Parents Feeling down and scared

[MamaofEnS]

Hi,

As some of you may know, my dd has been seriously thinking about quitting gymnastics after doing it non-stop for the last 8 years. Last month, she decided to continue for the month of March, and then decide again if she wanted to continue or quit. I do not want her to quit, but will support her if she wants to.

So far, I thought the month of March had been going well. She got her giants without a spot, and started learning her new level 7 beam routine. Her coaches have been more encouraging. I guess I was more excited about that than she was. Last night she felt sick, so she didn't go to gym. Before she went to bed, she told me that she felt ready to decide and that she was no longer afraid of quitting. I asked her if she wanted to quit right now, and she asked if I had already paid for this month. When I said yes, she said she would keep going for the rest of the month.

I feel devastated by her decision, but I'm trying to not let her know. I said okay and just walked out of the room. I have an important position on the booster club, that I spend about 10 hours a week on. I will now have to train someone else to do that job. My life will change so much, almost as much as hers. I really thought of gymnastics as a way for her to be successful, in addition to school, at least until she was in high school. I wish she would quit after level 7, which is right before she graduates from middle school, but I guess she is not willing to stick it out. I am scared about what our lives will be like without gym.

I know that a month from now I will feel totally different. I will adjust to life without gym, and she will be happy with no regrets. I am just not there yet.

Thank you for letting me vent.

MamaofEnS

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

I am sorry that you are going through this. I imagine that I would be feeling the same in your shoes.

Is there a chance you could still do the booster club job? Or do you have to give it up if she quits ?

I will be thinking of you, I can only imagine how hard this is especially when you have to hide your own feelings.

 

[MamaofEnS]

Thank you for such a quick and thoughtful response.

I suppose I could keep my booster job, but it would not make much sense. The reason why I chose that job was because most of it takes place at the gym, so I get to watch her practice while I do it. This is somewhat of a big deal for me, because our gym doesn't allow viewing except for one day a week, and I cannot always watch on that one day.

Please keep the encouragement coming.

MamaofEnS

 

[MdGymMom01]

That has got to be so very hard for you. I know how hard it can be to "let go" when you have been a part of something for so long. We had some gymnasts recently quit from dd's gym just this past year. They were in the optional levels and one was in HS and the other middle school and they just decided one day that they didn't want to do gymnastics anymore. I am sure that their decisions were based on months of thoughts of quitting but it seems so all of a sudden when you don't see them around anymore. These kids parents were VERY invloved in the gym and the Parents Organizations so it was a hard hit all the way around when we had to fill new officer positions and stuff. We did a lot of scrambling but the other parents pulled together and got through it.

The one girl who quit is starting to get involved with coaching the rec classes so she is still somewhat involved in the gym. The other girl is trying out Acro for the year to see if that is something she wants to do. I guess we all have to come to the realization that someday our dds will hang up their leotards. But it is also important to really keep the kids balanced throughout their gymnastics careers with other activities. And it is probably more important for us parents to have plenty of other interests as well.

When dd quit cheer after doing it for 3 years, I was somewhat devastated and felt a bit lost and yearning to go to one last cheer comp. The glitz and the glamour and energy of cheer can be very addictive! But when we found gymnastics, I quickly got over the cheer needs and it was fun and exciting to start a new journey with gymnastics. DD also dabbles in ballet and actually wants to get more serious with that next year. So there may be a time when she decides that she just wants to focus on ballet. Who knows.

I guess the important thing to remember is that there are sooo many opportunities out there for our dds to explore. Gymnastics is one of the toughest sports both mentally and physically and it is NEVER guaranteed of how far they will go with it. We have to be supportive in whatever they choose and let them live thier lives. It can be very hard for us parents to sit back and watch when we have our own "goals and aspirations" for them. It can be very hard to let go.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[momoffive]

I know how you feel as I have a gymnast who has also toyed with the idea of quitting. It seems to come when she is attempting new skills or is starting a new level. This year was particularly hard as she started Level 9 and is finding the skills aren't coming quite as easily as before. We have always had an agreement - if you start something or make a commitment you need to finish it. So - in this case I said she needed to finish this competitive season and then I would support wholeheartedly any decision she makes. We talked about the commitment to herself and her team. Finally the skills are coming and no longer do I hear any talk of quitting. I know that this isn't always the case and she may, at some time, really want to quit and I will support that too.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I know how hard this is for you! My DD also decided to "quit" after she began training for Level 7. Skills were harder, she was constantly compared to the younger, "brighter" stars (which I just have to add two of the "stars" have since quit!). It does become harder to gain those skills as the girls move forward, and having a coach who doesn't practice positive coaching can definitely be a deal breaker.....

BUT.... I can feel your pain! I was sooo upset when DD finally told me she wanted to quit. She was in tears. But I felt like it was such a horrible decision for me. I had to literally take a deep breath and realize that this decision wasn't about me or what I wanted her to do.

Since that time, she has decided to participate in gymnastics in a much less pressured environment. She has joined a Prep Optional team and has become very successful (in her own mind, and isn't that the most important thing, really?) She has finally begun to recover skills she had lost through mental blocks and fears that weren't being addressed.

No, it's still not the same thing as the JO"team", but she's happy and that's what it's all about!

Good luck! You will be fine with her decision. It just takes some time!

 

[gym law mom]

I was in a similar situation when my older daughter decided to hang up her skates. I was very active in the skating club and spent alot of time around the rink. It didn't take long at all for older daughter to get involved in some school activities and we tagged along to support the high school marching band and a few other things she did.

From what you've said, it sounds like your dd has certainly made up her mind and trying to force the issue of staying or making her feel guilty about quitting because you would be unhappy is not the way to go. I know many kids in skating that kept at it simply to keep their parents happy---parents were happy/kids were miserable.

Some time away may help her find other activities to get involved in, maybe want to try high school gymnastics if thats an option where you live, maybe work at the gym---who knows. As has been said on here many times, they will all hang up their leos at some time and as parents, when that time comes, we want them to look back at this time in their lives with fond memories.

GL to you and your dd. You both will get through this.

 

[cathiann]

Oh I so know how you feel! I was feeling the same way 2 yrs ago when Sami was making the decision to quit and go to high school gymnastics. I was totally against the decision (and still believe she would have done so much better if she'd stayed another year at club), but she's happy and that's what is important, right?

Good luck to your daughter and to you!! (I'm lucky--I still get to stick around because I have another at club ).

 

[MamaofEnS]

Thank you so much for all of your support and encouragement.

I wish there was high school gymnastics for my dd to go into, but that is not available at our school district, or even our neighboring school district. Besides, she still has another year+ until she goes to high school. I just don't know what she will do for 8th grade. The school doesn't offer any sports (budget cuts), and she doesn't want to do competitive cheerleading. I'm hoping she will do the tumbling class, but going from 18 hours a week to 1 seems so strange. Plus, I have another dd who is in pre-team. She said if her sister quits, so is she. She also has recreational cheerleading, which is fine. However, since she is homeschooled, the gymnastics covers her P.E. requirement, so I don't want her to quit either.

My dd did go to gym last night, and seemed to have a really good practice. She did her giants again, which I haven't seen yet. Plus, she had a bad fall on her flick on the beam on Monday, but said it was no problem last night. Maybe she will change her mind, or I'm just in denial.

 

[Monkeygirlsmom]

I really dont have anything new t add but wanted to send some hugs to ya!
I honestly cannot imagine! as much as I hate going back and forth somedays I think I would be lost without my kids going to the gym!

 

[MdGymMom01]

Maybe you can research what activities they do offer in high school. Maybe drill team or poms dance or something like that. If she is interested in dance and they have that option in high school, then maybe sign her up for some dance classes next year (8th grade) so that she has a year of that under her belt before she does enter high school. Track and Field is also a great option for gymnasts.

Is there an less competitive gymnastics league that she could switch to that may spark her interest again? I would look into other options and have her think about what interests her just in case quitting gymnastics becomes a reality.

(((hugs)))

 

[MamaofEnS]

Wow, you all have such great suggestions.

The high school she will be going to has only been open since 8 months. It has not established hardly any sports yet. I like the idea of putting her in dance. That would help her if she decides to go into cheerleading in high school.

Although she is a good runner, I don't want her to do track and field because in the fifth grade, when she ran the mile, she fainted on the track. The doctors were concerned that she had a heart condition (like when football players collapse on the field), so she had to spend a day at the hospital having tests. She is fine, but she has been anxious about running since then.

There are some gyms that we could switch to, but as far as I know, they only go up to level 5. People who live an hour+ away drive to our gym because it has such a good reputation. I worry that if we switch gyms, she would be way advanced compared to the other gymnasts, and she wouldn't have a coach that would fit her needs. Additionally, she told me she doesn't want to switch gyms.

I really don't want to face it. I totally avoid talking about gymnastics with her now. I don't like hearing about how she wants to quit, or whatever, so I just avoid the subject. This morning she told me that she is full energy, so she is worried that it will be all gone by the time she goes to gymnastics. I told her that I'm sure she will do fine. Ugh.

MamaofEnS

 

[gym law mom]

Diving is also another sport that many girls with gymnastics backgrounds get into. Problem may be finding a club where she could learn. Since she's already thrown it on the table that she's done at the end of the month, then sit down and have a talk about what she would like to do in place of gymnastics. She may not have any firm ideas, but you can brainstorm to find something she would be interested in.

You can see girls have good practices once they have made up their mind to leave. The pressure is off---they are doing the skills more for fun than looking at competing them. That may be where your dd is at right now. I would not keep up the month to month decisions---eventually it will drive you all crazy. It really comes down to either she wants to continue or she doesn't and if she doesn't then stand behind that decision and you both will move on.

 

[gymmomof1]

Sending a hug and I know this change is a big one for both of you-- Take it slow and see where the new adventure will lead both of you

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

You can see girls have good practices once they have made up their mind to leave. The pressure is off---they are doing the skills more for fun than looking at competing them. That may be where your dd is at right now.

I was going to say this exact thing!!! GLM always seems to read my mind!!! HA!!! There is definite relief on the part of the gymnast when a "final" decision has been made. There is no longer the pressure to perform and it can be all "fun" again.

That's why I'm thinking a prep optional type of program would be a GREAT fit for her. Katy has conquered her fears and has gained back her tumbling skills.

The ONLY thing about this program that I am disappointed in, is that she has definitely lost some of her "form" since she's been in Prep Op. You can see it in her vidoes. BUT once again, she's happier where she is now than on the Level 7 team at her previous gym.

Keep us posted. There are a LOT of us here on CB that have gone through this same situation and the girls (and moms) have "survived"!

 

[Aussie_coach]

It sounds like she has made a mature decision, its excellent that she didn't quit while things were going really badly but waited it out before deciding. The best way to know if you are really done with something is wait until things are going well and then ask yourself "would I miss this?" If you still want to quit then, then its usually the right decision.

This can be very hard on parents because gymnastics becomes a very big part of their lives as well. Do you have a lot of your own social life and friendships tied up with the gym? Its quite normal if you do, as you would spend a lot of time there. Its important that you have other social outlets or you will feel a big hole in your life when she gives up.

There are many activities she could try where her gymnastics would be a huge advantage. many gymnasts go on to make excellent dancers. Perhaps martial arts or trampolining. It is important she find something else both for her physical fitness and her socialization.

I wouldn't allow your younger one to quit simply because her older sister did, its important for young ones to learn about commitment themselves, not just do whatever big sis does. Your little one hasn't even had a chance to really try competitive gymnastics yet so allowing her to quit not would be a disservice.

 

[MamaofEnS]

Hi,

Thank you all so much. I don't think I will allow my youngest one to compete. The reason why is that she is immature emotionally. They had an in house competition for her level last summer. They gave ribbons to all the girls, but recognized each for 1st - 5th place for each event (there were only 5 girls). Anyway, twice my dd was the 5th place girl, so she knew she was in last place. On the podium, she broke down crying. I can't put her through that again.

The good news is that her coach told me last night that they are considering moving her up. She has spent 2 years at the same level, so this would really help her confidence, since most girls complete her level in 8-10 months.

MamaofEnS

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Could your dd try diving or T&T? She would probably rock them and the pressure in those sports is so much less. Sorry, I know it is hard. Feel free to have a good cry. Just not in front of your dd right now.

 

[greyhoundrescue]

Got to second the swimming and diving options. I find that s&d offers a less structured (in terms of time commitments), but just as valuable experience for my boys. Other activities I know of gymmies/former gymmies being involved in are rock climbing, circus arts (this is something I wish was an option for my kids...), figure skating, trampoline & tumbling, cheerleading, and soccer. Dance is great, as well, though the competition element is very, very different. Equestrian could be an option. Non-physical activities worth checking out are Girl Scouts, 4-H, music, or art. Maybe taking some time to explore and decide what works best might be a good idea?

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

Chiming in late, but I have been where you are and feel your pain! My oldest decided to quit gymnastics in her 2n Level 8 season, after 9 yrs of gym, 5.5 years competing. This was in the fall. I told her she was committed to a couple of meets and picked Jan 30th as "the end". I, too, hold a board position in our parent's association but the difference in my case is that I do have another DD remaining on team.

DD explored other activities and after a month, returned to gym on the JOGA team. It is a low key optional program and she is not eligible to compete until next year because she competed USAG this year. It is like a weight has been lifted. The workout schedule is also much lighter (too light, IMHO) but she is really enjoying going to the gym again.

Good luck to you and your DD, I hope she can find something that makes her happy