Parents So upset and frustrated... what should we do?

[Sasha]

Sorry to hear your frustration That does sound like a recipe for boredom. Could there be any other reasons for them wanting her to repeat that they're not coming straight out and saying? Is she focused and good at taking corrections on the little form things/dance-y things? Any other physical or emotional maturity issues other than skill acquisition that could be at play? I don't know how old most of your L3s are, but there is such a wide spectrum of maturity around the 6-7 age range... Also, in form, a lot of 6-7 year olds' movement still appears 'little kid like' instead of more mature and graceful, which some gyms (including ours) do look at when making move-up decisions.

Not saying any of the above is the case for your DD, just grasping for any other factors. There is a girl on our pre-team (our L2) who is 8, and a nice girl, but is repeating mostly because of focus and maturity issues (goofing around, silliness..). Most of our L3s are 8-9, and have spent 3-4 years in developmental before competing. I realize many other places compete younger girls more 'routinely' (pardon the pun) ;-)

Anyway, I agree with the people that advise to have that open and heartfelt talk with the coach and/or owner and try to calmly and openly understand how they currently perceive her talent and dedication, what if anything is holding her back (beyond just the score - e.g., what is behind the score deficit) and their plans for her... and then raise your own concerns with the 'fit' of their plans to your daughter's unique personality and needs. Hopefully coach/owner is empathetic and reasonable, and at least open to hearing you out. Good luck, I really feel for you and your DD!

 

[gymmommy123]

[quote="txgymfan, post: 264134, member: 2698"If the new gym does not move her up and the old one wont take her back then I suggest finding a new activity for her.[/quote]

Such a sad outcome, it will break her heart. Once we told her we were pulling her out of gymnastics, because she was bored and kept goofing around during practice, and she cried for hours, cried herself to sleep. I feel like I have earned the worst mom of the year award this year :-(

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I guess the real question is, Why did you switch to this gym? If it was because they appeared to be a better gym,,,, then.... well,,, Deal with your choice or you could very well end up in the same situation at the next gym and the next and the next...

 

[iwannacoach]

Leaving a gym to reduce your driving time makes perfect sense.... to a parent who's got to make all of the time ends meet. It's a decision you'll find few coaches agree with, and that's the center of your problem at the old gym. You've shown them you can't be counted on to "be there" for them, and they probably don't trust you to have learned anything from the experience.

I can tell you from having been through this (as a coach) with the first generation of kids I took responsibility for, that it's very difficult to lose kids (on team or destined for team) and more difficult to respect the decision making ability of the parent who chose to take their child out of my program. Sure, it's wrong to define somebody by a single action/decision, but it's so hard to turn the other cheek and hope it doesn't happen again.

I know I would have taken any of those kids back, but they had left for gyms that talked a good talk and by the time they figured it out...... let's just say your intuitive powers are commendable. I don't know if most coaches/club owners are opposed to taking kids back but there are some who won't..... and don't care to hear why or consider changing the way they feel.

Considering your portrayal of your dd's success at L2, and taking it as offered without a grain of salt, I'd think the main reason they won't take her back (other than ego) is trust. They don't know when the other shoe is going to drop and leave them with Mayhem in charge of figuring how to fill her spot. So what I'd suggest is an approach that includes payment of her last six months of gym in advance with the understanding it's a condition for reinstatement, and a consideration that is non refundable under any circumstance.... including an injury ending her involvement in the sport. In other words, you only get your money's worth if your daughter stays until you give notice she's going to finish up her last six months and she continues training with them for those six months.

It sounds like you'd be buying her way back into the old gym, but then again actions speak louder than words, and money may cause them to feel you'll follow through with them for many years.

I wish I had more imagination and could offer up a better idea, but this is the only way I can see them being provoked to take her back...... if that's what you want.

 

[gymmommy123]

We switched because the drive to the old gym was 45-55 min. each way, and the new gym was half that. In the past, there were no good gyms anywhere near our house, and 3 yrs of that drive was getting tiring. But you're right, we shouldn't have switched in the first place, I'm very aware of that... we weren't gym hoppers, we started at a gym and stayed there years until this new one opened up. We've stuck out a year of some pretty frustrating growing pains that I won't get into. I don't like to move my dd around... we suspect this may just be the end for her, and hopefully I can find a sport she likes even a fraction as much as gymnastics.

 

[gymmommy123]

And thanks everyone for listening to me vent and offering different solutions. I really appreciate it!

 

[mouey77]

We switched because the drive to the old gym was 45-55 min. each way, and the new gym was half that. In the past, there were no good gyms anywhere near our house, and 3 yrs of that drive was getting tiring. But you're right, we shouldn't have switched in the first place, I'm very aware of that... we weren't gym hoppers, we started at a gym and stayed there years until this new one opened up. We've stuck out a year of some pretty frustrating growing pains that I won't get into. I don't like to move my dd around... we suspect this may just be the end for her, and hopefully I can find a sport she likes even a fraction as much as gymnastics.

No! She's not even 7 yet! Surely something will work out. You could try iwannacoach's suggestion abt negotiating a contract at the old gym. Are they really going to be that rigid? You said you left on good terms. It's not like you pulled an 11 year old level 9 out. And the driving logistics sound like a very valid reason for trying the new gym.

 

[Dr Maleficent]

Don't feel like a bad mum! We all make the best decisions that we can at any given time, and no-one can predict the possible consequences. You were just trying to make your life manageable, and that is ALLOWED! You will get through this, she will get through this, and probably she will end up being a better gymnast because of it, because she will have new learning opportunities, for life lessons, if not necessarily gymnastics ones. Be strong, have faith in yourself, and go query that gym!

 

[Amusibus]

I like Meet Director's concept of you as a paying customer deserving of a respectful explanation. This whole concept of gyms not taking kids back for no good reason, coaches making decisions for families that cannot be questioned with out fear of looking like a bad parent.... it's just ridiculous. RIDICULOUS.

 

[curlygirls]

I like Meet Director's concept of you as a paying customer deserving of a respectful explanation. This whole concept of gyms not taking kids back for no good reason, coaches making decisions for families that cannot be questioned with out fear of looking like a bad parent.... it's just ridiculous. RIDICULOUS.

I have to agree. I feel like some are missing the point that this child wasn't even on team yet at the old gym. It seems at least a little over the top for them to be feeling injured or betrayed by the switch. To the OP, I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. I hope it can be resolved so your dd can keep progressing in the sport she loves.

 

[gymmommy123]

I like Meet Director's concept of you as a paying customer deserving of a respectful explanation. This whole concept of gyms not taking kids back for no good reason, coaches making decisions for families that cannot be questioned with out fear of looking like a bad parent.... it's just ridiculous. RIDICULOUS.

I couldn't agree more... and yes, she wasn't even on the team yet at the old gym when we left and we left on very good terms. Luckily her old coaches and the girls that she knew were very sweet when they saw her at meets, gave her hugs and congratulations, so that is a positive. I feared they'd be mean, and she wouldn't understand why. The new gym doesn't have good open lines of communications, so I feel like we have no one to talk to when we're frustrated or confused and now that we've questioned them about this decision, I'm afraid they'll either ignore us, or kick us out... a shame, it's a beautiful gym, clean, nice equipment and only 30 min. drive, but I think we will no longer be welcomed back :-( Oh well... sometimes you just need to speak your mind (not in any mean or rude way) and deal with the consequences.

 

[bookworm]

...
They don't know when the other shoe is going to drop and leave them with Mayhem in charge of figuring how to fill her spot.

SO what I'd suggest is an approach that includes payment of her last six months of gym in advance with the understanding it's a condition for reinstatement, and a consideration that is non refundable under any circumstance.....

1. To the first point, did you miss where the OP said the kid wasn't even on a team yet? so what kind of "mayhem" would ensue if she left basically a rec spot in a gym ?

2. And there's NO WAY on God's earth that I would agree to pay six months in advance with conditions as described for a 7 year old to do pre team...even team tuitions are on a monthly basis...like a prior poster said, if you can't resolve the situation to your liking with either gym without them extorting huge sums from you , then it's time for a new activity ...she's young and she'll get over it...

 

[mouey77]

^i think he must have missed the part about not being on team yet. I didn't catch it either at first. It seems like bad business sense on old gym's part not to take you back from the situation as you described it.

 

[gymmommy123]

Is there a reason that would benefit a child to compete level 2 for 2 full years, after they'd already had several years of developmental training? I am trying to understand why they are pushing it. Other than to win medals. If she were training level 3 and 4 skills while competing level 2, I think I could tolerate it more, but they have her combined with 2 younger developmental groups (one has girls about 4-5 yrs old, some don't even know a pull-over or handstand very well) so it seems a rather odd choice.

 

[juststartingout]

Am I the only one who finds it insane that in this economy a gym would turn away a paying customer? I can see if a gymnast left and was commenting negatively about the gym but they moved to have a shorter commute. How can a gym hold that against someone? Is there anyone at the old gym that can maybe talk to the owner for you, in your favor? If not I would give it one more shot and offer to pay the 6 months in advance. I have a 7yo and there is no way she could handle doing the same stuff for 2 years straight with no uptraining. At our gym the girls uptrain all season long and they can move up whenever the coach decides they are ready and that is great for a younger kid as they get bored easily. I would bet that your current gym has a high drop out rate for this very reason.

 

[mouey77]

Am I the only one who finds it insane that in this economy a gym would turn away a paying customer?.

No. No, you are not.

I can't really understand the rationale for repeating level 2 if she's already competed it unless she performed poorly?? But it doesn't sound like that's the case.

 

[berrisweetness]

Did anyone read the part In her first post that she said she turned down her old gyms invite to level 3 team. So now the owner probably feels slighted because of that. Kinda like you turned us down and they still didn't move her up. You thought the grass was greener on the other side. I agree to talk to both gyms it wouldn't hurt. I hate to see her not do a sport she loves so much. I hope it works out.

 

[gymmommy123]

So now the owner probably feels slighted because of that. Kinda like you turned us down and they still didn't move her up. You thought the grass was greener on the other side.

I'm sure that's quite a lot of the thinking over there. I think it stems even deeper than my own daughter though, they lost several of their best optional girls, who moved over to the "new" gym opening up, so I think they have some resentment towards them. Even though we hadn't trained on the team yet, I think they pretty much had their mind made up that once you leave to go to the "enemy" we don't want you back. I talked pretty extensively to the head coach about moving back and she was very happy to have us. She said we'd have to sign a commitment to the gym, and we were fine with that, but then she went to the owner to get a final say and he said no... so it was coming directly from the top. Such is life.

 

[berrisweetness]

It's their loss and frankly an owner that does not agree with their head coach I would be very hesitant about returning to him BUT I understand your concern with having only a few number of gyms to choose from.

 

[iwannacoach]

1. To the first point, did you miss where the OP said the kid wasn't even on a team yet? so what kind of "mayhem" would ensue if she left basically a rec spot in a gym ?

2. And there's NO WAY on God's earth that I would agree to pay six months in advance with conditions as described for a 7 year old to do pre team...even team tuitions are on a monthly basis...like a prior poster said, if you can't resolve the situation to your liking with either gym without them extorting huge sums from you , then it's time for a new activity ...she's young and she'll get over it...

Well shoot the messenger if you feel it will solve this dilemma.....

Most of what I offered was perspective in an effort to help this woman understand some of what the owner may be thinking by letting her walk the owners walk for the briefest of moments. Just like anybody else, owners and head coaches are humans with their own set of dreams, fears, and insecurities. Owning a club, or knowing the sport from top to bottom is not a guaranteed means of becoming well rounded, self confident, and understanding of others.

No, I didn't miss the fact that the child was not yet on the team, but noticed she was in a group being groomed for the team program. I doubt you'll find a majority of coaches who'd invite kids to that sort of group without expecting them to stay for the long haul.

I don't endorse the idea that a gym should bend somebody's wallet at every turn, and offered the idea, as a possibility, absent any other suggestion that gets the kid back to the old gym. The money I suggested wouldn't be an entire waste as it merely pays for the child's agreed upon participation. Sure, the advance payments are forfeit if she gets injured and decides to quit rather than rehab, but that's the price of wanting to go back to people who don't trust you.

It's as simple as that....... The owner either thinks with his/her ego, or is tired of having a pre team with all the bells and whistles only to see kids leave once they've been prepared to move onto the team. In either case the advance payment helps solve the problem.

My suggestions were only offered as options as hope to stay away from telling her what she should or should not want for her daughter. Really, who among us is qualified to say what this kid can and cannot get over. Certainly not me........