Parents When your goals, and your DD's gyms' goals, don't mesh

[gymmommy123]

My DD has been at a new gym for a few months now. There are quite a few good aspects, and then several things I'm really unhappy with. We moved, so she would be at a competitive gym, that would push her, and move her along appropriately... or so I thought. We thought it was great that the gym "won" a lot, lots of championships, lots of medals, a decent sized team up through level 10, and 10's that went on to college teams, etc. The girls were really polished with great form. Now, I am beginning to realize, I think it's just that they are holding girls back when they are well capable of moving up a level, simply to win. Personally, I would rather have DD out of competitions altogether, and focus on improvement of strength, flexibility and skills, rather than keep her back at a really low level of competition, until she is scoring high 9's on all events and "winning". How do I approach this with them, so as not to upset anyone or look like I am questioning them. I really do NOT care if she competes at all, but I refuse to have her compete another season at what I consider a "rec" level that she's already done just because she didn't medal. I would much rather have her moved up, and keep her out of meets until they feel she's ready to be successful. I don't even care what "level" she is, so long as she's learning, and moving forward. I think good sportsmanship is more important than medals, and I worry this philosophy of sandbagging (so to speak) is really poor sportsmanship and not something I want to teach my DD.

 

[Kiwi]

Personally, I would rather have DD out of competitions altogether, and focus on improvement of strength, flexibility and skills, rather than keep her back at a really low level of competition

Are they uptraining higher level skills? Or are they only training the low level skills and routines over and over?

 

[sglemon]

You are contradicting yourself. The reason, you chose the gym, because, they were really polished, high scores, lots a medals, college scholarships, etc... You can't get these and push girls through the levels just focusing on strength, flexibility and skills. Polished routines take time, and sometimes, years. You need to decide what you and your dd want and find a gym, that meets her needs.

 

[gymmomof1]

Imho I would touch base with the coaches now that she has been there awhile to see what they are thinking about her progression. I know in dds gym right now there is a lot going on due to the upcoming changes so that might be in play too. You could also ask what there rule of thumb is on what girls need to progress to the next level. Yes sometimes programs stack the decks to win however most just want the girls to be proficient at skills and getting 9s is a good indicator. How does dd like her new gym? Does she feel she is learning better techniques?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

My DD has been at a new gym for a few months now. There are quite a few good aspects, and then several things I'm really unhappy with. We moved, so she would be at a competitive gym, that would push her, and move her along appropriately... or so I thought. We thought it was great that the gym "won" a lot, lots of championships, lots of medals, a decent sized team up through level 10, and 10's that went on to college teams, etc. The girls were really polished with great form. Now, I am beginning to realize, I think it's just that they are holding girls back when they are well capable of moving up a level, simply to win. Personally, I would rather have DD out of competitions altogether, and focus on improvement of strength, flexibility and skills, rather than keep her back at a really low level of competition, until she is scoring high 9's on all events and "winning". How do I approach this with them, so as not to upset anyone or look like I am questioning them. I really do NOT care if she competes at all, but I refuse to have her compete another season at what I consider a "rec" level that she's already done just because she didn't medal. I would much rather have her moved up, and keep her out of meets until they feel she's ready to be successful. I don't even care what "level" she is, so long as she's learning, and moving forward. I think good sportsmanship is more important than medals, and I worry this philosophy of sandbagging (so to speak) is really poor sportsmanship and not something I want to teach my DD.

you knew this, and now you have buyers remorse? when according to your post they are doing what they're supposed to be doing that caught your attention in the 1st place?? and i can't tell you how many times a parent has said they would rather their kid not compete but just train. and i guess you're an expert of sorts...you refuse to have her compete another season at what you consider a "rec" level.

you say they're sandbagging, when in reality they are keeping kids to the appropriate levels. that's what we're supposed to do so we don't get the kids injured whilst working over their heads. poor sportsmanship swings your way also. accept your child's station in gymnastics and let her coaches do their jobs.

shoot me now...

 

[krisnkids]

I just went back and looked at some posting history. 2 months ago your gymmie couldn't do a mill circle without a spot at a competition, she just got her bhs roughly 8 months ago (posting history) and she is 6? If she is competing level 3 and not placing well, getting 36s, can't do a mill circle by herself etc, it isn't going to get better by moving her up. Yes the mill circle is beyond stupid and there is no use for it beyond level 4/new 3. But why not let the little 6 year old perfect what she is learning, get better bhs, etc.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

thanks ^^^she's only 6? really...shoot me now.

 

[mommyof1]

As a fellow new gym mom, I think it can be really hard to keep perspective about your child's progress, especially if you don't have good communication with your child's coaches and are doing a lot of reading on this site. There are lots of opinions and seemingly conflicting information here, and it is very tempting to try and apply everything you read to your own child's situation, even if it doesn't fit. I can see how some of the other discussions here about the relative merits of holding kids back to win at the compulsory levels versus a long-term focus on preparing for optionals could cause a parent of a young gymnast to worry. And when you hear about 7-year-olds training L7, it is very easy to think your 6-year-old is behind!

This is why I believe it can be very helpful for parents to have some opportunity to watch practice and speak with the coaches. I have posted here more than once asking if there are easily recognizable benchmarks of good coaching upon which parents can rely, and the answer always seems to be that there really aren't. If your kid looks like she is being challenged in practice every day, she is happy, you are seeing steady improvement, the skills are being taught correctly as far as you can tell, the coaches are treating the gymnasts well, the program appears safe, you observe the coaches giving lots of corrections that make sense, and the coaches seem committed to your daughter's development as an individual, then maybe that's the best you can ask.

I also do think it's reasonable to question why they are competing the current L3 at all, given that many gyms don't compete until current L4 or even L5. If you really don't want your kid competing L3, that might be a reason to look at other gyms.

Anyway, just my opinion as a fellow mom of a 6-year-old gymmie.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Actually, with the background info, it's easier to understand where the poster is coming from. I think what she is saying is that she has a 6 or maybe 7 year old now that is competing a lower level (either 3 or 4), and that instead of competing these levels, she'd rather they be working on getting the gymnasts ready for Level 5 and beyond than perfect level 3 or 4 routines. My gym has that philosophy and doesn't compete until Level 5, and has explained to me why they go this route. At the kid's age, focusing on the things she has stated and simply training does make sense to a lot of coaches in the gymnastics world. So it's not an off the wall comment. Anyway, a little more background helps understand the post a little better. Anyway, the poster would probably be happier with a gym that starts competing at Level 5 (new 4).

 

[MeetDirector]

As a veteran parent of this crazy sport, I just have to chime in. My dd has been in this sport since she was 4; she is 16 now. She just completed her 1st Lvl 9 season. There have been ups and downs throughout. The biggest lesson a parent can learn is this: this sport is your child's sport, not yours; you have to learn to trust the coaches in this sport in that they have each and every athlete's best interest at heart. I can't imagine that there is a single coach in this sport that wants one of thier athletes to be anything less than the best they can be. A parent needs to communicate with the coach, but you are not the coach; you are the parent. The younger the athlete, the more tendency I have seen for parents to doubt a coach's methods. A coach is up close and personal with the athlete during practice and competition; they know what is going on. Parents observe from afar and can't see the little things going on. If your daughter has the passion for this sport, you have to reach the trust point sooner rather than later otherwise the friction between you and the coach will eventually cause the whole thing to break down. Once you come to realize that the coach knows best when it comes to training this crazy sport, the better off you will be. Be the support system - be there to wipe the tears, make the ice, and pay the bills; don't try to be the coach.

Good Luck.

 

[Gymdaddio]

No matter the background, you picked a gym for their results and now you want to change their philosophy. Just a friendly warning, that won't go over well. Been there and learned my lesson. Good luck!

On a more constructive note, just ask the coach what their plan is. Trust me, they have one.

 

[Amber]

Even if you want your little DD to advance quickly, it sounds like she is at the correct level right now. She is polishing her ROBHS, working on mill circles, and trying to remember routines. The next step up, to new level 4, is quite a jump: kip on bars, using both bars, FHS, cartwheel on beam etc... it took my DD almost a year to get her kip at age 7, practicing every day! Wanting to advance and being able to, are 2 different things. I read that you were going to ask about your gym's TOPs program? That might be something of a comprimise. Even if she compete new level 3, TOPs involves rigorous uptraining. The most important thing is her enjoyment of the sport, even if some things don't sit well with you. At six years old, there is no rush whatsoever.

 

[gymmiemom]

You should get a clear understanding from her coaches on what the plan is for your DD. Then trust them. I don't think it's fair to even consider asking them to change how things work within the gym for your DD.

Like a previous poster mentioned, jumping to the new L4 is a BIG jump. My own 7 year old DD is uptraining for it right now. But if some of the skils (getting over the vault, kipping, etc) don't come together enough to be successful for next season over these summer training months she will compete new L3 in the fall. Because that is where she will be most successful and therefore helpful to the TEAM. In our gym if you are on team, you compete. Period. The coaches decide what level you compete. The lower levels do have benefits, even if some of the skills are dumb Competition experience, learning how to learn a routine and perform it, good sportsman ship, developing confidence, learning how to deal with messing up ( my own DD face planted on her L3 vault at state this year, and she got back up wiped her tears and went back at it. She ended up still placing 4th or 5th all around, because she didn't let it define the rest of her meet. It was great lesson in learning how to overcome to at such a young age), etc.

At 6 years old she has plenty of time. There is no rush. And there are going to be levels she will probably have to repeat. It pretty common.

 

[iwannacoach]

You gotta continue to look at the "scoreboard" for proof that the program serves it up as needed for kids who are ready. It seems fair to say that in addition to knowing far more about the sport than you, a coaching staff that produced L10 kids on a regular basis has indeed "figured it out." Leave them alone and let them do what they think is right for your kid. No matter how you look at it, it's in their interest to do their best for every kid.

For mommyof1........ There's a benchmark out there if you know what you want and how to look for it. Finding that benchmark should be fairly easy, as you are the likely the person scribing out that measurement. Just don't expect to find a single coach or program to live up to the dozens of benchmarks that parents establish for us. Look around your own program and see if you can see two or three distinct parent types that by their own actions make it impossible to be "the one" for each of those parents.

 

[MaryA]

I think that when you switch gyms you're hoping and even expecting that the new gym will be perfect. I remember when DD started at a new gym, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I never had to worry about X, Y, and Z like I did at the old gym ever again. Well, guess what? The new gym isn't perfect either. I seem to remember a time when I thought my husband was perfect too...

But I picked this gym (and my husband) for good reasons, so now what I need to do is to trust the judgement that caused me to select it (him) in the first place, and see it through. Not that there aren't certain things that are "deal breakers", but as long as DD is happy and thriving, I don't forsee us switching again.

Edit to add: And I think I'll keep my husband around too...

 

[gymmommy123]

Sorry, I should have clarified... she competed level 3. Now they want her to compete again, new level 2. I would prefer she have a season to simply train, so she can progress to new level 3 when READY, even if that meant skipping a season to just have practice time. I think starting competition at new level 3 is plenty early enough to start competing so didn't want her to repeat at level 2.

I have been having a lot of frustration with the gym in other aspects, that I didn't talk about, so perhaps my frustration at the level placement is stemming from the other issues I'm seeing. I had no idea when we switched, that they'd start competing them at level 3 (new 2), as they didn't tell us that until after we started. They said they didn't compete until level 4 (new 3).

I'm going to bow out of the conversation now, before I get ripped apart again.

 

[MeetDirector]

gymmommy -

Bow out if you must, but I don't think anyone's intent was to "rip you apart".

I agree completely with you that competing those very low levels is next to useless; the current level 5 (new 4) is plenty early to begin competing. You should also have the right to say no to cometing those low levels. Now, saying "no" may have consequences, such as not being allowed to train with the team program. But hey, there are consequences to everything and we all have to decide if its worth it. Frustration in other areas does tend to put a bad taste in your mouth; if this is truely the right gym for your daughter's future in the sport, then you have to figure out a way to let the bad parts roll off your back like water on a duck.

Good Luck as you move forward.

 

[krisnkids]

Then you need to do as others have mentioned, talk to the coach and see what the plan is along with questions about what else is frustrating you. There may be things that you aren't seeing or understanding that the gym does.

FWIW, I see absolutely no point in competing level 3/new 2, its a bigger waste of time than level 4/new 3.

 

[mommyof1]

For mommyof1........ There's a benchmark out there if you know what you want and how to look for it. Finding that benchmark should be fairly easy, as you are the likely the person scribing out that measurement. Just don't expect to find a single coach or program to live up to the dozens of benchmarks that parents establish for us. Look around your own program and see if you can see two or three distinct parent types that by their own actions make it impossible to be "the one" for each of those parents.

Yes, that is what I am learning, although I still wish there were an easy checklist at least for safety concerns and proper technique. You are totally right that there are a few parent types (and kid types) for which my daughter's gym is not a good fit. Probably not by coincidence, the parents whose goals do not sync up with the gym's philosophy are also the same ones who make life miserable for everyone else in the bleachers. (Not talking about anyone on this thread, just particular people at our gym.)

 

[gymmommy123]

*sorry, removed comment*