Parents Anyone else not allowed to watch?

[happychaos]

Back on topic

Here is my thought on it...as a parent and former coach of another sport.

If you have glass separating you, stay sometimes. My ds loves nothing more than me watching sometimes. He will even tell me what days he wants me to watch.

If you don' thave glass separating you, be careful. It is too easy to get involved.

BUt I always remember this: In the gym, I am a spectator. If I am staying and working, great. They even have coffee for me. If I am watching, the coach is in charge. It is not my job to give corrections, compliment, give instructions, or even manage behavior. That is the coaches' job. My job is to pay, encourage, and listen

My DD loves it when I am able to stay. It doesn't make her nervous or anxious as some suggested. I do think she might try a teeny bit harder when she knows I am there. But like I said before, if I show up in the middle of practice, she doesn't even notice. We've got lots of glass

 

[bogwoppit]

This is not the thread for this discussion. If you want to discuss it I suggest you start a new thread.

By the time I was alerted of this thread going off topic it already was WAY off topic.

So lets go back to the OP's discussion please.

As to whether Dunno is qualified to discuss the topic you feel so passionately about, that is something you might wish to discuss with him by PM. The anonymous nature of the CB means it is hard to know who is qualified to have an opinion or not. Though on a forum everyone is entitled to share their opinion. But not in an off topic way.

Thanks for you understanding.

 

[lhmom]

If I had been told when DD first started that I was not allowed to stay, I probably wouldn't have let her start at age 6. She was a quiet and shy child who was very anxious in new situations. It took a few months before she was OK with me leaving the building even for a short amount of time. Of course now she doesn't even notice if I am there. Occasionally, she will ask if I am going to be there so I can see her working on a new skill. Where watching is concerned, nothing has ever been said to me about any restrictions. I think DD's coaches would only say something if they thought a parent was interfering with practice.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Coach P-
I find your post a little condescending towards parents. Yes, there are CGP out there, but not all of us are like that. I can't afford a 24 hour fitness pass. It gets too hot to work out outside, but when it is nice, I do. It costs me an additional 50-75 dollars a month to drive home and back. I DO NOT typically watch my child. I DO NOT hover to make sure he is being treated fairly. I DO NOT coach him at all. I am there solely due to finances. And i am sorry you do not understand that. it isn't where I prefer to spend my time. DO I sometimes get to see him do something new..sure, and that is nice. But I do not do any of the things you are referring to. And to lump all parents into the same category is condescending and wrong.

==
I never lumped all parents into any category.... And my post was a general statement of conversations that I have had with my own parents over the years, over and over and over again. So if you or others have said the same quotes here, then sorry but your not the first or thousandth to say these things (quotes). I think my example of the quotes from the children was an indication that I was speaking in general spanning my entire post, not specifically targeting anyone here.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

WOW!!! Assume much???? Since at least part of your post was directed toward my statement, let me assure that I don't NEED attention. I have people's attention all day long. At any hour of the day, I have the average of 60 eyeballs all on me. I don't seek out attention at all because quite honestly, I really prefer not to have attention. It embarrasses me to receive awards and recognition because I don't really feel comfortable having people heap praise on me.

==

It wasn't directed at you at all. These are conversations I have had over and over again. And instances I have seen over and over again. You are just saying/doing the same thing. So no, not directed.

 

[bogwoppit]

Just one more mod note before I scuttle back under my rock.

Please remember the OP posted this in the parents forum, as in to get opinions from other parents, not coaches. Though coaches who are parents are invited to share their parental views, just not so much their coaching views.

If a coach wishes to raise this topic in the general forums they are more than welcome.

This is why we have separate forums.

 

[OzZee]

Well I'm going to admit I find gymnastics boring (lol, I think I may be hounded off here now) so if I do rarely watch it isn't for me, but my kids love me to watch! If they find me in the gym they will always ask afterwards if I saw x,y, z - and I'll admit to lying and saying oh yes brilliant on way more occasions than when I actually saw it, lol. (if I'm there it's usually because I'm working or chatting, if not I'm usually looking at my phone bored, sometimes it's not worth the petrol or hassle to leave)
As I said before I have kids in a couple of sports with a no viewing policy and can't say it bothers me but I do at times wonder what they actually do (and I'd rather sit in the gym than in the car most of the time due to temperature) I don't want to stay but I'd love to have a list of what they do, lol. And I can see how when people are paying large amounts of money wanting to know what it is that their child does.
I see no problems with parent watching if they aren't coaching/shouting/carrying on.
And certainly if a parent has to travel an hour each way for a 3 hour practice that is stupid to not allow them to stay and read/work/ etc.
Oh and to the poster who had the list of things to do - the local hospital - is there any volunteer work you could do there in the wards/shop etc?

 

[Granny Smith]

My dd just recently switched gyms. I thought I'd start with that. Her new gym is a gym that you can watch whenever, but they encourage you not to stay all the time. We just recently came from a gym that dd was at for many, many years. For almost all of those years, except for the last one, we were allowed to watch whenever. Then as of Sept 2012, we were no longer allowed to watch. We were given 1 Saturday a month, that was scheduled, that you could stay and watch.

I was always someone who would come like the last hour of training (basically to talk to my friends, but also see what's going on) and then I would watch on Saturdays unless I had something else going on. Then with the change, I was not happy. I adjusted. Me and my fellow moms basically went out to lunch on Saturdays and I would only come with like 15-30 minutes left and just hang out in the parking lot and still catch up with my friends.

I was not happy about the change and had real issues with it. If my dd was younger, I would of pulled her out no problem and went to another gym, but because my dd was older 16 at the time and she wanted to stay, not much I could do, plus I figured she would be driving the next year and I wouldn't be around at all.

My dd's old gym was messed up. There was nothing physical, but definitely mental. When the HC would basically say don't tell your parents, eventually the girls do not tell the parents. Because if they do tell the parents what's going on, us parents react! I also know when I would react, it would come back to my dd and there would be snide comments made to my dd. My dd had been told she was fat, on many occasions (yes, she is currently 16, about to turn 17 in 2 weeks, 5'1" and weighs 110# - but called fat). HC had said to my dd that she doesn't think she wants it (to be a good gymnast & get a college scholarship) and that she (HC) didn't think she'd ever want it. When I found out about that one, I tried to pull her out and take her somewhere else and she wouldn't go. I couldn't understand why dd wanted to be coached by someone who didn't believe in her. She was supposed to be her coach and this is what she thought!! I still could get her to leave and this was back in Nov 2012. After we left this psycho gym, I found out that HC yelled at my dd for bringing her boyfriend to a meet to watch her. She told her that was not allowed, it was a distraction, but then went on to yell at dd and blame her for other girls on the team having boyfriends, that it was all her vault. I get the whole distraction thing, but dd certainly wasn't the 1st to have her boyfriend at a meet. These girls stay at this gym because of their fellow teammates/their friends. HC there is very manipulative. I saw and it frustrated me as I knew I didn't want my dd being there, but she wouldn't leave.

Well obviously something happened, because we did leave. Now dd will say she likes new gym better. I don't see the mind games, even if they were to yell at her, it wouldn't be the same as the mind crap that was pulled at the old gym.

I am very happy that I have the choice to watch, if I choose so. I'm sorry if I strayed a little with my experience above, but I just feel that not every gym is a "perfection situation" and there are warning signs to be seen, but you have to be there to see them or hear them.

Funny thing with old HC, she was an angel toward younger girls, but something changed when they hit HS. I never felt any of this when my dd was younger, but a teenager in HS, it just seemed that HC thought these girls could handle it or something. I guess that is where I felt that it was very, very sad that I was actually paying for this treatment toward my child, it was almost like I was saying it was OK each month I paid.

 

[Flossyduck]

I've kept out of this thread because I can see that people feel passionately on both sides and quite a lot was being said, but it seems to have calmed down.
We are allowed to watch. No-one has a problem with it. We're not allowed in the gym hall, at any time at all, but there is a place we can see from and there is a drinks machine and chairs and, as elite gyms in the uk are far apart and many people travel long distances, plenty of parents stay.
I drive over an hour, 42 miles. It's just stupid to say that is no reason to stay because you'd have to be a few sandwiches short of a picnic to spend the three hours driving another 84 miles for the hell of it
I sit quietly. I work mostly, I also read, I chat to other mums. If it's nice I go outside and sit on the grass and read, but this is the uk and as the nights start drawing in it will soon be dark for training hours so I wont be doing that much longer.
And dd trains in the evenings, so shops and cafes and libraries nearby are closed. In fact there's not a lot near the gym anyway, even if I had the money to spend.
I have work to do and being able to get on with it is the only way I can hold down my job and do the gym run. That's just a simple practicality.
I asked daughter if she minded me being there (after reading the dire warnings on this thread) and she looked at me, somewhat confused, and said "of course I don't, I can't even tell you're there and I'm too busy concentrating". Like Ozzie commented above, dd will sometimes come out and say "mum did you see bla bla" and I have to react quickly and grin and say "yes of course, you were brilliant" and then I look up what she was talking about when I get home, because most of the time I'm not watching and haven't a clue what a bla bla is..."
So am I being selfish and living through my kids?Well it had never occurred to me, but Coach P is right, there is a lot of 'I' in the fact that 'I' drive her there and 'I' sit and work and so on. So maybe that is selfish of me? And if that's the case then I'd better do the selfless thing and let my 9 year old walk the 42 miles on her own and while she's at it she can do the work too so she can pay her own bills

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

At old gym, there was drama that caused ALL team parents to be banned.

Current gym does not prohibit watching, that was one of the questions I asked when considering a move. I like having the option, even though I usually don't. We have some team parents who work odd hours and sometimes dropping in for 15-20 min during practice may be the only time they get to "see" their child that day!

 

[reillysmom2]

I can see both sides of the issue. I'm with Flossyduck. I too drive an hour to get dd to the gym, and there is really nothing to do as the gym is in just as a rural place as where I'm driving from. I can only go to Wal Mart so many times and that is the extent of the shopping available. I could not bear the thought of hanging out at the hospital since I spend every waking moment it seems in one working when I'm not driving and sitting with dd at gym :0) So, I stay. Sometimes I help babysit the coach's new baby; talk with other moms, or watch dd. I like being there; I liked it better before DD started optionals, now I'm too scared to watch sometimes. Plus I have this insane feeling that if I'm not there, DD is more likely to get hurt. I know that is crazy and irrational, as I am all the way across the gym from her and I'd not be able to help her do a thing but I can't help it. Her going away to FlipFest this year has helped me in that regard.
But on the other hand....
Now, if I were a coach, I don't think I would like the parents staying at least not in the capacity like at our gym ( no window, we are right in the gym with them). I don't think I would like the feeling that they are watching over my shoulder, judging everything I say or do. And its pretty impossible not to do that even if you don't want to, or mean to...I think its just human nature and I work hard to keep that down. My DD pretty much ignores me when she's at the gym, but I see other kids that are constantly running over to their moms, or moms yelling out corrections...that would drive me crazy. I know as a nurse I don't like it when someone who is not in the field tries to tell me how to do my job, so I'm sure the coaches feel the same way. I've never coached gymnastics so I'm sure not going to be telling DD how to do anything other than point her toes. I do know that one. Plus I can see how it would be tempting to compare the kids to each other and thats never good.
So I don't know if this has a point or not. I'd be bummed if I couldn't stay, I don't know what I'd do with myself for 3 hours, but I would understand.

 

[Flossyduck]

Funny thing is... I rather feel that it's the parent's who are being judged and watched, lol. It's quite a privilege to be in dd's squad and they can be dropped as easy as you like. Squad places in the uk are heavily subsidised and losing a girl or three will not cause the club treasurer to bat an eyelid.

Whilst the waiting area is nice and hushed and relatively comfortable, it isn't in the actual gym and is high up out of the way. I get the feeling that if any parent were to try and make contact with their child, or has a sibling who starts making too much noise, or there is any disturbance from the waiting families at all, we would be read the riot act and potentially dd would be dropped from the squad. I have heard that a girl whose mum tried to talk to her a couple of times was thrown out. It may be an urban myth, but it sure keeps us on our best behaviour!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

well I wasted an hour of my two hour stint at the gym today picking blackberries, got 2 ice cream tubs full

 

[txgymfan]

Margo, That is a VERY productive use of your gym time. Off Topic but I LOVE press picked berries! I encourage you to make cobbler. Sorry for the OT but this is the best response to this thread I have seen.

 

[mommyof1]

At my daughter's gym, team parents are officially limited to watching something like one practice a month. My daughter is in her second year of preteam. Nearly all of the preteam parents watch practice, and no one has ever tried to shoo them away.

I watched for the entire first year of preteam because my daughter wanted me to and I enjoyed seeing her progress. I also watched because I was doing the best I could to figure out whether the coaching was safe and of a reasonable quality, and whether the gym was the type of environment where I would like her to be spending many hours each week throughout most of her childhood. My own gymnastics experience is limited, but I do know a fair amount about working with kids, and I felt perfectly qualified to decide whether the gym was a good fit for my daughter and our family. Now that practice is longer and I have developed some trust in the program and coaches, I drop my daughter off, but I still return to watch the last part of practice because she is currently the only one at her level and is often the only child in the gym for that period of time.

During my year of watching practice, I did witness a huge amount of CGP behavior. The parents coaching their kids, and those who allowed their kids to run over to them and complain during practice, really bugged me. I used to threaten my daughter that if she even looked at me during practice, I would stop watching. By the end of the year, all but one of the CGPs' children had either quit or switched gyms.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Margo, That is a VERY productive use of your gym time. Off Topic but I LOVE press picked berries! I encourage you to make cobbler. Sorry for the OT but this is the best response to this thread I have seen.

There is a glut this year so I am thinking Jam, Wine and Crumble !

 

[Amusibus]

"A lot of this is also principle for me. My kid is under 10. There isn't a person on this planet who will tell me when I can and cannot see her. A dentist tried to pull that crap and found himself short two patients. I gave birth to that child and she is my ultimate responsibility. No one tells me whether I can be with my kid or not."

BRAVO!!!! My thoughts EXACTLY. For me, staying to watch if I want to and she wants me to is just a given that it should be allowed. MY kid, MY money, MY right. Plus, I want to watch sometimes because I get joy in seeing my child succeed and learn new things and be part of a group and proud of herself. I don't watch because I think anything bad is going on. Just because it makes me happy! And her too. She BEGS me to watch, which I do about one hour a week. But cone on people, these are OUR kids, we really shouldn't have to ask permission yo watch sonetimes!!!

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

"A lot of this is also principle for me. My kid is under 10. There isn't a person on this planet who will tell me when I can and cannot see her. A dentist tried to pull that crap and found himself short two patients. I gave birth to that child and she is my ultimate responsibility. No one tells me whether I can be with my kid or not."

BRAVO!!!! My thoughts EXACTLY. For me, staying to watch if I want to and she wants me to is just a given that it should be allowed. MY kid, MY money, MY right. Plus, I want to watch sometimes because I get joy in seeing my child succeed and learn new things and be part of a group and proud of herself. I don't watch because I think anything bad is going on. Just because it makes me happy! And her too. She BEGS me to watch, which I do about one hour a week. But cone on people, these are OUR kids, we really shouldn't have to ask permission yo watch sonetimes!!!

I don't want to start anything with this but what do either of you think her school teacher would say if you were to plant yourself in the back of her classroom to watch your child learn?

 

[Quadqueen]

I don't want to start anything with this but what do either of you think her school teacher would say if you were to plant yourself in the back of her classroom to watch your child learn?

I'm not saying I *would* do this, but parents can check in on their child's class any day, any time, here at least.

 

[gymgal]

I don't want to start anything with this but what do either of you think her school teacher would say if you were to plant yourself in the back of her classroom to watch your child learn?

Most schools have a modified open door policy in the elementary grades, at least where I have lived. Parents are allowed to observe the class when they want and many times there are parents in there on a daily basis to volunteer.

I think gymnastics is very different than school, though, with the primary one being that there is a larger chance of potential injury involved and I think many parents feel they want to make sure the gym appears safe on a regular basis and they want to be there if something serious happens. I am a drop off/pick up type of mom and I am mostly fine with that but I do worry that I won't be there to comfort my dd if a serious injury occurs.