Parents Normal?

[Really]

This year, we had two girls on our team leave for other gyms. One left because she was offered a spot only on the Xcel team. The other left because her sister was offered only an Xcel spot at our gym, but both siblings were offered JO elsewhere. Our gym "uninvited" these families from our end-of-year banquet (and refunded their money) even though all the gymnasts finished out the competitive season with our gym. Although the gym advertises the end of the year banquet as a celebration of a successful season, they only want girls who are staying on at the gym or have quit the sport entirely to attend. To me, this seems inappropriate. Is this something that is typically done in the gym world? Can somebody help me understand why I should be sympathetic to the gym's point of view?

 

[Gymmommy71]

Glad they refunded their money, but that was very rude and vindictive of the gym to do that. Especially since they were leaving to get a track the family was denied at the current gym. Sounds like the gym is either just bitter and wanted to punish/make an example of those families (you know, to show others that this is the kind of treatment you will receive if you go elsewhere), or they are afraid that word will get around where these families are going and others may decide to check out that gym too.

I've found that usually for every family that is unhappy enough to make the move to leave, there are usually 3-4 others who are starting to think about it. Maybe the gym is afraid that having these girls around will inspire others to leave too.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I can't imagine being invited or attending the banquet for a gym you've left for another. We once had a gym move the banquet up three weeks for us so my DD wouldn't miss it, but she was leaving due to a long distance move. Generally once you leave you're gone. They don't want you having the opportunity to tell anyone else that the grass feels greener. Makes sense to me.

 

[mariposa]

Pretty typical in my experience at 2 different gyms and having friends at several other gyms in our area. I actually can't imagine being allowed to bring my kid to end of year banquet if I took my kid to another gym.

They refunded their money, which they didn't really have to do.

 

[mandkmom]

Typical I think. We just switched gyms and my DD was unable to attend the banquet or celebrate the season with her teammates. It was sad for her but I understood. One of the coaches was the primary reason we left, which was known so that would have just been awkward.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Typical. You are either at the gym or not..............

We have had 3 girls move elsewhere. They will not be at our end of year activities. Nor do I think they want to be.

 

[NutterButter]

Seems reasonable to me. It's not unlike leaving a job...when you leave, you leave. Honestly - in the instances where someone has left DD's gym for another one, I would NOT want to see them at the end of year celebration (even if I'm friendly with them).

 

[GYM0M]

To me, it's the team's celebration. The gymmies that left are no longer part of the team so it is logical that they should not partake in the team's celebration. Does it most likely stink for the gymmies? Yeah, but as such is life. I am sorry if they are disappointed though......

 

[Really]

The gymnasts ARE disappointed. They wanted to say goodbye to their teammates and let them know they want to still be friends. Since at least one of the girls leaving was on the JO team this year, then got CUT from the JO team (after a successful season when she was scoring 35-36s) and was only invited to Xcel by the coaches, for her this feels like a double-rejection.

Ok, so it seems like this behavior of rejecting/excluding people who leave the team from end-of-year activities is the norm in the culture of gymnastics. Could somebody please address my follow-up request of helping me to see this from the point-of-view of the gym?

 

[Mrs. Puma]

We just had a very amicable mid-season gym break up and I honestly believe they would let us come to the banquet if we wanted to, but I wouldn't feel right about it. We attended a session of a State meet they hosted and they were great to us, but the banquet would seem awkward. To each their own, but that's just my opinion!

 

[skschlag]

My best guess would be that they worry about people coming back and bad mouth the current gym, talk up new gym, and/or convince people to leave as well. Not that these would, but I have seen people do things like that....

 

[l.c.o]

I agree that it's not appropriate for them to go to the banquet. Unfortunately, it comes right along with switching for another gym.

I can maybe see attending if you've quit gymnastics altogether, or moved.

I do have to add that there is absolutely no way my DD would want to attend the banquet at a gym she has left, even if she missed her teammates.

IMHO, better for them to immerse themselves in the new gym - get to know the new girls, etc, and look forward to celebrating with them at the end of next season.

 

[Gymmommy71]

The gymnasts ARE disappointed. They wanted to say goodbye to their teammates and let them know they want to still be friends. Since at least one of the girls leaving was on the JO team this year, then got CUT from the JO team (after a successful season when she was scoring 35-36s) and was only invited to Xcel by the coaches, for her this feels like a double-rejection.

Ok, so it seems like this behavior of rejecting/excluding people who leave the team from end-of-year activities is the norm in the culture of gymnastics. Could somebody please address my follow-up request of helping me to see this from the point-of-view of the gym?

I think it's sad. I guess the lesson from others posts is that you shouldn't announce that you are leaving until after the banquet. First they moved these families kids to XCel against their wishes, basically causing them to leave, and now this. That's just heartbreaking. I hope these families are eventually able to get over this and it doesn't affect the kids love for the sport.

 

[cyclopsmom]

At our banquet, we had 2 girls attend after leaving for another gym. I know one girl came without her parents, but not sure about the other. One of the girls and my dd were the only girls in levels 6 and above who did not get individual awards. I wouldn't be surprised if that was purposeful. The other girl who left did get an individual award, but she was on a team of 2 girls.

Many girls do attend the banquet after quitting, but leaving for other gyms is extremely rare here since there are no other gyms in town. I was honestly surprised that the girls who left were allowed to attend.

 

[MILgymFAM]

It's sounds as though this is a bitter breakup, so to speak, so it makes even more sense that the gym wouldn't have the girls there. While they may feel rejected by being placed on the Xcel track (and yes, it does sound odd how it came to be), the gym didn't kick them off team- they chose to leave. Given the bad feelings, I'm honestly surprised the girls even want to go? It's an awkward place for goodbyes imo- everyone will be celebrating the gym and team that turned these girls down.

I will say that my DD joined a new gym last year only two weeks prior to their banquet and they went all-in to include her- including making sure she received the same gift as all the other girls, having her name on the cake, and giving her an award. Maybe the girls' new gyms will handle their joining with equal aplomb. I hope so!

 

[wandrewsjr]

I would say excluding people from team activities who have chosen to leave a team and join another, is not exclusive to the "culture of gymnastics".

 

[Deleted member 18037]

You don't have to be sympathetic. It's just the way it is. It's not rejecting or excluding or rude. They left. Their choice, their money was refunded. Team party is for team members. The only way to reject or exclude them would be if they were still there and not allowed to go.

Is it sad? Yes leaving friends is sad. Moving, change can be sad. That is life

From a business standpoint, if some one leaves, it's because they are no longer OK with the gym. So the gym would not want folks who are not happy with the gym at a gym party.

This actually happens a lot in business. I used to work in sales. When someone gave notice, say 2 weeks the company would say, no go now. Again, they don't want a rep talking about their new job to customers.

And it happens in many areas. You change schools in 12th grade. You can't go to old schools prom, unless you are going as a date. My daughters BFF changed schools. She doesn't come to our schools field trips or parties. Really it's not all that odd.

And yes if the year end party was important to my kid and we were making a change it would be after the party.

 

[NutterButter]

Ok, so it seems like this behavior of rejecting/excluding people who leave the team from end-of-year activities is the norm in the culture of gymnastics. Could somebody please address my follow-up request of helping me to see this from the point-of-view of the gym?

This is the norm in life. Not a gymnastics culture thing. The POV of the gym would be that it's a banquet for current team members. Having people attend who are no longer on team has the potential of introducing at best, awkwardness and at worst, negativity. This would go for both the team members and the ones who left. Why take a risk and introduce any of this in what is ultimately a bonding moment for the team? It may be a celebration of the past season but it's also closure and the beginning of the new year with the current team. The gym would not want to have people there who may potentially talk badly about the gym. Your situation sounds unfortunate with kids wanting to see each other...but...this is life.

 

[GYM0M]

The gymmies may feel rejected as that is their own right and prerogative; however, it was, ultimately, these gymmies (or their parents) who rejected the gym, it's coaches, and their offers FIRST by leaving the team. We live in a small town and there is only one option for competitive gymnastics. There have been families that moved from our gym to bigger, 'better' gyms across our state, but bc of family or other obligations have returned to 'visit' our gym. I will admit that when I personally witness our coaches be polite and cordial, AND accommodating to these 'vacationers', it ticks me off. IMO, these families, ok, mostly the parents, have deemed our gym's coaches, program, and TEAM too inadequate for them. It feels like a slap in the face TBH!

 

[Ms.Pak-Man]

We left a gym shorty before the banquet years ago (two dd gymnasts, one still in gym), but I asked the owner if she may still attend the banquet and this gym change was on good terms. They said yes, and probably appreciated me asking and not assuming. I think it depends on the circumstances, which don't seem bad in this instance, but hard to know the full picture. They may have a blanket policy so that the unhappy parents don't spread ill will. FWIW, the one other instance we made a gym change I would not have wanted me at the banquet. In fact we left because I felt it wasn't fair to stay at this gym, to the gym owner. I feel if you are not happy and begin to speak poorly about a business, that it's your "decent human being" responsibility to move on.