Parents Difficult Situation

[chasaball]

I don't know where to start, never posted before but I thought some outside input could be helpful. My daughter is 10 and competed level 4 twice. We have known since May that because of struggles with bars she may still not be ready for level 5. She had a decent season this year with some solid scores and good placements. She wanted to continue and train for the summer and decide what to do. I was told by her coach that they would not tell a child they could no longer do gymnastics.

This gym has been a second home to my daughter. She has been there since she was a toddler and I have worked there since before she was born. It has been a constant in her life even when we have had challenges in our family. She recently let her coaches know that she understood she may not be ready for level 5 but that she still wanted to do gymnastics with them. During this time there was no pressure put on them to move her up if she wasn't ready except to ask what additional things she could do (conditioning, etc.) to help her get where she wanted to be.

Well, today I was informed that she could no longer be a part of the team. Not for behavior, attendance, or anything other than the reasons I stated above. There would be "no point" in doing 4 for another year (what about loving the sport?). I had been trying to get her to maybe go somewhere else for a few months because from the inside I have observed many kids leaving unhappy...feeling pushed out of the program. Just not as blatantly as they did today. It breaks my heart that this could possibly be her last experience with a sport she has put so much of herself into. She has had to work hard, much of it has not come easily to her.
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And then I still have the problem that I work there. REALLY work there in many areas. I love the people I work with directly, the kids, and the work I do. I also need to work.

I will say I feel relief that if she chooses to continue with gymnastics for awhile longer that we will find her a place where she feels wanted and encouraged and can finish of her time in this sport with good feelings rather than negative ones.

 

[Aussie_coach]

There is nothing wrong with doing level 4 for 3 years. I know it is not common in the US, but in Australia I have seen it happen many, many times because there is a big jump to level 5. If she is happy and enjoying her training and if she is still making progress then there is plenty of point.

Not every kid is training to become elite, to get a college scholarship or to hit level 10. many, as you say are training because they love the sport, they enjoy competing and so on.

I would have a meeting with the gym, they may be jumping the gun and assuming that you would not want her to do another season of 4 so they said themselves that there was no point rather than facing having to tell you its another year at 4. If you make it clear to them that she and you don't mind then why should they mind.

If they cant accommodate you, find and gym who can.

 

[wallinbl]

Is there a gym in the area that does AAU? The AAU gyms around here seem to focus more on keeping the gymnast in the sport than keeping the gymnast moving up.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

gymnastics is a gift. that gym has their priorities screwed up.

 

[gymgal]

I hope she understands that most gyms do not have the same cut throat attitude as your current gym and that some routinely repeat level 4. It is important to find one that matches your dd. It has to be tough with you working there. I would think they would have given your dd a little more time because of that.

Does your gym have prep-op/xcel? Could it be that they are trying to push her in that direction?

 

[lhmom]

First, I am so sorry that your daughter is having to go through this. You didn't specify who gave you the news (one of the coaches, HC or owner). If it was the coaches, could you appeal to the owner at all? Or as someone asked, if they have an xcel program, that might be a better fit. I hope that you get more answers and are able to come to some sort of resolution with her gym.

 

[bogwoppit]

I am with the others, the gym has it's priorities screwed up. But I also agree that your DD might thrive in a gym with joga or excel. Many kids move to those programs at her age and love getting their own optional routines and being able to work at the level they can on different apparati.

Poor girl, things like this are just ugly.

 

[bookworm]

I wouldn't appeal to the owner or HC because if they don't want her there (even with you working there), then I wouldn't want her there either because even though they may "keep" her, I just feel she's be slighted and they'd feel burdened ("I told this mother to go somewhere else and now she's in my group") and take it out on her.

Has she tried other sports or dance or even cheerleading? My daughter had a friend who had been with her since the Tumble Bee class and couldn't get out of Level 4 by the time she was 10... so her mother pulled her from gym and said " you're a tall girl and there are better sports where you won't be so frustrated" and that was the end of it...she went on to be all everything in volleyball, basketball and track and was even top 10 in the nation in javelin!! ...so it will all work out... as some of the others have posted , is there an Xcel program in your area? Xcel focuses a lot on what the gymnast CAN do so that would probably be better for her.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Aww. This sounds awful. I had a recent sort of similar experience with DD.She is 8. She was hoping to move from XCel to the Team program, but was turned down. It was hard to swallow because kids she beat at our state meet got asked to be in the program. I know that they were looking for more general indicators like strength and flexiblity, and felt like she just would not be successful in the JO program. Part of me is irritated that they didn't let her try as she had most of the skills to do Level 4, but I really do think they had her best interests at heart in turning her down. I really didn't want her to tryout and wanted her to stay in XCEL. She was crushed andhas moved onto focusing on her dancing (which she's better at). But she loved gymnastics. I suggested rec just for fun, but she just didn't have the heart anymore watching her friends move on. To make matters worse, her younger sister is progressing nicely in the preteam program.

Does your gym not have any suggestions for her to keep her in the gym? It sounds like they don't care about her at all. I've actually never heard of someone being asked to leave for not being ready to move levels. Some kids quit because they get discouraged when they can't keep up with their friends, but I've never heard of someone being kicked out. And a few have moved to the XCEL program as well. XCEL was very nice. The meets were great and the kids had alot of fun. Sounds like your DD would be perfect for it, and would have alot less pressure on her. Hopefully you can figure something out. I just don't understand why she can't do Level 4 again.

 

[ARKGYMMOM]

I have not seen this myself at our gym but i get the feeling it does happen. I do know that we had several girls that did L4 twice and then they continued to practice for L5 but missed a year of competition during up training. They still did all the same hours but gym policy seems to be 2 year only. After the girls did not get the L5 skills for the following year I guess they just left. Sad as this must be for these families they also must teach these girls to move on and try new things. We have dealt with this in other sports with my other daughter.

 

[gym law mom]

Wow, that is brutal and I am also sorry your dd has had to face this. I would sit and discuss options with her such as a AAU program or Xcel. I would not go begging to the current gym to keep her because as others have said if they treat her this way it most likely wouldn't be a positive experience.
If she wants to continue in gymnastics then I would look around for another gym---maybe one that is receptive to her doing L4 again if thats what she really wants. Since they know you worked there and told your dd that she cannot be on the team, they shouldn't have any hard feelings to her being at another gym.

 

[chasaball]

Thanks for all of the input. To answer a few questions, there may be some gyms around with xcel and she probably would enjoy it. She does seem to prefer JO meets over the non-sanctioned she did for level 2 & 3.While with me at the gym today she let loose and was having a lot of fun doing things she was not "allowed" to do before, I think she felt a weight lifted. I definitely do not want her to stay at this point, the damage has been done and it was her coach who told me-the same one she has worked with since she was 4-the same one who told me in the spring that she would never tell a kid they "couldn't" continue when she talked to me about her possibly not moving up. I did not want to "run" to the gym manager but most of my co-workers are also not very happy about all of the kids recently being pushed or forced out and told him to talk to me. He looked surprised when I told him and was sympathetic but did not visibly take sides on the issue.

The big thing is, it is not just my daughter. Other kids are being made to feel unwelcome and are leaving upset and angry along with their parents. Even very talented kids who develop a fear or take too long to come back from an injury are ignored or kicked out of practice until they just quit. Obviously, I DO NOT want her back thereand she does not want to be there. At her request I have contacted another gym which is part of the same organization as ours. She has seen the coaches interact with the gymnasts when they have practiced at our gym and likes what she has observed.

Before this happened we talked about swimming again (she used to swim competetively year round). Too boring to swim lap after lap after doing gymnastics. She shows interest in softball...that will have to wait until spring. So for now I just need to get her through this and find her somewhere where she feels wanted and encouraged ao that when SHE decides to move on from gymnastics it is with positive feelings.

On another note. How can I, or should I even consider referring talented little ones that I teach to the team? These would be kids that I care about and it would feel like I was feeding them to the wolves.

 

[txgymfan]

Its your job. Think about all of the positives in the gym, no matter how small, and stress the things you know are positive. In the meantime quietly look for work at other gyms.

 

[sglemon]

First of all, I am always surprised when a business turns down a customer. First and foremost the gym is a business, if they weren't making money, they wouldn't be open. Second, turning a gymnast away is more common then you think. Personally I don't think it is good business practice, and it reflects negatively on the gym, the coaches and the other families who support the business. But unfortunately it does happen.

I have had trouble with my oldest dd, and I have seen it happen to others at our gym. Personally, my dd was never asked to leave, but after competing a second year of 4 and only getting 35s, she came to the conclusion herself that gymnastics wasn't for her. I made her finish out the season, but the gym knew 5 months before states, that she was done. She unfortunately had the same coach for both years of level 4, which a super sweet nice person, but didn't know how to teach form, so that my dd would understand. She had the skills just fine, her form was awful. But the way this coach taught was skills first, then we will fix the form. My dd unfortunately learned bad habits and couldn't get rid of them. L5 scoring is much more difficult, and even if she was promoted, her self esteem would have been in a hole.

I have seen girls asked to leave for various reasons, for example several 1st year 4s were asked to leave, after a year of competing still not having skill like backhandsprings or front hip circles. they never even qualified for sectionals. A good friend, second year 4, was asked to leave because she could apply corrections. That really broke mine and my dd heart, because she was a wonderful and supporting teammate. I have seen girls asked to leave for acting disrespectful. Another girl competed 2 years of L4, went up to L5, then right before the season started, put back down in L4. She was never able to get her 5 skills to be promoted and asked to leave after her 3rd year. Our gym does not have an excel program to meet the needs of L4 and L5s, just L3s and L6s.

First, I would sit down and have a long talk with the coach, I would even bring your dd into it. I think you deserve a better answer then she wouldn't benefit form another year of L4. You need specifics. Maybe it could be something as little as "she is not building the upper body strength needs for bars" When my oldest had trouble with bars, the best advice I got was to put a chin up bar in the house and have her practice. 2 years out of gymnastics she can still chin ups. If is is something more complex lie she is unable to apply corrections, then you would have something more firm to address with her. Sometimes some coaches are not the right coaches for particular girls. They maybe a great coach, but not a good coach for your dd. There is nothing wrong with that, different girls learn different ways.

Second, and excel program maybe the way to go with your daughter at this specific point in time. If it is not an option, look into another gym for that option.

Third, she may just need a coach that teaches a different way. You may have to go to another gym to meet that need.

 

[sglemon]

My ex gymnast found travel soccer and LOVED it. It is definitely her thing! After the mind games gymnastics played with her, she is full of confidence on the pitch!

 

[my4buffaloes]

It is not unheard of to repeat level 4 3 times - my dd did it and has since excelled in levels 5 and 6, now working on level 7. It can be good to have a solid base. BUT I would not be repeating level 4 at that gym and if I were you I would be looking for a job elsewhere as well. Sorry they have treated you so poorly.

 

[gymgal]

Thanks for all of the input. To answer a few questions, there may be some gyms around with xcel and she probably would enjoy it. She does seem to prefer JO meets over the non-sanctioned she did for level 2 & 3.While with me at the gym today she let loose and was having a lot of fun doing things she was not "allowed" to do before, I think she felt a weight lifted.

On another note. How can I, or should I even consider referring talented little ones that I teach to the team? These would be kids that I care about and it would feel like I was feeding them to the wolves.

Not sure if you were connecting xcel with "non-sactioned" meets. Couldn't tell by the way it was written, but xcel competition is sactioned by the USAG and the meets are usually run just like the JO meets - often times in the same meet. Sounds like xcel would be a great option for her to develop skills at her own pace. But I wouldn't discount JO - repeating level 4 again in a different gym.

As for working/referring. that's a hard one. I know I wouldn't want to work for a company that treats customers like this. But I don't know your situation and in this economy, you don't just walk away from a "stable" job without a plan...
Referring - tough one but if the girls are ready for team, then you should refer them. While you still work there, it's important to promote the gym as best as you can. And I think it's important to talk with the coach that did this - he/she needs to know how this has affected your dd and others. He/she is a colleague and should have some respect for your opinion.

 

[chasaball]

Well, she will definitely not be at a different gym. No question there. I do know that XCEL is sanctioned but to afford gymnastics she needs to probably go to a gym within the same company where I can get the discount and they don't offer XCEL...fortunately I get good vibes from what I have seen at the one she wants to try, I think she has too and that is why she asked to go there. We will see how that works out. As far as work, the only customers who have been treated badly are the team kids they have written off. It is obvious when it happens and there have been over 20 since early spring. The rec, preschool, etc. have a completely different mindset and it is also only the team coaches who have treated us badly. My other co-workers have hugged and supported and shown concern and even anger for her and the other kids who have left recently.
I guess that is why she has still asked to go with me to the camps since this happened. She has grown up there and I think I have made her realize that it is not just her...something is not right here and that team is not a healthy environment anymore. I am proud of her...she is anxious to get going somewhere else and see what she can do.

 

[Moxiegrl83]

Your first sentence confused me, but it must be a chain type gym right?

Sad as this must be for these families they also must teach these girls to move on and try new things. We have dealt with this in other sports with my other daughter

I don't agree..if the gymnast wants a change that's one thing, but if they love gymnastics and are willing to work for their skills, they should be encouraged to do so. It takes a lot of commitment for a young girl to do gymnastics, and I'm sure repeating L4 multiple times can be discouraging, but she still wants to do it. That takes determination, guts, and self confidence to not just give up. There are so many different types of gymnastics programs, there is most certainly one that can fit her needs. Sounds like the OP might have found it. It's a shame the previous coach didn't see her potential, and I hope she comes back, kicks bootie, and takes names next season....wherever she ends up. Trying new things is great, telling a little gymmie to move it on because they aren't moving fast enough is another.

 

[Kiwi]

if they love gymnastics and are willing to work for their skills, they should be encouraged to do so. It takes a lot of commitment for a young girl to do gymnastics, and I'm sure repeating L4 multiple times can be discouraging, but she still wants to do it. That takes determination, guts, and self confidence to not just give up. ... telling a little gymmie to move it on because they aren't moving fast enough is another.

I agree, perseverance and determination are great attributes to encourage. We try to encourage kids to persevere at schoolwork, even if it takes them a long time to get a skill - we don't say "I'm sorry, you'll have to leave school because you're taking too long to understand how to add fractions" or whatever. I am impressed at your DD's attitude and you definitely should be proud of her!