Parents Vent-Why cant people just be content?

[wallflower]

I disagree. We have a parent viewing area (through glass). While there are sometimes issues with some parents, there are also benefits. Parents can see for themselves whether their child is working or not. Parents see every day how hard our coaches work. Parents can get an appreciation of just how hard it is to get that skill that looks so easy in competition. Parents of very young new team members can have their mind put at ease being able to watch their child. Parents can watch coach/gymnast interactions and feel confident that their child is in good hands and is not being emotionally or otherwise abused. (Unfortunately this happens in our sport). The type of parent who is going to complain will find things to complain about whether they view practices or not. It will just come out at meets instead of in the viewing area. Some of our parents who complain the most are the ones that do not watch and do not understand at all what it takes on a daily basis in the gym to accomplish the results at meets.

I agree with you 100%! The majority of the complainers are the parents who DON'T ever watch. They stop in once a month and then nitpick everything the coach is doing and blame them for what their child can't do. When in reality if they watched a little more often they would see the reality of the situation. Which is coaches working very hard and giving their child lots of attention. It's easy to take an isolated 15 minutes of practice and judge incorrectly what is and isn't happening.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

I would think at that type of gym/program you might encounter more "involved" parents than at a "regular" gym, for lack of a better word. The parents have been told their kids have a lot of potential, and are on this "fast track."

I find this to be the opposite at my dd's gym. The girls who train more hours are less likely to have parents viewing, and less opportunity for griping and complaining.

 

[Quadqueen]

I find this to be the opposite at my dd's gym. The girls who train more hours are less likely to have parents viewing, and less opportunity for griping and complaining.

I do see that, the higher the level of the gymnast, the less viewing there is, but I guess the whole complaining thing varies. Indeed, there are complainers and crazy people everywhere

 

[Seeker]

We have open viewing and there really are not any problems caused by it. People who complain are likely the types of folks that are going to find something to gripe about no matter what and there's probably not a whole lot you can do to affect that...it's who they are. We have a lot of fun in the lobby and even if I'm there, I rarely actually watch practice. I talk, work, read, go for a walk, etc. Last night a bunch of us stayed and ordered pizza for the team kids to have after practice (they're the only ones there at that point). We had snacks, the younger sibs played, parents talked, etc...it was fun and I didn't hear anyone complain all night. We are also an elite gym (with rec) so we have folks with kids at all levels.

 

[Gymmom495]

Seeker- I just switched my daughter to a new gym about 4 week now. Both have open viewing. The old one was horrible and was a camera crew shy of being a reality show, with the complaining, jealous parents and the kids were not much better (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree type of thing). The move was for reasons separate from the drama, it was for training opportunity. This new gym, also and Elite training facility sounds a lot like your gym, open viewing with zero complaining or drama. The parents are so nice and the girls are too. They are all so supportive and because the parents are so nice the kids all get along no matter what level or age they are. It's so nice!!

 

[nmgymmom]

We were in a gym where the hc/owner specifically said "if you don't think your child is progressing fast enough, don't watch practices." Her point, I think, was that if you observe all if the little steps in progress toward a skill, then it's just that - little steps. But, if you stay away for a while then it will seem like giant progress when you see it again. But, what it sounded like was that there was something to hide. It was a small gym with only 2 team coaches for levels 4+ who all practiced together and there was a lot of standing around or doing drills that seemed like busy work. I think that if, instead of telling interested parents to stay away, if she had embraced their interest and involvement and just taken a little time to explain her methods and goals, all the parents would be happier. There must be accountability of the coaches to the parents - we spend huge amounts of money and time to pay them for a service. I don't agree that patents should complain to other parents, but there is always a tendency to commiserate. Banning parents who spend the most time and money and have their lives completely disrupted in support of their child's dedication to a beloved sport seems callous at best, bad business practice if nothing else.


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[Deleted member 14190]

I disagree. We have a parent viewing area (through glass). While there are sometimes issues with some parents, there are also benefits. Parents can see for themselves whether their child is working or not. Parents see every day how hard our coaches work. Parents can get an appreciation of just how hard it is to get that skill that looks so easy in competition. Parents of very young new team members can have their mind put at ease being able to watch their child. Parents can watch coach/gymnast interactions and feel confident that their child is in good hands and is not being emotionally or otherwise abused. (Unfortunately this happens in our sport). The type of parent who is going to complain will find things to complain about whether they view practices or not. It will just come out at meets instead of in the viewing area. Some of our parents who complain the most are the ones that do not watch and do not understand at all what it takes on a daily basis in the gym to accomplish the results at meets.

==

I understand your position but.... Persistent parental viewing has many problems associated with it, ultimately it effects the longevity and desire of the gymnast. That is why lots of gyms do not let team parents watch (including ours and every top level program that I know of)... But hey what do we coaches know.... Sounds like this discussion has taken place numerous times here, so I will not reply again.

 

[kandkfunk]

This has been discussed multiple times, but it seems to keep coming up. Not sure why this is such a hot topic. Unless my daughter expresses a problem about something at practice, I have absolutely no desire to sit there every day and watch her work out. Like some else said above, it's like watching paint dry. Even when she was younger, I did not stay unless it was just a one hour class. Once she moved to 2+ hours, I couldn't wait to be out of there.

Also, from my daughter's perspective, it's distracting and creepy when parents consistently stay all practice. Some parents do it out of necessity (i.e. long drives) and that's a understandable. However, we did have a group of parents, who all lived very close to the gym, that would watch entire practices multiple times per week. This creeped my daughter out (she is a teenager so she may be a little more sensitive to what she perceives as creepy behavior than the littler girls). She, and many of the other girls, felt like they were constantly being scrutinized and talked about during these times. That tends to make a teenage girl feel a little self conscious. I'm sure that wasn't the intent of these parents, but it was the end result. I completely trust my coaches, so I feel comfortable leaving my daughter in their care. If I didn't trust them to watch out for her best interest while I was not around, we would not be at this gym.

 

[Natasha]

==

I understand your position but.... Persistent parental viewing has many problems associated with it, ultimately it effects the longevity and desire of the gymnast. That is why lots of gyms do not let team parents watch (including ours and every top level program that I know of)... But hey what do we coaches know.... Sounds like this discussion has taken place numerous times here, so I will not reply again.

I actually agree that persistent parental viewing does have many problems associated with it and I would not ever advocate or encourage parents to stay and watch all of practices every day. The only part I was disagreeing with was the statement that "no good can come out of parents watching" as I think that there are pros and cons to parents watching (on a limited basis).
As far as parents complaining, I think that the level of communication from coaches and staff are a greater factor in increasing or decreasing the parent complaining than whether or not parents are allowed to view.

 

[sjm2b3]

Just one thing to add to this conversation--for my DD, I try to stay for part of each practice if at all possible because she's off to school each day ALL day, then off to practice for 4 hours, and as soon as she finishes she puts her PJs on and goes to bed....if I don't stay for a bit I don't see her at all (and she just turned 7). She's super happy and proud when I watch her and it puts a smile on my face. So for the little ones, some of us aren't trying to scrutinize the coaches, but we are just trying to have at least a presence in our kiddo's lives! I also want to make sure she is happy in there--sometimes they can't verbalize things at such a young age.

 

[mommyof1]

I completely trust my coaches, so I feel comfortable leaving my daughter in their care. If I didn't trust them to watch out for her best interest while I was not around, we would not be at this gym.

I just don't understand how parents can develop this type of trust for their kids' coaches without watching practice for a while. Nearly all of our preteam parents watch practice, and I am usually among them. The more I watch, the more I trust the coaches. That trust comes directly from seeing and hearing how they deal with the kids on a daily basis. I imagine that within the next few months I will start doing the drop and dash much more often, but I will still want to observe once in a while just so I know how things are going.

 

[Krystan]

I will take the middle road and say that I think viewing should be allowed, but parents should be wary of watching too often. I agree with mommyof1 that when you are first starting in a new gym or on team, you wouldn't automatically trust what's going on. This takes time. By the time the gymnasts are older and/or in higher levels, most parents completely trust the gym and coaches at that point, know the dangers of getting too involved, and generally do not watch. The parents of younger ones tend to watch more, which is understandable. Watching too much, however, can definitely create weird issues with parents getting too emotionally involved in their gymnast's progress, getting hypercritical of coaching, and making the gymnast start worrying about performing for the parent. Gymnastics is a slow process and is best viewed occasionally! That being said, I think viewing should never be banned (except on an individual basis if problems arise). If my dd was having certain issues at the gym (emotional-type issues, not skill issues), I want to be able to witness what's going on.

As far as complaining goes, I agree with the poster who said it is directly related to how well the gym communicates. Our gym has gotten much better this year (e-mails, bulletin boards, etc) and I've noticed complaining go way down. There will always be those who will complain no matter what! Nothing else to do but be the voice of reason or ignore them and hope they go away...

 

[Gymmom495]

I think parents are more likely to stay if their child is younger. I stayed when my daughter was little, she was putting in 4 hours at a time but when she had to go potty I would see that hunched over walk/run to the bathroom and I knew I had to meet her there or we were going to have an accident in her leotard.
Once she got a bit older I would send an extra leo with her and drop her off. Unfortunately now the gym she goes to is such a distance that once we are down there we are there for the duration of her practice. I have located places to workout, movie theaters. I have met several very nice parents who also travel a great distance to attend this gym so plans for dinners and coffee are in the works. I would for sure go home if I could. To be honest most of the time I watch the more Elite girls because honestly they are more fun to watch, then when my daughter asks me if I saw whatever skill she did I just smile and nod my head.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I will take the middle road and say that I think viewing should be allowed, but parents should be wary of watching too often. I agree with mommyof1 that when you are first starting in a new gym or on team, you wouldn't automatically trust what's going on. This takes time. By the time the gymnasts are older and/or in higher levels, most parents completely trust the gym and coaches at that point, know the dangers of getting too involved, and generally do not watch. The parents of younger ones tend to watch more, which is understandable. Watching too much, however, can definitely create weird issues with parents getting too emotionally involved in their gymnast's progress, getting hypercritical of coaching, and making the gymnast start worrying about performing for the parent. Gymnastics is a slow process and is best viewed occasionally! That being said, I think viewing should never be banned (except on an individual basis if problems arise). If my dd was having certain issues at the gym (emotional-type issues, not skill issues), I want to be able to witness what's going on.

As far as complaining goes, I agree with the poster who said it is directly related to how well the gym communicates. Our gym has gotten much better this year (e-mails, bulletin boards, etc) and I've noticed complaining go way down. There will always be those who will complain no matter what! Nothing else to do but be the voice of reason or ignore them and hope they go away...

I totally agree w/ this post. Watching sometimes is good, watching too much is bad. Complaining is going to happen, and in my experience it's justified a lot of times - especially when communication is poor between the gym and the parents. Yeah, there is the occasional parent who complains that her kid is ONLY getting 9.1's on something like its a big tragedy and all the coaches fault, etc., in front of a room full of parents who would be thrilled if their kids got similar scores, but I just try and ignore those types of people.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

I totally agree w/ this post. Watching sometimes is good, watching too much is bad. Complaining is going to happen, and in my experience it's justified a lot of times - especially when communication is poor between the gym and the parents. Yeah, there is the occasional parent who complains that her kid is ONLY getting 9.1's on something like its a big tragedy and all the coaches fault, etc., in front of a room full of parents who would be thrilled if their kids got similar scores, but I just try and ignore those types of people.

Wholeheartedly agreed! 90% of the complaining I hear (we have referred a lot of people to our gym, so not all of the complaining is in the lobby!) can be traced to a lack of communication or misunderstanding. If parents understood the requirements for "moving up" and the way in which training groups are organized, it would solve a lot of the issues in our gym. A few years ago, our gym had skill charts for each level (1-4) so the kids could take them home and mark off each skill as it was mastered (they received a "star" at the end of practice when they mastered a skill). We stopped doing them because there was no consistency between the coaches, and some coaches gave stars when the HC thought they should not. So now, no one has ANY idea of the skills being taught at any level and the complaining has increased greatly. While most parents are not interested in coaching their kiddo, they do want to understand what their child is working on, and how they are progressing. (By the way, the other 10% of the complaining is poisonous ranting that would exist no matter what!)

 

[htimcj]

Wholeheartedly agreed! 90% of the complaining I hear (we have referred a lot of people to our gym, so not all of the complaining is in the lobby!) can be traced to a lack of communication or misunderstanding. If parents understood the requirements for "moving up" and the way in which training groups are organized, it would solve a lot of the issues in our gym. A few years ago, our gym had skill charts for each level (1-4) so the kids could take them home and mark off each skill as it was mastered (they received a "star" at the end of practice when they mastered a skill). We stopped doing them because there was no consistency between the coaches, and some coaches gave stars when the HC thought they should not. So now, no one has ANY idea of the skills being taught at any level and the complaining has increased greatly. While most parents are not interested in coaching their kiddo, they do want to understand what their child is working on, and how they are progressing. (By the way, the other 10% of the complaining is poisonous ranting that would exist no matter what!)

We had a list too and I loved it! My DD would mark off the list when she got the skills. It was fun to see the progress she made from L4-L6. Any I rarely heard complaints about placement becuase it was obvious what was required. Now if we could only get one for optionals .

 

[level9mom]

We are allowed to view for two days a month and that is enough. My dd even complains if I do that. I haven't watched an entire practice for a couple of years. It was more important when she was younger. Now its...kinda tedious.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I just don't understand how parents can develop this type of trust for their kids' coaches without watching practice for a while. Nearly all of our preteam parents watch practice, and I am usually among them. The more I watch, the more I trust the coaches. That trust comes directly from seeing and hearing how they deal with the kids on a daily basis. I imagine that within the next few months I will start doing the drop and dash much more often, but I will still want to observe once in a while just so I know how things are going.

then i guess you either home school or you sit in your child's classroom every day. and if you haven't been here awhile you will know that i'm not being snarky. i've posted about this before. i will never understand the thought process that you have put forth. and you're not alone. i'm amazed at just how many people think this way, and in the scheme of things of what goes on in gyms it doesn't matter.

 

[mommyof1]

then i guess you either home school or you sit in your child's classroom every day. and if you haven't been here awhile you will know that i'm not being snarky. i've posted about this before. i will never understand the thought process that you have put forth. and you're not alone. i'm amazed at just how many people think this way, and in the scheme of things of what goes on in gyms it doesn't matter.

So my question is this: Given that you don't think parents can judge a program's quality or safety by watching practice, and given that you also frequently point out improper and unsafe coaching practices that are described on this board, how do you propose that parents should choose programs? Blind trust just doesn't seem reasonable, so how can a parent select a gym that is a good fit for her daughter without watching what goes on in the gym? (I'm not being snarky either--I would really, truly, like to know!)

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Often times there are things to complain about, mostly to do with terrible communication. We have been promised evaluations and training group assignments for the summer on June 1st. The summer schedule starts June 6. The schedule for the two possible groups the kids will be in are totally different times and different days. This gives parents exactly 4 days to make summer plans for their kids including any possible classes, camps, instrument lessons, child care, carpools etc. And most of us have multiple kids. And as many know, many summer programs are full by the end of April. They deserve to have complaining parents. It's completely discourteous to parents to put us in this position, but we suck it up because our kids love it. None can convince me that they don't know by now which groups our kids belong in. It's infuriating.