So, this post may be an overdose of my personality, sorry it's long. I'm pretty amped still after the shenanigans of tonight. More so because it's been building over time. No matter how directly I identify and then (try to) solve a problem, it's just never fixed. I have explaining to do tomorrow, so I guess I'll call this practice at how to get across what I want to without too much emotion.
Originally, the boss where I am screamed at people over stuff. This was done twice to me. I was not pleased. As much as I wanted to rage back, I waited, dealt with it later in private, all was well. I can't convey online how much screaming at me will not get the best from me. When I was 15, my mom tried to yell (not even scream) at me and I got out of the car and walked 10 miles home when we hit a stop light. I have ended both friendships and relationships over raised voices. Whether this is smart/acceptable/healthy or not, I don't really know. It's just part of how I am. I don't scream, don't scream at me, we'll all be happy. It was a pretty big deal to me to be able to get past that without walking right out the door basically.
What the screaming was over was something I could not help this boss with fully. It's VERY frustrating, because I'm a fan of knowing what my responsibilities are. I also find security in accountability, expectations are not scary. I expressed that I would do absolutely everything I could to make sure things were done in the way that was requested; but also added that the process in question was handled by multiple people. I would not be able to take full responsibility for it from beginning to end, so leave it all up to me or skip the sacrificial lamb act. It was never fully resolved, and my attempts to resolve it were always brushed aside.
I have repeatedly asked for autonomy because of this. I don't like interdependence to the degree it is where I am. That's not to say I don't like to collaborate, I LOVE that. There have been decisions lately that have been made by my peers, not my boss. That I'm okay with, but when they affect me to a large degree I want to be a part of that process. I got to find out the day they were going into effect. Pretty awesome. When I asked why this was, I got apologies rather than an explanation. It was literally 2 seconds before the start of the class, so there was no time for anything else.
Tonight, sigh...our boss was out. I ended up doing more than 1 person was supposed to be doing because the person who was working with me was talking to another coach. One of the things I got screamed at before was this. I wasn't doing the talking either at the time, I was actually doing the same thing I was tonight. I asked the coach to come over really quickly so I could set up floor stations. He flipped out, yelled at me to spread the kids out and warm them up, and then went back to talking to the other coach. The kids were pretty shocked, I decided to do everything myself and handle it later.
At the end of class I had to talk to parents about moving their kids up, so I did that. Come back in, the same coach starts flipping out about me leaving the mats out we used for floor. I mean yelling, hands flying everywhere, just being ridiculous. The kicker is he doesn't speak English that well, so when I told him I was talking to parents he just continued ranting. I apologized for cutting into his conversation time and that he had to be bothered to move one mat on top of another. I was extremely angry at this point. One of the ladies in the front office saw this exchange, I told her I was done, wrote up my 2 week notice. If the kicker is this coach not speaking English too well, then the real gobsmacker is this guy is friends with the owner. I want nothing to do with getting between those two because the only outcome is badness for me.
So basically I refuse to be ignored now. I need autonomy. I can't handle someone impeding my job as my boss expects it to be done. I need to know that nobody is going to be allowed to just run around screaming at people, especially in front of the kids. I'm pretty sure there will be drama tomorrow. It's sad because I love what I do still, and this is an excellent gym. I'm going to hate going but writing this out has been cathartic. I can't have gymnastics be joyless drudgery where I'm looking over my shoulder at the chaos instead of focusing on the sport and the art of it. Part of me thinks I wanted to this gym to affirm I'm a good coach, which is backwards and pretty dumb actually. I was good before I came, and I won't be worse for leaving if it comes to that. Wish me luck...
Originally, the boss where I am screamed at people over stuff. This was done twice to me. I was not pleased. As much as I wanted to rage back, I waited, dealt with it later in private, all was well. I can't convey online how much screaming at me will not get the best from me. When I was 15, my mom tried to yell (not even scream) at me and I got out of the car and walked 10 miles home when we hit a stop light. I have ended both friendships and relationships over raised voices. Whether this is smart/acceptable/healthy or not, I don't really know. It's just part of how I am. I don't scream, don't scream at me, we'll all be happy. It was a pretty big deal to me to be able to get past that without walking right out the door basically.
What the screaming was over was something I could not help this boss with fully. It's VERY frustrating, because I'm a fan of knowing what my responsibilities are. I also find security in accountability, expectations are not scary. I expressed that I would do absolutely everything I could to make sure things were done in the way that was requested; but also added that the process in question was handled by multiple people. I would not be able to take full responsibility for it from beginning to end, so leave it all up to me or skip the sacrificial lamb act. It was never fully resolved, and my attempts to resolve it were always brushed aside.
I have repeatedly asked for autonomy because of this. I don't like interdependence to the degree it is where I am. That's not to say I don't like to collaborate, I LOVE that. There have been decisions lately that have been made by my peers, not my boss. That I'm okay with, but when they affect me to a large degree I want to be a part of that process. I got to find out the day they were going into effect. Pretty awesome. When I asked why this was, I got apologies rather than an explanation. It was literally 2 seconds before the start of the class, so there was no time for anything else.
Tonight, sigh...our boss was out. I ended up doing more than 1 person was supposed to be doing because the person who was working with me was talking to another coach. One of the things I got screamed at before was this. I wasn't doing the talking either at the time, I was actually doing the same thing I was tonight. I asked the coach to come over really quickly so I could set up floor stations. He flipped out, yelled at me to spread the kids out and warm them up, and then went back to talking to the other coach. The kids were pretty shocked, I decided to do everything myself and handle it later.
At the end of class I had to talk to parents about moving their kids up, so I did that. Come back in, the same coach starts flipping out about me leaving the mats out we used for floor. I mean yelling, hands flying everywhere, just being ridiculous. The kicker is he doesn't speak English that well, so when I told him I was talking to parents he just continued ranting. I apologized for cutting into his conversation time and that he had to be bothered to move one mat on top of another. I was extremely angry at this point. One of the ladies in the front office saw this exchange, I told her I was done, wrote up my 2 week notice. If the kicker is this coach not speaking English too well, then the real gobsmacker is this guy is friends with the owner. I want nothing to do with getting between those two because the only outcome is badness for me.
So basically I refuse to be ignored now. I need autonomy. I can't handle someone impeding my job as my boss expects it to be done. I need to know that nobody is going to be allowed to just run around screaming at people, especially in front of the kids. I'm pretty sure there will be drama tomorrow. It's sad because I love what I do still, and this is an excellent gym. I'm going to hate going but writing this out has been cathartic. I can't have gymnastics be joyless drudgery where I'm looking over my shoulder at the chaos instead of focusing on the sport and the art of it. Part of me thinks I wanted to this gym to affirm I'm a good coach, which is backwards and pretty dumb actually. I was good before I came, and I won't be worse for leaving if it comes to that. Wish me luck...