Parents helping the child that is very concerned about placement at meets

[mayestra12]

Hello all,

I am looking for some advice on helping my dd. She seems to only view her performance in terms of where she stands at the end of the meet. We have told her repeatedly that is doesn't matter what place she gets as long as she tries her best. We encourage her to have fun and not worry about it but it doesn't seem that she is able to do so easily.

She won AA in her first meet at L4 2 weeks ago. Now she is saying she has nothing to work for and I can tell she is feeling like she has to win every meet or else it won't be good enough. I don't understand why she feels this way or isn't able to see that she can still improve her individual scores.

We moved her from a USAG gym to the YMCA program to relieve her of some of the pressure she was experiencing so it pains me to see her thinking this way. We talk about small goals that have nothing to do with ribbon color or scores but I don't think she is really getting it.

I'm afraid her next meet won't be any fun if all she is thinking about is what will happen if she doesn't win.

 

[SignHere]

What do her coaches say? I'm confused about the gym move. It seems really sudden. Were there other reasons?

 

[wallinbl]

She won AA in her first meet at L4 2 weeks ago. Now she is saying she has nothing to work for and I can tell she is feeling like she has to win every meet or else it won't be good enough. I don't understand why she feels this way or isn't able to see that she can still improve her individual scores.

Gymnastics is like golf - you're competing against yourself. Yes, others get scores and the scores get ranked, but you don't have an opponent in the sense of other sports. It's a combination of mental and physical discipline, and there are always things to improve on. Higher rebound on the BHS, higher casts on bars, bigger leap on beam, better block on vault, etc. Her relative position among the other girls that were shuffled into her awards group at a particular meet doesn't have much meaning. Presumably, she loves the sport and loves what she's doing. Refining her skills will help her learn the next set of skills - the skills she's doing now aren't "throw away", they lead to the next set.

 

[Moxiegrl83]

All you can do is reinforce what you've told her. That while scores obviously matter to her, improving and personal goals matter more. Good coach's who understand how important meets and scores can be to gymnasts, but help them see their own personal successes will help.

We moved her from a USAG gym to the YMCA program to relieve her of some of the pressure she was experiencing so it pains me to see her thinking this way. We talk about small goals that have nothing to do with ribbon color or scores but I don't think she is really getting it.


Our YMCA competes USAG and AAU. It's also seems to be a little tougher program compared to some other local gyms. So I guess that depends on what area you are in. Is that the only reason you switched?

 

[gymgal]

Its time to let her coaches in on your concern if you haven't already. They can reinforce the importance of continual improvement by talking to her about the corrections she still needs to make so that she focuses on her own routines and skills, not just her standings on the podium. Also talk to her about the fact that her standings are only relative to that particular meet. If a gym with more polished girls competes next time, she may not be on the podium. Or if she is competing against older girls, repeat L4s, etc. That's why it is important to focus on her own improvement as goals - not scores and places.

 

[DisMom]

Interesting...it is opposite here. The YMCA gyms are much weaker, train less, more recreation-focused, though they go to meets and all of that.

So you said that you switched to the Y because it will be less pressure. Does that mean that the Ys in your area are less competitive? If so, then you may just have reinforced this issue. I can only compare to my area, but if a girl was competing on a USAG team and doing well, and then switched to a Y team...she would clean house at the Y meet. She would be better by an order of magnitude. So by moving her to the Y, did you just basically ensure that she is going to win most of the time?

 

[gym law mom]

I agree that it would be good to talk to her coach and then have them sit down and talk to dd. This happens often--early success and then lots of pressure. I'm sure a coach can gently point out skils in her routines that can be improved and sometimes the best meet form/skill wise isn't always the highest placing.

 

[wallinbl]

Interesting...it is opposite here. The YMCA gyms are much weaker, train less, more recreation-focused, though they go to meets and all of that.

So you said that you switched to the Y because it will be less pressure. Does that mean that the Ys in your area are less competitive? If so, then you may just have reinforced this issue. I can only compare to my area, but if a girl was competing on a USAG team and doing well, and then switched to a Y team...she would clean house at the Y meet. She would be better by an order of magnitude. So by moving her to the Y, did you just basically ensure that she is going to win most of the time?

Around here, YMCA's will show up at USAG meets. Some are quite good, some are not. One even has a very famous coach.

 

[Quadqueen]

remind her there is much more to gymnastics than placings and scores. And as someone else said, placings really mean nothing...it just shows who you competed against that day, and that's out of her control. Reiterate that there is plenty for her to work on that is IN her control. Even if she won AA, I'm sure there are things she can work on to get better.

 

[mayestra12]

Thanks for the replies.

First, this post isn't about why we moved to a YMCA. There seem to be some very competitive teams in her league. She is training less hours. My dd has anxiety issues which I've posted about before. The Y seems to be a good fit for her needs. We in no way moved her there so she could win. In fact, we were shocked by the results of the meet. She placed well last year as a L3 in USAG but never won AA or anything at all.

She knows she has things she can work on to improve her individual scores. For whatever reason (her anxiety doesn't help) she really gets hung up on placement. She likes coming home with the awards even if her score was not her best. I'm just trying to re-direct her focus and help her realize that her personal best is enough. She understands that she'll have different competition at her next meet.

I'll be sure to mention it to her coach.

 

[thefellowsmom]

Didn't you say at one point that her old gym was ranking them during practice? Could this be some sort of residual from that? I made it to the top of the rankings and now I'm all good?

You are saying and doing all the right things as a parent, reducing her hours so she can better manage her anxiety issues, reinforcing the right messages about competing and what's important. Just keep it up and hopefully with time that old programming will fade as she begins to grow and thrive in her new, more supportive environment.

In the meantime, maybe a quick chat with her coach so he/she knows what is going on and what her old coaching environment was like so they can tayler her messaging to be more focused on her own development and corrections and less on scores and winning.

Congratulations to her anyway on 1st AA. Always exciting!

 

[GymnastJoy]

I agree that you are saying and doing all the right things. Some kids are especially hard on themselves and having anxiety doesn't help. I, too, always stress to dd that you can't control how others do and if you do your best then that's all you can do. We have a girl on our team who also has anxiety and she may do great routines and is happy until awards then all of sudden is hard on herself. We carpool and I always tell her afterwards that those same routines she was so proud of are still those same great routines. It doesn't seem to make her feel better but I continue to say it most every ride home.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

Sorry wrong thread

 

[SGMOM]

With my kid, we made the focus about her wins, not necessarily a meet win. I was able to find something at each meet that was a new best for her, and we celebrated that no matter what the actual placement or outcome of the meet was.

 

[MaryA]

Some of that will come with age, I think. I suspect that she will reach a point where it will mean more if she stuck her (fill in the blank) or topped her personal best on (fill in the event) than if she "wins". Definitely I've seen DD pass through the "what a great gift bag!" stage into the "I want to come home with lots of medals and preferably a trophy" stage, and I'm beginning to see her get more satisfaction from meeting her own goals than from winning lots of medals. When she wants to take the medals off before you go into the restaurant after the meet, you know you're getting there...

 

[sglemon]

It is like a straight A student, my son almost went through elementary school with straight A. The stress, day after day, month after month really starts to weigh down on a student. You might not see the effects right away, because it is a slow building process. He had an awesome 5th grade teacher which almost made it impossible to get an A in his class. Whether you agree or not, it is not the point. Anyways, that B+ was the best thing that could have happend to my son. It was like this HUGE weight was lifted off his shoulder and his personality changed for the better. I didn't even realized it has changed for the worst.

Gymnastics is the same way, you have a girl who is use to winning, then she learns to expect to win. Anything less is a failure. It changes the kids and you might not see it because it is a slow process that takes time. Honestly the best thing that could happen to her is to off an "off' meet. She will learn that is OK too. I would talk to the coaches about her, maybe working some individual elements in her routine, where she learns to take chances, instead of settling on safe. We have a girl on my DDs team, who does this full 180 degree leaps on the beam in level 4 and 5. She falls off the beam about 30% of the time in competition, but when she hits it, it is truly "wow." Everyone around is talking about it. No one can compare. But, you know what, she keeps trying whether she falls or not, and still gets 9.2s with the fall. That is a much more valuable learning experience she gets then standing on top of the podium every meet. Her coaches need to break down her routine, and pull out some specific elements, she needs to work on. Those corrections should be the guage used to judge her meet performance.

Podium finishes, placements, etc... is always out of the gymnasts control and stressing over something she has no control over will wear her down. Talk to the coaches and have them teach her to concentrate on what she can control. They need to stress placement isn't important to her. I would even encourage the gym, to maybe attend some more competative events, with bigger and better gyms. Gyms seem to compete where it is "safe" and their girls can "win." The gyms and the girls need to learn the lessons, that can only be taught by not winning, too.

 

[SignHere]

Sglemom. I love your post. It really is one that I think I need to print out for Both my DDs to read!

 

[raenndrops]

I know that in our YMCA League, they award AT LEAST the top 12 in each age group. At regular meets, they try to make sure there are no more than 16 in an age group and try to award all. At Invitationals and District Championships is where they only go top 12... and do not break up age groups, even if there are 36 10 year old Level 4s. And At YMCA NAtionals, they only award the top 1/3 in each age group in each session.

We have a girl that worries about her places too, but also her scores compared to other scores she sees. She is a 12 yo new level 4. She was upset in the second meet because she thought she did terrible. I found out when I told her congrats b4 awards. When she told me that she did terrible, I pointed out that she got 2 personal best events and a Personal Best all around. I also told her that she needs to find me before she decides if she did bad or not... I will let her know

Maybe point out to your daughter the improvement in her scores from meet to meet. Or improvement in a certain skill if there are no PB to speak of in a meet.

Maybe we will see you at Nationals in JUne.