D
Deleted member 18037
What txgymfan said. Everyone is entitled to a bad day and another chance.
Ask her to imagine if every wrong she ever committed was forever held against her how it would feel?
Parents Conditioning before meets
- Thread starter Lkgymom
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Ask her to imagine if every wrong she ever committed was forever held against her how it would feel?
This. Omg I swear my kid is such a grudge holder lately with me....only with me mind you...but this is perfect....will be using it today.
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My son's first coach used to say this to him, and it has stuck. He used to say that at the end of practice, he would wipe the slate clean. he would forget any issues (not gymnastics, but other issues), if the kids did too. Then the next day was a clean slate to start the next day. Allowing them to start off on a good foot each day. It really helped him.
D
Deleted member 14190
Our kids do bar conditioning prior to bars several times a week. We do this on purpose. I call kids out all the time, if that humiliates them then so be it. I call it accountability , something that has gotten lost in today's society. The kids also get scores posted in front of a thousand people, this score could be really low. That could be humiliating for sure , but that's public accountability.
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LindyHopper
Proud Parent
I think what needs to be defined here is what "calling out" is.
Holding someone accountable and humiliating someone are two totally different things.
There is a big difference between "C'mon Susie! I know you can do better than that; I've seen you do it! You know what the expectations are! Pick up the pace!"
And
"Susie! Why are you being such a slacker? Do you think you're better than everyone else? Did you get some sort of pass to say that you could phone it in today? LAZY!"
Now I don't know where on the spectrum the coach in the original post is, so I can't speak to that.
I have absolutely no problems holding children to high expectations (that are developmentally and age appropriate) I agree that accountability is sadly lacking in many areas of our society today. I think it is possible and important to hold a person accountable in a way that allows that person to maintain his or her dignity.
D
Deleted member 14190
agreed, here is the OP's definition of Humiliation. "girl up to explain to the whole team why they whiffed it on conditioning". Doesn't sound awful bad to me.
LindyHopper
Proud Parent
Ah, for me, it all depends on the body language, word choice, and vocal inflection as to how bad it was.
But then, I am someone with a big interest in interpersonal communication and I tend to overthink these things.
But that's not accountability. That is shaming. That's pretty much the definition of shaming. It wasn't between her and her coach, which would have been fine. It was him putting her up before 70 girls to abase herself. I don't think we have the same definitions.
D
Deleted member 14190
Why she is part of a team . Just like a football player. Again this is the problem with today's society. I mean what mental harm is going to linger for this child because she had to explain to her team why she and one other girl could not do what they all just did. My god people
sce
Proud Parent
Our kids do bar conditioning prior to bars several times a week. We do this on purpose. I call kids out all the time, if that humiliates them then so be it. I call it accountability , something that has gotten lost in today's society. The kids also get scores posted in front of a thousand people, this score could be really low. That could be humiliating for sure , but that's public accountability.
I guess it depends on how it is done. It can be accountability or it can be demeaning. Also, if a kid is working hard and trying their hardest but not able to do something, that is different from
a kid who is not putting their all into the conditioning. Kids who cheat or are not really working should be called out. The kid who is trying the whole time but struggling probably already feels bad, singling them out in front if the group is thus not motivating it is humiliating. As well, it diminishes the fact that they were working and trying hard. I could see the coach pulling the child aside and saying that they saw them working hard but not making the conditioning, that you see they are jacking stents in that area. A good coach then plans for training that will build that strength.
As for the scores. It is different, as the athlete is not being singled out with the entire room's attention on them while their score is announced. Yes it's flashed for all to see, but the whole room is not watching that one kid.
Very cogently said, thank you. That's why I made a point of saying she's consistently pointed to as one of the hardest working girls. She NEVER cheats, barely talks, is respectful and pushes hard. Conditioning is a bit tough for her, but she works through it. This coach is usually kind and understanding so she felt shocked when he humiliated her like that. But I like the idea of moving on and will encourage her to let it go, that everyone can have a bad day.
D
Deleted member 14190
I am going to be the total devils advocate here..again.... isn't not doing what everyone else is required to do cheating ? And couldn't repeated accounts of this result in the individual being weaker? just saying
Gymnastics is already hard, if you want to make it easier get strongerMy guess is this had been going on for awhile with various assignments (maybe because your daughter is discouraged on this event, or maybe she is a little weaker and doesn't feel she can do some of the stuff the other girls do - at this age it can be very psychological more than physical). The coach probably thought his attempts to address it have not worked until this point so he needed to send a stronger message. I'm not saying this IS the right way to handle it, but I'm also guessing this didn't just happen over one day.
Someone posted something on a coaching Facebook group last night about helping gymnasts this age move past issues rather than get stuck on them, mainly fear, but may work here. It was three questions for them to think through:
1. Is this thought true? (i.e. Coach hates me now)
2. What evidence do I have for that?
3. Is this thought helpful?
It would also probably help to come up with some ways your daughter can be proactive about her conditioning assignments and completing them, and how to show effort to the coaches.
Finally I think if she is having a hard time moving past it, she and the coach should speak about it in person so he can give his side and she can give her side. Otherwise over time as a grudge is held the relationship will just deteriorate on both sides.
But that implies that this is a consistent thing. It's not. She's been told that she's this way (hard working, tries her best, attentive) by six coaches over her many many years. She's not a slacker, nor does she have a longstanding issues with that coach. It was one day and out of the blue. Hence the shock of it. I mentioned up front it was only because the coach did a one day arms Boot Camp that was on the harder side. And she, while very hard working, wasn't completely able to do it.I am going to be the total devils advocate here..again.... isn't not doing what everyone else is required to do cheating ? And couldn't repeated accounts of this result in the individual being weaker? just saying
D
Deleted member 14190
Maybe it is constant and no one was noticing... that is the point and really the only explanation of why only 2 kids could not complete the assignment. I am only trying to help you to possibly understand the other side. I am not your daughters coach, so I can only go off of the information supplied. If I have only a couple of kids who cannot finish a conditioning assignment then they have not been pulling themselves along during daily conditioning. If I have an entire or 1/2 a group who cannot do something then it was too hard. . Keep in mind people, that we are not putting the kids on a weight bench and asking them to bench 220 pounds, and typically conditioning consists of Dips, Presses, Pushups, Handstand Pushups, Pull ups, Pullovers, L seat Pullups, etc... This is a hard sport, what is done is done and clearly it has zero negative effect on the kids competing.
@Lkgymom If this was out of the blue and just one day - then put it into perspective (out of the blue and just one day) and let. it. go.
But your strong reaction to this one day and one time event (and to differing viewpoints) is leading some of us to believe that it isn't a 'just one day and out of the blue' situation.
Every single gymnast in my daughter's level has at some point slacked off on conditioning. We are talking about years of training...it is normal for kids to sometimes slack off. Could be a bad day, could be a mental thing...the particulars of why aren't very illuminating because it happens to everyone. The problem comes (in my opinion) when the parent or child tries to escape from dealing with the logical consequences of slacking off.
I'm sure your daughter didn't like getting called out publicly for not completing the conditioning. I think that is a pretty natural reaction for any of us when we are called out for not getting our stuff done. But I guess I don't understand why her answer couldn't have just been, "I'm sorry I didn't finish, tomorrow I know I need to work harder." Unless she did know why conditioning felt so hard...possibly because she wasn't mentally prepared to go beyond the normal workout, or because she had been doing a half-job on the normal workout, or because she just didn't want to do the workout and chose not to do it right. I give all these examples because I know my daughter (over the years) has dealt with the natural consequence of all of these choices. Lol.
I often think gymnastics is a sport where it is very difficult to hide. Gymnast train basically naked and in full view of the rest of their team. Everyone on the team knows who works hard and who cheats. Just like everyone knows who is picking up skills and who is struggling. Allowing coaches (who spend a ton of time with our kids and do know how to get the best out of them) to do their job and support their decisions is really important in helping our children trust the coaches have the gymnast's best interest at heart and care enough to call them out when necessary.
D
Deleted member 14190
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Deleted member 14190
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dancingimmie
Proud Parent
My DD got the "lazy award" once and only once, she'll never let that happen again.
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