WAG Scratched meet - am I overreacting?

[gymjunkie]

IME, self-esteem drops when the child is allowed to compete at a level where they have no chance of placing - not when they are dropped down a level in order to do well.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

Ginger, actually, I think that b/c you have had issues with communication from coach; This is what I would do, I would definitely make the younger dd leave gym (if for a few months). She may have indeed some focus issues, either from being distracted or maybe it's a coach and gymnast thing. Let her go back when she begs(have a frank talk with her and explain to her that she is not going unless she listens and focuses) to go back and don't take her back to the same gym She is young enough, she will not suffer if she sits out of gymnastics for a few months. In the meantime, leave the other dd there.

 

[Mom2G&D]

Ginger, actually, I think that b/c you have had issues with communication from coach; This is what I would do, I would definitely make the younger dd leave gym (if for a few months). She may have indeed some focus issues, either from being distracted or maybe it's a coach and gymnast thing. Let her go back when she begs(have a frank talk with her and explain to her that she is not going unless she listens and focuses) to go back and don't take her back to the same gym She is young enough, she will not suffer if she sits out of gymnastics for a few months. In the meantime, leave the other dd there.


Why should the OP's YDD have to stay out of the gym? This is a communications issue brought on by the coaching staff. Coaches who are ADULTS - and who, as professionals, should know better. From the child's perspective, that action would feel like punishment for something that was outside of her control. I'd let her stay and start looking ASAP for a better environment for both the girls and the family!

 

[skschlag]

I find several things about his very odd. One, when my son has had trouble connecting with a coach, we have encouraged him to do a private, as has the coach. It was a chance for the 2 of them to get to know one another and work together. IMO it is the coaches' job to build that relationship, and that relationship has been cut down by the adults.

Kids are hard; and no 2 kids are alike. The adults need to be able to work with different personalities. My ds is notorious for NOT making corrections when given. To the point that the coach was frustrated. The coach requested some 1:1 time with him, and in that learned that DS just needs TIME to process the correction, and usually the correction shows up later. Had the coach gone the other way, I have no doubts that D would have left the sport.

I think a meeting is in order to figure this out, and a gym switch if necessary. Your dd may be tough, but she is a kid. Seh can only improve her behavior when given the respect and teaching from the adults in her life. Kicking her out and refusing to work with her is not doing that. (I find that making them sit and watch for a few minutes is way better at refocusing than kicking out of practice.)

Good luck!

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

Ginger, actually, I think that b/c you have had issues with communication from coach; This is what I would do, I would definitely make the younger dd leave gym (if for a few months). She may have indeed some focus issues, either from being distracted or maybe it's a coach and gymnast thing. Let her go back when she begs(have a frank talk with her and explain to her that she is not going unless she listens and focuses) to go back and don't take her back to the same gym She is young enough, she will not suffer if she sits out of gymnastics for a few months. In the meantime, leave the other dd there.


Why should the OP's YDD have to stay out of the gym? This is a communications issue brought on by the coaching staff. Coaches who are ADULTS - and who, as professionals, should know better. From the child's perspective, that action would feel like punishment for something that was outside of her control. I'd let her stay and start looking ASAP for a better environment for both the girls and the family!

Actually, it's not a punishment per se, my thinking is that the mother of the child already know that there is a problem with the child. She is Not able to focus and make corrections. We can only assume things, from the information that I have read, it would be interest of ALL parties involved if she sits out for a season. Because if they go to a new gym now, it's not a guarantee that they will let them compete. Second, it is not a punishment to the little one, it's more of a test if she really wants it(it's up to the parents how they want to explain it to her, she doesn't have to take anything we say as verbatim, everyone should know how to handle their children when it comes to sensitive matters such as this), it's a punishment to leave her with a coach who doesn't want to take the time and effort to coach her correctly(I'm assuming), thirdly, Ginger's ydd is only 8 and already in level 4, she does have some kind of talent and it wouldn't hurt her to sit out for a season. Moreover Ginger has two other children competing and dropping the third would relieve some of her time also.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

P.S. it is a punishment to any child if you make them do stuff that they really don't want to do, and at 8, the child may not be ready or may not know how to tell mom and dad sooooo many things, including, how they feel about gymnastics or the coach.

 

[veganmami]

First of all, I am so sorry that the HC is lacking in her communication style. That makes things super tense in a relationship that is already an intense one. Its so frustrating as a parent because there are so many factors that make up the parental relationship with the coach. As a parent we want our children to succeed and we want to protect their ego. We have this person (the coach) that we intrust our children to for so many hours a week and we have certain expectations. Then there's the money factor which is huge to so many because, just speaking for me, I have made sooooo many sacrifices just to keep my daughter in this expensive sport. There is a level of thinking that "the coach is always right" and "the coach has my child's best interest at heart" which in most cases is true, but if there isn't a level of trust there between the parent and the coach, I can see how this could make me (the parent) feel as if the other two statements were wrong.

To me, respect needs to be earned. This doesn't apply to just the coach/gymnast relationship, but to the parent/coach relationship as well. Many times, IMO, I feel coaches forget about this relationship and only see the coach/gymnast relationship. It sounds like your gym has forgotten about this important relationship. Prehaps they need reminded? Even if you take a stand and they are less than responsive then I would take your busniess elsewhere. You are an important part of the puzzle and for them to completely disregard you, I would be looking somewhere else.

 

[Ginger]

P.S. it is a punishment to any child if you make them do stuff that they really don't want to do, and at 8, the child may not be ready or may not know how to tell mom and dad sooooo many things, including, how they feel about gymnastics or the coach.

That's what I am trying to figure out at this point. With all the training hours and costs, gymnastics is our lifestyle and if we pull her out, she would be basically left out, so it wouldn't be fair to her. But if it is her wish... I keep asking her if she wants continue in gymnastics and she keeps responding yes, with no hesitation.

 

[profmom]

Does she want to continue in gymnastics because she loves the sport and is excited to advance in it, or because she wants the familial investment and attention that come along with it? I know this can be a bit difficult to figure out with an 8 year old, and my son (the younger of my two gymnasts) definitely started with gym because he saw the attention his big sis was getting. But now I can say for sure that he totally owns it for the intrinsic delight the sport provides to him. He would walk over hot coals to get to practice. Would your daughter?

 

[Midwestmommy]

Remember though that this is a kids sport, not the parent's lifestyle. Playing the devils advocate, but all the talk of leaving the gym or pulling her out seems like an emotional reaction. If you are OK with her competing Level 3 or having her not compete 4 until she is ready, then she will be OK with it.

When I get frustrated with something like this, I tend to just spend less time at gym and tell her whatever happens she should enjoy and I am proud of her. But I would ask the coaches for better communication. However, I would not question their decisions about scratching a meet or which level she should compete. Because I do trust their coaching. That's kind of the bottom line. If you trust their coaching then you maybe need to get a little less emotionally involved (I know that's hard), and help you daughter keep perspective. If you don't trust their coaching, then you should look around because while no gym will be perfect you need to be able to trust them. My daughter has had to scratch a meet. I told her to put a smile on her face, put on her warmups and go cheer on her team--and that in the scheme of things and her life goals, this is just a tiny blip. I used it as a teachable moment. In life (her job, school, loss we all eventually experience, etc) there are going to be disappointments along the way and how to deal with them is one of the things she is learning in this crazy sport. Her smile the next meet when she did compete was huge.

My advice, if you trust the coaching, safety, and that they care about your kid.... Drop her off, go get a coffee and get mama a new pair of boots or something. Go for a walk. Go work out. It's a kids sport, it's not that big of a deal. I know it's hard when it's so time-consuming and expensive, but remember the big picture.... Your daughter is going to be a mom, teacher, business person, whatever..... some day. She won't be a gymnast when she is 30, but hopefully the sport will give her lots of lessons to bring into her life whatever she pursues...

 

[Anna's_Mom]

Is rec an option at your gy

 

[sce]

Wow, this thread has gone all over the place. I do feel this meet was handled poorly. Whether or not the coaches knew they might scratch her, you as the parent did not. As well, does your dd understand what they are expecting from her that is missing? I would ask or a meeting and discuss these issues with them. As well, ask them to be clear about their plan for her. Level 3 might be best, if she is having trouble doing the level 4 skills and dance with proper form. Gymnastics is not about chucking skills, but performing them well.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

Maybe she would be happier doing gym just for fun, without the pressure if coach and competition.

 

[flippin out]

Remember though that this is a kids sport, not the parent's lifestyle. Playing the devils advocate, but all the talk of leaving the gym or pulling her out seems like an emotional reaction. If you are OK with her competing Level 3 or having her not compete 4 until she is ready, then she will be OK with it.

When I get frustrated with something like this, I tend to just spend less time at gym and tell her whatever happens she should enjoy and I am proud of her. But I would ask the coaches for better communication. However, I would not question their decisions about scratching a meet or which level she should compete. Because I do trust their coaching. That's kind of the bottom line. If you trust their coaching then you maybe need to get a little less emotionally involved (I know that's hard), and help you daughter keep perspective. If you don't trust their coaching, then you should look around because while no gym will be perfect you need to be able to trust them. My daughter has had to scratch a meet. I told her to put a smile on her face, put on her warmups and go cheer on her team--and that in the scheme of things and her life goals, this is just a tiny blip. I used it as a teachable moment. In life (her job, school, loss we all eventually experience, etc) there are going to be disappointments along the way and how to deal with them is one of the things she is learning in this crazy sport. Her smile the next meet when she did compete was huge.

My advice, if you trust the coaching, safety, and that they care about your kid.... Drop her off, go get a coffee and get mama a new pair of boots or something. Go for a walk. Go work out. It's a kids sport, it's not that big of a deal. I know it's hard when it's so time-consuming and expensive, but remember the big picture.... Your daughter is going to be a mom, teacher, business person, whatever..... some day. She won't be a gymnast when she is 30, but hopefully the sport will give her lots of lessons to bring into her life whatever she pursues...

Agree with this whole post.....very well said. And the BOLD ( That's kind of the bottom line. If you trust their coaching then you maybe need to get a little less emotionally involved (I know that's hard), and help you daughter keep perspective. If you don't trust their coaching, then you should look around because while no gym will be perfect you need to be able to trust them.) is also the bottom line for me as well.

 

[SignHere]

Agree with this whole post.....very well said. And the BOLD ( That's kind of the bottom line. If you trust their coaching then you maybe need to get a little less emotionally involved (I know that's hard), and help you daughter keep perspective. If you don't trust their coaching, then you should look around because while no gym will be perfect you need to be able to trust them.) is also the bottom line for me as well.

Flippin out summed up the essence of the OP's problem.... NOT the scratched meet .... But the fact that the OP obviously does not trust the coach. Regardless of what she says.

I don't know that OP is too emotionally involved, but she does need to help her YDD get perspective. It doesn't really matter what the problem is, just that there is a problem and YDD is not, in coaches' eyes, ready for Level 4.

OP is not the first gym mom to want both her kids in the same level for the sake of convenience. But, odds are, this won't be the last year that both girls will be different levels. Of the 6 years my DD has been in gymnastics, my older DD was in gymnastics for 4 years overlapping, they practiced in the same day/ time for 2 years and had maybe 2 meets where they were in the same session ( compulsories in our region are divided by age and their ages always seemed to be in different sessions).

 

[flippin out]

Flippin out summed up the essence of the OP's problem.... NOT the scratched meet .... But the fact that the OP obviously does not trust the coach. Regardless of what she says.
).

Thanks, but I can't take credit.....I was quoting from Midwestmommy . She is the one who phrased it so well, I was agreeing with her. It really comes down to whether the OP trusts the coaches or not. If there is no trust, that is a deal breaker for me.