WAG I hate how they treat me.

[Flipomaniak]

I hate how when I'm upset, no one asks whats wrong or tries to cheer me up.

I hate how when I'm crying nobody even looks my way.

I hate how when someone else cries, they are always cheered up by another teammate. And when one of them suspects the other is upset (even though she keeps denying it) they keep trying to cheer up the person.

I hate how I tell my teammates that they are amazing, great, talented and that they will do fantastic at their meet, and never hear that said to me.

I hate how other teammates get texts at meets and reassurance that they're good, when they do bad. I don't.

I hate how my teammates hang out after practice and don't include me. Especially when the plans are made in front of me.

I hate it when I try to make conversation and they glance at me and look away.

I hate how my teammates wait for each other to be done, never for me. I have waited for some... They always just get up and leave when they're done... Not even looking at me.

I hate that I compliment them, but they never to me.

I hate that I cheer my teammates on. "Nice! Good! Finish it! You can do it!" And they barely cheer for me.

I hate that when our couch is mad at more than one of us. The other girl(s) get hugged and told, "She's just grumpy, it's alright! You're doing great." When I'm standing right there.

I hate that when I'm in pain, nobody asks or notices.

I hate how I'm left out of inside jokes.

I hate the one word responses they give me.

I hate how they beg each other to hang out, come over, trick or treat together... And I'm never invited.

I hate how I try to make plans to hang out and am always brushed off.

I don't feel like a team. I feel all alone.

I hate how they treat me.

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

Man! Sounds like you are in a tough situation. I know it sucks to feel like you're not really on a team...you just have to remember that the reason you're doing gymnastics isn't to socialize. It's a lot more fun if you can, but, hey, if your teammates aren't very nice people, you've got to learn to be autonomous.

Sometimes I feel like when I joined the team, it was like moving to a small town in the middle of high school. Everyone else had known each other since they were like 5 years old, and I was the new kid. I've come to accept that they're not going to invite me out after practice, that we have different interests and different groups of friends.

 

[Flipomaniak]

I feel like it's more than that... It is very painful to hear them making all these plans in front of me, inviting the whole group except for me. I feel like you also don't have to be great friends, or even friends at all to ask if someones ok. I don't know about you, but if I see a girl crying, I ask what's wrong, offer to help and try to cheer her up. Even if I barely know the person. I have known these girls for years so it's not like I'm the new kid, I don't know what I did to deserve to be excluded. I try to make plans, make conversation ect. One of them says, "Lets go see this movie!" and they are all invited except for me. They respond with, "Yeah sound great!" "Fun!" "Hey lets bake brownies and eat them while watching the movie!" "Yum I have brownie mix at home!" ect. If I say the same thing I get, "Sure... Maybe," responses and it never happens.

 

[Flossyduck]

Wow, how horrible that you are made to feel that way!


I don't really have any advice as I can't work it out, but virtual hugs on their way and remember that you have team chalkbucket supporting you all the way x

 

[Lucy's Mom]

I don't know if you realize this, but It actually seems like you're being bullied! Being bullied doesn't have to be physical, teasing, spreading rumors ect. Bulling can be simply being highly excluded. It might be unintentional but... Here take this quiz and let me know what you get.

Quiz: Are you being bullied? – Bullying

 

[Flipomaniak]

i got:

You responded "Yes" to 3 questions – you have been bullied!You have been bullied by another person and should do something to stop it! You do not deserve to have your feelings hurt or suffer from physical pain. Many young women become victims of bullying, but there are ways to prevent it from happening or stopping it before it does happen. Learn more about why people become victims of bullying.If you are being bullied, believe in yourself and know that you should not be hurt by anyone – especially not your friends! Follow these tips if you are being bullied.Learn more about what bullying means.


I never really thought of it as bullying...​

 

[Lucy's Mom]

Ok so you have never though of it as bullying because you probably think, "It's not that major!" I mean you're not getting beat up or anything. But from the description it does sound as if you're hurting inside.

Even if you don't think of it as bullying, it should still stop. What type of girls make plans to go out, and invite the whole group except one girl. With that one girl in earshot! Does anyone agree???

I feel like this is unacceptable.

 

[Lau]

Ok so you have never though of it as bullying because you probably think, "It's not that major!" I mean you're not getting beat up or anything. But from the description it does sound as if you're hurting inside.

Even if you don't think of it as bullying, it should still stop. What type of girls make plans to go out, and invite the whole group except one girl. With that one girl in earshot! Does anyone agree???

I feel like this is unacceptable.

I find this unacceptable as well. But at the same time you don't want them to include you if they don't want to include you. Make sense? I feel that if they don't like you for you, they don't deserve you or your friendship. So I know you have probably heard this a million times but please promise you won't change yourself! Be you! ok?

 

[Flipomaniak]

I find this unacceptable as well. But at the same time you don't want them to include you if they don't want to include you. Make sense? I feel that if they don't like you for you, they don't deserve you or your friendship. So I know you have probably heard this a million times but please promise you won't change yourself! Be you! ok?

I would't change myself... But you are both right. It does hurt...

 

[bogwoppit]

Girls bully very differently than boys, you can google that. It certainly sounds like bullying to me and it isn't okay. I would print out that list of how you feel/are treated and talk to your mom. The head coach needs to know what is happening, it is not okay to be treated that way.

you are special and deserve to be treated with respect. The girls in your group need to be dealt with and educated. They probably are totally clueless and really would be shocked if they read that I thought they are bully's, but it's true.

i am very sorry this is happening to you.

 

[Flipomaniak]

"you are special and deserve to be treated with respect." I know I don't even know you, but even reading this made me cry. I don't want to sound like a, um, I don't know, cry baby or whatever. But just reading that meant a lot to me. No one seems to take me seriously and now I feel like It's not just me. I have talked to family, like my sister and she just says, "Oh grow up will you?"

Thanks everyone for your responses

 

[Seeker]

I'm sorry they're not being kind to you. They don't have to include you in everything they do outside the gym, but there is no reason to not be kind and supportive to a teammate. I think that it's been said upthread, but these don't sound like the kind of girls you want to be your BFF anyway, so try to just focus on the gymnastics and rise above their pettiness.

It is beyond mean to blatantly make plans in front of you and not invite you, but really you probably don't want to go. It doesn't sound like you have much in common with them anyway. Be yourself, be kind, do your best and walk out of the gym with your head held high every day. You've always got us!

 

[coachmolly]

I am so so sorry . Your post just breaks my heart. Let your parents know what is going on and either let them talk to the coach, or talk to him/her yourself if you feel comfortable. Most good coaches are concerned not only with their gymnasts as athletes, but also as people, and wouldn't knowingly put up with such cruelty (though not all coaches feel that way, unfortunately). There are ways they can address the situation without putting you on the spot, and it is one that NEEDS to be addressed beyond "oh, they're just girls being girls" (which is too common an answer to these types of behaviors).
Are there girls your age in other levels or training groups that you could get to know? I know it wouldn't be exactly the same, but it might make you feel like you have someone to turn to in the gym when you're having a rough practice or just someone to feel connected to.
Sending hugs your way, it's not fair that you're being treated like this and you deserve much better.

 

[cbifoja]

Seeker is right. Intentional bullying or not, it is at the very least exceptionally rude!

I still remember the 5th grade, my mother said I could have a slumber party for my birthday and invite my entire class. I was SO happy! But then I remembered Amy.....Oh, how I didn't like Amy! I asked mom if I could not invite Amy and she asked me how I would feel if someone invited everyone in the class but me. I acknowledged that it would hurt my feelings and she said that was why I couldn't exclude Amy. The message has ALWAYS stayed with me and I've made sure that I teach my child that as well.

Darling child, it is unfair that they are treating you this way and I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Your poem, because with the emotional reaction it evokes, it IS a poem, is hauntingly effective at expressing the pain you have in side. Please talk to someone, a parent or trusted coach. Hugs to you.

 

[Flipomaniak]

My mom feels that it's bullying and she wants to talk to their moms... I would feel so embarrassed! Then I feel like they would dislike me even more

I am 1 of 3 freshman at my gym... the other 2 train together in a lower group. I am in the highest group. One of them is one of my best friends so that helps but since we don't train together I don't see her in the gym as much. Outside of gym she is very sweet but at gym it's not like I can walk up to her during routines, we would both get in trouble. We also have a different schedule so that doesn't help.

Meanwhile I walk alone, do my conditioning alone... while my group laughs and jokes about some, "remember when we...." and just other jokes... And like I said before... I try to add to the conversation or hang with them and it's almost like I'm an annoying kid wanting his parent's attention. They're all like, "k."

I thought it was me at first. But since I have friends outside gym and get along great with different people... I just don't know.


All the posts are very kind, thanks

 

[Amusibus]

Your post breaks my heart too. It IS bullying, without a doubt. I'm glad you told your mom, if this was happening to my kid I would want to know. Are you the youngest in your group? Maybe they resent you because they are jealous of you. If I were you, thoughts of switching gyms would definitely be going through my mind. No one should be treated like that, it's just criminal. I hope you can find a solution to this. In the meantime, love yourself.

 

[Flipomaniak]

Your post breaks my heart too. It IS bullying, without a doubt. I'm glad you told your mom, if this was happening to my kid I would want to know. Are you the youngest in your group? Maybe they resent you because they are jealous of you. If I were you, thoughts of switching gyms would definitely be going through my mind. No one should be treated like that, it's just criminal. I hope you can find a solution to this. In the meantime, love yourself.

I am the second youngest, there is a girl 1 year younger, two that are 1 year older, 1 that is 2 years older, and 1 that is 3 years older (than me). So I don't think it's age. And they definitely don't feel threatened! I don't have 10.0 start on all events, I struggle with some skills that are very easy for them, some are committed to college, and some are formal elites that dropped back to level 10.

I'm still not sure on what to do... :/ There are 3 gyms about 45 min away in different directions. My gym is 1 mile from my house so that's like a minute drive... It's a good gym too...

 

[SuperGirlmlm]

Im so sorry, thats awful.

Remember, every storm runs out of rain. Every heartache will fade away. Every dark night will turn to day. (Im listening to that song right now)
At my gym, we have a quote of the week written on the whiteboard. One was, "breathe in the bue skies and out the grey ones" I promise, it will get better. Just focus on your skills, and youll move up a level, and those girls will be real teammates to you
everybody at the chalk bucket is right here to support you all the way

 

[Deleted member D3987]

you might be the only team member worthy of being a team member.

 

[iwannacoach]

If it's worth anything........I'm a part of your fan club too. I have a lot more to say, but that will have to wait a bit. Hang in there!!!