Parents Kicked out of Gym!

[Deleted member 18037]

Age makes a huge difference.

Anxiety issues are a whole other thing. But like with most things they need to be worked on. My kid had huge separation anxiety issues. It was a process. Picture books about expectations. Leaving something of mine with her. Leaving for 5 mins, then 10 and so on until It was I will be in the car. Now 10 she is very secure about us "coming back".

Our gym doesn't throw parents out, but they prefer you just pick up and drop off. And they don't make it comfy to stay.

 

[Popcorn]

I am also not a parent that is trying to give my kid a thumbs up when she gets skills or make my presense known when she gets hurt or frustrated.

Huh?

When I come into the gym to pick up, my ds occasionally has a new skill with a foreign name that he wants me to see. I "thumbs up". I also take him to the doctor or home early if I show up and he's injured. Parents parenting is expected in our gym, at all ages. The coaches don't want to parent, they want to coach.

 

[Tuppy]

I don't linger at the gym. But I thought I'd add my perspective. I think it's ok for her to want her privacy. But I think it's actually better for the gymnast to be able to perform under all conditions. I think meets and practice all have many distractions. I think learning to block out everything and do your skill is a great thing to learn and I would remind her of that. I always think of the countless gymnasts that seem to fall off the beam when someone calls "warning" and "time", so I think learning to deal with distraction isn't so bad.

 

[NutterButter]

It's not just you....

Honestly, I don't see any of this and I'm usually very quick to pick up on anything inappropriate or any 'funny business'. All I see is a mom celebrating a milestone in that her kid does not want her in the gym. Sounds like the lines of communication are wide open between kid and parent. OP acknowledged that she noticed more to the situation and the details came out later re: the other parents watching. It also sounds like there is a certain level of candor with OP and the coach (I don't have this with DD's coaches but I'm sure it exists for some out there!). I also think that by giving the examples she does of not giving a thumbs up or making an effort to comfort her kid if she is hurt or frustrated she is just trying to say she is not CGM. I've gone to pick up DD a little early from practice before and noticed she was with an ice pack...I did not rush out to see what was wrong figuring that if it's truly urgent I would've been called. (And I've gotten that dreaded phone call when an injury was more serious and needed my immediate attention.)

 

[bookworm]

Honestly, I don't see any of this and I'm usually very quick to pick up on anything inappropriate or any 'funny business'.
1. All I see is a mom celebrating a milestone in that her kid does not want her in the gym. .
2. she is just trying to say she is not CGM. )

To your points,

.1 It's okay that her kid doesn't want her in the gym and from her description of her behaviors, she doesn't sound like a CGM, so I guess the thing that rubbed me the wrong way was that after behaving like a nice normal mom ( getting a gym membership and occupying her time), her daughter tells her she's "kicked out" from watching her ...and it's celebrated by the coaches. I guess I don't know why she had to be kicked out if she wasn't around anyway...

2. it doesn't sound like she is a CGM, so why the ban on her from her daughter? I just think the mother warranted more respect and consideration from her daughter...

 

[Kate E]

This post is alien to me as our gym doesn't allow parents to watch full stop. There is a waiting room that everyone who lives too far, has short classes etc wait in and it has no view of the gym floors. The second waiting room is adults only and also has no view of the gym floors. I hate having to sit in there for 3.5 hours 3 times a week but I live at least an hour drive away (takes 45 minutes to get there leaving school at 3:15 but for me to go home once she's gone in at 4:30 I'd be stuck on the M25 for an hour plus and if there'd be an accident or a lane closed etc you can triple that...so I stay and chat with the other mums who stay. On Sunday's I do an hour of gym with a coach which is fab!
We get to watch class twice a year and the club has club championships once a year that we get to buy tickets for and watch that. They then do a week long display at Christmas that all classes and squads partake in we get to buy tickets for that and watch that too.
I like that parents can't watch as I think it would put pressure on the gymnasts be good or bad, but sometimes it feels a bit snide that they don't let us and even cover windows etc to ensure we can't even see a peep.

 

[CCGymbug]

I get the celebration but like others I don't get why your DD felt the need. My biggest issue is the coaches reaction. And sadly in this era with pedifiles lurking around every corner I would want an open gym policy. I want to know I could walk in at any time and visualize that everything is as it should be. That said I don't usually stay unless I am incredibly tired (to far to go home) and than I read or surf the net. It was the coaches response. I personally would have felt better if they had a different reaction that opened up a conversation. The way it is written almost sounds like the coach was looking to distance u from gym. I am happy that for you that it has made you feel good, I personally would be uncomfortable.

 

[bookworm]

I get the celebration but like others I don't get why your DD felt the need. My biggest issue is the coaches reaction. And sadly in this era with pedifiles lurking around every corner I would want an open gym policy. I want to know I could walk in at any time and visualize that everything is as it should be. That said I don't usually stay unless I am incredibly tired (to far to go home) and than I read or surf the net. It was the coaches response. I personally would have felt better if they had a different reaction that opened up a conversation. The way it is written almost sounds like the coach was looking to distance u from gym. I am happy that for you that it has made you feel good, I personally would be uncomfortable.

Bingo, I couldn't have said it any better...

 

[needcoffee]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it was a bit odd. I read this post a couple of days ago but didn't reply as I thought I would probably be in the minority.

Maybe it's the tone I get from what your DD said. I know it's hard to convey tone in a post but both your DD and her coach came across as rude to me.

 

[sce]

Oh, I don't watch! I might glance out there, and if my boy is not behaving, we will have a sign language conversation lol. But that is it.
!)

Boys! I too have done this at times and neither of our boys are little ones.

 

[auswi]

This worries me OP.

Our situation is -big family, older kids all rep sports people in different arenas in their teenage years.

One older sister in gymnastics for 4 years......now current gymys giving it a whirl- so we've been around for awhile☺

And in any sport when the coaches don't want parents present when there is a 'can-view' policy sends alarm bells ringing. I would be digging deeper - why is the coach "proud of her" for asking her mother to not watch when OP was not causing a ripple? There seems to be a conversation missing here.

IMHO I would certainly be initiating a conversation with my DD if she ever tells me not to watch-& I would quietly watch more until I was sure everything is ok.

And thats not even starting on the conversation I would also have with her on mutual respect!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Good for your DD. And to all the people crying that the sky is falling..... Get over it.

 

[bookworm]

Good for your DD. And to all the people crying that the sky is falling..... Get over it.

Let me guess...did this happen in your gym Coachp?

 

[auswi]

Good for your DD. And to all the people crying that the sky is falling..... Get over it.

Usually all is well.

Very occasionly things are very, very not how they should be- & yes for those children their sky has fallen in.

As resonsible adults if a red flag is raised we need to check it out.

I deal with children everyday whose sky has fallen in, no one checked things out in time for them.

So, as a resonsible adult, even knowing the majority of the time everything is well & good, I will continue to advocate checking things out if things don't gel.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Here is a novel idea. Have a conversation with the coach. But hey that is just me.

We have heard one version of a story that has multiple views. And the truth is usually always in the middle somewhere.

From a leaving an adult alone with a child perspective.

My daughter at practice has multiple kids and coaches around. The coaches don't want parents there. With plenty of good reason. They won't throw you out but they are very clear they would rather you not be there. I never feel that I can't just pop in (even though I don't) and that is huge for me. If I feel I can not just pop in, all sorts of warning bells go off. And me and mine go elsewhere.

I don't stay but I don't worry either, too many kids and coaches around. And here is the big one. There are no other red flags, no signs of grooming, of myself or my kid. And my kid knows TELL.

Now we occasionally do a private with no one but the coach and my kid in the gym. I don't leave nor would I. It is not about not trusting the coach (I trust them all). But if I stay there can never be an inkling of a question. And heaven forbid there was a squirrely plan in place regarding children, my staying sends a signal, me and mine are not to be tampered with. And even at privates I have been know to sit in the car for a bit, to make phone calls.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Let me guess...did this happen in your gym Coachp?

No, we request parents stay out so the kids don't have to go through this. But good for the kid to communicate to her mom instead of letting it fester and ultimately quitting. Apparently some here have a problem with that.... I don't. It also continues to amaze me that parents here continue to put themselves first , I just hope that most don't listen to them anymore.

 

[bookworm]

After reading Coachp's response, and the last sentence puzzles me, I am so glad he's on the West coast, where banning parents from the gym is evidently embraced...

 

[skschlag]

No, we request parents stay out so the kids don't have to go through this. But good for the kid to communicate to her mom instead of letting it fester and ultimately quitting. Apparently some here have a problem with that.... I don't. It also continues to amaze me that parents here continue to put themselves first , I just hope that most don't listen to them anymore.

I don't think parents are putting themselves first, nor do I think the 30-60 minutes I am at the gym at the beginning and end of practice are any stress on my son. I am not watching most of the time! If I am, I am watching the upper level girls or the Olympic gymnast...way more interesting. And chatting with my friends, doing booster club stuff, and reading a book. This time allows me to miss the traffic on the way home, and to have a bit of mom-social time. There is nothing wrong with that. I am not yelling at my child, coaching my child, or interfering at all.

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong either way. Stay, don't stay. As long as you are not interfering with the coaches then it should not be a problem.

ANd yes, I am welcome at my child's school anytime.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Usually all is well.

Very occasionly things are very, very not how they should be- & yes for those children their sky has fallen in.

As resonsible adults if a red flag is raised we need to check it out.

I deal with children everyday whose sky has fallen in, no one checked things out in time for them.

So, as a resonsible adult, even knowing the majority of the time everything is well & good, I will continue to advocate checking things out if things don't gel.

The child simply asked her mom not to Watch her because she doesn't like it..... Let's not confuse the. Issue. And clearly the child was telling the coach for some time that she was annoyed and made the very difficult decision to speak up .... Again let's not confuse the issue. The coach was proud of the kid for speaking up because of how impossible a conversation that was. The child needed someone to support her, which the coach and thankfully the parent did. Obviously some parents here would of told the child no, and scolded them for this. I am just happy that the tone of this board has shifted over the years and people are starting to realize that parental presence often does more harm than good. Sure a few kids can deal with it, just like my grandma who smoked and drank every day of her life lived to her late 80"s.... Again what may work for a select few is harmful to most. I am not addressing the whole red flag grooming thing bexause it isn't the topic. In my opinion the op is an excellent parent.

 

[bookworm]

And to be clear, I do not sit and watch practices in the gym, and have not for the 15+ years I have been driving to gym... I find things to do with my time.

However, if the gym "requested" I not come into the gym facility/waiting room, it would be a red flag to me...not all people are creeps or pedophiles, but it only takes 1 to destroy a life...