Parents Wants to quit because of coach

[dani4]

My daughter is 7 and on pre-team. She has been with the same coach for the last 2 years, who has been great for her. She challenges the kids, has high standards, and keeps gym fun. But now she has been on extended leave for the last few weeks, and I think it will be another couple of months before she is back- maybe more.

My daughter has a substitute coach, and she does not appear to be enjoying gymnastics anymore. When I look at her in class the expression on her face is usually something like "are you kidding me, why do we have to do that?" Unfortunately my daughter has no poker face. She has always had focus issues, and they seem worse now. To be honest it does appear that this sub is a master of drudgery- they never seem to do anything fun, it's all work work work. The other coaches seem to know how to engage kids a little better.

Anyway my daughter is talking about quitting, and she says that she thinks she wouldn't quit if she had her regular coach. I don't know how long I can expect her to go on if she is truly miserable. I know some girls love gym so much the coach doesn't matter, but that's not my kid. I understand, i feel the same way about my boss and colleagues at work.

I don't think there's anything I can do. There are other classes at the same level but i know they had the same coach and i think they all have the same sub. I hate for this to be the end, because of a sub.. She has reached out to me to tell me DD is doing well and she's working on getting the girls to focus... i think she should work on some fun, but i don't think I can reasonably say that.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

unfortunately there is not much you can do. Its a learning experience and one she will come across time and time again as she grows up. Have you explained that this is a temporary situation to her ? I'm sure she will come across better and worse teacher in school too and unfortunately they just have to deal with it.

 

[mommyof1]

What Margo said. This will be a good character-building experience for her. If she asks to quit, you can tell her that preteam is a season-long commitment, so she needs to stick it out until next spring (or whenever your season ends). By then all sorts of things will have changed.

My 9-year-old has one coach who is an all-business schoolmarm type. It is clear to me that she loves coaching, is very devoted to her girls, and wants to see each of them progress, but she doesn't necessarily demonstrate this to the girls with lots of warm fuzzies and overly effusive praise. Tinker Bell has butted heads with her repeatedly, but over time she's begun to understand the coach and appreciate her approach more. This has helped Tink and the coach work together more effectively. A few weeks ago Tink explained to me that "Coach B wants to make everybody feel good all the time, but Coach A wants to make us good gymnasts." So if you hang in there and encourage your daughter to work through this, she just might learn some valuable lessons about getting along with all types of people.

 

[bookworm]

Well my take on this is she is 7 and on preteam...and if she is truly miserable with this extracurricular activity, and you haven't committed to paying for it for the year, I'd give her a break before the next "payment due" installment...so if you're due to pay on Nov 1st, she'd have another week and a half to either love it with the sub coach ( or be amenable to continuing without moping) or be done for now. You could always re-enroll her when/if her old coach returns but there's no way i'd continue paying for the 6 months if she was miserable. Gymnastics is too expensive and labor intensive ....like I told my girls "be happy or be done", period.

She's 7 so she can learn to love other things going forward.

 

[Muddlethru]

I agree with bookworm. If she wants to quit, I'd let her. After the break, she may decide she misses it and wants to go back. If not, I'm sure she'll find something she can be pasionate about with no restrictions.

 

[dani4]

I didn't mention that pre-team is administered as 3 month classes, so the next payment is in a month for the winter session. I have always told her she has to continue through the session, and she can change or quit after that.

She is not sure what to do. I think i will let her quit... i know that gymnastics isn't in her blood so it isn't a great tragedy. She had enjoyed it up to now and it has been very good for her. She has started ballet and it seems to be a better fit for her.

I hope her younger sister continues even if she quits- but that's another issue.

 

[dani4]

Also DD has a lot of interests, so now she will be free to pursue them. And i would support her coming back to gym if she wants. She's thinking about trying t&t.

 

[dani4]

I do see the point about it being a learning experience. Unfortunately she has already learned that lesson in school, where quitting wasn't an option.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

If she is not fussed and you are not financially committed then yes, quitting seems sensible. It all depends on your own personal circumstances

 

[GymDad9.9]

I didn't mention that pre-team is administered as 3 month classes, so the next payment is in a month for the winter session. I have always told her she has to continue through the session, and she can change or quit after that.

She is not sure what to do. I think i will let her quit... i know that gymnastics isn't in her blood so it isn't a great tragedy. She had enjoyed it up to now and it has been very good for her. She has started ballet and it seems to be a better fit for her.

I hope her younger sister continues even if she quits- but that's another issue.

I think you have arrived at your answer.

 

[NY Dad]

I know I've got the minority opinion and I have the least experience (my dd is also on pre-team) but here my two cents.

At this point in your dd's gymnastics it should be about her having fun. If you think she isn't in it for the long haul but she could still enjoy gymnastics (other than issues with a lack of consistent coach) is there any possibility that there’s another gym? In my opinion if it's just about enjoying gymnastics and there are other options why not? At the very least I would ask your dd if she would be interested.

If you think that it's just one particular coach that she would be happy with, it's probably not worth sticking with gymnastics for now. When the coach returns you ask her if she's still interested.

I was going to ask about an Excel bronze team at the current gym but it sounds like you’re saying that if they had this it’s the same coach.

 

[gymdog]

Can't she just go to a rec class and then retest for preteam? Or maybe rec is a better fit? Down the line this substitute coach might be the coach of one of the teams or running the class like the other teams? That might be something to look into. If she goes back to an advanced rec class she at least keeps up her skills somewhat. It just seems like quitting completely would be throwing the baby out with the bathwater a bit if she still wants to do gymnastics but doesn't like this class.

 

[dani4]

Rec is a possibility.. it would be keeping a foot in the door...

I may also look into other gyms, though there is an inconvenience factor there... there's also a different location of the same gym, with different coaches... we used to go there. Hmmm. I hadn't thought of that.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

The fun needs to be intrinsic not extrinsic. Much of what we do is not fun all the time. You need to like/love it enough to want to do it even with the drudge work. In gym that's drills and conditioning.

Which is really what bookworm said, you enjoy it or don't. It's not up to anyone but you.

And sounds like your daughter is ready to move on.

 

[sandy]

Anyone else wanted to say:
This might be your last chance (before the fun coach returns); this is your opportunity to run, run away!
LOL
If she loves it enough, she'll try to hold out for fun coach. And even if she drops out, if she loves it enough, she'll return to it.

 

[gymdog]

She also might adjust and it might just be the change that is throwing her off, at 6-8 this is normal too. But personally I would at least try her in a different class (advanced rec, tumbling) before stopping completely.