WAG How do you know...?

[poodlemomma]

When it is time to move to a new gym? How do you know if a "big" move is the right choice for your child? In a big move, I mean, moving her into another home to go to a different gym.

My DD loves gymnastics. I don't know if she will ever be great. She did excel at her past level. I know that doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. She is 11 and did Xcel Silver last year and placed 2nd in all-around at states. She refused to go to regionals.

I do know if she stays at her current gym, she won't do gymnastics any longer. She hates it there and cries if she has to go. I think in the fact that she has been able to excel (even at a lower level) where she has hated it and refused to try, she would probably do even better some place else.

I let her stay with her grandmother this summer and she has been going to a local gym there. I wanted to give her a break and see if she could get the love back that she had before or has when it didn't involve her current gym. She loves it in the new place and she has grown in leaps and bounds thus far into the summer.

We are strongly considering letting her move in permanently with her grandparents. This gym is over 90 minutes away from our home so it is not commutable. There is a gym north of us that would be 45 minutes away, but I don't think I could work and get her there. If I don't work, we can't afford her gymnastics anyway.

I don't know if she will ever even make it to Level 9 let alone going any further then that. I know that having the fun back into it, she has really progressed and is anxious and excited to be back in the gym each day. But when do you know it is worth it to keep going with it or when it is time to just let it go? Would you let your daughter go away even if there was no chance of serious progression? Just so you know, I don't know if she is good or not. I think she is great and that is why I am willing to pay for her classes and I want her to be happy. But I am not a coach and my opinion is obviously biased.

Sorry if my post is scattered. I am really stressing over this decision.

 

[gymbeam]

I understand wanting so badly to see your daughter reach her fullest gymnastics potential and having it become a huge priority, but…you asked for opinions, so here is mine:
"But when do you know it is worth it to keep going with it or when it is time to just let it go? "
When it brings your daughter happiness and you contentment, its time to keep going.
When it brings your daughter to tears or requires that she move out at age 11, its time to let it go.

"Would you let your daughter go away even if there was no chance of serious progression?"
No. And even if there was a chance, I still wouldn't let her go unless it was a very temporary situation with a definite end point in view.

 

[poodlemomma]

That is kind of where I am feeling it. However, I have spoken with two other former gymnists. Both have said they resented their parents for not doing more (encouraging, money, whatever) to give them a shot at full potential. They obviously got over it. But I get that. I remember wanting to be a swimmer more then anything. I was fast and taught myself everything, by watching ever film out there and practice practice practice, but I couldn't get my mother to transport me to a pool where there was a team. I just feel like I have to give her one more shot... Yet the other part of me thinks, like you posted gymbeam, it may be time to call it quits.

 

[UnoMas]

I think a move would be a pretty drastic decision. What is it about your current gym that makes her so upset?

 

[gymbeam]

or, is there any chance you can work things out at current gym? nothing to lose by trying to have a talk about whats not working with the hc and see if anything can be fixed.

 

[poodlemomma]

I really do not want to hash on the other gym here. I have been noticing things for a while and have tried NOT to imprint them on her. My fear is that maybe I have anyway. As I have been reading everything here on these forums, I read somewhere that was posted "if you think it is time to move, you are probably a year late in moving." I just kept telling myself that there must be a reason for x, y or z and because I am not a gym person I am just missing it.

I did speak with HC about in January letting her know DD was becoming more and more dissatisfied. I was told it was typical at this point...

 

[UnoMas]

I really do not want to hash on the other gym here. I have been noticing things for a while and have tried NOT to imprint them on her. My fear is that maybe I have anyway. As I have been reading everything here on these forums, I read somewhere that was posted "if you think it is time to move, you are probably a year late in moving." I just kept telling myself that there must be a reason for x, y or z and because I am not a gym person I am just missing it.

I did speak with HC about in January letting her know DD was becoming more and more dissatisfied. I was told it was typical at this point...

Hmmm. Well, sometimes moving gyms is easier said than done as you are describing. I would say that 45 minutes is not an uncommon commute to a gym in some areas, and you could always see if there are others from your area who you might carpool with. Have you checked out the gym that's 45 minutes away? Has your DD been there? In my opinion, I would definitely investigate that situation...I would not consider letting my child move away. I hope you can find a way for her to continue gym in a way that will work for your family!

 

[MILgymFAM]

May I ask why she refused to attend regionals? Why she is so unhappy? Is it truly a problem limited to a single gym? I have a DD who is 12 and lives and breathes gymnastics, and also competes xcel. I love her passion and applaud her commitment, and would do anything~ within reason~ to allow her to continue in the sport till her natural stop point. I don't believe, however, that having a child have to move away from her parents (sibling/s??) is within reason. I would have her go back to rec classes, save the gym money for amazing summer camps, try the gym 45 mins away. Heck, I would consider moving closer to another gym as a family, if feasible, but I wouldn't let my baby go at that age for xcel (probably not even if she was a promising JO). As much as I appreciate all avenues of gymnastics, xcel just doesn't have the kind of long term potential to warrant breaking up a family. Xcel gymnastics will not be producing a gabby douglas- and I don't know I would have even done it if I were her mom... Sorry for the rambling.

 

[bookworm]

I agree with gymbeam and MILgymFAM....there's no way I would allow her to live away from home at her age for Excel (or even JO). I commute 80 miles each way so I hear you on the imposition a long commute would entail ( and like you , I have family that live closer to the gym) but I do the commute so that my girls live home with their family....if that's not doable for you ,and she really hates the gyms that you can get her to, then I'd say she's done because breaking up a family for this level of gymnastics is ill advised (IMHO).

For those gymnasts you spoke to who wished their parents had given them a "shot at their full potential" ...well I think a parent does what they think is best for their child and sometimes the child doesn't see the whole picture. I think at 11 she still has a shot at "full potential" in something else that doesn't necessitate moving out of her home at that age.

 

[poodlemomma]

Well, she wasn't xcel by choice. The entire team (all levels) was moved to xcel after the first meet last year...

Our plan was to have her home weekends. It may not be a commutable distance for daily practice, but it is an easily traveled one to have her every weekend. I do realize I am countering all questions. I am not trying to be snarky, it is just helping me sort things out. I appreciate EVERY response.

As far as regionals, she has a lot of competition anxiety. She would have been the only one going and more then once she had to wait to get on the floor for warm-ups. Those were her worst meets because she was so upset she couldn't settle down after. I was not about to press it. I didn't figure at that level it was really a big deal.

 

[bookworm]

Even more reason to keep her home with her family...she has a lot of competition anxiety and won't compete the biggest meet of the year? Nope, not moving out of the house for any sport. Your goal in moving her should be to get her to her potential but if she has severe anxiety about even competing, I couldn't imagine letting her live away , even if only during the week...

 

[curlygirls]

I can't even fathom having a child move out of their home for anything less than elite training (and I personally couldn't even do that).

There are sacrifices that I would consider. I would think about moving or what I consider to be an unreasonable commute.

I don't think you are short changing your daughter in any way by keeping her living in your home.

 

[curlymop]

I would not let my child move out of the house in that situation. As hard as it would be to take away an activity they love, I would not resort to something so drastic. Building and maintaining a relationship with my kids is more important that any one activity. I'm not saying that it's impossible to have a good relationship with your kids when you live apart, but it certainly makes it more difficult. On a side note, if/when I become a grandparent, I don't think I'd want to take on a parent's role just for the sake of a sport. What a tough situation you're in, though! I hope you're able to find a solution that works for your family.

 

[Amusibus]

It seems a bit much, the idea of moving gyms, cities, and families just for gymnastics. I would not do it, probably not even if my kid was a superstar. Think of how much pressure this would put on your daughter to not only succeed, but to love it every minute. Would you do this for any other sport? Dance? Soccer? This is where gymnastics gets to be just a nutsy kind of world. I get that it is awesome to see them do these amazing things, and I get that it would totally stink to have to quit. But big picture....it sounds like your heart is already telling you what to do, but then there is this gymnastics koolaid they make you drink......

 

[still hanging]

I would only consider a move if the child is on an Elite path or you have a level 9 or 10 without a gym in the area. Sliver is about what a level 4-5? No way would I even consider moving her at this point. Good luck with whatever you decide is best for your child.

 

[Faith]

I wouldn't let my 11 year old move out of home for sport. Elite or otherwise.

I'd investigate other gyms, let her work out with them, ask about carpools, see what you can do first. If you absolutely can't make the gymnastics work, what does she think about cheer, dance, swim, track? Gymnasts usually can transition very easily.

My DD was at a gym that didn't meet her needs. She was happy, and it was a good gym. We couldn't find her another gym that was a good fit for her and us so she took up her other sport full time. She's now doing very well, and hoping for elite. We *may* consider a move away from home if she grows out of her current club- but it would be a whole family move. Made easier for us though as it'd be nearer my family and something that DH and I had discussed even before the sport. Even if she does go elite I wouldn't let her move away from her family until she's 18+, I'd find a way to make it work for all of us.

 

[Jenny]

If she is 11 I would ask her what she thinks. It would be a bit like boarding out for the week. Lots of kids do that for school very successfully.
If she really wants to why don't you arrange to try for a year and see where she is. If it doesn't work she can move back and take up a different sport. Make it clear that you will have the final decision whether to continue after the trial period and will take into account how it has affected the whole family not just her.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I think you should seriously consider the gym 45 minutes away first. You can go visit by yourself and see what it is like. Talk to the owners about carpools from your area, etc. I would not write that off yet.

I also would not let my dd go live with someone else (even family) full time for gymnastics.

 

[COz]

I was about to write exactly this @Jenny .

If your (OP) daughter and mother both like the idea and you are not vehemently against it, which you're not because you're considering it, then if you can sort out the practical details then it sounds like a reasonable solution.

It sounds like your daughter has been unhappy for whatever reason(s) which may include things other than gym. Whilst these issues may not be addressed by a change of scenery, perhaps she needs some distance and maturity before she can articulate exactly why she is unhappy.

As you said, it's too long for a daily commute, but it's close enough for even a weekday visit if necessary and certainly weekends.

It sounds to me like boarding school, without all of the things that make me dislike the idea of boarding school

With technology these days you can easily have daily conversations where you can see her face. You would have much more access to each other than if she were at boarding school too.

If it doesn't work out for whatever reason then of course she could move back and you could remind her of that regularly.

I don't think the decision really has anything to do with her level of gymnastics. Perhaps she will do better at that gym, but I don't think that really matters. I would think of it as better access to an activity that she spends a lot of time doing and once again enjoys.

If you decide to do this and all parties are happy then I don't think you should feel guilty about boarding her elsewhere.

(Edit: but yes, do ask her if changing to the 45min gym would make her just as happy!)

 

[Ali'sMom]

I'm torn. I would definitely want her happy. I think I would try to see if the 45min gym could somehow work out.

IF I were to have her go to Grandma's, it would be on a trial basis. See how she excels in Fall season. See if the change really does give her more potential, and she she does really well.

I'd also have to look into the school system there. I'd have to make sure the middle school was good, and also the high school, on the chance that this turned into a really long term thing. As much as I love my daughter in gymnastics and love seeing her do well at something she loves, school is more important to me.

Good luck!!! I know this is a hard decision!