Parents Kicked out of Gym!

[Deleted member 14190]

After reading Coachp's response, and the last sentence puzzles me, I am so glad he's on the West coast, where banning parents from the gym is evidently embraced...

so you are claiming that only gyms in the west coast do this. Pretty big claim.

 

[skschlag]

I don't sit and watch practices either. But if my son was "angrily" telling me not to come back, I would be concerned about why he was angry that I was sitting in an area where i can't see him, talking or working on booster stuff. I would be concerned about that. And if they mentioned NO parents coming to practice, I would be concerned about it being coach prompted.

Who has time to sit and watch practices? 20 hours a week? Not I!! I prefer to be surprised at meets. But nor do I want to be forbidden from being there should the need arise (transportation, time, etc) Much more fun to go to the local "watering hole"

 

[bookworm]

so you are claiming that only gyms in the west coast do this. Pretty big claim.[/QUOTE




I'm out....

 

[mommyof1]

The coach was proud of the kid for speaking up because of how impossible a conversation that was.

I don't see how this is an "impossible" conversation that has to be a huge source of drama. My kid and I had it when she was six or seven years old.

Tinker Bell: Mommy, I am a big kid now. It embarrasses me when you walk me in to the gym and piano lessons and stuff. It also distracts me when you watch. Can you drop me off in the parking lot and wait for me out there at the end of practice too?
Mommy: If you show me that you can walk through the parking lot safely, I will drop you off in the parking lot near the door. I need to come inside to pick you up, though, because the gym requires it, and because you are incredibly slow in packing up.
Tinker Bell: Okay.

Simple, respectful, open conversation on both sides. She explained what she wanted and why, I explained what I could and could not do and why. In the end, I was the parent and made the rules, taking her needs and preferences into consideration. Not an impossible conversation at all. Conversations like this are a natural and important part of parenting, and of growing up.

 

[txgymfan]

Coachp, " my girls" the children that I love and treat as my own, have 100 % supervised visitation with their own mother. To the outside world, the girls are happy, healthy and thriving with many caring adults in their lives. The reality is that less than two years ago they were enduring unspeakable abuse. Rest assured, I am welcome in their school and am present in the building several times a week. Their teachers know me as does most of the school staff. We would not leave them in a gym or any activity where a trusted adult is not welcome and known. We also make sure anytime they are dropped off at an organized activity the person in charge knows who is and is not allowed to pick them up.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

[

I don't see how this is an "impossible" conversation that has to be a huge source of drama. My kid and I had it when she was six or seven years old.

Tinker Bell: Mommy, I am a big kid now. It embarrasses me when you walk me in to the gym and piano lessons and stuff. It also distracts me when you watch. Can you drop me off in the parking lot and wait for me out there at the end of practice too?
Mommy: If you show me that you can walk through the parking lot safely, I will drop you off in the parking lot near the door. I need to come inside to pick you up, though, because the gym requires it, and because you are incredibly slow in packing up.
Tinker Bell: Okay.

Simple, respectful, open conversation on both sides. She explained what she wanted and why, I explained what I could and could not do and why. In the end, I was the parent and made the rules, taking her needs and preferences into consideration. Not an impossible conversation at all. Conversations like this are a natural and important part of parenting, and of growing up.

==
You are also taking into consideration that most families are like yours, which they are not. (that is a compliment).

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Coachp, " my girls" the children that I love and treat as my own, have 100 % supervised visitation with their own mother. To the outside world, the girls are happy, healthy and thriving with many caring adults in their lives. The reality is that less than two years ago they were enduring unspeakable abuse. Rest assured, I am welcome in their school and am present in the building several times a week. Their teachers know me as does most of the school staff. We would not leave them in a gym or any activity where a trusted adult is not welcome and known. We also make sure anytime they are dropped off at an organized activity the person in charge knows who is and is not allowed to pick them up.

And it really just goes to show you that anything can happen at any time when alone. It is not advised or typical for a child to be alone ever in the gym with an adult. Again, not the topic on this thread and not the topic that I am referring too...

 

[NutterButter]

I still don't get what the big deal is with the OP's story.

This thread reminds me of the time when DS's kindergarten teacher commented to me that DS and his group of friends reminded her of a college frat. I thought her comparison was absolutely hilarious even though I find college frats deeply offensive. She wasn't at all suggesting that DS would one day do some of the infamous things frats are in the news for but instead was speaking to the exceptionally tight bond DS and his group of friends had (and 5 years later this group STILL drives teachers nuts). I told the other moms what the teacher had said about our boys and I was the only parent in the group who thought the comment was funny. Most of the other moms thought it was disrespectful and offensive of the teacher to say that. The teacher meant no disrespect at all towards the boys she was actually very tuned into all kiddos in her class. In retrospect, I don't think the teacher would have made the same comparison to any other parent because I had known her for a few years because DD also had her. Along these lines - I don't think the coach's comment that he is proud of the OP's DD is at all an indication of disrespect. Yeah, sure you can read all you want into it, but in this case it seems like an indicator of what the coach/parent relationship is like. Nothing else.

 

[GymmieC]

I think people are making mountains out of mole hills. My DD is very sensible. She tells me not to watch because at this gym most parents dont. I respect her wishes. I didn't get the rudeness in OPs original post. Her child just told her don't watch. I guess it boils down to trust. She must trust her kid and coaches. Good thing.

 

[flipster]

Fact: NY Gym Mom mentioned that she was asked to leave with vague excuse of personal privacy.
NYGM may have additional inormation she didn't volunteer here. however, if she doesn't, it is in her and her daugher's best interest to find out WHY. Why would someone ask her mother to live if there is no trouble (obvious or hidden)? Why did the coach support this?
Not unreasonable questions.

 

[flipster]

Why would someone ask her mother to leave if there is no trouble (obvious or hidden)?

Leave that is...

 

[auswi]

Fact: NY Gym Mom mentioned that she was asked to leave with vague excuse of personal privacy.
NYGM may have additional inormation she didn't volunteer here. however, if she doesn't, it is in her and her daugher's best interest to find out WHY. Why would someone ask her mother to live if there is no trouble (obvious or hidden)? Why did the coach support this?
Not unreasonable questions.

This.

 

[GymmieC]

Omg...op is okay with it. It isn't CSI.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I think the issue here is that the whole thing was presented in a confusing way. Kid asks mom to stay out, but mom barely watches. Coach is basically cheering the kid on but the mom/kid seem to have a good relationship, so there doesn't seem to be anything that needs cheering. I feel like it's a puzzle with missing pieces. I guess I just don't get (based on the post) why the kid would even feel the need to ask the mom to leave if mom is barely there/barely paying attention as-is. I also don't get why the coach has strong feelings about it unless the mom and kid have communication issues and it was a really big deal/hard convo to have. It doesn't appear it was based on the mom's reaction. To me it's not so much red flags as straight up confusing. My DDs both actively request that I stay more than I do. I don't acquiesce for my own sanity. My DDs gyms both have open door policies, but one is a tentative open door, i.e. come watch if you want but the girls are all better off without hoverers. For the record, also, we are in Cali (NorCal but previously SoCal) and we have been to many more gyms with open door policies than not. In fact, we have only been to one (out of seven) that vocally and actively (and logistically) made watching difficult. We didn't stay at that gym.

 

[auswi]

Omg...op is okay with it. It isn'ttheir CSI.

Ummm -in the times where things are terribly wrong the adults that care are "ok" until all is revealed.

And advocating responsible checking out of concerns is not CGP or alarmist but what I & a number of parents on this board would do.

 

[cbifoja]

I've been reading this thread with interest and I think it's important to reiterate what so many have already said: it isn't that the child asked Mom not to stay and watch. For me, it's the way in which child basically told Mom to go away. In my house, That wouldn't fly. I am the parent and she is the child. She does not dismiss me. I just don't agree with making children equal to parents.

 

[cbifoja]

I wonder if everyone would be OK with mom canceling a parent teacher conference just because daughter said everything is going fine in school. I don't see a lot of difference personally.

 

[cbifoja]

As far as the coach cheering the gymnast on for her disrespect, I see that as a violation of the parent athlete coach Triad where each member is valuable to the relationship. But of course, I know there are some coaches who very much do not value the parent aspect of the relationship.

 

[GymmieC]

I wonder if everyone would be OK with mom canceling a parent teacher conference just because daughter said everything is going fine in school. I don't see a lot of difference personally.

It is totally different. There was no conference called.

 

[cbifoja]

It is totally different. There was no conference called.

I'm aware of that. I was using it as an example of a child having decision making rights over the parent

As a parent, if I want to check in on how my daughter is doing in any environment, that is my right.