Parents "I'm better than you"

[Committed]

First of all, my DD is very sensitive and very competitive. However, her competition is more within herself. She works extremely hard in gymnastics. She's 6 BTW.

Anyway, another little girl that she was paired with tells her, "I'm better than you." And it really upset DD. Of course, DD thinks she's better than the other little girl. Frankly, it doesn't matter. DD tells me that this girl is constantly saying things like this to her, and making up skills to brag about (like doing double backflips on the trampoline). Of course, this is all from DDs mouth, and she tells me that she doesn't react. I see her out there frowning at the other girl (in conversation), then ignore her and continue practicing.

The only way I could think of to tell DD to react to this girl would be to say:
"Excuse me, I'm trying to practice"
or
"You can think what you want"

I don't want there to be animosity between the girls, but I don't want DD to keep getting goaded. DD will hold it in until she explodes in anger and then cries.

What would you do? Or should I tell her something different?

 

[wallflower]

I wouldn't do anything. When she brags tell your DD to tell her congrats. It will start nothing but trouble. Best you can do is teach your own child not to be so sensitive.

 

[Muddlethru]

There are always going to be "bullies", people who like to intimidate others. I would just walk away, ignore her, or stay clear of the little girl. I always tell me daughter there are always going to be people who are not nice and may not like her. But the majority are good. I tell her she does not need to be around people who make her feel bad and she should just avoid them. The less your daughter reacts to it the better. Bullies tend to thrive on getting reactions. I know it is hard for a 6 year old and for you to witness. But this happens. Further, I gather from your post it sounds like maybe it is not the "bullying" that is bothering your daughter but the fact that the other girl thinks she is better. This may be a blessing in disguise and may make your daughter work even harder. As long as it is not making her lose focus at practice and/or not like to go to practice, it probably will not have a negative affect on her.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

some people aren't nice, children are people - ergo some children aren't nice.

She has to learn to deal with it. I used to ask DD " why are you bothered"?, "Is she better than you ?" - she would say no - so I would say - no problem ! Ignore and move on

 

[GymMom67]

My daughter tells me some girls on her team say things like this, or they'll point out when they get a skill before she does. I just tell her she only needs to worry about herself and that all she needs to worry about is doing the very best she can do.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

There's a girl like that in DD's group.... Likely one in most groups I suspect.

after the 3rd or 100th time your daughter will get tired of it and it will not bother her anymore (rally it will depend on how much patience she has)- that is what happened here. The stories get more elaborate and when suddenly that 7 year old can't produce a layout, never mind the full twisting layout she claims to be doing outside of the gym, the girls just realize it's too much to deal with and move on without the offender/bully/bragger.

 

[Jenny]

Tell her if it really bothers her that much and she can't ignore it for the sillyness it is to go tell her coach the next time it happens. And to just show the girl that the next move she does is her very best. She won't last with that attitude and yes I think you probably get one in every group of 6 year old girls. They usually shake down eventually.

 

[cbifoja]

Let's not water down the power of the word bully by applying it to every child that misbehaves towards another child. This little girl sounds sad and insecure or perhaps just is socially awkward and doesn't understand how to appropriately interact with her peers.

I agree that it is our jobs as parents to teach our kids how to deal with unacceptable behavior when we are on the receiving end just as we teach our kids not to act inappropriately.

 

[gymmom1974]

Let's not water down the power of the word bully by applying it to every child that misbehaves towards another child. This little girl sounds sad and insecure or perhaps just is socially awkward and doesn't understand how to appropriately interact with her peers.

I agree that it is our jobs as parents to teach our kids how to deal with unacceptable behavior when we are on the receiving end just as we teach our kids not to act inappropriately.

This is a good point....I see this a lot in my job, as I work with special needs kids. Sometimes, kids just say things as a statement, with no intention to be hateful. And, if she is trying to be hateful, as a parent, remember, the little girl is SIX! She needs some teaching as to appropriate behavior, not for the other child to be mean back.

My children have had this type of thing happen to them (not necessarily in the gymnastics world), and I used it as a teaching opportunity for a life lesson. When other girls are saying mean spirited things to my kids (you know it's fueled by low self esteem or jealousy because they can't do the same things), I have explained that the other girl may have issues at home or school that she's frustrated about and taking it out on my child. And, although this is not appropriate behavior, theres nothing my child can do to change another person. Just keep doing your best, encourage the other person, tell them "good job!"
When they tell you something they've done (even if its that they are better than you), then. Shake it off and keep doing what you're doing.

This is extremely hard for kids, but if I, as the parent, teach my young child to be nasty back, or stay away from everyone who says something negative to them, then they won't get very far in life. I'm not saying to always be super happy; because one strategy my daughter had to use once in the gym was to just put space between her and the other girl, and use the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything" rule for awhile. The other little girl worked through her frustration, and the two girls were friends again.( and still are).

 

[juststartingout]

We have 3 mean girls in our group and they hang out together so my daughter gets it x3 sometimes. I tell my daughter that the best revenge is a great performance. My daughter came in mid season so she only did the last 3 competitions. At the first one she took 3rd AA and they never bothered her, they were actually nice to her. At the 2nd and 3rd she took 1st AA and the nasty came out. They would constantly tell her "well ________ is still better than you". I told her to look at it as a compliment since they are only paying attention to you because now your competition for them.

 

[vagymmomma]

There was a girl who sounded an awful like that when my DD was L3. She was 5 or 6 - a couple years younger than DD. Quite the natural - she had all 3 splits without effort, first with the backwalkover, etc. She cried at receiving low 9s at meets and seemed destined for the Olympics based on the eyes of her own parents as well as us other newbie parents who did not know any better. She made sure everyone knew she was the best and was mean to those who were better at anything. Fast forward a couple years - she hit a few rough patches because the skills required more attention and work (for even someone with all the natural gifts in the world). Now she's done with the sport and my DD who was initimated by this child is going to be a level 8 and has never repeated. Hard work and dedication was DD's secret gift. Long story - remind your child that gymnastics is not a race, life will be filled with cruelty (whether from injuries, other gymnasts, or kids in school), but good things come to those who work hard and take the high road.

 

[Flossyduck]

Ahh yes, there's definitely one of these girls in dd's group. She acts as though she's more important than any of the others - pushes in the line and tells other kids when they don't do something as well as she can do it.

I've spoken to the mum and I can see exactly where she gets it from. She's always going on about her daughter's dream for the olympics and how she actually, genuinely wants to be a gymnast and it's her passion - really, you don't say... cos all the others are just there because they've nothing better to do and dream of working in an office! She totally believes that her daughter is special and better than the others. The daughter's behaviour is just a reflection of that.

I tell me dd not to worry about it. This girl may or may not be better (although she has done pretty badly to date, which might be why the mum fusses so) but it doesn't matter as long as dd is doing her best. They will all get where they are meant to be in the end and it will be a much nicer and easier ride for the ones who are nice to their team-mates along the way.

 

[gwenmom]

Love this May borrow it if we come across this issue!

 

[gymyahoo]

A girl moved from a famous Texas gym joined our team and promptly declared to my DD and her teammates that she was going to win all the meets that season. I told my daughter to let her performance do the talking at meets and keep practicing hard. Ms. "Texas" is now at her another gym and had to repeat level because she was not able to progress. Our team girls made it through have been team State champs a few years in a row without her. Your DD will do fine and just ignore it.

 

[Committed]

DD was paired up with this girl during practice, again. Today was much better. Apparently, DD flat out said, "please don't tell me you're a better gymnast than me."
And.....ta-da...... they're friends. Of course there was a little more conversation involved, a little backpedaling, but they worked it out. DD even finds her funny.
So, situation solved, for now.

 

[gymmom1974]

DD was paired up with this girl during practice, again. Today was much better. Apparently, DD flat out said, "please don't tell me you're a better gymnast than me."
And.....ta-da...... they're friends. Of course there was a little more conversation involved, a little backpedaling, but they worked it out. DD even finds her funny.
So, situation solved, for now.

That's wonderful! Sounds like your DD and the other little girl learned a valuable lesson.....be upfront with others and listen to others when they are trying to be helpful! And I think we adults should take something out of this, too: talk things out, then LET IT GO AND BE FRIENDS! Kids are such wonderful little creatures!! Good luck!