WAG The ugly side of college gymnastics

[Deleted member 18037]

I would pay to find out what gym(s) you two talked about to make sure to stay away. Not worth the stress. And... you won't know until you're already IN. Why don't we rate gyms like we rate schools?

Because much like the article, athletes and parents are afraid to be blackballed.

 

[B.Gold]

What athlete wants to tell their parents that a scholarship has been taken away because they were only trying to defend a teammate? How many of us would approve? How many of us would join their child's fight?

I recently learned a dd of close friends just quit her D3 swim team because of bullying for spots. D3!! Very little to no money is involved, and this is one of the kindest girls you'd ever meet. This event happened on the cusp of me landing on thinking a less competitive team just has to be friendlier.

If my dd is lucky enough to compete college gymnastics, and she sees injustices on that team, I'd be soo proud for her to stand up for them, even if it means losing out. None of what I read here is worth putting anyone through. For what? Noteriety and money? Shame on those parents who don't encourage their athlete to come forward.

One big take away for me in respect to this topic.... An athlete really needs to make the choice to compete in college strictly for the intense love of their sport, and for no other reason. Not for any of the other perks like free college, making parents proud or the notion it's a sorority of loving girls...

 

[Deleted member 18037]

^^^^^yes to all that.

Except no money for D3, money gets routed via academic money.

 

[bookworm]

1.I recently learned a dd of close friends just quit her D3 swim team because of bullying for spots. D3!! Very little to no money is involved, and this is one of the kindest girls you'd ever meet. This event happened on the cusp of me landing on thinking a less competitive team just has to be friendlier.

2. One big take away for me in respect to this topic.... An athlete really needs to make the choice to compete in college strictly for the intense love of their sport, and for no other reason. Not for any of the other perks like free college, making parents proud or the notion it's a sorority of loving girls...

Point 1. Bingo! And this happens way more than you think, at every level, in multiple sports, men and women....I'm beginning to think NCAA sports are just legalized bullying...

Point 2. Can I say Bingo 100 times?! Passion for the sport is exactly what kept my daughter competing through the awful times of :belittling, berating, fat shaming, making fun of " you name it", scholarship threatening, recovering from injury, being told she sucked/wasn't able to cut it/wasn't tough enough/didn't have what it takes....you name it, she saw it. Many a day and/or night we cried together on the phone and sobbed ourselves to sleep as I begged her to leave this horrible situation but she kept saying " no mum, I can make it ...I want to do this because I love this sport"...and that's why she stayed ..because gymnastics has always been her passion....and she just finished her college career with never having a fall at a home meet (!!) And her head held high....as I said before, she is my hero in all this...

 

[gymgal]

I would pay to find out what gym(s) you two talked about to make sure to stay away. Not worth the stress. And... you won't know until you're already IN. Why don't we rate gyms like we rate schools?

Point 1. Bingo! And this happens way more than you think, at every level, in multiple sports, men and women....I'm beginning to think NCAA sports are just legalized bullying...

Point 2. Can I say Bingo 100 times?! Passion for the sport is exactly what kept my daughter competing through the awful times of :belittling, berating, fat shaming, making fun of " you name it", scholarship threatening, recovering from injury, being told she sucked/wasn't able to cut it/wasn't tough enough/didn't have what it takes....you name it, she saw it. Many a day and/or night we cried together on the phone and sobbed ourselves to sleep as I begged her to leave this horrible situation but she kept saying " no mum, I can make it ...I want to do this because I love this sport"...and that's why she stayed ..because gymnastics has always been her passion....and she just finished her college career with never having a fall at a home meet (!!) And her head held high....as I said before, she is my hero in all this...

you bring up a great point here. You tried so hard to get her out of that situation but in the end, she is an adult and the parent can do only so much once they are in college. I fear that most parents don't even know about what is going on because it is so much easier to hide it given how little you see of each other once in college. It's good warning to parents that if your dd is on this path, you have to be extra vigilant about keeping tabs.

Happy to hear she was able to achieve her goals and make it her own. Hopefully she has been able to take the good to move forward and leave the negative parts of her experience behind her.

And hopefully your other dd is in a much healthier environment, psychologically.

 

[bookworm]

you bring up a great point here. You tried so hard to get her out of that situation but in the end, she is an adult and the parent can do only so much once they are in college.

The bigger issue about getting them out of an awful situation is that the school holds all the cards...they can "choose" to release them to transfer..or not ( even if they pull your kid's scholarship, she would still need a "release" for her to compete somewhere else, on scholarship or not!!), the school can "limit" the release to certain conferences or "prohibit" competing in others, they can also be made to sit out a year so it's not as easy as getting your kid to agree to change programs...

But if you're the coach, and something better comes along for YOU, you don't tell your team until your last day...and you sail into the sunset off to your new opportunity with zero repercussions ( some may have a buyout...but if you're making enough to have a buyout clause in your contract, I'm not feeling sorry for you)

Point being, the athlete is pretty much stuck for the 4 years because of the way the NCAA operates...

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Point being, the athlete is pretty much stuck for the 4 years because of the way the NCAA operates...

Yep the athlete is guaranteed nothing, nada, zip.

 

[txgymfan]

Bookworm, congratulations to your DD! I remember when you said she had signed her LOI. You must be sooooo relieved she is done!

 

[bookworm]

Bookworm, congratulations to your DD! I remember when you said she had signed her LOI. You must be sooooo relieved she is done!

Thanks so much! And yes I am relieved...and finally able to sleep through the night again. She's really enjoying her time being a "regular student" since it ended and is looking forward to being a "regular student" in grad school in the fall.

 

[mimi]

Thanks so much! And yes I am relieved...and finally able to sleep through the night again. She's really enjoying her time being a "regular student" since it ended and is looking forward to being a "regular student" in grad school in the fall.

You have a younger one too right? Will she do college gym? What have you learned from this experience that you will take into the next? If I am remembering incorrectly I apologize, I thought I remembered you saying you have a younger child who is also in the sport.

 

[bookworm]

You have a younger one too right? Will she do college gym? What have you learned from this experience that you will take into the next? If I am remembering incorrectly I apologize, I thought I remembered you saying you have a younger child who is also in the sport.

I do have a younger daughter who committed to a D1 program after her sophomore year ...and those coaches were totally different from my oldest's coaches...and I made sure I asked way more questions, and even ones that made people uncomfortable ( but I didn't care!)

 

[flipster]

Bookworm, is the younger daughter on a less competitive team, i.e., below top 10?

Time to pick up a hobby Bookworm , crocheting or knitting, or watercolor art, things you always wanted to do but didn't have time for.

 

[bookworm]

Yes it's "below top 10" but I wouldn't say that teams 11 and lower see themselves as "less competitive"....and to be sure, crazies and nasties populate the gamut of the teams...

 

[mimi]

Yes it's "below top 10" but I wouldn't say that teams 11 and lower see themselves as "less competitive"....and to be sure, crazies and nasties populate the gamut of the teams...

My daughter is just getting to the threshold of beginning to think about this. Finished a good season of level 9 and pushing for 10 next year. This has been her dream for years, but I haven't actually thought seriously about it happening until now, and frankly, the thought actually scares me! The fact that you have been through this twice blows my mind! What is your secret to your sanity??

 

[bookworm]

The fact that you have been through this twice blows my mind! What is your secret to your sanity??

I wish I could say that I drink as sometimes I feel like a numbing effect would have been nice.... but I do read a lot so I try to gather as much information as I can ( which in round 1, was woefully inadequate...) so that we could be prepared but you know, it's never enough. I think until there is a way to vet schools and coaches so that you can make an informed decision, the process is going to be a crap shoot...

The second time around I asked coaches point blank about their coaching styles and team chemistry and if I didn't get the answer I was comfortable with, we moved on....

Through it all ,keeping my eye on the end was helpful ( to me , anyway) by telling myself " in X more days/weeks/months/years, it'll be over" ....on paper that probably sounds dreadful, but some days I'd look at my calendar and say "oh wow, only X left"

 

[Deleted member 14190]

From what I understand it is much harder to pull a scholarship effective this year. You have to break team rules, is what I was told. Other than that, you keep your scholarship so long as you are working out with the team, or on IR etc... Anyone know the exact ruling please post.

 

[munchkin3]

Brings back so many memories of the man who ruined my son.......he was too young to handle it and got out at 14.......imagine, top 3 in the region to -I hate gymnastics .......................It pains me to think of any young man or woman who needs to feel that in order to do the sport they love and are good at, they must be abused to become better!........that's some f'd up kool-aid......

My failure was to not spot it soon enough......

 

[bookworm]

From what I understand it is much harder to pull a scholarship effective this year. You have to break team rules, is what I was told. Other than that, you keep your scholarship so long as you are working out with the team, or on IR etc... Anyone know the exact ruling please post.

"Breaking team rules" gives the school HUGE latitude.....there might be a "team rule" that you have to lose a certain amount of weight/be a certain size, not go out with certain people, keep a certain GPA, "volunteer" for X amount of extra conditioning etc etc ......and guess what? Off the team would go someone the coaches didn't want on there...

Remember, the school holds all the cards...

 

[esor]

This thread is just so concerning. My DD is still in middle school, so a little early to be thinking about this all, but it sheds light on a topic that concerns me if my DD stays in this sport until college. One of these coaches in these articles have even been to our gym scouting our girls! Granted, innocent until proven guilty, but in the Penn state situation there is a lot of info that has me concerned enough about it that I would not allow my DD in that program if offered.

With that said, this larger problem of not treating girls great is why we switched gyms. And I just want to state, that even though there are "bad seeds", there are great and amazing coaches out there too! Lets not forget our great coaches, and hope that at every point in our kids gymnastics life they find the right coaches and right teams. These threads help all of us parents keep an eye out though for our daughters and sons safety, so thanks all who are posting this information. I know I am learning from it...

 

[Deleted member D3987]

you will find three 6's on the scalps of both those coaches...husband and wife.