I don't want to see an xxxxxxxxx tear out of that eye! Coach says.

[Coach.Simon]

Even if it was out of frustration, that's just ridiculous.

The kid already had so much pressure to do well... of course she is feeling terrible for making a mistake, does the coach really think cussing at her is going to make her feel better? If anything, wouldn't she need her coach's support the most out of anyone?

This coach needs to find some empathy, and fast.

...Frustrated or not, the coach is still a role model, and should be, among other things, modeling how to behave in a stressful/frustrating situation...

MaryA nailed it....

 

[Deleted member D3987]

It was the f bomb. I swear, I am British, but I would never direct that word at a kid.

wow! all over some silly tears? geesh...hope the kid doesn't do anything worse than cry. like fall off the beam and cry...or worse.

 

[Linsul]

It was the f bomb. I swear, I am British, but I would never direct that word at a kid.

Ugh that is terrible, the girl is 9 and authority figures are imposing enough as it is to children without them swearing. Especially if the kid is already stressed out and emotional. As children they're still learning to 'get a grip' the adult in that situation should've never lost theirs. As a coach, and a parent, and a person who enjoys swearing...time and a place. I could no more swear at a kid than I could willingly wet the bed, I am shocked. Also glad I wasn't there, I've had words with coaches over less.

 

[Maitland]

Anyone who works with and around kids should not use this type of language. I would privately talk with the coach and say that you understand the frustration at the time, and that you do not want to make a big thing out of it (hence your private talk) but you do want the coach to be aware that it is not appropriate.

 

[Muddlethru]

This was our first time we've heard my DD's HC use the f bomb. And just for the record, my DD's HC is supportive enough and is a decent coach. However, after this incident happened, I dug more into what was so terrible about another previous experience my DD had with our HC. The dropping of the f bomb though troubled my DD, it did not even remotely have the same traumatic affect as when this coach brought my DD to TOPS national testing last year. Again, I was not with my DD. It was only my husband, the HC and my DD that went. I have 3 other children. After these two incidents, I have vowed to always be with my DD when going out of town.

Well my Dd told me her coach was so mean to her at the TOPS testing. She could not articulate exactly what she found so mean. A year ago, the only thing I got out of her was that the coach told her if she fell one more time or did not do the skill correctly that she was not letting my DD test anymore. This bothered my DD a lot because she felt she worked to hard to get there and for the coach to not let her continue to test was very hurtful to her. But I did not think this was terribly bad. (To be fair to my DD and as a service to her, she was only a L5 then and started training for the skills required for the testing in mid-August for the national testing in October. Well I believe, one month was not enough time for my DD to be proficient in the higher level new skills. At the testing, she was on and off her skills. I personally think the HC has no one to blame but herself since she only started training all the girls that summer. My DD was the only one that made it to national testing. But that is water under the bridge.) Anyway, since this recent F bomb drop, I wanted to find out more details on last year's trip to Texas. So, after more questioning, it also came out that whenever my DD would test a skill and did not do it well, when she got off (say the beam), and went to her coach, her coach would turn away from her. As she told me this, she got very emotional again. It has been over a year and the experience still brings tears to her eyes. My DD said, there were so many other gymnast who appeared to not do the skills well but their coaches still hugged them. But her coach, would turn and walk away from her. I did not ask her how it made her feel because I did not want to open that wound anymore. I can only imagine how this made her feel. And the snippets of information I've finally gotten out of her over the last few days breaks my heart and makes me feel so angry. I think my DD just felt abandoned.

I want to get my DD out of that gym, but there are no other gyms close to our home. More importantly, my DD is very happy in the gym. There are some truly wonderful girls in the gym that she has established wonderful friendships. In spite of the above, my Dd will still stay at the gym. Unfortunately, meanness and cruelty is everywhere. I think if I continue to talk with her, explain things as they occur, she will be able to deal with things and make her a stronger person. The HC had such high expectations and when it did not happen, SHE could not see past her own disappointment to even notice the pain SHE was inflicting on a child.

BTW: I am just curious, up until now I was very careful not to implicate the gender of the coach. Yet, many of those that responded to this post, referred to the coach as a HE. Wonder why a male was the assumed gender. No one assumed the coach was a she. Hmmmmm? And the coach is a she.

 

[Muddlethru]

Ugh that is terrible, the girl is 9 and authority figures are imposing enough as it is to children without them swearing. Especially if the kid is already stressed out and emotional. As children they're still learning to 'get a grip' the adult in that situation should've never lost theirs. As a coach, and a parent, and a person who enjoys swearing...time and a place. I could no more swear at a kid than I could willingly wet the bed, I am shocked. Also glad I wasn't there, I've had words with coaches over less.

As the mother of the child, I wished you were there.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

kids are resilient. keep talking to her. and i'm not surpised at all that the coach is a "she". egos don't discriminate.

 

[Rainee100]

While tough coaching can produce good results, it doesn't have to include meanness and cruelty. It's one thing to show disappointment in an expectation not being met, but another to lash out with out of control behavior over a result that cannot be changed. I'm sure your DD was already disappointed in herself without the help of the coach making her feel even worse. Along with the other out of state incident it looks as if red flags are flying. You should really explore your options even if it means making sacrifices that may be a little uncomfortable. It's hard to make a big change, but even harder to undo the emotional damage inflicted by an abusive coach. I would hate to see her spirit get broken.

 

[JBS]

Coaches make mistakes...just be sure the coach is willing to admit that it was a mistake.

 

[LolaBellRVS]

My heart hurts to read this story. I have seen my sons coach do the very same thing to him on the competitive floor (turned and walked away from him after a fall). He has even made rude sarcastic comments to the boys. I have called him out on more than one occasion. Coach is very talented but he is young and has no kids. He seems regretful when I have spoken to him and has made changes and even apologized. Its difficult for us as parents to measure the fine line between protecting our gymnasts and hovering over them. But too many of us in this sport allow abuse. Its not good for the gymnasts or the sport.

 

[gymmom3]

Well, I've been lurking in the shadows for some time, but this thread has forced me out-so upsetting for your DD, and I am sure for you, as well....Just wondering, 4theloveofsports, if you've had that conversation about appropriate behavior and role modeling with the HC and what the outcome was....I am sorry this happened to your DD - it's so sad when adults to whom we entrust our children behave in such an immature, hurtful manner.

 

[Muddlethru]

Well, I've been lurking in the shadows for some time, but this thread has forced me out-so upsetting for your DD, and I am sure for you, as well....Just wondering, 4theloveofsports, if you've had that conversation about appropriate behavior and role modeling with the HC and what the outcome was....I am sorry this happened to your DD - it's so sad when adults to whom we entrust our children behave in such an immature, hurtful manner.

I have not and don't think will confront my DD's HC for a few reasons. First, I don't think she'll own up to it. I was talking with my DD on the cellphone right after the meet. Her HC got the phone and we spoke. She did bring up what I think was what happened but not quite the way it happened. I guess she might have sensed my DD might tell me about it. So, she tried to explain herself first. But she just said, "I tried everything and she would not stop crying. So I was more forceful in my tone and told her I did not want to see another tear from her eyes." The HC said it finally startled my DD and she stopped crying (now, I can see why!). The HC was very clear in telling me she was not mean. Just forceful. Second, the HC does not make a habit of cussing around the girls, so I can just chalk this up to frustration. Don't get me wrong, I am not happy about it. I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have very little options and more importantly, my DD is happy and comfortable at that gym. I also think it is not an abusive gym by a long shot. It just has issues, albeit major. I am planning to switch gyms eventually. Just don't know when and where.

 

[sally]

Didn't you say that this has happened before in the testing. Maybe not the words but the way she acted towards your dd.

 

[Muddlethru]

Didn't you say that this has happened before in the testing. Maybe not the words but the way she acted towards your dd.

My DD's coach definitely needs to improve the way she acts at stressful or disappointing situations. But from what I have heard, many coaches have their own set of issues/problems. On both incidents I mentioned, I don't know how much of the trauma my DD felt was caused by her HC or by herself. She is very hard on herself and gets extremely upset at herself when she does not do as well as expected. Disappointing a coach to some gymnast may not be as big a deal as it is to my DD. So that could be a personality trait. The dropping of the f-bomb was more of a shocker to my DD than a traumatic experience. She cried because I think she was very disappointed at herself. The incident at the testing was heartbreaking to me and I wished the coach was more supportive. But I can't be sure the next coach will be better either. I certainly would prefer to switch gyms for one, to get better technical coaching, but I don't have a lot of choices. For now, my true gauge is my DD. She does not "hate" her coach. In fact, aside from those two incidents, she likes her coach and they hug after each practice. She LOVES being at the gym. She is doing quite well (maybe could do better at a different gym). Those two incidents are indeed red flags and I have been looking at other options. But nothing is jumping at me that may be a better fit for my DD right now. I am so afraid of jumping from the frying pan to the fire.

 

[MaryA]

You're the best judge, I'm sure, of whether or not it's the right place for your daughter. If she's happy and thriving, and knows that you're in her corner on this, she'll be fine. I'm sure you'll be monitoring the situation closely from here on out, and will step in (or have her step out) if need be. Follow your mommy gut!

 

[ek2]

My DD's coach definitely needs to improve the way she acts at stressful or disappointing situations. But from what I have heard, many coaches have their own set of issues/problems. On both incidents I mentioned, I don't know how much of the trauma my DD felt was caused by her HC or by herself. She is very hard on herself and gets extremely upset at herself when she does not do as well as expected. Disappointing a coach to some gymnast may not be as big a deal as it is to my DD. So that could be a personality trait. The dropping of the f-bomb was more of a shocker to my DD than a traumatic experience. She cried because I think she was very disappointed at herself. The incident at the testing was heartbreaking to me and I wished the coach was more supportive. But I can't be sure the next coach will be better either. I certainly would prefer to switch gyms for one, to get better technical coaching, but I don't have a lot of choices. For now, my true gauge is my DD. She does not "hate" her coach. In fact, aside from those two incidents, she likes her coach and they hug after each practice. She LOVES being at the gym. She is doing quite well (maybe could do better at a different gym). Those two incidents are indeed red flags and I have been looking at other options. But nothing is jumping at me that may be a better fit for my DD right now. I am so afraid of jumping from the frying pan to the fire.

Have not been on CB in awhile and just read this thread. How old is your dd? Did the coach really yell at her using the F-word???? I have to say that is really disturbing. I do not care how frustrated the coach gets, using that word, in particular with a child, is really beyond the pale.