Parents What do you really wish you could tell the coach?

[Sasha]

Parents!

What is the one thing you really wish you could tell your child's coach / make coach understand / make coach do --- if you could do so with raw honesty, and without fear of anything negative happening?

It's ok to reveal some CGP-ness here. I'm curious about raw, honest feelings, wants & needs...

I'm asking because, having consumed many threads on CB over the last year or so, it's clear there are so many 'Should I approach the coach?' situations, and general fear of appearing too 'helicopter' or worse. Well, if the fear of expressing your true feelings was completely removed, what would you want your child's coach to REALLY know?

 

[MILgymFAM]

That she overlooking a very dedicated an hardworking gymnast in my younger DD, who wants to compete so bad she can taste it. That she doesn't have to yell at the girls all the time. That comparing kids doesn't do anything for their self esteem or friendships.

 

[my4buffaloes]

To please get my youngest out of the compulsory levels quickly because mom can't take it!

 

[profmom]

The girls' coaches: Thanks for not giving up on her. When she was a L5, I never dreamed she'd get this far. You believed in her when I didn't. But isn't there SOME way you could let her skip the damn handstand-back handspring on beam and work on a skill on which she's not blocked to get to her upgraded acro? (Not asking because I already know the answer is "no.")

The boys' coaches: You are all great coaches in your own ways and bring different but equally great pieces to the coaching package. But the dynamic among you is damaging the program and preventing it from being what it could be -- a nationally competitive incubator for top level male gymnasts. If you guys would stop bickering and collaborate with each other instead of shooting down each others' best ideas and hoarding athletes, all of the boys and their parents would be happier and a lot of your problems with both boys and parents would vanish or diminish substantially.

The owners: I know the boys' program sometimes makes you crazy, but it's worth investing in and keeping. A little more direction from the top could help, but even if you don't have the time/energy to do it, keep it around for the sake of men's gymnastics. Remember your own roots, and look at your poster of state champs and regional champs. You have some great, hardworking athletes in that gym of yours who love this sport. Let them get all of the life lessons out of gymnastics that have benefited and continue to benefit you.

 

[MBJ974]

Thank you for giving us a gymnastics home

 

[cbifoja]

Awesome thread....

1. Be the leader. I know you have to balance your will with your business but in the end, the gym has to belong to you. I appreciate that you seek parental input. It's actually something I love about you. But seek the input first, then make a final decision. It is too chaotic when you announce something, then change the plan when a few parents complain. You can't make 100 people happy at the same time so do what you think is best AFTER talking a several parents. You have a good head. Trust yourself.

2. Don't talk so much about other people's kids when you have to explain a decision. It doesn't matter where Suzie is in her journey when you are deciding things for Tammy. And when Tammy's mom talks about how Tammy compares to Suzie and why you decided one thing for Suzie and another thing for Tammy, you shouldn't justify your decision about Suzie. You tell Tammy's mom why you made the decision based only on Tammy's needs. It simply isn't her business why you decided what you did about Suzie.

3. Ask for help. You have people around you who are capable. You cannot do it all. You let yourself get so stressed out trying to keep all of your balls in the air. You have smart, professional, willing people around you who would love to help you shoulder the burden. We care about the program as much as you do. We want our gym to be a success both in the community and statewide. We are willing to help if you will let go of the control and trust that others will do a good job.

4. Lastly, I love you. You are amazing. I love how you have stated that you want to use gymnastics to build up strong, mentally healthy young women. I love that you genuinely care about these girls. I have seen you cry when they leave the gym for other sports or activities, and even for other gyms. I see you high five them for accomplishments that have nothing to do with vaults, beams, bars, or floor routines. I love that you hug them and tickle them. I love that my child calls you her gym mommy. You are so important to these girls and that isn't something that you seem to dismiss or take lightly. Thank you from every cell in my body for loving these girls.

 

[gracyomalley]

Daughters coach...Thanks for all the time and energy you put into DD this year - and for not getting frustrated with her emotional roller coaster. Please continue to help her believe in herself and not let puberty and fears be what she remembers from these years at gym. Please let her continue to work on the higher level skills she's not scared of while not letting her back out of the others you know she is capable of (YOU, not me - I have no idea really....)....let her know that the only limits she as are those she sets for herself....and continue to be the coach who values each and every kid out there!

Boys coach - you have done a great job stepping in when no one with experience was around. Your energetic approach and lack of preconceived expectations of the boys has led them all to try and succeed at things they never dreamed of. You're taking some shy awkward adolescents and helping them work hard and feel strong, successful and, as DS puts it "awesome"...Thanks for telling him to go for the double back....when he spent all last year doing L5 - and for being excited when he made it!!! These boys will work their hineys off for you if you keep challenging them and believing in them!

Boys gym HC - please let go of any inter - gym competition in our relatively small town - its damaging to the kids, families and I would assume to you.

 

[MaryA]

It is a LONG time between the end of one season and the beginning of the next, with many sacrifices made for gymnastics in between. My daughter tells me nothing and I try so hard not to ask. Can't parents please, please watch sometimes?

 

[my4buffaloes]

Awesome thread....
4. Lastly, I love you. You are amazing. I love how you have stated that you want to use gymnastics to build up strong, mentally healthy young women. I love that you genuinely care about these girls. I have seen you cry when they leave the gym for other sports or activities, and even for other gyms. I see you high five them for accomplishments that have nothing to do with vaults, beams, bars, or floor routines. I love that you hug them and tickle them. I love that my child calls you her gym mommy. You are so important to these girls and that isn't something that you seem to dismiss or take lightly. Thank you from every cell in my body for loving these girls.

I don't think this is appropriate behavior. I would be bothered if my dd's coaches tickled them.

 

[LJL07]

To please get my youngest out of the compulsory levels quickly because mom can't take it!

Lol!!

 

[gwenmom]

To please get my youngest out of the compulsory levels quickly because mom can't take it!

Exactly!!!!

 

[cbifoja]

I don't think this is appropriate behavior. I would be bothered if my dd's coaches tickled them.

Okay. Not sure why, but to each her own.

 

[Seeker]

Okay. Not sure why, but to each her own.

I agree...this would bother me too. Tickling is a highly personal behavior and in my opinion is one that should not happen between a coach-athlete. It is not something that I would be comfortable with and I am certain that my daughter would not like this either.

 

[cbifoja]

Well, I'm fine with it. It doesn't bother my daughter. There is nothing inappropriate going on between my daughter and her coach. They are very close and the coach isn't touching her anywhere that she doesn't touch her while spotting her.

 

[kandkfunk]

Remember that our kids look up to you. You spend more time with them than their parents, so you have a real impact on them. They will mimic your behavior and how you treat others. If you roll your eyes at them or talk bad about other people, they will too.

Also, you have a huge impact on the self-esteem of these young athletes. They crave your approval and want to please you. Watch your words and body language.

 

[raenndrops]

HC- Thank you for EVERYTHING you do to allow my gymmies and others to participate. Thank you for understanding our UNIQUE situation. Thank you for going out of your way to visit me in the hospital. Thank you for giving me a job, the one you offered to me while I was in the hospital, to keep me involved when my gymmies both bowed to family pressure and quit. Thank you for letting me keep my job and all the perks when the girls came back a month later. Thank you for caring about me AND the girls. Thank you for the hugs when you knew they were really needed. Thank you for pushing OG when she needed and backing off when she couldn't take being pushed. Thank you for encouraging YG, no matter how frustrating it is. Thank you for allowing YG to uptrain on skills possible even though some of her other skills could use work, understanding that her ADHD causes a lack of focus. Thank you for not suggesting we medicate her. Thank you for all those times you have taken to talk privately with OG and help her figure things out. Thank you for trying to get School gymnastics into OG's district. I understand it is a logistical nightmare. Thank you for EVERYTHING!
Coach N - Thank you for always being there for both of my gymmies. They both love you. Thank you for being one of the FEW (actually, right now, one of two) coaches that OG trusts to spot her. Thank you for allowing YG to switch groups at practice when she is in a group coached by a teenager who doesn't know how to handle her. Thank you for being there from the very beginning. Thank you for teaching OG to skip so she could "skip" to levels of rec classes way back when. Thank you for keeping YG as focused as she can be when she is in your group.
Coach S - Thank you for the encouragement you give the girls. Thank you for DEMANDING that the girls show respect for one another. Thank you for working with YG on straight legs and pointed toes. Thank you for working with her on her beam dismount for the last 3 years. She will do it FOR YOU, even if she doesn't always do it for the other coaches.
Coach H - Thank you for trying to work with OG and understanding that she needs to do a lot of prep work for anything related to that 4 inch wide, 16 foot long dragon. I noticed how many times you let her do tuck jumps off the end... then dive rolls... before she was ready to attempt an actual front tuck off. I saw that you helped her figure out the steps and set (3 times in 5 minutes). I appreciate that.
Coach K - Thank you for knowing that both of my gymmies work best if they are with certain coaches and certain gymnasts. Thank you for not making OG be in the same group as "those" girls. Thank you for not putting her with Coach G. Thank you for being there and TRYING to maintain control.
All other coaches - Thank you for taking time out of your day to work with our gymnasts. Much respect to you all!!!

 

[Sasha]

Wow some great sentiments posted! Wonderful insights. Thank you!

I'll add..

Dear Coaches (for DD and DS),
You have been very kind to my son and daughter, and very encouraging. I can tell you do care about the kids' safety and well-being. Thank you! And thank you for being quite strict with behavioral expectations in class - I am positive this has contributed to such a focused and positive team culture.

To DD's coaches,
Could you please shed light on your logic for different practice groups? It's confusing to my DD (and me) when one day she is with her supposed peers training squat-ons, kips, and FHS (all of which she has, just needs polishing), then another day practicing mill circles and ROs with the supposed lower-level, waiting in a long line behind girls who still need heavy spotting on a standing BHS, while others in her peer group are perfecting that kip and FHS that (imo) she should be working on.

She was quickest of her peers to get all bar skills from both hip circles, to mill, to squat on, to kip (kips need polish). Her extension roll is great, ROBHS is solid (not perfect), has all beam skills well under her belt. Her form is at least average among her peers now. I'm confused why some days you pick her to train with the lower-level girls and let her miss out on the rotation that train the skills she is working on? You've done this on multiple occasions, and now a couple girls from her group that were behind her in skills are now doing skills you haven't allowed her to try yet (RO2BH and FT for example). Are you losing confidence in her? Moving her back? Want an example for the younger ones? Is it because she is super-sweet and trusting, and the least likely to complain? Or not giving her any thought at all because she is one of the quieter ones that never asks for anything? Please help me understand what you are thinking!

To DS's coach,
He really really really needs to start working on BHS soon or he is going to want to quit. I understand and support the importance of form and basics, but ya gotta throw a bone sometime and at least do some drills! He (along with half of your pre-team) is already better at the routines than many of the competing L4s in the state. I think they are ready! I know I'm not the coach, but the boys want to 'flip' so badly!! Hope this starts soon! I am getting tired of telling him 'soon' when he asks ME. Thanks for listening.

 

[GYM0M]

Well, I'm fine with it. It doesn't bother my daughter. There is nothing inappropriate going on between my daughter and her coach. They are very close and the coach isn't touching her anywhere that she doesn't touch her while spotting her.

DD's coaches will occasionally lighten the mood and pick her up or hold her hand or tickle her, too. It doesn't bother me, in fact, makes me smile to see that they are building a bond! I think it shows that they care about her, not just her gymnastics. BUT, maybe I should clarify that my DD is only 8. I don't think tickles would be appropriate for a 16 year old.....

 

[raenndrops]

DD's coaches will occasionally lighten the mood and pick her up or hold her hand or tickle her, too. It doesn't bother me, in fact, makes me smile to see that they are building a bond! I think it shows that they care about her, not just her gymnastics. BUT, maybe I should clarify that my DD is only 8. I don't think tickles would be appropriate for a 16 year old.....

I agree. My YG is 9... but acts more like a 7 year old. She still likes to sit in laps and stuff like that. If there is a "team meeting" she pays better attention if she is in someone's lap. Usually one of the teen coaches will ask her to sit in one of their laps... or the older team girls will offer. She also still hugs her coaches goodbye most days... and has a couple coaches that will tickle her. It makes her happy and she knows they care.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

Ok, all of the nice stuff that has been posted here, I think you should tell your coaches these things! Put them in a note, say it to their faces, I think it would make their day. I've done this and it's made a real impact on them. I don't think you should have to wish to say these things. On the other hand...
I wish I could tell my DD's coaches that I would love for them to be more encouraging and with more energy. My DD does not respond well to negative attention and "angry face" toughness. She responds greatly to positivity and praise. The negative stuff gives her anxiety as she only wants to please her coaches. Keep the sarcasm out and fill it with something productive. These things I would not say.