WAG How do you teach optimism to a young gymnast?

[curlymomof3]

Dd is 9 years old and has her first level 4 meet this weekend. She was hoping to score out at this meet and move onto level 5 but she isn't quite ready for the next level (darn bars!). She is a great little gymnast and has never had to work very hard to obtain skills up until this point. She can be very pessimistic and is extremely worried about messing up and getting a "0" on her routines, but has a solid competition background, placing 2nd in the AA at States last year. She has never been nervous for meets before, only excited. Maybe it's her age? She also tends to have this attitude in school, stating that she isn't smart and worries about doing poorly on exams.

How do I approach this as a parent? I know that if she can learn a new way of thinking that it will help her in gymnastics as well as other areas in her life. I have told her that as long as she does her best that is all that counts. Her coaches are great but the pressure to perfect the routines has definitely increased the past couple of weeks.

I have always read on CB about the kids that are naturals and obtain skills quickly but quit around level 6 when the skills get tougher and I'm worried that Dd will do just that. How can I help Dd obtain the mental toughness, confidence and optimism that she needs?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

as i have posted before when this subject matter comes up...tell her you love her always. that no one, including you and her dad, measures her as a person based on how she does in gymnastics or school for that matter.

that her "job" is too make as many mistakes as she can before she gets to be an adult like her mom and dad, and learn how to correct those mistakes and do better the next time.

that if she doesn't make lots of mistakes and learn how to correct and learn from them, you and her dad would be concerned about that and her ability to become a good human being as she grows up and have the ability and skills and tools to take care of herself.

that life is about "measure twice, and cut once". but sometimes you must measure more than twice, and sometimes the "cut" is not perfect...but good enough.

and that in gymnastics, she will never be the best that one can become because gymnastics has no end. giant today. double layout tomorrow. and then...it NEVER ends and that's why we have Disney and Cirque to go to when we retire and TRY to get gymnastics out of our systems.

you know your daughter best and will know how to communicate some or all of the above. they're very bright these children. she'll get it, and hopefully ease some of her anxiety.

 

[curlymomof3]

Thank you Dunno. I am sure I have read your response to this issue before but it is always a good reminder and I appreciate you taking the time to write it out again This is new territory for DH and I as our oldest 11-year old DS is extremely optimistic and confident in everything that he does (so much so that we have to humble him sometimes). Whereas, Dd has always been less confident and craves praising and doesn't take criticism very well. She says her coaches never tell her that she is doing good and only tell her what she needs to fix. I know this is not true as I occasionally stop in to observe practice. I do believe that her coaches may be a little more tough on her than some of her teammates because she does have the natural talent and they know she can do better. Does that make sense? Unfortunately, she views this toughness as a sign that she is not good rather than them wanting to help her improve.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

Wow you're dd sounds so much like mine! I also have a 9 yr old level 4 who has recently become more of a worrier, and has been having some anxiety issues. Somebody recommended the book "What to do when you worry too much". It's a kids book that explains things on their level about worrying and what to do about it. Some kids have a natural ability to speak positive words to themselves to get them through a tough situation, some need a little help developing one. It seems to be helping but will take some time. My dd also has an optimistic and confident older brother who does well in all areas (I also had one of those) and it's not easy to live in that kind of shadow when they can't see that they themselves have just as much, or more, to be confident about! Anyway, I highly recommend the book and I wish you well in helping her to see her awesomeness!

 

[spgymnastics]

I have a similar DD the age definitely plays a role in my opinion.

Completely agree with what dunno wrote.

I always tell her that the most important thing is to know that she did her best and learn from her "mistakes". Play forward, no looking back, do lesson learning after the meet not during..

Sometimes it really helps when I share stories about me getting nervous about something gay work and how I dealt with it, sometimes successfully and sometimes not so much ... Somehow it always makes her laugh and help with her optimism...

 

[aerialriver]

I know gay work makes me feel more confident too lol

 

[spgymnastics]

"at work " of course. Although gay work could work as well.

 

[Midwestmommy]

I tell my my daughter it's already my favorite day of the month no matter how she does because I am so proud of her. Amd I tell her to smile at the grandpa in the front row who paid ten bucks to get in....

 

[Kiwi]

She sounds a lot like my DD (except she is not a natural talent and has had to work hard), and it has got worse as she has got older. I have had a lot of discussions with her about positive self-talk, staying in the moment and only thinking about one thing at a time, accepting that nerves are normal but you don't need to worry about them or let them get in the way of your performance. Also that if she does her very best that is all she can ask of herself and she can be proud of herself for that. We've also talked a lot about how if the skill doesn't come straight away, you can get there by chipping away at it over time. Gymnastics has been great for her to learn this lesson. I haven't found any magic easy answer, this kind of work needs to be repeated regularly and consistently, and over time there has been some improvement. Because this seems to be her inherent nature, it takes a lot of practice to learn these life skills, but well worth it.

 

[LizzieLac]

My DD thinks highly enough of herself, LOL, but she still worries about not getting all As in school and not getting new skilld in the gym. She has not really ever failed at anything, but yet she puts terrible pressure on herseld to accel at whatever she does.

It dawned on me this morning that what I need to convey to her is that the goal is not the grade, the score, the skill, etc. The goal is to learn and grow through the experience - the score or grade is actually just a by-product of having meaningful growth experiences.

Pardon all of my typos!!

 

[curlymomof3]

Thank you for all your replies! Dd seems to be feeling a little better about things today. Maybe it was just a rough practice but I want to be prepared because I am sure she will have many more of those to come Surprisingly, I was also able to use some of your advice on my overly optimistic DS after a rough football practice last night. Somedays I wish this parenting stuff would come with a manual, LOL! Thank goodness for CB

 

[curlymomof3]

Just an update! Dd went to her first meet today. She did great on floor, but not so great on the other events. She currently has an ear infection so that might have contributed to the wobbles.

Anyhow, I expected her to be disappointed and sad on the way home but she was extremely optimistic about how she was going to do better next time. And she was focusing on the things she did right, not wrong!! I just told her how amazing she is and how I am in awe of her skills So proud of her and her determination and I love the things that this sport is teaching her.

I also have to give credit to her coaches who were very positive after the meet. Perhaps she just had to get those first meet jitters out of the way! Hopefully it will be smoother sailing the rest of the season!

 

[gymmomtoo]

Love her attitude!

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I'm glad it went well, and I love how optimistic she sounded after the meet! Nice job mom!