Parents Looking for coping skills for girl drama - mixed ages

[JoyAvenueMom]

I looked through some older posts and can tell this has been an issue for many others. DD is new to her group of 6 girls. The ages are 7, 8, 10, 11, 12 and 15. DD is 8, and emotionally mature for her age. The group spends 12 hours per week training together. Since joining the group, DD no longer leaves gym talking about how much fun she had doing x. She now wants to talk about the conversations she is having and overhearing between the other girls. I won't describe this as crazy girl drama, just snippy, "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but..." or "so and so sometimes pretends to be hurt when we work on things she doesn't like". If DD was with a similar -age group, I think she could handle herself fine. However, she really looks up to these older girls, and it surprised her they could be anything less than nice to each other. I think she is mature enough to realize that if they talk about each other in secret, they are probably saying things about her, too. Overall, the older girls are supportive of DD and don't exclude her. I just can't think of another environment where she would spend so much time with pre-teen or teen girls and the "stuff" that comes with it. So far, I have simply told her not to take sides, don't gossip, and focus on what the coach expects you to be doing. I try to redirect our conversations, asking about her day at school, or her favorite activity during gym. I just wonder if I could do more to help her fit in without "joining in" the gossip and negative comments. Suggestions or empathy appreciated!

 

[monkeysmom]

I use a favorite quote from the late crusty old guy on 60 minutes: "I've found it wise to keep my words sweet and tender, because I will probably need to eat them one day." I say that to my daughter and her friends all the time---and then they look at me like I'm crazy.

 

[B&M's mom]

Been there. DD is finally with a group of girls her own age for the first time since she was in level 3.

You may want to talk to the coach(es) about keeping an ear on the conversations to make sure that they stay appropriate for someone your DD's age. I had that conversation with DD's coaches when she was grouped with high schoolers. The girls were really good about it but I knew that they would inevitably talk about subjects that weren't appropriate or just talk like high schoolers. The coaches monitored the situation but didn't intervene unless necessary. We got through it.

 

[bogwoppit]

My girls were always in very mixed age groups and the coach was very clear with the girls and split them up as much as possible and reminded them to be aware of who was listening. On the whole it was fine. The toughest years were when they were 11 and wanted to be able to hang with the 12-16 year olds in the other half of the group and not hanging with the baby 8-10 year olds. BUt my kids also go to a school that goes from k-11 and they spend two hours a day on the bus, they hear plenty that they shouldn't and have survived.

 

[Quadqueen]

I am right there with you. DD is 9 and the other girls in her level are 11-13. Not a huge difference, but the others are going through teen/tween drama and while DD is mature, she's not "there yet." No advice, just sympathy.