Parents Speaking of crazy parents: There is a mom at dd's gym

[Canadian_gym_mom]

by all appearances she is totally normal, her 2 daughters are in gym and she's a fitness instructor/phys. ed. teacher. Very pleasant to speak to, nothing out of the ordinary.

I found out the other day her true side when it comes to gym. Her older daughter is not allowed to place lower than bronze at any meet. If she does, she is punished. She was grounded for 2 weeks from everything but gymnastics and school last year when she received a "merit" score in one event. (Scoring for 7-8 year olds is different here, there is a range of points, and you get either a gold, silver, bronze or merit seal for each of the events plus all around)

She TOLD the coaches that her dd was to compete a level for another year until she received all gold seals. She regularly loses privileges like tv and has her toys taken away for not doing well enough at practices as well.

I was literally in tears when I heard this. That poor little girl.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

OMG, how sad for the girl!!! I can't even imagine how this child must have a huge knot in her stomach everytime she goes to compete, thinking she will be grounded for something!

 

[UnoMas]

ugh. That makes me a little sick to my stomach for everyone involved.

 

[Bella's Mom]

How do you know this? Did she tell you this?

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

How do you know this? Did she tell you this?

She told her daughter in front of everyone to "remember, gold is all that we want" or something to that effect. When I walked away to avoid saying anything, I asked with other parents that have been at the gym longer and they told me the whole situation and all the other details. Apparently she is not ashamed of it either.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

at least she isn't trying to push her through the levels too quickly : 0

ok, now that my smart alec remark is out of the way, yikes. that poor child. I cannot imagine how she must feel going into every meet. ugh, sickening. my child is told to have fun & do her best. I expect no more / no less. If her best is last place that day, that is fine with me.

 

[sportyspice]

That is soooo sad, sounds like emotional abuse for the poor child. Are her coaches aware of this situation? Maybe they could do a "parent info" meeting about encouraging your child in a positive manner! I wonder if this negative parenting behaviour is present in all aspects of her life, school/social?

 

[gymgal]

Wow! that's over the top! But if you think about it, many parents do this for school grades too. Get all A's and B's or no sports, tv, outside time, etc. I don't agree with that either. But I'm sure a lot of parents feel that with all the money and time they spend on gym, they expect results, especially if they know their child is capable.

 

[bookworm]

We have a set of parents like that in our gym too..they are from Romania so I don't know if they think this is normal here but...their daughter did awful at one meet so they grounded her from everything BUT school and gym and the father never set foot in the gym again for anything! never picked her up or dropped her off at practice , never came to another meet! She's in high school so I worry about her ...she's generally a mediocre performer (AA 32 if she's lucky, maybe an occasional 34) and I think that's what she is capable of but her parents don't want to hear that so that's what's sad about it...

 

[Bella's Mom]

I think that it's admirable that her parents are holding her to high expectations, and I hope that extends to all areas of her life (behavior, academics, etc.). I do have to question the effectiveness of their means though. I don't think it is the best technique to put that much pressure on a child. I mean, I get that there are high stakes performances (major comps, ACT/SAT/GRE, etc.) but I have to wonder if they are destroying their child rather than teaching her how to give her best to succeed.

Without knowing the family dynamics, it's hard to say what's totally going on here. Bella has actually put into place her own punishments for not meeting her own expectations. She tells me things like, she isn't going to watch television unless she meets all of her goals for the day. She will make lists: stretch for 15 minutes, 50 push ups, 20 pullups, etc. And if she doesn't check off each one, she won't let herself watch TV.

For whatever reason, that kind of motivation is something that works for her. I didn't instill that in her, because I'm not a very punitive parent. Perhaps this child is similar and having privileges revoked is effective without being damaging. It's hard to say if you're not in the home.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

Wow that girl is being set up to HATE gymnastics!

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

Just thought I'd give a little update. DD was training in another group in the summer, but has moved up to train with the Provincial girls starting yesterday. This little girl is training the same time as her now. Well I noticed she was really struggling since the last I saw her before the summer. Her dad was at the gym and I said hi and then asked where his wife was.

Get this.

She refuses to bring or pick up her daughter right now because she has lost her back walkover on the beam and isn't vaulting well. When she gets her skills back she will resume picking up her dd from the gym.

And he said it so matter-of-fact like it was totally normal.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

I was going to say something. but really, there is just nothing to say to that. flabergasted.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Wow that girl is being set up to HATE gymnastics!

or her mother...mommie dearest...

 

[lhmom]

I see alot of therapy in this girl's future. Poor kid! I can only imagine this mom's reponse when her kid gets injured.

 

[Coacharella]

Ontario Canada....hmmmph
This seems too close to home

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

I wish there was some kind of rule about this, that gyms could step in. But these sorts of parents will just take their chequebooks and leave, there will always be a gym who will take them if they'll pay. And while all these crazy things fall under emotional and psychological abuse, in the eyes of the law it's considered personal parenting choices and it's absolutely fine. These poor, poor girls. I think the worst part is thinking about how it must spill into all the other aspects of their lives, school, friendships, other activities...