Parents Lifting his spirit

[NutterButter]

See, this is the problem with your DS being labeled a prodigy by the coach. He is not allowed to be a normal 5 year old. 5 year olds are not perfectly behaved all the time. And the skill regression is normal too. But since he is a prodigy he's not allowed bad days in the gym. He's 5. Who cares if he competes L4 or L3 or even competes at all. Unless something changes with the coach, you are on your way to having a frustrated and burned out little boy. Your DS sounds very perceptive and sensitive but at 5 he lacks perspective to understand why coach is so hard on him.

A day off may actually be what he needs but unfortunately it's been presented as a punishment. Where is the recognition from the coach that he's 5? On occasion I have given my kids the option of a mental health day. It's never to avoid something that may not be going well (gym or school) but more a general feeling of burnout. So we find a day that works and then they skip either school or their sport or both. It's rare but a very mindful action that gives them the power of taking care of their needs. This doesn't sound like the language being used to talk about your DS's day off. He's being punished. And that's sad.

 

[profmom]

Alright, brace yourself. Here comes the cold water.

No five-year-old boy on the planet needs a 2 1/2 to 4 hour private lesson for gymnastics. Not one. Eliminate the privates. He will not benefit from this until significantly later in his gymnastics career. If he is not progressing properly at age 8 or 9, think about it then.

I would have a LOT of questions about privates that long. A LOT. I know upper level optionals who do privates for JE training. I've never heard of four-hour privates for skills. When you're working one on one, the kid is doing reps as quickly as he can recover and processing each turn with the coach afterward. Anything good that's going to happen for a mature athlete who's ready to take in intensive skill training is likely to happen within the first hour and a half or so of a private lesson. My son just started doing them this season, and the last 15-20 minutes of his approximately 1:15-1:20 private is all strength, because he's reached his capacity for intensive skill training and needs to process what he has learned. And this is a kid who's been doing gymnastics for ten years and is really into it.

This situation is totally whack. I can't say that strongly enough. Dial it back or he will quit, and keep an eye on the coaches going forward.

 

[Madden3]

^ Wow, good point. My kids have never had a private longer then an hour. And they were exhausted after. In fact probably the most productive privates they had were semi-privates where they and another boy worked with the coach for an hour total. And they were way older than 5 when they had privates or semis.

 

[skschlag]

It all came to a head yesterday. He was working front tuck on double mini. He would not focus on coaches words, which meant he wasn't making corrections. He was rolling around on the mat, then repeating the skill the exact same way. This was 1 on 1 with his coach. Things like this have been happening off and on for a few weeks (which I was not aware of). So his coach finally told us he won't compete below level 4, the front tuck is the level 4 skill so suggested/requested he take Monday off from team practice (originally suggested he could work with rec but I said no to that) and figure out if he's ready to work.

He had this skill and a front pike previously, then they started up training and things like this started happening.

I would be hesitant to label this as "behavior." Sounds like a typical 5 year old. Keeping attention for 2.5-4 hours is not going to happen at this age, and they are going to be a bit goofy.

 

[John]

My DD did not like corrections when she was 5. The coach would talk to her and she would throw a cartwheel in his face or pop into a handstand. The coach knew she was 5 and also knew she was listening, she was improving, even though it appeared she was not. At times he would get frustrated but only said something once.

She is only 10 now and takes corrections better. She does say corrections are hard to make and can't happen instantly.

Take away, a ten year old knows about corrections. I would evaluate what you little one needs as he is only 5.

 

[Sasha]

@weslansmommy I'm curious - for these extra Saturday practices - is that a private lesson? Or are there other team boys there? If so, what ages? And are they working together or largely by themselves?

And in his regular M-W-F practices, does your son have similar age boys in his training group?

Having a young "talented" son myself, working alone too much was definitely a de-motivator. Curious if that might be at play as well?

And generally I agree with posters who are suggesting that something in the coaching style and/or number of hours might be translating into too much pressure for a 5 year old. That shift from gym being 'fun' to gym being 'pressure' at this SUPER young age will absolutely send the risk of wanting to quit skyrocketing, and I'd hate to see your son fall victim there.

 

[wandrewsjr]

At a certain point it is not unusual to have gymnasts grouped together by skill level instead of age, to have, say, an age range from 9 to 16 in a group of level 7's. But there is an age and maturity level below which it doesn't usually work, and I think 5 years old is definitely below that. He is being treated like a team gymnast instead of like a 5 year old, and I think the way he is reacting to the training is telling you he just isn't mature enough for it yet. A developmental group or rec class may be what he needs if you want him to stay in the sport long term.

 

[momnipotent]

See, this is the problem with your DS being labeled a prodigy by the coach. He is not allowed to be a normal 5 year old. 5 year olds are not perfectly behaved all the time. And the skill regression is normal too. But since he is a prodigy he's not allowed bad days in the gym. He's 5. Who cares if he competes L4 or L3 or even competes at all. Unless something changes with the coach, you are on your way to having a frustrated and burned out little boy. Your DS sounds very perceptive and sensitive but at 5 he lacks perspective to understand why coach is so hard on him.

A day off may actually be what he needs but unfortunately it's been presented as a punishment. Where is the recognition from the coach that he's 5.

This-YDS is 9 and still rolls around on the mat or does other things he shouldn't while the coach is talking to him (drives me crazy!) but if they really need him to listen they make him stop and look at them. Also, they don't have him to continue to work on something he is struggling to make corrections on more than 4-5 times because they are mindful of his age, the one step forward 2 steps back nature of the sport, and the frustration that comes from wanting to make the correction but not being able to for whatever reason. (And he is also a talented kid - he has the skills for level 9, and is the youngest in his class by 3 years, so it's not that the coaches don't expect a lot from him, but they realize that it's his journey and he still has a lot of years in front of him to continue to grow in this sport-there's nothing to be gained if they push him to get him competing level 10 as a 10 year old but then he quits because the pressure or expectations are too high.)

I think you need to have a conversation about reasonable 5 year old expectations with the coach (and with yourself to some extent as well.) It's hard to have a young, talented kid (in anything) because we want them to be successful and have the chance to shine, but it's not worth stressing them out over because that's just going to backfire in the long run. Keep in mind he might also be asking for the extra hours because of the attention/approval he sees from you and the coach when he goes, not because he is dying for more hours in the gym. Get rid of the Saturday classes for now-spend your Saturday's doing something that gives him the chance to explore other interests or just doing something fun-board games, movies, riding bikes, ice skating, etc. and come back to it when he is older.

 

[Madden3]

Sorry to keep posting, but I am rethinking some of my previous post. When I talked about the negative impact of discipline issues I was thinking of what might happen down the line when your son is older if this situation continues. I am in full agreement with what everyone is saying about age appropriateness.

A 5 year old cannot let anyone down because a 5 year old should not be holding anyone up! In particular, they cannot be held responsible for the feelings of any adult.

Kids of 5 cannot make mature decisions about being "ready to work," - they cannot comprehend what that even means. This is the age kids think they can marry their dogs and grow up to be princesses and ninjas. Competing on a gym team is just another fantastical possibility of the great number of fantastical possibilities they imagine every day-one that might of course come true (like growing up to be a fire fighter might.) But just as (or more) likely, the child will lose interest in the idea entirely.

Most importantly, 5 year olds have naturally short attention spans. When they want something, they will promise the moon- so, a kid who wants to go to gym practice will promise to focus and listen and work hard and think they really, really mean it. But then they get the urge to roll around, and they are going to roll around! They cannot help it. I do not mean all 5 year olds are totally out of control, but they are not able to focus for long periods. I think the average time a 5 year old can really focus on one thing that they LIKE is something like 15 minutes. If it is something they do not like, the average attention span reduces. This is why gym classes at this age usually move much faster than a typical practice for older kids- and why a one on one private with little time for any mental or physical break would be particularly difficult. Ok for once in a while for a short time maybe, but not as a weekly thing of several hours.

It sounds like your son wants to go to practice and in fact begs to go. Have you asked him why it is so important to him that he go to practice? I mean, obviously he likes gym- but what does he like about it?

 

[Jazzjerz]

@weslansmommy, I believe I read about this story in a different post as well...did this coach make your son do the front tucks for HOURS, even though he complained his stomach was hurting from doing so? But the coach told him he needed to push through it and he had not sympathy? If so, I believe the issue is much bigger than needing a day off to refocus. It definitely seems like this coach has a lot to learn about coaching a 5 year old (maybe other ages too). The scenario concerns me much more for his overall mental well-being, way beyond gymnastics.

 

[momnipotent]

@weslansmommy, I believe I read about this story in a different post as well...did this coach make your son do the front tucks for HOURS, even though he complained his stomach was hurting from doing so? But the coach told him he needed to push through it and he had not sympathy?

If this is true, you need to run, not walk, to a new gym.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

A 5 year old cannot let anyone down because a 5 year old should not be holding anyone up! In particular, they cannot be held responsible for the feelings of any adult.

Kids of 5 cannot make mature decisions about being "ready to work," - they cannot comprehend what that even means. This is the age kids think they can marry their dogs and grow up to be princesses and ninjas. Competing on a gym team is just another fantastical possibility of the great number of fantastical possibilities they imagine every day-one that might of course come true (like growing up to be a fire fighter might.) But just as (or more) likely, the child will lose interest in the idea entirely.

Most importantly, 5 year olds have naturally short attention spans. When they want something, they will promise the moon- so, a kid who wants to go to gym practice will promise to focus and listen and work hard and think they really, really mean it. But then they get the urge to roll around, and they are going to roll around! They cannot help it. I do not mean all 5 year olds are totally out of control, but they are not able to focus for long periods. I think the average time a 5 year old can really focus on one thing that they LIKE is something like 15 minutes. If it is something they do not like, the average attention span reduces. This is why gym classes at this age usually move much faster than a typical practice for older kids- and why a one on one private with little time for any mental or physical break would be particularly difficult. Ok for once in a while for a short time maybe, but not as a weekly thing of several hours.

It sounds like your son wants to go to practice and in fact begs to go. Have you asked him why it is so important to him that he go to practice? I mean, obviously he likes gym- but what does he like about it?

All of this and what many others have said.

He needs some ice cream and some play dates at the park. And freaking Saturdays free. He is a little boy.

 

[sce]

It all came to a head yesterday. He was working front tuck on double mini. He would not focus on coaches words, which meant he wasn't making corrections. He was rolling around on the mat, then repeating the skill the exact same way. This was 1 on 1 with his coach. Things like this have been happening off and on for a few weeks (which I was not aware of). So his coach finally told us he won't compete below level 4, the front tuck is the level 4 skill so suggested/requested he take Monday off from team practice (originally suggested he could work with rec but I said no to that) and figure out if he's ready to work.

He had this skill and a front pike previously, then they started up training and things like this started happening.

Sounds like it is too much too soon for him. He does not sound ready for the team environment. Not as a punishment, but as others said, he is 5 and gym should be fun.

 

[Outlast]

If it were me, I would take a week “vacation” instead of a day and do some fun things during gym time, drop the extra practice for a while, and see if things improve. I would also stay and watch practice after coming back to evaluate what is going on from an adult’s perspective.

I remember having to sit my own DS out for a day at 5 for not listening properly (for his age). It’s all about respect and safety. But it sounds like your guy just has too many expectations on him.

 

[triplethreat+1]

I agree with what many have said above - his behavior is telling you he can't handle that much time in the gym (as expected-most 5 yr olds couldn't).
I also think you should have considered the coach's suggestion to do a class of rec. I think he's on to something there. Your son would probably benefit from being at the gym in a class with other kids closer to his own age and maturity level, where he can have more fun and less stress. In fact maybe it would be good to switch on of his three practices a week to the rec class to give him a break while still burning energy and progressing.
On a side note, I'm wondering about your statement that he feels he's letting the coach down. I have a very verbal and aware six yr old, but I can't imagine her saying something like that. "Coach is always annoyed at me" or "Coach is mad at me" sure, and she would be upset if told to miss a class, but it would take someone using that specific phrase for her to agree with or repeat.

 

[munchkin3]

My son has had a few rough days at the gym and was actually asked to miss Mondays practice as a 'reset and re focus day'. He is really bummed, I understand his coaches reasoning but my son is really bummed out. He knows he's making mistakes and letting his coach down. I really don't know what to tell him, how to handle this.

Any tips?

I would lift his spirit by walking into the gym and kicking the coach right where it counts (in front of your DS), then I would hand coach a stack of stickers or jelly beans and tell him to have the little ones focus on that......
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? 5 1/2????????????????????????????????????

He should be practicing MAX 3 days a week! holy cow!
I think the coach needs to stay home a day and figure out how to deal with 5 Year olds!!! Maybe read a book on teaching pre-schoolers??

and mom, sorry to be so cray cray, you should NOT be allowing him to BE in that environment nor should he be 'training' that amount at his age. he should be having NOTHING but fun.....You need to re examine what you are doing to your son and why you have him in that class.....

 

[MILgymFAM]

The (construct) of age limits is less of a thing in t&t. He’s got plenty of time. Maybe he really would have more fun in rec for awhile longer. It’s a rarity for a child that age to be ready for the focus of team practices- it does happen (we’ve seen it) but it’s not the norm at all. Does he have to be on the team track now or could it wait a year or two?

 

[sevenatenine2]

He is not developmentally ready to compete. I'm also the mother of a five year old who misbehaves in gymnastics class but really....they are too young. I know that there are kids who have done it before---but it really has to be a part of their personality to be compliant like that and that's just not many five year olds. Also, the skills that make him challenging to coach now may be helpful for him when he's older. Simone Biles used to have trouble focusing in practice. I suppose it worked out for her.

I'd let him to rec for another year, maybe even two.

 

[Midwestmommy]

He is a five year old boy. Reduce him for a while to 1 or 2 classes a week and spend Saturdays doing something fun with him like hiking, swimming, skiing, skating, chasing the dog around, whatever. Don't give up all that precious time with your little boy to someone else, he needs you!! This isn't a dress rehearsal, there is plenty of time later for high gym hours if he is passionate about it.

 

[gymdog]

How does trampoline and tumbling work? Why is a five year old doing a level where he has to do a front tuck? What are the rules?

Ultimately he is inconsistent on this skill because it is developmentally inappropriate for a 5 year old to do off a competition double mini. He should compete a lower level that has more appropriate skills.