Parents Advice needed

[Avasmom]

Let me preface this by saying that my daughter is on xcel bronze. I was at the gym watching my daughter and a parent asked me in front of lots of other parents why my daughter took tumbling in addition to being on team. I responded because she wants her robhs competition ready. Her response was why she can't compete it. I disagreed and said she can if it looks good. I already discussed this with her coach and she gave me the answer of if it looks good then yes she can. The mom responded by saying that that is harder level skills and she would be deducted. I remained quiet because I do not like to argue and obviously she felt she was right. I know nothing about deductions so please fill me in if she is correct.

Then later she pointed out the mistakes my daughter was making while practicing. I didn't even notice because it's practice. Is this a normal gym mom behavior to point out other kids mistakes?

Is it normal for the moms to be cliquish and make other moms feel out of place if they aren't in their clique? If my daughter didn't love it there I would consider leaving based on the behavior of the moms. Maybe I need to be meaner and stand my ground but I shy away from confrontation. Anyone have advice for this situation?

 

[Faith]

Unfortunately it is normal. These people are known as Crazy Gym Moms (CGM).

Keep as far away as possible. Do Not Engage. Smile and nod, take a laptop/headphones and tune out.

My DD is in a group with a whole squad of CGM and CGD. I have found somewhere else to sit so I don't have to listen to it. These are kids that are too young to compete!

 

[IreneKa]

First, yes, ROBHS is allowed in XCel bronze. Second, ignore them. Third, don't watch the practices, just drop her off and leave. That's the only way to avoid those moms.

 

[AndieRose]

It sounds like this mom may have some jealousy or some issues with being dominant. I would have to fight my instinct to tell her to focus her energy on her own child. Unfortunately, there are these types in every area of life. Some people just can't leave high school behind! I would try to gently let her know that her advice is not necessary and that you and your child are working with her coaches to develop the best plan for her advancement. You know your child better than this stranger. It's so hard to be thick-skinned when someone butts in where they aren't welcome, especially when it concerns your babies!

 

[lovemygymnast]

Honestly, depends on your gym. Old gym, we only had 1 mom that I encountered that would constantly tell me everything my dd was doing wrong at practice. I learned quickly that if I saw her, I went to the opposite area and really, just stopped coming to watch. New gym, I've not encountered any of those moms yet, thankfully. But I only come in for the last 20-30 minutes at pick up.

It's truly best to smile & nod & ignore those moms though. Don't argue. But truly, try not to get near her so that she does engage in conversation with you. You've discussed it with her coach, you don't need another mom telling you anything.

 

[gymmomtoo]

No, this isn't normal! Most people don't go around pointing out others mistakes. I'm with the other poster who felt this mom thinks she's the queen gym mom there and wants to put you in your place. Ignore her and sit somewhere else if you want to stay for practice.

 

[MAcastsalot]

There was a mom at DD's gym like this a level above DD. We didn't see her much, but she felt the need to share all of her unsolicited advice freely, and was the queen of the thinly veiled brag about her kid. She would also point out every mistake that she saw her daughter's teammates make. Luckily, she has left for what she perceives to be greener pastures! We would just nod and smile, and tried to steer clear of her the best we could.

DD's team parents have been pretty great. The only things we say to each other about gymnastics are either informing a parent not at practice of something great that their kid did (little Susie just got her BHS today!), or letting them know if their kid had an injury (little Jane split the beam, cried a little, and got back up). Due to heavy traffic, several of us end up staying for most practices, so I am glad that we all get along. After move ups, there have been transfers in from other gyms/girls repeating/new to team kids, and we have tried to get to know everyone and include them in our group.

 

[Avasmom]

First, yes, ROBHS is allowed in XCel bronze. Second, ignore them. Third, don't watch the practices, just drop her off and leave. That's the only way to avoid those moms.

This is my new plan!

 

[raenndrops]

Let me preface this by saying that my daughter is on xcel bronze. I was at the gym watching my daughter and a parent asked me in front of lots of other parents why my daughter took tumbling in addition to being on team. I responded because she wants her robhs competition ready. Her response was why she can't compete it. I disagreed and said she can if it looks good. I already discussed this with her coach and she gave me the answer of if it looks good then yes she can. The mom responded by saying that that is harder level skills and she would be deducted. I remained quiet because I do not like to argue and obviously she felt she was right. I know nothing about deductions so please fill me in if she is correct.

Then later she pointed out the mistakes my daughter was making while practicing. I didn't even notice because it's practice. Is this a normal gym mom behavior to point out other kids mistakes?

Is it normal for the moms to be cliquish and make other moms feel out of place if they aren't in their clique? If my daughter didn't love it there I would consider leaving based on the behavior of the moms. Maybe I need to be meaner and stand my ground but I shy away from confrontation. Anyone have advice for this situation?

The mom is wrong... as long as your daughter doesn't do any other flight skills in her floor routine (max of 2 at Bronze). The mom is a CGM. As others said, ignore. Unfortunately, it is all too common, even if not "normal" behavior.

 

[Bess]

No, this isn't normal! Most people don't go around pointing out others mistakes. I'm with the other poster who felt this mom thinks she's the queen gym mom there and wants to put you in your place. Ignore her and sit somewhere else if you want to stay for practice.

I agree...I wouldn't say this was normal. What may be a little more normal (unfortunately) is a parent saying this behind your back .

In regards to the deductions...she may be partly right. Little Bit did bronze competing her L3 routines until she reached age 6. The way the coached explained it was that the L3 routines have a lot of "extra stuff" that is not necessary for xcel. So if she does not do everything absolutely perfectly (which she did not of course) there will be deductions. For instance her ROBHS was going up against "cartwheel cartwheel" or "round off backroll"...I can assure you her ROBH got deductions in comparison. Also her bar routine included the pull over, mill circle, front hip and back hip, underwing dismount. Others had pullover, backhip, dismount. Both are scored out of 10 so once again, more opportunities for deductions. It just is what it is with xcel. My advise is to listen to the coach (not the crazies in the lobby) and keep on keeping on. Even if she does see some deductions the fact is she is progressing towards the big picture.

 

[duyetanh]

1. Drop off and leave
2. If you want to watch, bring a book.
3. Better yet, put headphones into your phone but listen to nothing hee hee hee...that way you can watch without being bothered. Can you tell I have done this before?

 

[UnoMas]

Ignore the drama! Some parents are just plain rude, obnoxious and crazy. You will likely find a safe group of non-crazies to hang out with in time. In the meantime, stay away from the crazies. Definitely not a reason to leave a gym if you are otherwise happy, because THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!
BTW, my DD competed a BHS in bronze and scored consistent 9's. I would say the judges seem to like a pretty BHS in bronze, gives them something different to look at.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

I don't understand people like that. I've been lucky that the other parents in my dd's group are all very nice and supportive. Some of them have become very close to each other and socialize outside the gym now. I'm not part of that group, but they are still all very friendly inside the gym and I've never heard one of them say anything negative about any of the girls. In fact, it's usually the opposite. If one of them stays and watches for a while. she will usually update the other parents on what the other's did well.

However, there was recently some drama at the gym which I did not witness, but they ended up having a meeting for all the team parents to discuss. Apparently some of the higher level girls parents got into a very loud and aggressive verbal fight about one of the parent's attitudes (complaining loudly and speaking negatively about the other girls). We were told in no uncertain terms that this was not to happen again. It was emphasized on how the gym makes most of their money on the rec kids and how it made a very negative impression when these parents acted and talked that way. Team parents were told that seating is limited and they should not be taking up valuable bleacher space watching every practice. And we were told that our kids are listening and observing the parents and how they act to each other and how they talk to and about the coaches and that is impacting the gymnasts too. It was quite the meeting.

Anyway, I'm sorry that you have to deal with those kind of moms. I hope you are able to avoid her in the future.

 

[Amusibus]

Three years ago, my daughter was at a different gym for pre-team. This gym had a parent observation area with tables, a nice cafe, and was only partially obscured with a large one-way glass window. The remainder of the area was just parents standing behind a long row of cubbies, perfectly visible to the kids and coaches. Because of this cushy arrangement, many parents, myself included, would stay to watch. There were definitely some CGMs and CGDs there! It could get strangely tense, it was cliquey, and you always had the feeling someone was talking behind your back. Parents would be videotaping their kids at practice, or trying to talk to them if they came close enough. The coach and I were oil and water, and she had no interest in dealing with my daughter's special needs, so we switched gyms. This was when she was 6.

The new gym was great - good training, several different "tracks" available to kids, decent communication with coaches, and they were willing and able to make accommodations for my daughter's special needs without judgement. Only one problem - they had a strict "no watching" policy. This used to aggravate me to no end. I liked to watch, let's face it gymnastics is fun to watch, and at that time she was not competing yet so I really had absolutely no idea what was happening there for all those hours.

Interesting thing - the new gym has absolutely no CGM/Ds. None. The parents all leave, and really see each other only for the 10 or 15 minutes around pick up time. Never once have I seen or heard of a parent making any negative comments about another child. They are all very supportive of each other and of the kids. The pre-team parents and new parents often gripe about the communication level, the degree of (dis)organization, or why their own kid isn't progressing as quickly as Susie over in rec, but after the first year or two this stops and people get more relaxed and just go with the flow, the good and the not so good.

Now my daughter is 9, and starting into her third year competing. I have little to no desire to watch practice anymore (especially since I can now watch at competitions). They had a parent observation month back in February, a new concept that they were trying out for the first time. I went a few times, and strangely enough, felt my general level of gymnastics-related anxiety rising as a result. I never thought it would happen, and certainly never thought I would agree with Coach P about anything, but yes. It's happened: I now truly believe that it's generally a bad idea to stay and watch. It makes everything worse. Makes you worry about silly things or start comparing your kid to everyone else's, makes the kids and coaches feel uncomfortable about being watched, makes you get ideas about coaching strategies, makes it seem like your kid isn't gaining skills fast enough. It's just bad. So...try just dropping and leaving. It will all work out ok.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Let me preface this by saying that my daughter is on xcel bronze. I was at the gym watching my daughter and a parent asked me in front of lots of other parents why my daughter took tumbling in addition to being on team. I responded because she wants her robhs competition ready. Her response was why she can't compete it. I disagreed and said she can if it looks good. I already discussed this with her coach and she gave me the answer of if it looks good then yes she can. The mom responded by saying that that is harder level skills and she would be deducted. I remained quiet because I do not like to argue and obviously she felt she was right. I know nothing about deductions so please fill me in if she is correct.

Then later she pointed out the mistakes my daughter was making while practicing. I didn't even notice because it's practice. Is this a normal gym mom behavior to point out other kids mistakes?

Is it normal for the moms to be cliquish and make other moms feel out of place if they aren't in their clique? If my daughter didn't love it there I would consider leaving based on the behavior of the moms. Maybe I need to be meaner and stand my ground but I shy away from confrontation. Anyone have advice for this situation?

give her a Starbucks gift card. maybe she'll disappear for a few weeks. the price you pay for your kid to do gymnastics...

 

[MeetDirector]

... I never thought it would happen, and certainly never thought I would agree with Coach P about anything, but yes. It's happened: I now truly believe that it's generally a bad idea to stay and watch. It makes everything worse. Makes you worry about silly things or start comparing your kid to everyone else's, makes the kids and coaches feel uncomfortable about being watched, makes you get ideas about coaching strategies, makes it seem like your kid isn't gaining skills fast enough. It's just bad. So...try just dropping and leaving. It will all work out ok.

I have said it before and I will keep shouting it from the highest mountain - you have got to get to the point of trusting the coaches to be able to leave and not watch practice. This goes double or triple once they start training the upper optional levels. There is a ton of training frustration that, frankly, parents don't need to be a part of; it just makes it more difficult for the athlete (and they have it hard enough training these crazy-hard skills). As practice times increase as they go up in level, surely there is something that a parent can do other than sit and be part of gym gossip. It is such a weight lifted off of you when you separate yourself from your dd's training; at that point you can truly fulfill your role as parent and cheerleader.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I have said it before and I will keep shouting it from the highest mountain - you have got to get to the point of trusting the coaches to be able to leave and not watch practice. This goes double or triple once they start training the upper optional levels. There is a ton of training frustration that, frankly, parents don't need to be a part of; it just makes it more difficult for the athlete (and they have it hard enough training these crazy-hard skills). As practice times increase as they go up in level, surely there is something that a parent can do other than sit and be part of gym gossip. It is such a weight lifted off of you when you separate yourself from your dd's training; at that point you can truly fulfill your role as parent and cheerleader.

Amen I say to both of you.

We have a some CGMs. Kids were week one of working FHS vault and they were already chatting about who had it, who didn't, who is being spotted properly and who isn't. Week freaking one of the vault. A vault they will be doing for at least 2 freaking years. My kid didn't have it, don't care no meet until at least October. I practically started twitching and screaming. Couldn't get out of there fast enough. Fast forward less then a month, most kids have them, including mine and I am much less stressed ABTG-anywhere but the gym.

 

[munchkin3]

My DD just got her BHS on beam............i didnt realize she was almost last to get it!
WHO CARES!!!
everyone clapped and cheered, especially me.

 

[MAcastsalot]

I'm actually looking forward to the day when DD's practices are long enough for me to go home (and I don't get secretly (I don't ever say it) twitchy when she bends her legs 8 million times a practice). We live in a major city, and although the gym is only 10 miles away, we would be stuck in the car for at least an hour heading to pick her up. I do try to find errands to run and activities for gymmie's younger siblings to do for at least half of practice, but it gets expensive trying to shop or find kids' activities during every practice.

 

[sce]

I'm actually looking forward to the day when DD's practices are long enough for me to go home (and I don't get secretly (I don't ever say it) twitchy when she bends her legs 8 million times a practice). We live in a major city, and although the gym is only 10 miles away, we would be stuck in the car for at least an hour heading to pick her up. I do try to find errands to run and activities for gymmie's younger siblings to do for at least half of practice, but it gets expensive trying to shop or find kids' activities during every practice.

Park, playground?