Parents Embarrassment

[suebee]

My dd and her teammates competed at age 5. Among things we saw for 5 year olds at meets: kids crying and wailing loudly and refusing to compete when it was their turn. A pee accident in the competition leo. Forgotten routines, forgotten salutes.

They were 5! All that stuff is totally on par for 5 years old. Seriously.

At 5, Dd just loved wearing her pretty leo, getting her hair done with glitter, and being part of a team. That’s what a meet was.

At 5, they’re thrilled to get a participation medal (and I am really all for participation medals for 5 year olds because it is a huge thing for many young kids just to get up in front of a lot of people and perform at that age).

 

[reluctant]

I'm not sure 5 year olds are even socially developed enough to feel embarrassment. Could you be projecting your own feelings onto him? But more importantly there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

 

[momnipotent]

SO-did everyone like the syllabus I accidentally posted earlier? Perfect for an embarrassment thread! I would edit to remove, but it's too late Maybe @bogwoppit can help me delete that? And I'll add the document I meant to add earlier here...

 

[duyetanh]

I am wondering if the embarrassment on your end is because he is competing at a lower level? I am not being harsh, i promise. I just so wish you would respect what the coaches said about wanting him to wait....THESE coaches seem to really understand a good path for your son, and they really do sound like they want the best for him. It would do him a world of good to wait a year....and it might really help you also.

 

[merritt]

What is there to be embarrassed about? If my daughter goes out there and puts forth a solid effort, that’s plenty for me. I don’t expect her to score “well” at every meet. I don’t even expect her to do “her best” at every meet. There have been meets where she’s had a lot going on recently - family stuff, school, illness, etc., and those weeks she may not have been putting forth maximum effort. I’m still proud of her.

Your son is 5. He has nothing to be embarrassed about. What’s the worst that could happen? Even if he forgot his routine and ran off the floor, I would chalk it up to a learning experience.

I echo what others have said about your anxiety rubbing off on him. Be very careful. I’ve seen how destructive and harmful it can be when parents put pressure on their children.

 

[duyetanh]

Your son is 5. He has nothing to be embarrassed about. What’s the worst that could happen? Even if he forgot his routine and ran off the floor, I would chalk it up to a learning experience.

I echo what others have said about your anxiety rubbing off on him. Be very careful. I’ve seen how destructive and harmful it can be when parents put pressure on their children.

This. And if you keep it up, without meaning to (i know you arent meaning to!) you will increase his odds of not doing anything really with the sport at all.

 

[twinmomma]

My daughter is a Level 8 on Trampoline. Has had her first two meets this year where she's got a bit of a mental block on her Rudy, and essentially blown the tail end of her second pass. This week was better than last. She has tears, afraid to let her coach down. She's 11. At 7 when she was competing Xcel artistic all she was afraid of was everyone watching her.

Stop stressing. A) this isn't your sport, it's his. And honestly he's too young to be embarrassed about it unless you put that in his head. B) I agree that neither of you is ready for him to compete. He should be having fun, and you should be having fun watching him get new skills. The youngest girl on our T&T team is 9. Give him time.

 

[duyetanh]

Eta, based on what you have written, it sounds like you have two options. Either you dumb it down and say how fun this will be, and isnt he lucky that he is getting to compete, and you cheer him on and be friendly to the old parents, coaches, efc, because the high road in this sport is imperative to take...or.... you pull him, because if you know your son wouldnt do anything, he obviously isnt emotionally ready to compete.

 

[duyetanh]

Eta, based on what you have written, it sounds like you have two options. Either you dumb it down and say how fun this will be, and isnt he lucky that he is getting to compete, and you cheer him on and be friendly to the old parents, coaches, efc, because the high road in this sport is imperative to take...or.... you pull him, because if you know your son wouldnt do anything, he obviously isnt emotionally ready to compete.

Oh and by friendly i mean civil. I sure as heck dont mean loving hugs and kisses!

 

[stillhoping]

Tell your son he shouldn't be embarrassed to compete a lower level for a better gym-there is a reason they are better.

This is good advice for anyone who switches gyms. Level seems to indicate very different things at different gyms.

 

[skschlag]

And, it is important to always remember:

LEVEL does NOT matter. What matters is that the gymnast is progressing, learning, and growing,, while having fun. It does not matter if they are level 3, 4, 8, 10. But what matters is the effort and progression. So important to keep this in mind in this sport. It is so easy to get caught up in teh number.

 

[M2Abi]

My son is 6. He's competed in 2 meets this year. He doesn't have a clue what the scores mean or much about anything else that's going on. He got a 8.6 on floor, his first meet, and a 6.8 on floor the next meet because he fell on a skill. He asked me which score was higher. His coach gives him a high five after each routine, regardless of score, and that's all my son needs.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

To try and not succeed is called practice... to not try at all because of fear you won't suceed is called failure.

 

[Flip4funmom]

Thank you so much for the honest comments. I very well might be pushing my anxiety onto him even though we don't speak much about it in front of him. He does understand very simply what embarrassed is (I thank his big brother for that one). He did say last night while practicing his tumbling pass in the house. "Why do I have to do this one, my legs don't work" I was cooking and not watching him (I do not know if big brother said something). His dad and i told him this morning (i won't see him before gym) that if he doesn't like what coach gave him to do, he needs to tell them.

 

[trampolinemom]

He did say last night while practicing his tumbling pass in the house. "Why do I have to do this one, my legs don't work" I was cooking and not watching him (I do not know if big brother said something). His dad and i told him this morning (i won't see him before gym) that if he doesn't like what coach gave him to do, he needs to tell them.

I don't really get this. This was a part of his routine? What was there not to like about it?

 

[Flip4funmom]

Yes he was doing level 2 tumbling which has 3 backward rolls. His hip rotation is limited so he can not get his legs the correct way to transition from 1 to the next

 

[trampolinemom]

Yes he was doing level 2 tumbling which has 3 backward rolls. His hip rotation is limited so he can not get his legs the correct way to transition from 1 to the next

ah I see. Good practice for him then. But keep it light and easy it shouldn't be a struggle.

 

[twinmomma]

Thank you so much for the honest comments. I very well might be pushing my anxiety onto him even though we don't speak much about it in front of him. He does understand very simply what embarrassed is (I thank his big brother for that one). He did say last night while practicing his tumbling pass in the house. "Why do I have to do this one, my legs don't work" I was cooking and not watching him (I do not know if big brother said something). His dad and i told him this morning (i won't see him before gym) that if he doesn't like what coach gave him to do, he needs to tell them.

I'd say - If you're struggling with what coach gave you to do, then you need to ask coach for pointers. You don't get out of working on something because you don't like it.

 

[skschlag]

Is this homework?

I would hesitate to practice at home. BUt that is just me.

 

[sce]

I am wondering if the embarrassment on your end is because he is competing at a lower level? I am not being harsh, i promise. I just so wish you would respect what the coaches said about wanting him to wait....THESE coaches seem to really understand a good path for your son, and they really do sound like they want the best for him. It would do him a world of good to wait a year....and it might really help you also.

There has been so much said in this thread that I agree with. here are my thoughts: First, he is 5yo, you are placing grown feelings on a 5 yo. Has he expressed concern about competing against the other team or doing the lower level? Second, the gym you left was putting pressure on him to do skills that he was not ready for. You moved gyms and they ave him doing a more appropriate level. This is as it should be. No one should be embarrassed by it. Honestly, you should walk in there proud that he is in a gym that is more understanding of the needs of a 5yo. Third, how he feels about a lot of this depends on what you do or don't say about it. Just be excited for him that he get to try competition. Tell him you are excited to watch him do his best and to have fun! Has that been mentioned enough yet? This should be fun for him and you should enjoy him having fun. Lastly, If it's not fun, he should not be doing it.