WAG Should I just back away or push her? Time crunch help!!

[AWGym]

Some of you were active in my last thread about L3 YDD developing a fear of her robhs suddenly after she *thought* she heard someone behind her and stopped mid flip and landed on her back. Since then, she's been scared to go for the bhs.

My last thread was about how the coach was willing to let her pause between skills and just do a round-off rebound STOP, standing bhs. Just to get her qualified for State since she has scratched floor at every meet. We did a private with her floor coach 2 days before her meet and I thought it was going really well. YDD did many standing bhs by herself and 3 connected robhs on floor by herself! YDD was so happy and proud of herself. Well, then she was off practice the next day and then the following day was her meet. Got to floor and wouldn't go for it. YDD uses the excuse that her coach wouldn't spot her on any during warm up and so she was scared to do the first one by herself. Anyway, she ended up scratching floor.

We have a meet this Saturday (2/6), and it is her last chance at qualifying for State (her L3 State meet is the first weekend of March). YDD is the ONLY girl on her L3 team who hasn't qualified, and it really upsets her. The problem is, YDD could actually be one of the most competitive girls in her squad because she averages a 9.4 on the other events and continually wins beam and bars at most meets.

I talked her her coach after practice on Monday and she said that she's run out of ideas in what to do, and that's really discouraging to hear. The gym has a "No Spot at Meets" rule, so that is out of the question. Also, the gym has a rule of having every skill in order to compete that event, so she can't just omit the bhs. I asked her coach what would happen next year if she doesn't end up competing the bhs and she told me that she would have to repeat the level. YDD would be CRUSHED if all her friends moved up into another workout group and she was stuck behind with the pre-teamers coming up.

At this point I don't know what to do. Should I just let her go out there and not compete floor and watch her be devastated afterwards when she realizes she's a) not going to State and b) staying behind next season? Or should I try and push her and talk her through it. I don't know what to do . This darn bhs has caused a lot of tears and stress in our household. And lots of tears on the way home from meets after not being in the AA.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

There's really nothing you can do but be supportive and let her figure it out on her own. It's a very delicate situation and I'm sure her coaches are doing whatever they can to help her. Adding pressure from you is likely going to have the opposite effect.... In the long run, it's not going to matter if she makes it the L3 states or not. It's not going to matter if she ends up repeating L3 or not. Sure, it won't be fun, but it is what it is and important lessons will be learned from it.
DD was the only one on her L4 team that didn't qualify for States. She was heartbroken but still managed to be supportive and encouraging to her teammates (proud mama moment!). Your gyms rules sound a lot like ours, no spotting and no omitting skills. I hope this resolves itself soon!! Will they let her move to L4 next year provided she gets over this block (meaning does she have to obtain a certain score in this level first)? Or if she can get this figured out and move on to performing the skills, she can move with the rest of her peers?
It's so, so difficult to do but sit back, be supportive and let her coaches handle it. It has to come from HER and they can help her with it better in practice.

 

[chalkbowl]

Or should I try and push her and talk her through it.

I know how hard it is to be a coach in this positions so I really feel for all parents that go through this with an athlete If she has knowledge that not doing this skill means she won't get to compete floor and won't qualify to states, she's likely already putting stress on herself to make herself do the skill. Any talking or conjouling on your part isn't going to make a difference...

Although she will be crushed to repeat a season, it's likely inevitable and the best case scenario since she needs two back handsprings for next season. Does the gym typically move up all athletes as one group? If not it's possible she will still have a teammate or two repeating the level with her next year.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

let it go. don't talk about it. but keep me posted how it progresses.

 

[Gymmommy71]

If she's averaging 9.4 on the other events she'd probably only need a 5 or 6 on floor to qualify for States (not sure what the required score is in your state, but a 5.8 would get a 34 which I doubt it's more than that). Shame your gym won't spot her or let her omit cause if she does all the other stuff well I bet she'd get what she needs even w/ the spot or missed skill deduction - their decision is what's keeping her from states and buying more time for her to get over her issues this season, not the qualification rules.

Regardless if she goes to states or not, do you really think the gym would hold her back making her repeat L3 assuming she gets over her fears in a month or two and has all the skills for L4? That would be really strict and unneccessary - sounds like your DD has a lot of talent to be getting 9.4's on beam and bars. That would be the bigger issue than going to the state meet IMO - it's just another meet and in the long run it won't matter much.

If this were my kid I'd be more frustrated w/ the gyms rules than my DD, but that's how a lot of gyms roll. Not much you can do at this point for this season but accept their policy and be supportive/but not pressuring to your DD - I wouldn't even tell her what the gym said about the repeating L3 stuff cause it could make her even more upset/affraid.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Oh, and sorry.... Crying over scores or not placing would not be OK with me. My gymmie hardly EVER places on anything (lacking focus on form!) but crying about it would get one response and one response only from me "only one person can change that:you". You really want to get her out of focusing on placing or scores. Sure it's fun to be on the podium but the personal victories are so much more important. Being frustrated with oneself because of not performing ones own goals is acceptable (then "you do something about it, work harder in practice etc, and also, things happen. It's just a moment in time. So today you fell on the BHS on beam. It happens. You will do better next time!" )
Being frustrated about not having an AA score is understandable, but there's really only one answer to that. Practice and compete all events. Just let her vent and tell her it will be fine in the end, it will come when she's ready and you're not worried about it.

 

[Flounder]

Why do gyms have no spotting rules?

 

[balancedmom]

My DD has struggled with fears and blocks consistently at almost every level. While she usually pulls it out and ends up doing the skills just in the nick of time, I have learned that when I push her it does not help. In fact, it stresses her out more. Your daughter is early in L3 and there is a long road ahead-- she will hopefully eventually get over the block and be able to do the skill. Even if she doesn't make states....good luck to you and your DD

 

[Deleted member D3987]

false sense of security. non-spotting methodology works best and works best over time.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

My opinion would be that you absolutely 100% need to let it go. And this is coming from someone who had been in your shoes. Everyone, you, the coach, everyone needs to back off of her. A mental block is like an injury and should be treated as such, no matter how silly the reason seems to us. My dd lost hers b/c a fellow teammate told her she was going to break her neck after she did a sloppy BHS. I, too, pressured my dd into getting her BHS back, and it made things MUCH worse. I learned the hard way. It was a YEAR later and at a new gym that she finally felt confident enough to try it again. Repeating a level is not the end of the world, most gymmies have to do it at some point, sometimes multiple times. It's not a race. Most parents I know who's gymmies had to repeat a level said it was the BEST thing for them. If a BHS is freaking her out, how do you think she will react to having to do a double BHS in level 4? I realize she will be disappointed, but the chances of staying with the same training group for the next few years is unrealistic anyway. Some girls will have to repeat, some girls will drop out, some girls will go to another sport. Don't stress about this meet. If she wants to try the BHS she will let her coach know, otherwise let her scratch and repeat the level. She will be a stronger gymnast for it in the the long run, and the long run is really what matters not just the short term.

 

[gymdog]

I think the only thing you need to do is be encouraging and positive about possibly not going to states and doing level 3 next year. Kids take their cues from the parents. Point out the positives when she brings them up and avoid anything negative ("if you don't do it you'll be left back with the preteamers). She is still young and if she needs that extra time to get it, she will be stronger for it.

 

[my4buffaloes]

If the gym really won't let her compete level 4 next year if she doesn't compete the BHS now then she needs to know now the consequences of not doing it.

 

[kmc]

My DD developed a fear of the BT after doing a ROBHSBT where she wasn't focused and forgot what she was doing in the air and ended landing on her back. She was fine, but it scared her. Like others have said, we backed off these past 6 months, and she will do them from time to time in practice (and she had it beautifully for a year before the fall), but desperately wants to do them in competition (even though a ROBHSBHS would be fine), but gets scared. So, her coach will go out on the floor and just stand there, "just in case". As long as the coach does not touch her, it is not a deduction. This is for Xcel Gold, but I am thinking it is also the case in Level 3? If it is, would the gym allow that? It really wouldn't be a spot, since she wouldn't plan to touch DD (or only touch DD if she is going to fall).

 

[Musicmama]

Back off.

I would also let her know that you're proud of her no matter what happens at the upcoming meet. Your unconditional support should help in the long run (even if she scratches floor) and pushing her has the potential to backfire badly.

 

[ROMfan]

So.... What happens at this last meet if she goes and does floor...maybe she goes for it being in a competition. And worst case, if she balks, well--as others have said she doesn't need a very high score to qualify states. Even if she omits the skill during the routine, she would still do well overall

Tell your kid get out there and do her floor. If she does the skill she does it; if she doesn't she doesn't. But the scratching nonsense when she is perfectly capable of a level 3 routine and not injured is silly. I mean, seriously, if she says she is ready to go and balks last minute it's not like the coach can do much about it....no one knows if her intent is to throw it or not. So if she says she's ready they have to "let" her do floor.

And like I said--being she IS capable of the skill maybe the performing in front of people nudges her into throwing it. I wouldn't say this if she couldn't do the skill but she can do it

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

That (above) might work IF her gym isn't like ours.... The gymmies have to show the coaches consistent safe routines before being allowed to compete them. No showing consistent, safe routines with all elements during the week leading up to a meet=scratching that event at the meet. Coaches decision and not up for discussion.

 

[gymdog]

So.... What happens at this last meet if she goes and does floor...maybe she goes for it being in a competition. And worst case, if she balks, well--as others have said she doesn't need a very high score to qualify states. Even if she omits the skill during the routine, she would still do well overall

Tell your kid get out there and do her floor. If she does the skill she does it; if she doesn't she doesn't. But the scratching nonsense when she is perfectly capable of a level 3 routine and not injured is silly. I mean, seriously, if she says she is ready to go and balks last minute it's not like the coach can do much about it....no one knows if her intent is to throw it or not. So if she says she's ready they have to "let" her do floor.

And like I said--being she IS capable of the skill maybe the performing in front of people nudges her into throwing it. I wouldn't say this if she couldn't do the skill but she can do it

Worst case is she freezes up or even worse balks midway through the skill and lands on her back/neck completely cementing her fear and/or injuring herself. So, it's not really "silly."

She will get it in due time. Until then, take the pressure off. Competing at this states or doing a few more months of level 3 won't matter in the long run.

 

[NutterButter]

Tell your kid get out there and do her floor. If she does the skill she does it; if she doesn't she doesn't. But the scratching nonsense when she is perfectly capable of a level 3 routine and not injured is silly. I mean, seriously, if she says she is ready to go and balks last minute it's not like the coach can do much about it....no one knows if her intent is to throw it or not. So if she says she's ready they have to "let" her do floor.

Um, but that's just it...she CAN'T do it. It's unsafe to put her in a higher pressure situation of a meet and expect her to throw it when she's been unable to do so in practice and the other meet. The scratching 'nonsense' is for her own safety. (I really, really want to borrow a line from Dunno.)

 

[wgagym]

So.... What happens at this last meet if she goes and does floor...maybe she goes for it being in a competition. And worst case, if she balks, well--as others have said she doesn't need a very high score to qualify states. Even if she omits the skill during the routine, she would still do well overall

Tell your kid get out there and do her floor. If she does the skill she does it; if she doesn't she doesn't. But the scratching nonsense when she is perfectly capable of a level 3 routine and not injured is silly. I mean, seriously, if she says she is ready to go and balks last minute it's not like the coach can do much about it....no one knows if her intent is to throw it or not. So if she says she's ready they have to "let" her do floor.

And like I said--being she IS capable of the skill maybe the performing in front of people nudges her into throwing it. I wouldn't say this if she couldn't do the skill but she can do it

I would not suggest undermining your child's coaches. If she goes out there and balks in a meet it could make the problem even worse. your coaches have this rule for a reason and that needs to be respected.

I would be livid if I found out a parent told their child to go out there and try and if they balk no big deal if I had told them otherwise. plus the fact that it is dangerous for your child. What if she try's to throw it and bails halfway through the skill.

 

[Gymmommy71]

See, my opinion is that the coaches should just spot her or let her do a planned omit of the skill so she can at least go to states. She may get a few medals on the individual events at states if she's getting scores like 9.4's. If she can get the required qualification AA score w/o the skill, did she still not technically qualify the same as a kid w/ is doing all 4 events and getting scores much lower than 9.4's on vault, beam and bars? This kid also sounds like she'd have more success at states than kids who are getting low 8's on all 4 events too cause she'd at least get some event awards when they likely won't.

I'm a parent and not a coach though so my opinion may be more emotional imagining this was my kid and not forward thinking/best for her long term gymnastics development. But us parents can be like this a lot of the time .

All that said, the gym's policy is what it is, so unfortunately you have to just suck it up and deal with it. Many gymnasts miss states every year for various reasons and their careers continue on, so in the long run it won't be as big of a deal as it seems now.

I agree that having her say she can do it when she's not going to or can't is not the way to go. It's not safe if she tries it and freaks out and it's not honest for her to tell her coaches she's going to when she has no intention of doing it.