Parents typical 7.5 year old attitude?

[emorymom]

I'm posting this here rather than a general parenting forum because you guys understand high commitment activities.

DD 7.5 does dance also among many other activities and only does two days a week in the gym. (She is home schooled and above age grade so she is well rested, sleeps until she wakes up, can nap if needed and has loads of free time most days.) Her teacher expects her three times a week and toward the end of the year, they are working very hard for the big show so she is going 2hoursx3. In addition her teacher has been prepping a solo DD wanted to do with her so for the last few weeks she's been coming about a half-hour early. The solo thing comes and goes but basically about 2x a year she is coming early for private time many days. And in addition sometimes DD chooses to come more hours to help with the baby classes.

OK -- the last couple of months, she has been alternating between asking to quit dance because it is too much work, and being wildly enthusiastic and wanting to go more. She is all about the show, and less about barre work and, frankly, practice, though she is not a natural and like most girls needs to work for her show.

Is this the age, or am I looking at ten more years of this? LOL

Mostly venting here...

I do get a little of this in other activities lately, but mostly dance. I am hoping it is a short lived phase. I do not mind if DD quits anything she truly does not value, but it's tiring as a mom to have her say she wants to quit things she clearly does value, and are good for her, and doesn't really want to quit. I am definitely not the mom who will make her child stick with dance or gym; on the other hand, it's a bit much for a 7 year old to appreciate that we go through rough patches (or rough five minutes) in learning any discipline and that the good stuff is still coming.

Example:

DD -- I want to quit dance. It is too much work. Me: OK, you can quit after the recital (in four weeks). But not before; that's not fair at this point to the others. DD -- OK now take me for my solo rehearsal. Me: You are not going to ask your teacher to prepare you to solo outside her program if you are planning to quit on her after the recital. She is making an investment in you for free and you don't take advantage of that if you are quitting. DD -- OK I won't quit.

DD -- I don't want to do the dance intensive. It's too much work. Me: Oh, that's fine. I prefer you be able to keep up with your studies, and there won't be time for you to do your home schooling those weeks if you are in dance intensive. [Lessons, done properly, take about 90 minutes + 15 minutes of piano. Dance intensive is four hours a day for three weeks.] DD -- Uh ... maybe I do want to do the dance intensive.

 

[cher062]

sounds like a normal Kid to me. They all do this I don't care what age they are.

 

[maddiemei]

It's the age. My 7.5 year old does the exact same thing. She loves gym. She loves being there and everything, but she hates conditioning and that's all they are doing right now. I've gotten major attitude over the last couple of weeks about going. It's not just gym that she throws the attitude at. She is 7.5 going on 16. I know it's just her age, but it can be very frustrating.

 

[emorymom]

So pay more attention to "I want to quit" at what age?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

sounds like a normal Kid to me. They all do this I don't care what age they are.

that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

[Kiwi]

My 8 year old DD is the same. She wanted to quit earlier this year after a couple of 'bad' practices. Lately she is loving it as they are putting their floor routine to music and it's like dancing to her.

I think one of the reasons they are like this is because our brains believe that however we feel right now is permanent. It has taken me a lot of my adult life to learn that feelings are temporary and have the patience to get through a bad patch. I would say very few young kids have that kind of understanding, so when they feel bad they don't realise they might feel better tomorrow.

Also, I realised that my DD didn't really want to quit, she just had a problem she had no idea how to solve, so the only solution she could think of was to run away from the problem by quitting. So I worked with her to figure out what her real issue was and work out solutions. Although it was a bit painful at the time, I believe it was a good learning experience for her, and for me as a parent, too.

 

[cher062]

there is no special age you need to pay more attention its more pay attention to what you know about your kid. Try to keep your feelings out of it and listen to your kid and see how they are presenting the "I want to quit".
If they go to gym is she crying alot, not participating, and coaches are saying she is sad all the time. Or does she say she doesn't want to go puts up some resistance but once there is happy to be there? What i did when my kids came through this phase was tell them well you made a commitment to the team so when the competitieve Season (or summer if in the summer time) is over if you still want to quit you can. they never did once they passed that skill or what ever was giving them trouble to learn (that's usually what the real reason was)

with that said it is my experience that a good portion leave at L4 because parents don't want to deal with the meets, the extra time commitment, or the extra cost, Another big time is moving from L6 - L7 - there is a big change in practice time and number of days practicing that parents just don't want to do. Another group is when they endter 6th grade alot of kids move on to school activities and quit and those that stay make it until High School begins and if they aren't doing well in high school will quit or if they join HS sports or what ever they will quit.

We just had one of our L7's quit she was 12 but she didn't want to quit - the family just couldn't fincially afford to have her continue. She was crushed - the day she left was a tearfest at the gym.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

there is no special age you need to pay more attention its more pay attention to what you know about your kid. Try to keep your feelings out of it and listen to your kid and see how they are presenting the "I want to quit".
If they go to gym is she crying alot, not participating, and coaches are saying she is sad all the time. Or does she say she doesn't want to go puts up some resistance but once there is happy to be there? What i did when my kids came through this phase was tell them well you made a commitment to the team so when the competitieve Season (or summer if in the summer time) is over if you still want to quit you can. they never did once they passed that skill or what ever was giving them trouble to learn (that's usually what the real reason was)

with that said it is my experience that a good portion leave at L4 because parents don't want to deal with the meets, the extra time commitment, or the extra cost, Another big time is moving from L6 - L7 - there is a big change in practice time and number of days practicing that parents just don't want to do. Another group is when they endter 6th grade alot of kids move on to school activities and quit and those that stay make it until High School begins and if they aren't doing well in high school will quit or if they join HS sports or what ever they will quit.

We just had one of our L7's quit she was 12 but she didn't want to quit - the family just couldn't fincially afford to have her continue. She was crushed - the day she left was a tearfest at the gym.

and i sure hope we don't see more of this. no matter what the paper says, it's bad out here and what looks like no end in sight. and i'm an optimist!

 

[NGL780309]

there is no special age you need to pay more attention its more pay attention to what you know about your kid. Try to keep your feelings out of it and listen to your kid and see how they are presenting the "I want to quit".
If they go to gym is she crying alot, not participating, and coaches are saying she is sad all the time. Or does she say she doesn't want to go puts up some resistance but once there is happy to be there? What i did when my kids came through this phase was tell them well you made a commitment to the team so when the competitieve Season (or summer if in the summer time) is over if you still want to quit you can. they never did once they passed that skill or what ever was giving them trouble to learn (that's usually what the real reason was)

with that said it is my experience that a good portion leave at L4 because parents don't want to deal with the meets, the extra time commitment, or the extra cost, Another big time is moving from L6 - L7 - there is a big change in practice time and number of days practicing that parents just don't want to do. Another group is when they endter 6th grade alot of kids move on to school activities and quit and those that stay make it until High School begins and if they aren't doing well in high school will quit or if they join HS sports or what ever they will quit.

We just had one of our L7's quit she was 12 but she didn't want to quit - the family just couldn't fincially afford to have her continue. She was crushed - the day she left was a tearfest at the gym.

I have to agree with Cher. I think you can tell when your kid wants to quit for real. My DD has the occasionaly comment that she doesn't want to go to gym or her dance class. I know what she means is that she doesn't feel like going right now. I'll usually answer with, let's hurry and we'll have time to get a sonic drink on the way. That's the end of the discussion and she is happy and having a great time during practice. I have a friend whose DD goes to gym with my DD and this kid really wants to quit. Her mom tells me she has to fight with her to get her there and she's routinely late because of that. When she gets there she cries and refuses to go out on the floor which causes a big commotion. Once she's fianlly out there she's sulking and not working. She'll be in the parents area at least twice crying and asked to be taken home. Then she might have a week where she does fine and then it's right back to the same old fight. I'd let my child quit long before it got to that point. There are so many activities out there for kids to do, why force them to do something they don't like?

Sorry for getting a little far off topic. I'd say your DD sounds like she's having a normal attitude for a kid. The distraction tactic always works best with my DD. I know for me as an adult, getting going is the hardest part sometimes.