WAG Why do coaches seemingly avoid conversations with parents?

[LizzieLac]

I have noticed a re-occuring comment from parents on this board and have experienced it myself:

A lack of communication from coaches and even an avoidance of parents.

I am having a really hard time understanding why this occurs so frequently and why coaches and parents can't get past this. I realize that "some" parents give others a bad rap when they are pushy and demanding and put the coach on the spot. But the avoidance of discussion with parents that seems prevalent is a real detriment to the coach-athlete-parent triangle.

I think we are frustrated at times. How can this be improved??

 

[BlairBob]

Emailing parents or sending a general email to all team parents. This answers so many questions and of course, they can just email if an issue pops up or there is not going to make practice. If you tell me in person, I might remember and I might not given all the other things going on at the gym.

I don't think a bulletin board works very well. Most people don't even see it. You can also have parent folders where you send notices but I prefer email. It's also paperless.

 

[GymBee97]

As a parent and former teacher - I think that parents shouldn't be cornering coaches during practice. The coaches aren't prepared to have discussions like that at that time as they are preparing to coach. What I think though is that the coaches don't give any time to actually have a moment where they communicate either so parents will do that. I think once a month or once a quarter it wouldn't hurt for a written up date to the parents like a report card to update the parents on how things are going or not going and what thier plan is for their child as they move forward. I would love an e-mail like that with a followup 5 min face to face time that you have to schedule with the coach like a parent teacher conference IF its needed to explain some gray areas. But that doesn't happen so parents are trying to corner the coaches when they see them to get something.

Our gym in June (start of summer program), Sept (start of Fall program), end of Nov (begining of meet season), and March (begining of sectional and state times) has a 20 min group parent meeting to go over general information, when decisions can be expected with regard to Levels, meets etc. Then after that if parents want a one on one they would have signed up prior to that night so the Owner/coach can be available with the info on that child and is prepared to do a 5 min talk with individuals if needed. It seems to work where we are.

 

[iwannacoach]

Most coaches are oblivious to how much they don't know about parents, kid's lives, and the families they partner with as they train your (plural) dds and dss. Some of them, as well as parents' don't even consider themselves as partners to the others. That's just the way it is when you have "young-ish" people coaching kids. Usually they haven't raised kids, and have no idea what it takes to keep a family running smoothly.

I wonder sometimes if coaches could satisfy the majority of info seekers by answering one group question per week about things like the training cycle, training group behavior, goal setting, skills being empasized..........and posting it on the team section of the gym's web site, where it could be archived for the next generation to reference.

For unique questions you would still have to talk directly with the coach, but should do so by setting up a time to meet or have a phone conversation. E-mail conversation could also work. What won't work is trying to catch up with the coach as they are pulling into the parking lot, walking into the gym, or just about any other time at the gym, as most of them already have plans made for every minute they are there. So if you do run the gauntlet, and pin them down, use that moment to set up a time to talk, message, beat jungle drums, or........

 

[Gymdad2]

I think some of the fault for the lack of communication falls on the parents as well. How many of those parents who complain of the lack of information have actually approched their gym owner or admiistrator (not their dd's coach)and suggested ideas about better commuication with parents?

 

[aerialriver]

The gym I go to does evals for rec. students every 2 months to help parents understand where there kid is at. They have team parent meetings before the start of the season. They send out letters to parents when there kid is ready to move up which really helps the tension. And the coaches/owner are easily reached by email. The coaches walk the kids out and say hi to the parents and inform them of any issues. And the owner does walk in the waiting area on occasion.

That being said the coaches and the owner do not have time to chat too much or talk about issues that can wait otherwise. The coaches have class after class with no time in between and the owner is busy taking care of all the gym business plus coaching. I guess because of the other systems in place the owner does not get overwhelmed by parents asking gymnastic questions but rather folks wanting to talk about their everyday lives and chat it up, and people don't realize that takes up time so I have seen her duck out and hide from time to time for that reason.

 

[LizzieLac]

I suspect that coaches are afraid of being "put on the spot" about a child's development, place on team, level, reaction to coaching style. So they avoid the parents to a certain extent. Then the parants get frustrated because the coaches don't offer information without be approached. And then we have a vicious cycle....

 

[thefellowsmom]

I am very interested in this conversation. I recently took over our very sad and dilapidated booster club and one of my major focuses this year is improving communication between parents and coaches, especially our HC. So, I am eager to hear people's ideas on this.

I really like the idea of the group question. I think I will incorporate an area on the BC website for people to submit questions, ideas or concerns and then I can effectively address them and answer questions with the coaches and then post them back up on the website with an archive for future reference. Nice!

We have seen great improvements in this area over the last couple of years in the day to day communication. The coaches usually come out after practice to give updates to parents about individual kids if there were issues or major developments. If they don't talk with you then you can assume everything was fine.

This also gives you a chance to have a two minute conversation or set up a time for a longer conversation if necessary.

If emails with information are sent, they usually go out right before practice, so this also gives time to ask a question about that as well.

Most of the coaches are pretty good about email, so that is good. We also have an administrator so communication about meets and updates are much better now that the coaches don't have to send all that information out.

I am working hard on creating a way for new team parents to get all the information they need as that first year seems to be a huge and overwhelming learning year and there isn't anyone leading the way there. So, I am creating a section of the BC website with FAQs for first year parents and we are hosting a parent social so that veteran parents can answer questions an form relationships with new parents.

I also make sure the website gets updated with any information I get about anything so that people can be informed if they want.

I do find though that even with the effort from both sides to improve the day to day communications, there are parents that don't bother to use the system or seek out the information and some who don't even open the emails so don't know how to go about getting information. These parents also seem to be the ones most upset about communication. So, you can't put it all on the coaches.

The one place that I really think is the toughy is the long term plan and individual child stuff. Even though our coaches are open to talking with you about your child, getting any concrete information or real answers to questions about your daughter is very difficult. It's like I'm afraid to ask a direct question and they are afraid to answer one.

It is hard for the coach because if they say anything, they feel they will be held to it and plans change. I got caught up in this as a coach told us one thing and then the HC changed his mind. It was a difficult situation and if I had never known about it, I would have been none the wiser and a lot less stressed about the situation.

It is hard for parents because it is your child and usually they come to team at an age where you haven't really let go yet. At six or seven years old, you are still brushing their teeth and holding their hand when they cross the street. It is difficult to just hand them over and step back and not be a part of it, especially when it comes to "the plan". It is foreign to not be part of long term planning for your young child. It seems counter to everything that we are as parents. I struggle with this for sure.

But, with time under your belt, you learn to trust and that is what is happening for me. I know my kid is in great hands and although I would love to know what the plan is and feel more involved, I am learning to trust the system. One day at a time.

I look forward to hearing everyone's ideas and insights!

 

[cbone]

I just want communication about when communication will occur (i.e. When are move-up decisions made?) Knowing these things will keep me out of the coaches' hair.

Not knowing these things lead to a myriad of other issues. A lot of decisions for a family branch off of one piece of information. Here's a brief example for my family: If my daughter is not moving up, I don't need to have money in her account for a new leo- so what do I do about this e-mail that says she needs to have her leo money in soon? If my daughter competes Level 4 in the fall, she'll go to different meets than if she competes Level 3. That means we may have to sell concert tickets we had for one weekend. We also need to figure out our travel. Can we stay with family or friends? If not, we need to budget for a hotel. Who do we invite to come to the meet? Which friends are in the area that we may want to meet for dinner? We'd better call them. And on and on... As a parent, it's not the anxiety of whether or not my daughter moves up, it's the 20 other things that depend on the one piece of information. Knowing when we'll get that information makes the planning process easier.

I'm not the parent that wants to know why they only spent 5 minutes on vault today or why this other girl got way more time with the HC on bars. I just need information that will help us plan out how to fit upcoming gymnastics stuff into our lives.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Honestly, most of us don't consciously and deliberately avoid the parents, we just don't go out of our way to do it. Coaching is very taxing work, both mentally and physically. Usually by the end of the night, we're exhausted, hungry, and really want nothing more than to just go home, eat, and fall asleep. And when conversations with parents stand between point A and point B, thinking of that as an unpleasant chore is an easy trap for a coach to fall in to.

 

[PeanutButterMom]

I just want communication about when communication will occur (i.e. When are move-up decisions made?) Knowing these things will keep me out of the coaches' hair.

Not knowing these things lead to a myriad of other issues. A lot of decisions for a family branch off of one piece of information. Here's a brief example for my family: If my daughter is not moving up, I don't need to have money in her account for a new leo- so what do I do about this e-mail that says she needs to have her leo money in soon? If my daughter competes Level 4 in the fall, she'll go to different meets than if she competes Level 3. That means we may have to sell concert tickets we had for one weekend. We also need to figure out our travel. Can we stay with family or friends? If not, we need to budget for a hotel. Who do we invite to come to the meet? Which friends are in the area that we may want to meet for dinner? We'd better call them. And on and on... As a parent, it's not the anxiety of whether or not my daughter moves up, it's the 20 other things that depend on the one piece of information. Knowing when we'll get that information makes the planning process easier.

I'm not the parent that wants to know why they only spent 5 minutes on vault today or why this other girl got way more time with the HC on bars. I just need information that will help us plan out how to fit upcoming gymnastics stuff into our lives.

I could have written this 100%. The lack of communication drives me nuts. I would love a 5 minute (seriously, set a timer so no one goes over - I'm cool with that) once a month or every 2. It's hard when an entire family's schedule really revolves around one kid's activity, but that's the way it is. In addition to wanting/needing to know what I'm paying (and I get that's a way not fun convo), I need to figure out whether the younger kid can start soccer, or not because I'll be in the middle of shuttling his sister across town to practice. Or whether or not I'll need a babysitter on a no-school day or if she can go away to grandma's (can't go to grandma's if she has practice that night). I would LOVE to know the differences between the different "levels within levels" that seems to be going on. I'd love to be able to know what PB needs specifically skill-wise to move up to the next level (or level-within-a-level that's never been defined). It's so incredibly frustrating.

 

[monkeysmom]

Just to set the background of many parents......Where I work, I generally feel that the more difficult the message is to a customer, the more important it is that I deliver it in person or at least on the phone. I abide by that rule in my professional and personal life. Our customer service expectation for ALL levels of employees in the corporation is that we respond to all internal and external customer inquiries within one business day. We may not have an answer, but need to acknowledge the question and give a timeframe for a response etc. In no other area of my life (other than daughter's gymnastics), would I spend so much money or let someone spend so much time with my child with so little communication with me as the parent. The coaches are basically strangers to me, and I am guessing they know very little about my daughter's life outside of the gym, and know basically nothing about me. When I send the gym coach or dance school an email (which is rare, at most maybe two or three times a year) usually it is just ignored. My experience is generally that I get no response, even though it's mostly just run of the mill questions about scheduling or whatever with nothing controversial. It takes a conscious effort, it really does, to not be insulted and to exercise patience patience patience. I don't need a lot of communication with coaches, but a blog with occasional posts or an occasional newsletter would go a long way toward feeling like I have some sort of connection, other than writing checks. Just sayin......throw us a bone. Please. If only the "squeaky wheels" get your attention, coaches, those are the only ones you'll communicate with, and you'll never communicate with those of us that mostly just roll along... Hey even my local Starbucks drive through person knows my name. I realize that level 7 and aboves probably have a much different connection with the gym, but even though my daughter is not your all-star, my checks still cash just the same as everyone else's and she is my beautiful, smart, wonderful, fabulous, funny, loving kid, and you are spending more hours a week with her than many other people in her life. Even a little communication (blog, newsletter, email) would show that you care about her and her family. Just sayin....

 

[Gymdad2]

To thefellowsmom and other booster clubs,

It sounds like you are doing a great job of re-organizing your booster club. You might want to consider using a program of 'level reps' that we had at our gym. For each level on the team, one, or more for large levels, parents were designated as 'level rep' and they were responsible for coordinating all information for that level between the gym and the parents. It worked really well as it gave both the gym and the parents of each level a common point of contact and relived the gym of multiple inquires about meets, schedules, etc., while getting the needed information to the parents.

 

[mommyof1]

It is hard for parents because it is your child and usually they come to team at an age where you haven't really let go yet. At six or seven years old, you are still brushing their teeth and holding their hand when they cross the street. It is difficult to just hand them over and step back and not be a part of it, especially when it comes to "the plan". It is foreign to not be part of long term planning for your young child. It seems counter to everything that we are as parents. I struggle with this for sure.

This totally resonates with me as the mom of a 5-year-old in a developmental program. Without communication, it is hard to figure out if there even is a plan for your child, let alone what that plan is. It's very hard to watch your little kid work hard at a sport she loves more than anything else without knowing whether she'll be allowed to pursue it further. Even though each individual child's progress on preteam is probably not a huge concern in the gym's big picture, it is a very big deal to the kid, and therefore to her parents.

Coaching is very taxing work, both mentally and physically. Usually by the end of the night, we're exhausted, hungry, and really want nothing more than to just go home, eat, and fall asleep. And when conversations with parents stand between point A and point B, thinking of that as an unpleasant chore is an easy trap for a coach to fall in to.

My job is a lot like this. I have found that it's less work just to deal with the questions and concerns right away, even though you are exhausted and just want to go home, and it builds trust that makes things go much more smoothly in the future. A system of regular individualized communication might also reduce the number of parents waiting to ambush the coach after practice. We are tired too after working all day, commuting, shuttling our kids to practice, and then sitting in the bleachers for two hours, and we would rather go home than stay after practice to try and corner the coach to have our questions answered.

I just want communication about when communication will occur (i.e. When are move-up decisions made?) Knowing these things will keep me out of the coaches' hair.

Not knowing these things lead to a myriad of other issues. A lot of decisions for a family branch off of one piece of information...[\QUOTE]

Absolutely. After-school care, summer day camp, and other extracurricular activities must usually be arranged several months in advance, and some parents may need to rearrange their work schedules to accommodate changes in gymnastics schedules. A family schedule does not turn on a dime. It would be very helpful to know at least three months in advance exactly when move-up decisions will be made, as well as the schedules for all of the programs/levels the kid could possibly end up in, so that contingency plans could be made.

 

[Krystan]

I really like the idea of e-mail. Then coaches can answer questions when they have time, later on, not during practice. Both parties can craft their response so it doesn't come across badly in the rush of pick-up/drop-off. I guess I can see this being abused, but instead of coaches clearly planning their exit/bathroom route to avoid parents (which I see done and I totally understand why), they can just say, "send me an e-mail," and be done with it. I do feel like if I have a question (as simple as do we have Thursday practice this fall (ie.next week) so I can plan our lives around it) I am having to corner a coach at an inconvenient time or when they are racing through the lobby trying to escape. E-mail sounds like a great solution too, to getting out a lot of information that might not be "typed up yet" but can be distributed to a lot of people at once without counting on the grapevine (as we do now). Our gym isn't there yet, but I'm hoping...

 

[SuperGirlmlm]

At my gym, when every GYMNAST leaves the gym to the lobby, they are given a sheet of paper that has everything you need to know until next practice, meets, events, open gyms, ect. Other than that, emailing is used a lot.

 

[GymBee97]

I think too that parents don't need a play by play for every practice and there are parents out there that every practice want to know everything that happened etc. That's not realistic no more than it is for a teacher in a school. But I think too that the coaches and owners need to make days and times that they are available not just come in do their class and hid out. It goes both ways.

 

[iwannacoach]

I am working hard on creating a way for new team parents to get all the information they need as that first year seems to be a huge and overwhelming learning year and there isn't anyone leading the way there. So, I am creating a section of the BC website with FAQs for first year parents and we are hosting a parent social so that veteran parents can answer questions an form relationships with new parents.

I do find though that even with the effort from both sides to improve the day to day communications, there are parents that don't bother to use the system or seek out the information and some who don't even open the emails so don't know how to go about getting information. These parents also seem to be the ones most upset about communication. So, you can't put it all on the coaches.

The one place that I really think is the toughy is the long term plan and individual child stuff. Even though our coaches are open to talking with you about your child, getting any concrete information or real answers to questions about your daughter is very difficult. It's like I'm afraid to ask a direct question and they are afraid to answer one.

It is hard for the coach because if they say anything, they feel they will be held to it and plans change. I got caught up in this as a coach told us one thing and then the HC changed his mind.

One incarnation of my BC wrote an entire orientation handbook that provided every imaginable cyclical obligation, as well as approximate dates for significant moves, payments, fundraisers....you name it, they wrote it. It worked great but for one exception where neither parent LOL took the time to read it.

The child had been on the team for at least 4 months when her parents were shocked to hear, for the first time, that meet fees and competition outfit money was to be in by the end of the month. The resulting conversation I had with them lasted over 40 minutes, most of the time them venting about how somebody should check back with each new family to verify that they had read the hand book. It was the last time I had more than a three word conversation with them outside beyond those with-in a group meeting framework, and I did "look the other way" every time I saw them from that point forward. On a humorous note, I found out how interesting the architectural details in any given gym club's ceiling really were.

The tough one is the future, and plans for even the next skill set in progressive training. We have hopes for each child based upon what we've experienced with them in the past two to six months. Since we are gym coaches and know mostly just coaching, we don't engage much in the "adult" world, and some of us are at a loss for words and footing in conversations about the future.

The best advice I can give any parent would be to preface every conversation with a simple phase like....I know you can't know this for sure, and it's probably a long way down the road, but generally what sort of skills do you plan/what level do you plan/or any other general question, a (fill in time period) from now......

Try it......you may end up getting more info than you've ever gotten in the past.

 

[JBS]

I have noticed a re-occuring comment from parents on this board and have experienced it myself:

A lack of communication from coaches and even an avoidance of parents.

I am having a really hard time understanding why this occurs so frequently and why coaches and parents can't get past this. I realize that "some" parents give others a bad rap when they are pushy and demanding and put the coach on the spot. But the avoidance of discussion with parents that seems prevalent is a real detriment to the coach-athlete-parent triangle.

I think we are frustrated at times. How can this be improved??

Just my two cents...maybe everyone should just talk to the coaches more instead of typing it online.

We have a parent website with a whole page about who should be contacted for various questions as well as directions on how to schedule a meeting with the team director...yet still...many of the parents ask other parents and get the wrong answer.

Many gyms have excellent communication and still have parents that do not check their mailbox...the bulletin board...the team website...their voice mail...or their email.

Here is how we approach communication...

If you have a question…ask us! If you have a concern…tell us! If you have a compliment…tell a friend!

​

Team communication is something that we are always looking to improve. In order to make sure everyone is on the same page…we have a few simple rules to follow.

Below that there are about seven things listed that are specific to our club. Our team managers for each team along with contact info are listed below that. Questions about individual athletes or the program in general are only to be asked of the managers. Regular coaching staff are absolutely not allowed to answer individual athlete questions or program questions as all of our athletes are managed by the Head Coach of each program.

Also...we are overstaffed most of the time as much of my job is talking. I do not do well through email.

 

[JBS]

Just my two cents...maybe everyone should just talk to the coaches more instead of typing it online.

Please don't think this is not a great place to ask questions...just make sure you are on the same page with your coaches.