Parents When is enough, enough?

[Tumblequeensmom]

I was reading all of the posts on the "elite spinoff" thread.
Someone had made a comment in passing about wanting to know "when is enough, enough?" It started me thinking..... Seriously... when IS enough enough? When do you stop and smell the roses? Accept that your DD or DS will NOT become that elite gymnast that you, as a parent, want them to become? Or maybe not even make it all the way to L10. C'mon... admit it, there are more than a few parents in the real world, on CB, on other forums, who have that elite dream, and put that dream in their kids' heads.

Not trying to stir the pot, just when did that "aha" moment hit you?

For me, my own DD started gymnastics at the ripe old age of 10. She started on team at 11 and has done well during her compulsory years. She's about a middle of the pack gymnast score wise, but I am constantly amazed that she has persevered through this sport after all the injuries, fears, etc, that she has fought through I am truly proud of her. When she was 10, I thought... WOW... maybe she COULD do something w/this sport!!! But as time went on and skills got harder, I could honestly see that she was good, but not super super great like some of the girls we'd see at meets... and I don't mean that negatively against her. I came to the realization that she would go as far as she could, but most i mportant she needed to have fun with the sport, learn her skills on her timetable, but MOST IMPORTANT for me was that she keep busy and fit. She is now in high school (hence, KEEP BUSY!!!), still doing gymnastics and also participates on her HS gymnastics team as well. So that's my story... anyone else?

 

[MdGymMom01]

Interesting thread! For me (or my dd) knowing that she would never be elite (or anything near it), probably came to realization after the 2nd year of struggling with her ROBHS fear issue. This skill is her nemesis and the fear started spreading to other events (vault and then the flyaway off bars). I realized that her tentativeness and apprehensiveness would be a serious roadblock for her in progressing. But something happened along the way that made me (and her) realize what she loved most about gymnastics. Showmanship. Artistry. Dazzling the Audience. Those are the things that dd is an "elite" at even though her skills may be only a Level 5 (if that). She loves performing and having fun with her routines. Even when the routines don't go how she would like, she ALWAYS has a smile on her face. So as long as that smile and enthusiasm is there, we will keep plugging along and having fun.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

Alex also started late and was almost 9 when she joined team. She has never been the super star but she does have her shining moments!! She has had injuries and she has developed fears that she has been battling for the past year or so. I really have never thought she would be an elite gymnast. She has so many other things she likes to do as well. Hopefully she continues loving the sport and that it takes her where she wants it to take her (and hopefully keep her out of trouble!!).

 

[MaryA]

Kathy has always been on a YMCA team. When she came in 1st at level 4 States I thought "Wow! If she can do this well with 6 hours a week on a YMCA team, maybe I should consider moving her to the private team!" But she just didn't want to, and still doesn't. She loves her teammates and her coaches. At 10 I think she realizes that she will not be able to go "all the way" (wherever that is... elite? college scholarship? level 10?) staying on her current team... will never be the girl going home with all of the medals and trophies, except maybe at YMCA meets. But she's happy where she is and I figure you never really know anyway. If she switched to a private team with more hours, better equipment, etc. would she still love it? Would she burn out? Would she get hurt and have to stop anyway? Even though there's still a part of me that would still love to just SEE what she could do on a higher-performing team, I accept that it is her sport and if she's happy with where she is, then I need to be too.

 

[NGL780309]

Well I've pretty much known from the beginning I think that she would have no shot. She's only 6 and a level 5, so maybe a bit young to say that lol, but I know how hard elite is or even L10. I've been around gymnastics long enough to know that my DD is nothing special. I've seen so many parents think their kid is going that direction because they won some L5, L6 or even L7 meets. I think my DD is a pretty good gymnast right now, but I know she's not super talented. She may be a tiny bit above average, but nothing to get excited about. She's not even close to the best one on her team, even if she is the youngest.

I may sell her a bit short, but I'm just being realistic. That doesn't mean I don't support her and believe in her 100%.

 

[Bella's Mom]

For us, i imagine it will be when Bella starts to want to hang out with friends more than train. Not sure when this will happen but given her personality, I truly believe this is how she will "stall" out. Either that or her training costs will surpass my single mom public school teacher income......

 

[Blackie6]

I have told my DD's story here before I think, but we put her in gymnastics for therapy. She had a very traumatic birth and putting her in gymnastics at age 4 turned out to be the best therapy ever. I doubt she would be doing as well as she is now without it. Many people write about what their daughters take away from this sport and my daughter has been rewarded 100% in learning so much about her own physical capabilities and pushing herself that can only benefit her the rest of her life. Everytime she was "promoted" we accepted the fact that she could come face to face with a brick wall at anytime. She is tight on one side of her body and straight legs and leaps are not that attractive. You know that USAG is pretty physically demanding and tough judging so we hesitated putting her in the L4 program yet still the benefits of the physical training were worth every bit of money. Not having any expectations (elite, Olympics) but to go out there and have fun and do the best that you can do took the pressure/stress out of our lives. We see gymnastics as a one step at a time approach, we never know when that "ahhhh momment" will come. She moves slower than the average bear, did 2 yrs at L4 and 2 years at level 5. I honestly thought she would be "done" by now, but she has always had such an enthusiasm for the sport, she is still moving up and foreward. Her set backs have been some injuries, but not her heart. We have tried to keep balance in her life by allowing her to pursue other sports and other interests in case she does ever tell us she is done because we do accept that she is just an average gymnast. But, as much as she has struggled over the years, she has always had moments when she just shines and we still are amazed at all she can do. She is 10 now and doing L6/L7. While many kids are all about the scores, my DD has been steared towards making her own personal & attainable goals and to try to stay away from the AA score game. I want her to keep her sense of humor, be a good teamate, be coachable & likable and enthusiastic so when the end does come, and "enough is enough", it will be something she decides to walk away from without regrets.

 

[Dezi]

My dd is always telling me she is going to go to the Olympics, haha! I am 100% supportive of my dd but I have never really thought about her becoming elite. I figure that is a long hard road! I do dream about her getting to optionals for two reasons, 1-I do not have to listen to that music any more and 2-she will be a much better opts than compulsories(she adds moves to compulsories routines to make it prettier)

 

[gym_mom]

I was never into gymnastics when I was a kid, so I had no idea what we were getting into when my dd was asked to join the team. Up until then, I was taking her to a gym that happened to also offer swim lessons and figured she might like gymnastics as well since she's quite naturally strong. As soon as I learned that my wee little one was going to eventually compete as part of a gymnastics team, Olympic dreams began to fill my head.

I know better now! Ha! A friend of mine asked me if my dd might make it to the Olympics someday (this was after she had a 2nd place AA finish at States) and I had to laugh. Unfortunately, I laughed out loud right in front of my dd, who shot me such a look!

She has it in her mind right now that she's going to take this sport as far as she can. I think she's physically strong enough, and, although she gets wistful about missing social events, I think she's mentally tough enough as well to go pretty far. Whether she makes it to 10 or not, I don't know, but I - and our whole family - will support her as long as she wants us to. The day she says she doesn't want to do it anymore (if that ever comes), I will support her in that, too.

 

[vagymmomma]

Interesting thread. Although DD stills dreams of the Olympics (and I think the accompanying Nastia-style photo shoots), I never, ever imagined anything past level 5. She's now a level 6 working hard on her level 7 skills, so what do I know. I think the thing I appreciate most about DDs approach to gymnastics is her true unbridled passion for the sport. She loves the competition, staying fit, learning new skills, and her friends at the gym. I think she even loves the danger of it.

So I will be thankful for every minute as long as her fire burns and will just ride along as far as it goes. It's so hard to find something that a child truly loves to do. I hope the passion never dies, but I figure she'll let me know when it's enough.

 

[NewtoGym]

I am always inpressed with my daughter. Not her skill or her athletic talent, but in her determination. She started last year as a level 2, moved up to 3 and competed last year as a level 3 and did well. She just made level 4 and starts tomorrow. She is VERY proud of herself (as am I). I can definetely say that every skill she has gotten she has WORKED for it. She seems to learn skills slower, and takes more tries, until she figures out the skill. I see so many of her teammates pick up skills easy!!! But not for my lil' bird. It takes so much determination. She has come so far and to be honest, her dream is to make it optionals. Simply for the fact she wants to train with the older girls! She just wants to be with her idol (a level 8/9 gymnast at her gym). I think she thinks she can get there next year!!! We have no delusions of grandeur. I am just so impressed with her determination!!! I know there are some parents that think their daughter will make it to elite. Maybe they will. Mine made it to level 4!!!! We are very excited!!!

 

[cher062]

Ok for me enough is enough when your kid isn't having fun anymore.

the levels they achieve are not a factor just like in any other kids sport. Kids play lots of sports - football, basketball, hockey, baseball, basketball, soccer etc. are on teams but never expect to be that super star elite person. Nor do most parents think that thier kid will be then next super star (yes there are some of "those parents" who think their kid walk on water but I don't include those parents).

There are so many kids out there doing all types of sports and parents may hope that they can do it in High School from Middle School (Jr High where I'm from) and be a High School wonder and possibly get some college money to do it.

The dream of being the next Nastia or Sawao Kato (china male gymnast) is for every kid that does gymnastics just like being Bruce Lee or the next Karate Kid is the goal for all kids doing karate. Doesn't mean anyone expects that results but they can have fun learning and competing at any sport without expecting to be the next big thing.

 

[Bella's Mom]

The dream of being the next Nastia or Sawao Kato (china male gymnast) is for every kid that does gymnastics just like being Bruce Lee or the next Karate Kid is the goal for all kids doing karate. Doesn't mean anyone expects that results but they can have fun learning and competing at any sport without expecting to be the next big thing.

I really like what you say here. After all, dreams instill hope in our children and inspire them. Even if they don't get to do what they dream of, it teaches them TO dream and helps give them the skills to achieve their more realistic goals in life.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

in the larger picture...me thinks being dead will be when enough has been enough.

 

[lhmom]

I figure my daughter (who is not shy expressing her opinion to me) will let me know when she's had enough. I suspect that time wlll be when gymnastics is the only thing she has time for. She loves other sports and I can't imagine that she will want to give those up. At this point, we're just taking it year to year and enjoy the here and now. What's funny is that she'll say she wants to compete in the Olympics in gymnastics, but she then says she wants to play soccer or basketball in the O's. LOL! It's nice to be 7.

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

The moment I knew my daughter would never be elite is when I realized all these things (which was pretty much the moment I enrolled my daughter started gym at age 3 and continued):

My family is based in a small mountain town. That's where my job as a school teacher and special needs ski instructor are. I am a single mother who lost her husband in a tragic accident. Money doesn't grow on trees. Gyms are far away. The closest elite gym is 4 hours away on a good drive in a city I would never live in my life with my girls, even if I had the money to move there. I knew L 10 nationals looked grim because of a lack of money from our family. That's when I had to tell my daughter she couldn't train elite. Our family is just far more important to me than a level in gymnastics.

Could she have been an Olympian? Maybe. I never pushed her but she was competing at regionals by age 11 and nationals by age 12. Maybe not. Could she have gotten a college scholarship? She did and had the chance to compete but was injured before then (which probably would have popped up early had she gone the "elite" track). She also used her other talents and work ethic to get into college and get scholarship money using the skills she'd learned through gymnastics, and "elite" wasn't necessary. She tried other activities in high school and loved them. I honestly just don't care about "elite" gymnastics in the scheme of things, because it was not right for our family. (Insert mandatory- sure it's right for some families and some parents want it and we need it to develop our national team and all those other things we can say to make some people feel better about pushing their children) And now that a lot of time has moved past this decision I think my daughter has come to terms and is happier and healthier because of it.

 

[Chocoholic]

I've never had the Olympic dream. My daughter is flexible, focused, and hard working, but not a naturally talented gymnast. She works hard for every skill, except those involving dance or flexibility at which she excels. But I think that is why I love the sport for her. My children were both born smart. They don't have to work particularly hard to do well academically. Gymnastics requires that my daughter use sustained effort for several hours several days a week to succeed. I love that it teaches her the value of hard work and discipline. If it came easy for her, I might be less proud and therefore not as appreciative of what the sport has offered her. Enough will be enough when she decides that she is done. My dream for her has never been about the medal around her neck, but the strength in her body, the pride in her soul, and the drive in her heart.

 

[gymmomof1]

Very inspiring Blackie6! Thanks all for sharing and giving perspective. For me it is how this sport is shaping my daughter into being a better person and learning how to over come the stumbling blocks of life

 

[Gymdad2]

I seem to have found this thread late for some reason. Dd has been in gymnastics in some way since she was 4. She has always said that her goal is a college scholarship, and has just completed her 2nd year L10 and graduated from HS. She now has an (almost) full ride scholarship to a D1 school for next year. The irony is that the scholarship is for academics, not gymnastics. She plans to try out for the team as a walk-on however so she can continue her sport in college. Needless to say I am extremely proud of her accomplishments.

 

[lhmom]

I seem to have found this thread late for some reason. Dd has been in gymnastics in some way since she was 4. She has always said that her goal is a college scholarship, and has just completed her 2nd year L10 and graduated from HS. She now has an (almost) full ride scholarship to a D1 school for next year. The irony is that the scholarship is for academics, not gymnastics. She plans to try out for the team as a walk-on however so she can continue her sport in college. Needless to say I am extremely proud of her accomplishments.

Congrats to your daughter!!! Hope that all goes well with her try-out.