Parents Letting DD Go To Meet?

[GymMomK]

Hello. I don't post a lot, but I do read a lot
DD is L8, went back from L9. (long story, previous posts, got multiple blocks and still working through them).
Anyway, DD has a meet in two days. She went from being a great, consistent gymnast (10 years old, level 9) to being a mess. I hate to say that about my own child, but she is. Unfortunately, she has a horrible coach and unfortunately, there is no where else for us to go.

Vault-tsuk, if she balks once or twice coach makes her go to another event at practice. When she does her vault, it's nice.
Bars-a total and complete mess! won't do giants, dismount, cast to handstand, it's really, really bad
Floor-balks on some of her tumbling (used to be a great tumbler)
Beam-50/50 chance she'll do her series which leads into her dismount

Knowing this, do I allow her to compete? Yes, it's paid for already, but I honestly don't want to go. She says she's going to do her stuff, but I know that's just wishful thinking. I told her that if she can't/won't do it in her gym, it's not likely she will do it some place else.

She's scared and nervous, that's the "excuses" she is giving for not doing what she needs to do. She has competed everything she won't do now and it's getting frustrating

 

[MaryA]

Aw... Poor kid. Poor mom. That's so hard. If she wants to go, and her coach wants her to compete, I say let her. For my DD, at least, meet season is often the incentive she needs to get over the blocks that have been plaguing her. Good luck, whatever you decide, and let us know how it goes!

 

[GymMomK]

Aw... Poor kid. Poor mom. That's so hard. If she wants to go, and her coach wants her to compete, I say let her. For my DD, at least, meet season is often the incentive she needs to get over the blocks that have been plaguing her. Good luck, whatever you decide, and let us know how it goes!

Thank you! It is very hard. And I know it will be hard for her to be at the bottom (she's not used to that). But maybe it will be what she needs?

 

[kandkfunk]

I can totally relate. My DD has her first level 8 meet Saturday and I am nervous for her. It's not that she can't do the skills, but she has really low confidence and fear issues directly related to how her former coaches treated her. They let her compete skills with horrible form and relearning everything has really challenged her. I don't think she'll connect her beam series and it's the same series she competed last year. Bars is also a mess for her. She will be lucky to have an 8.5 start value. I keep thinking they'll talk to her about scratching, but they haven't said anything yet. In my mind, scratching is better than scoring a 4 or 5. The only saving grace will be vault, but she is throwing a twisting vault, not a Tsuk.

Good luck to your DD and hang in there!

 

[GymMomK]

Good luck to you and your dd, too!
I feel the same about the scratch. A scratch is better than such a low score IMO.

I can totally relate. My DD has her first level 8 meet Saturday and I am nervous for her. It's not that she can't do the skills, but she has really low confidence and fear issues directly related to how her former coaches treated her. They let her compete skills with horrible form and relearning everything has really challenged her. I don't think she'll connect her beam series and it's the same series she competed last year. Bars is also a mess for her. She will be lucky to have an 8.5 start value. I keep thinking they'll talk to her about scratching, but they haven't said anything yet. In my mind, scratching is better than scoring a 4 or 5. The only saving grace will be vault, but she is throwing a twisting vault, not a Tsuk.

Good luck to your DD and hang in there!

 

[gymdog]

No no no. This is not even a matter of self esteem at this level, it's a matter of safety. She CANNOT compete these routines yet. I just don't see any way from what you describe. And "trying to do it" at the meet when she doesn't do it in practice can be a recipe for disaster. Ultimately at this level they need to practice consistent technique or there can be serious injuries. We're not talking about a level 4 with an iffy kip who might make it with some adrenaline. There's no hiding behind anything at this level, only technique.

I can't even imagine any coach competing any optional that won't do some of the things you described. It's just not right.

If the issues are this bad then I think this season is possibly not going to happen for her. She needs to go back to basic techniques and training such as heavy strap bar work and repetitions of kip/casts, beam basics and low beam, vault drills. Again there is only technique. If she doesn't have the technique she will suffer, possibly disastrously so. I would recommend that you don't take a chance. BTW if she was rushed through the levels by coaches that were dazzled by natural ability rather than consistent building of technique, this could be a reason why she is reverting.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Okay,,,,, after reading,,,, it may be time to pull the plug. I would...

 

[my4buffaloes]

I think it might be a recipe for disaster to have her compete. What if she balks on something in the meet and has a bad fall? At this level of gymnastics I think you have to be rock solid (at least on the big, scary skills) before you compete.

I know how hard this decision is! I pulled my dd from her first meet (this weekend!) because she got hurt and I didn't think she would have time to come back after getting clearance from the doctors. The other parents thought I was crazy and were pressuring me to let her compete anyway. I am so glad I am not letting her compete because she would not have been ready, would not have been able to compete certain skills yet - she would have had very low start values which obviously result in low scores - not the way I want her to start her level 8 season. I want her to be successful so it was best to pull her.

In the long run, this is just one small meet in a world of lots of meets and time. There is no reason to risk injuring her or getting her so down on herself when she is not successful. Better to spend that time in the gym going back to the basics so she can build her confidence again.

 

[Faith]

I agree. Take the pressure off her, take competitions out of the equation for a while. I'd ask her if she'd like 6 months/a year with no competing to get her skills back. Especially if she's repeating level 8 after competing 9.

Let her train at her own pace, back to drills, repetitions and basics. Wait until she *knows* she can do something, and is begging her coaches to let her try. Meets can be worrying enough without having to worry about making skills as well.

She's at that age where it starts to get hard, she's likely growing, preparing for puberty, and psychologically maturing so she can see the danger. Give her time

One other thing- why do you think her coach is "horrible" If a kid baulks at something, I think it's better to send them to do something else (although going back a step to drills is best) rather than reinforce the block..

 

[cbifoja]

I say no to competing. I'm not sure what exactly she would be competing with. You'd probably have to take her down to what....FHS vault? Is that competitive at L8?

And not sure bars would even be worth competing at all. She's probably need to scratch that. Are giants not required at L8?

I'm so sorry to hear about her problems though. Hopefully, she can take some time to get things all sorted out. Being such a young L8/L9 should afford her a lot of time to work through her "mind games".

 

[GymMomK]

I say no to competing. I'm not sure what exactly she would be competing with. You'd probably have to take her down to what....FHS vault? Is that competitive at L8?

And not sure bars would even be worth competing at all. She's probably need to scratch that. Are giants not required at L8?

I'm so sorry to hear about her problems though. Hopefully, she can take some time to get things all sorted out. Being such a young L8/L9 should afford her a lot of time to work through her "mind games".

Her coach says she can compete a FHS vault, but I can't say I want her to do that when she's successfully competed nice tsuk vaults.

Yes, she can do a routine with 2 clear hips. The starting value is 8.5 or something...

Thanks for your advice.

 

[GymMomK]

One other thing- why do you think her coach is "horrible" If a kid baulks at something, I think it's better to send them to do something else (although going back a step to drills is best) rather than reinforce the block..

That is not the reason her coach is "horrible". There are many reasons. When she baulks, her coach asks, "are you going to vault?" DD says, "I don't know", coach says in a very sarcastic tone, "then go do whatever you want since you won't listen to me." I'm fine with her going to another assignment or conditioning. That's only one example. She fails to coach. DD and another girl were having the same exact problem on vault, they both thought it would help to move the spring board, so coach says fine, you girls coach since you know everything. Did coach give either any tips? Nope. I could go on and on and on...

 

[GymMomK]

I think it might be a recipe for disaster to have her compete. What if she balks on something in the meet and has a bad fall? At this level of gymnastics I think you have to be rock solid (at least on the big, scary skills) before you compete.

I know how hard this decision is! I pulled my dd from her first meet (this weekend!) because she got hurt and I didn't think she would have time to come back after getting clearance from the doctors. The other parents thought I was crazy and were pressuring me to let her compete anyway. I am so glad I am not letting her compete because she would not have been ready, would not have been able to compete certain skills yet - she would have had very low start values which obviously result in low scores - not the way I want her to start her level 8 season. I want her to be successful so it was best to pull her.

In the long run, this is just one small meet in a world of lots of meets and time. There is no reason to risk injuring her or getting her so down on herself when she is not successful. Better to spend that time in the gym going back to the basics so she can build her confidence again.

I agree and your point of view is mine as well. The coaches think that if she fails, she will use that as motivation. I think she already knows that she is "failing" and a blow to her self esteem isn't going to do anything good for her.

Unfortunately, her coach doesn't go back to the basics, she's a "you do it or you go home" type of coach. No real coaching.

 

[iwannacoach]

Talk to the coach to at least have all three of you in the conversation. I almost always favor putting kids into meets no matter how low they may score as long as there's no safety issues. I look at it as reality and a chance for them to see themselves as they really are...... like not prepared or taking the sport too lightly.

It could be she's working through some vestibular issues and shouldn't be doing any of the skills she feels afraid of or lost on. I can't see any value in your daughter competing while having all these issues, especially if her problem is vestibular...... and if it's not, then maybe she needs to get the message that she's too far out of the picture to be a part of a meet.

Ten....... it's a tough age to be confronting all of this, no matter how physically gifted, because she really hasn't mental maturity equal to her skills...... few 10 year old kids do.

 

[gracyomalley]

How long has this been going on? Has your DD ever gone through stuff like this before? Is it out of character or does it reflect her underlying personality? As a parent I know its hard to see them struggle with mental things (or physical components like the growth and vestibular issues) while knowing that if they just could do x.y.z it would all be better....but handled wrong this could be dangerous both physically and emotionally.

Have you done any sports counseling? Does the coach do any "mental coaching" - visualization, team building, etc? Is there any secondary gain happening for her with the fears?

Nothing wrong with being a 10/11 year old level 8!!! And obviously, she won't ever be a Level 9 again without conquering all this, but more importantly, she needs a strategy to feel in control of her gymnastics again...hopefully her coach will see that and be willing to work with it, otherwise this will become a "failure" rather than something she will learn from...or worse an injury...

DD11 recently stopped doing her BHS BHS series, after finally connecting in to high beam a few times, when she was still so out of control with it she "accidently" did a few crazy step out layout things....and she's generally a very technically sound, well controlled gymnast....coach had been pushing her to get through the fear until then....now she's BWO BHS....still a bit scared to back tumble on beam, and frankly doesn't do it as well as the other series, but she won't break her back!!! On the other hand, letting go of that one thing and now she's gianting with ease, and working fulls and chenko drills again happily...could be one deep seated fear hitting your daughter....(DD also had issues with her dad going on) and a little counseling and backtracking in gym really will make a difference...but it might take time and patience and competing may need to take a back seat this season....My DD had the option of staying 7 rather than going L8, so she can compete without the skills that she got stuck on and still feel successful...otherwise, we talked about a year of training only...

 

[GymMomK]

How long has this been going on? Has your DD ever gone through stuff like this before? Is it out of character or does it reflect her underlying personality? As a parent I know its hard to see them struggle with mental things (or physical components like the growth and vestibular issues) while knowing that if they just could do x.y.z it would all be better....but handled wrong this could be dangerous both physically and emotionally.

Have you done any sports counseling? Does the coach do any "mental coaching" - visualization, team building, etc? Is there any secondary gain happening for her with the fears?

Nothing wrong with being a 10/11 year old level 8!!! And obviously, she won't ever be a Level 9 again without conquering all this, but more importantly, she needs a strategy to feel in control of her gymnastics again...hopefully her coach will see that and be willing to work with it, otherwise this will become a "failure" rather than something she will learn from...or worse an injury...

DD11 recently stopped doing her BHS BHS series, after finally connecting in to high beam a few times, when she was still so out of control with it she "accidently" did a few crazy step out layout things....and she's generally a very technically sound, well controlled gymnast....coach had been pushing her to get through the fear until then....now she's BWO BHS....still a bit scared to back tumble on beam, and frankly doesn't do it as well as the other series, but she won't break her back!!! On the other hand, letting go of that one thing and now she's gianting with ease, and working fulls and chenko drills again happily...could be one deep seated fear hitting your daughter....(DD also had issues with her dad going on) and a little counseling and backtracking in gym really will make a difference...but it might take time and patience and competing may need to take a back seat this season....My DD had the option of staying 7 rather than going L8, so she can compete without the skills that she got stuck on and still feel successful...otherwise, we talked about a year of training only...

DD has been doing WebCamp with Doc Ali for a few months.

No, coach does ZERO mental coaching. I've asked and asked and asked for it.

I've asked for a training season, but the owner says no. I guess if I pay for the meets and she doesn't attend, then maybe he would be ok with that.

Her coach refuses to go backwards, even though it was mentioned by another coach in the gym.

I'm actually meeting with the her coach today to discuss things that I'm seeing and I will need all the prayers/good vibes I can get.

 

[cbifoja]

Ugh.... sorry that you're not getting more support from your DD's coach. It sounds like a miserable situation for her to be in.

 

[GymMomK]

Ugh.... sorry that you're not getting more support from your DD's coach. It sounds like a miserable situation for her to be in.

I agree. I wish we had more options in our area.

 

[shelovestoflip]

Have you asked your daughter if she wants to take time off? As in a month or two? See if she misses it? I would not want my daughter to be worried/stressed.

Plus, from what you describe, the coach's style would never work for my daughter. Different kids respond differently and it doesn't sound like a positive style.

Maybe your daughter has just had enough.

Definitely too bad there are no other gyms in the area...how far would you have to go for a different gym?

Also, wondering why not let her go to the meet and compete what she can safely. Level 8s can do the front handspring if necessary. So, while her start value will be lower, if she can compete it safely, why not go and do one event if it woudl make her happy?

Honestly though, I would question whether the pressure is too much and she wants to take a break.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Again, after reading, It is easy to place blame, if only this or if only that etc... But when a kid starts moving backwards and losing skills (possibly vestibular) followed with not even attempting skills (totally mental). It really is the kids doing. Time to try another sport I say. You gave it time, you gave her the Mental toughness course, she is clearly not having anything to do with any of it. I happen to agree with the coach when she sends her to another event, instead of beating a dead horse, and "no" moving the board around has nothing to do with baulking. Sounds like the coach is just as annoyed as you are with the whole thing. Maybe I missed something, but I have not seen you address quitting at all as an option. Is this not on the table for you?