Parents Puma Jr is having a rough time :(

[SHELOVESGYM]

Sorry to get a bit off topic but can someone explain what a Judges' Cup is and how it's different from other meets?

 

[l.c.o]

Sending hugs and fairies.

My DD had quite the rough summer, but has recovered to a degree. Once her head improved, skills started clicking again (almost all at once). I hope your DD has a similar experience. The process was heartbreaking to watch, but we all felt quite proud when she dug her way out of it. In the end, she had to choose to fight for it, and that was a near thing.

That your DD's bars are there is HUGE. Kudos to her for that, as L5 bars are no joke!

As far as corrections - how old is she again? Sometimes kids reach ages where they just have trouble with criticism in general, well-intentioned or not. And when one things goes "bad", followed by another, and another, they can really feel like the world is against them... particularly when they're THERE so much. Despite more recent "success", my DD had quite a bad day recently - I yelled at her before practice for something probably trivial as I don't remember what it was, then she was yelled at on beam because a skill was off, then went to bars as her last event and was suddenly spooked and unable to do her giants between the bars and she got yelled at for THAT (thank you, wider bar setting, for helping fix that). For a 12 year old, it was a lot in a short period of time - she was a messy ball of emotions when she got home.

Does your DD have other activities to help shift some focus? For my DD, she'd had cheer, but had to put that on hold this year as the competitive seasons now overlap, and she struggled with that a ton. Thankfully, she's recently started an art class which she's having some "surprise success" with - I think even little things like that can help them remember they aren't "only" a gymnast or student, etc. May or may not apply to your DD (my memory is the pits), but thought I'd mention, in case... sorry for the rambling!

Quick edit for this:

Hugs to you both. If she was ready, she will be ready again. Adjusting to school is hard. Moving up a level and the pressures of the new routine and new schedule is not that easy. Be patient. This is definitely a labor of love.

This, too!! My DD has at least one mini-meltdown pretty much before every level change. Sometimes it's emotional, sometimes it's with skills. Move-ups can be so nerve-wracking for them!

 

[mommyof1]

Sorry to hear Puma Jr. is having a rough time. Do the coaches know that Puma Jr. feels they are "down on her," and during the meeting did they explicitly tell her that they believe in her and have confidence that she can turn it around and start putting in full effort? And have you watched a practice, preferably without her knowledge, to see if you can pick up any clues?

My daughter spent months and months believing that her coach hated her and thought she was "the worst gymnast in the world." She was miserable in the gym and making zero progress. Over her strenuous objections, I finally insisted on meeting with the coach. I did not actually tell Coach that my kid thought she didn't believe in her, but I did explain that she felt like a terrible gymnast and was so discouraged that she was coming home in tears on a daily basis. Coach looked Tinker Bell straight in the eye and told her that she did not believe she was a terrible gymnast--on the contrary, based on her performance early in the previous season she had expected more progress. She told Tink exactly what she believed was holding her back (fears on certain events, etc.) and that she wanted to work with her to overcome those issues. The very next day, Tink was like a different child. She was happy and engaged and tumbled and vaulted like she hadn't done in months. All of her coaches were amazed. I think sometimes coaches don't realize exactly how discouraged a kid is, and how much difference just a few well-chosen words from the coach can make.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

Based on what you have described the majority of the problem seems to lie in 1) the coaches providing corrections; 2) daughter not taking corrections well; 3) coaches noticing daughter not taking corrections well and increase their frustration; 4) daughter's frustrations get amplified as a result.

I think if your daughter can manage the corrections process better, alot of this could go away. Perhaps this is something you can address with the coaches to find solutions to help your daughter break through.

Positive vibes to you.....[/

Based on what you have described the majority of the problem seems to lie in 1) the coaches providing corrections; 2) daughter not taking corrections well; 3) coaches noticing daughter not taking corrections well and increase their frustration; 4) daughter's frustrations get amplified as a result.

I think if your daughter can manage the corrections process better, alot of this could go away. Perhaps this is something you can address with the coaches to find solutions to help your daughter break through.

Positive vibes to you.....

You are absolutely right. This is really accurate. I am very lucky that I feel like I can talk to the coaches, and I have told them this. She has gotten herself into this spot, but I want her to be given every opportunity to get herself out of it too. It's hard as a parent! I was (am? Lol) an athlete, so the one part of me wants to scream "Suck it up, Buttercup!" but also it breaks my heart to see her genuinely feel so beaten down, even though most of it she created. Thanks everyone! Again, hopefully this is just a bump in the road.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

Sorry to get a bit off topic but can someone explain what a Judges' Cup is and how it's different from other meets?

I'm no expert, but I know it's not a state qualifier and I guess the judges give feedback at the end? They didn't bring the compulsories to this one last year, so I don't really know what to expect!

 

[Mrs. Puma]

Sending hugs and fairies.

My DD had quite the rough summer, but has recovered to a degree. Once her head improved, skills started clicking again (almost all at once). I hope your DD has a similar experience. The process was heartbreaking to watch, but we all felt quite proud when she dug her way out of it. In the end, she had to choose to fight for it, and that was a near thing.

That your DD's bars are there is HUGE. Kudos to her for that, as L5 bars are no joke!

As far as corrections - how old is she again? Sometimes kids reach ages where they just have trouble with criticism in general, well-intentioned or not. And when one things goes "bad", followed by another, and another, they can really feel like the world is against them... particularly when they're THERE so much. Despite more recent "success", my DD had quite a bad day recently - I yelled at her before practice for something probably trivial as I don't remember what it was, then she was yelled at on beam because a skill was off, then went to bars as her last event and was suddenly spooked and unable to do her giants between the bars and she got yelled at for THAT (thank you, wider bar setting, for helping fix that). For a 12 year old, it was a lot in a short period of time - she was a messy ball of emotions when she got home.

Does your DD have other activities to help shift some focus? For my DD, she'd had cheer, but had to put that on hold this year as the competitive seasons now overlap, and she struggled with that a ton. Thankfully, she's recently started an art class which she's having some "surprise success" with - I think even little things like that can help them remember they aren't "only" a gymnast or student, etc. May or may not apply to your DD (my memory is the pits), but thought I'd mention, in case... sorry for the rambling!

Quick edit for this:


This, too!! My DD has at least one mini-meltdown pretty much before every level change. Sometimes it's emotional, sometimes it's with skills. Move-ups can be so nerve-wracking for them!

She is nine, and was the youngest in her training group but now there is a new girl who is about 8 months younger. She recently started clarinet, which I was hating lol, but maybe that will be a good outlet. I do also make sure she has some random friend time and we do have a lot of time with family. It's hard! School plus 16 hours of gym doesn't leave all that much time, especially when she requires a lot more sleep than my older daughter. Thank you for your kind words!

 

[Mrs. Puma]

I would check to see if something is going on at school. Depending on your DD age there could be something there that is affecting her attitude

One of the coaches asked about this, and as far as I know school is fine. She didn't love her teacher last year, but this year she does. My older daughter had this same teacher two years ago so I know her pretty well. And so far her grades are great per usual. Good thought though! I will keep an eye on that.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

Sorry to hear Puma Jr. is having a rough time. Do the coaches know that Puma Jr. feels they are "down on her," and during the meeting did they explicitly tell her that they believe in her and have confidence that she can turn it around and start putting in full effort? And have you watched a practice, preferably without her knowledge, to see if you can pick up any clues?

My daughter spent months and months believing that her coach hated her and thought she was "the worst gymnast in the world." She was miserable in the gym and making zero progress. Over her strenuous objections, I finally insisted on meeting with the coach. I did not actually tell Coach that my kid thought she didn't believe in her, but I did explain that she felt like a terrible gymnast and was so discouraged that she was coming home in tears on a daily basis. Coach looked Tinker Bell straight in the eye and told her that she did not believe she was a terrible gymnast--on the contrary, based on her performance early in the previous season she had expected more progress. She told Tink exactly what she believed was holding her back (fears on certain events, etc.) and that she wanted to work with her to overcome those issues. The very next day, Tink was like a different child. She was happy and engaged and tumbled and vaulted like she hadn't done in months. All of her coaches were amazed. I think sometimes coaches don't realize exactly how discouraged a kid is, and how much difference just a few well-chosen words from the coach can make.

The coaches couldn't have been better during the meeting. It was HC and two others (they work with several). They were kind but honest and absolutely said that she could do it. They told her she was talented and strong and they are tough on her because they know she has potential. She's no phenom, elite is certainly not in her future, but she wants to be L10 someday and twice HC has told her that is certainly possible if she wants it bad enough. I don't really get much time to watch practice with our crazy schedule-I'm pretty much drop off/pick up, but maybe I should try to carve out some time. I honesty do trust in the coaches.

 

[l.c.o]

She is nine, and was the youngest in her training group but now there is a new girl who is about 8 months younger. She recently started clarinet, which I was hating lol, but maybe that will be a good outlet. I do also make sure she has some random friend time and we do have a lot of time with family. It's hard! School plus 16 hours of gym doesn't leave all that much time, especially when she requires a lot more sleep than my older daughter. Thank you for your kind words!

I empathize with you on the 16 hours + school + sleep. Hopefully the clarinet helps some - I played clarinet through high school, so I'm sure my mom can sympathize with you on the hating, LOL! Age 9 (4th grade?) seems to be a year of a lot of growth and kids all mature at different rates. There's a lot of pressure for them to take on more independence and responsibility at school, plus 16 hours and level 5 at that age is a big deal (and huge accomplishment). Hopefully she gets through this quickly, but no matter what I'm willing to bet she'll be better for it in the long run.

 

[gymdog]

Is there a sports psychologist in the area you can try?

Also, could it be possible she has a processing or executive function problem? This may not show up in school at this point. If she does, working on strategies for that will help (will probably help regardless even if it's just an issue of her being younger than the other girls). Being off a previous routine (coaching changes) could make this worse. It's important she knows it's not her fault and she isn't doing "badly" but here are the tricks that will help your brain remember and apply what the coaches say.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

Is there a sports psychologist in the area you can try?

Also, could it be possible she has a processing or executive function problem? This may not show up in school at this point. If she does, working on strategies for that will help (will probably help regardless even if it's just an issue of her being younger than the other girls). Being off a previous routine (coaching changes) could make this worse. It's important she knows it's not her fault and she isn't doing "badly" but here are the tricks that will help your brain remember and apply what the coaches say.

Thank you! Good thought. I don't know if there are any sports psychologists, but I can't imagine there's not? There must be some at the University (Syracuse) at least. One guy Puma does Jiu-Jitsu with writes books and does seminars on the mental aspect of martial arts, so I have thought about having her talk with him.

 

[MomIdidit!]

Sending good vibes to Puma Jr. I hope it all works out for the best. Dd head coach reminds parents every so often that this is a sport of three steps forward and two back....

 

[duyetanh]

Sending good vibes to Puma Jr. I hope it all works out for the best. Dd head coach reminds parents every so often that this is a sport of three steps forward and two back....

Oh ain't that the truth! Word!

 

[LizzieLac]

Tell her to think about what she IS doing well. If bars is a strength, make sure he gives her self credit for an event that is usually the hardest for everyone else!! Little victories add up to big victories and in such a mental and demanding sport where all focus is on what you did WRONG in a routine, she must embrace the small victories.

That is where the satisfaction, the confidence, and the joy in the sport rests!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Sorry to get a bit off topic but can someone explain what a Judges' Cup is and how it's different from other meets?

It is essentially a meet. There will be some extra things noted. Things like best effort, best smile, best CW or whatever.

But it is a meet, the hosts are technically the judges. We have done them every year. Its just another meet on our schedule. We don't do the same one as Puma though. So I can't speak to that Judges Cup, just ours.

 

[dancingimmie]

I think this time of year is tough. I know at our gym suddenly blocks are popping up, including for my dd. Jump to the high bar is suddenly the most terrifying thing, even though she's been doing it for years.
Competition season starts soon, it's the end of the marking period in school, seasons are changing... I could go on. All of this adds up. I think sometimes a few days off to recharge could be exactly what the doctor ordered.

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

I'm no expert, but I know it's not a state qualifier and I guess the judges give feedback at the end? They didn't bring the compulsories to this one last year, so I don't really know what to expect!

Ahhh. Interesting. Thanks!

 

[JMACAZ]

C had a similar issue at the end of season last year. She also can have trouble taking correction. What I have done (with the ok from Coach) is video her routines and have her pick out the corrections. Also, if she does not understand exactly what the correction means, ask the Coach to show her or explain it in a way she understands. Sending positive thoughts to Puma Jr!!

 

[Mrs. Puma]

C had a similar issue at the end of season last year. She also can have trouble taking correction. What I have done (with the ok from Coach) is video her routines and have her pick out the corrections. Also, if she does not understand exactly what the correction means, ask the Coach to show her or explain it in a way she understands. Sending positive thoughts to Puma Jr!!

Yes, she does very well with video, and I'm encouraging her to ask for specifics if she's unsure about the correction. I think she gets embarrassed and maybe learning how to swallow her pride is a bit of a maturity thing. She was very positive and happy after practice tonight, so hopefully we're on our way back! Thank you everyone for all your kind words! It really helps knowing that many other kids have had issues like this.

 

[Doubletrouble]

I think you are doing all the right things. My suggestion, based on government publications on parenting, is to have them think back to a time when they faced a broadly similar situation and ended up dealing with it successfully. Something like "remember in first grade, when you felt awful about x and that you were behind all the other kids? And then y happened and over time you caught up?" It's about reminding them that they do have strategies to succeed in these situations and to teach them when to draw on their past to deal with new challenges.

My only other thought, which might help others too, is to look into WOOP (google it) which uses mental contrasting (rather than just visualisation of a positive outcome) to help with achieving goals. Research studies indicate that it is effective (very unscientific summary!)