Anon If you had to choose…

[Scream4IceCream]

Would you go to a gym where the coaching is a good fit, but the teammates are not ideal or a gym where the teammates are a good fit, but the coaching is not ideal?

 

[Anonymous (ef12)]

Tough one...I think it would depend on the kid and whether they have strong friendships outside of gym vs the more meaningful friendships being teammates. Age, level and desire for college gymnastics factor into it too.

 

[ProudGymnast]

That is such a tough question. Me having had no, few, a lot, good, and bad teammates, I personally would gravitate towards good coaches- teammates come and go but good coaches generally stick around longer and will advocate for your personal well-being and gymnastics career.

Of course it depends on your long term goals and the situation as both bad teammates and coaches can make you hate gymnastics.

This is purely based on assumptions that the teammates are rude, but keep in mind catty, ultra competitive teammates can be a reflection of the gym's culture and the coach's coaching style- I would observe if said gym seems to pit gymnasts against each other or allow gymnasts to talk behind each other's backs, or if the gymnasts are simply at that awkward, dramatic preteen stage. Good coaches generally try to encourage a positive team dynamic- with team bonding, team meetings, etc.

However, teammate issues could also be that the gymnasts are much older or younger than your gymnast or there are not that many. As you can see this is a pretty case by case issue.

 

[gymgal]

As long as the teammate atmosphere was not toxic / bullying, I would choose coaches

 

[Anonymous (b343)]

Teammates come and go every season. I’d pick coaches.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

I'd go with the better coaches. Luckily my daughter has most of her friends outside the gym because I would say her teammate situation is not ideal right now for her at her gym. But she is still happy overall, likes her coaches whom she has known forever, and does not want to consider going anywhere else. So we stay.

 

[Deleted member 28607]

Personally, coaches. I do gymnastics to be good at it, not socialize. And obviously, you need good coaches to succeed. As long as the teammates were not bullying, it would not really matter to me.

 

[ReluctantGymMom]

We made that exact choice. We chose good coaching fit, HORRIBLE team mates. The number 1 reason my daughter didn’t do virtual school this year is that she finally made school friends, and that I couldn’t imagine these girls being her only social interaction.

Most of the girls are nice, when the ring leader is not at practice - but when she is, she tells them they can’t talk to my daughter and she is just an awful person (terrible thing to say about a 12 year old but the things she says, even to other kids, my god).

We’ve been at gym with bad fit coaches, great fit kids but coaches are an essential pivotal adult in your child’s life. How they treat them affects them profoundly, they spend hours a days every day with them. When an adult tells you you suck, it hits different then when a kid does it.

It absolutely sucks that all the nice girls quit and we’re left with a summer of bullying, but hopefully honestly she quits, or other girls join the team (our level is so small right now). Our coaches are wonderful and they try to deal with the bullying head on, as long as my daughter tells them what’s happening, but kids are sneaky.

I would say the choice strongly depends on if your kid has other social ties and friends outside of gymnastics, and how sensitive they are.

 

[JBS]

Coaches.

 

[Anonymous (1d08)]

Honestly, if the coaches allow bullying behavior, they are not good coaches. I'd choose neither. If it's just something like an age mismatch, I'd choose the good coaches.

 

[Anonymous (31ea)]

I think I could have asked the same question myself not too long ago. I think it depends on what defines coaches that are not ideal. Are they not ideal because the gymnasts don’t score well or are they not ideal because they are unkind to your daughter, the environment is toxic, or it is unsafe? I think the age and goals of the gymnast are also important. My daughter had to make a choice between a coach who produces good/average scoring gymnasts but treats her like gold or a coach that produces very high scoring gymnasts but there might have been lteammate issues. She choose the first coach even though that meant she might not find herself at the very top. Teammates are so important for the social aspect of the gym. Having watched my daughter go through a year of bullying from a teammate, I would possibly pick good teammates and lower scores as long as the coach isn’t being unkind or treating her inappropriately. If your gymnast is old enough I would ask them what they want. The reality is a lot of kids don’t do this long term for a variety of reasons so if you know that your gymnast doesn’t have college/elite aspirations, make sure they are happy while they are doing it. I know my daughter won’t remember her scores/medals as much as she will remember the teammates, how her coaches treated her, the fun travel meets, etc.

 

[Anonymous (3ea9)]

We made that exact choice. We chose good coaching fit, HORRIBLE team mates. The number 1 reason my daughter didn’t do virtual school this year is that she finally made school friends, and that I couldn’t imagine these girls being her only social interaction.

Most of the girls are nice, when the ring leader is not at practice - but when she is, she tells them they can’t talk to my daughter and she is just an awful person (terrible thing to say about a 12 year old but the things she says, even to other kids, my god).

We’ve been at gym with bad fit coaches, great fit kids but coaches are an essential pivotal adult in your child’s life. How they treat them affects them profoundly, they spend hours a days every day with them. When an adult tells you you suck, it hits different then when a kid does it.

It absolutely sucks that all the nice girls quit and we’re left with a summer of bullying, but hopefully honestly she quits, or other girls join the team (our level is so small right now). Our coaches are wonderful and they try to deal with the bullying head on, as long as my daughter tells them what’s happening, but kids are sneaky.

I would say the choice strongly depends on if your kid has other social ties and friends outside of gymnastics, and how sensitive they are.

Thanks for your response! Sorry your daughter is dealing with a rough situation. I hope it gets better for her!

 

[Anonymous (fda5)]

My daughter has experienced both. I would say the mental aspect of a bad coaching situation for us has had a much greater impact than the bad teammate situation.

 

[Kartrava]

This is a tough one as we have a "frenemy" in my daughter's group. She acts nice especially when adults are around but subtly rubs it in every chance she gets when my daughter has missed a class/skill even though my daughter rarely misses class and this girl has had poor attendance.

Her coach has been trying to reprimand this girl but it's hard bc she can't catch everything. The silver lining right now is that this girl got put into a different lower hour training group. These girls all have elite aspirations.

To answer this I think I'd choose a good coach that would stand up for your daughter as well as a good scoring coach. One that tries hard to shut down the bullying.