, but he was also very proud of his AA trophy, despite the fact that he placed in the bottom half. There was one tiny kid out there who placed last in everything, but he was so happy to go up there and collect his trophy.

I just hate that my son's first experience with competition was so negative, and I really wish they would either limit it to the top 3 or go all the way out. It's such a horrible thing for a kid to get singled out as one of the few who didn't get anything.

 

[juststartingout]

I don't like when they go all the way out at awards. I think it's worse to be pointed out as dead last rather than be one of the couple without a medal. I know my daughter would be devastated if she was in last place and she just turned 8.