Parents Just a rant.

[Skye Fernandez]

My DD (6) has a friend who did gymnastics for 3 years. The mom is basically talking to me like im a horrible mother for even considering letting her continue gymnastics. She just keeps saying "I couldnt imagine letting my daughter stay in gymnastics anymore after what i witnessed." Because there's so much drama with other gymnastics moms and it's going to teach her to be a poor sport. First of all I already know about the drama. And I stay far away from it. I'm very nice to the other moms. But I don't go out of my way to talk with them. Second. My daughter has big dreams for gymnastics. I dont know if she'll always have those dreams. But im going to support her while she has them. And im not bashing my DD in anyway. But she has been slow academically. And she was starting to realize she was behind her peers. Idk what it is about gymnastics, but she catches on to it so quickly. Her coach is always telling me what a natural she is and it has been such a huge confidence booster for her! And it seems like it has carried over to her school work. At the end of the school year she still couldn't get through her alphabet and she absolutely hated school time. Today she is reading and actually looks forward to school time. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe her suddenly catching on has nothing to do with gymnastics. My gut says it does though. I just can't conceive pulling her out of something that has been so beneficial to her, something that she enjoys just because other women may be petty. Plus I just feel like you're going to have a bit of drama no matter what sport she does. Some people are just filled with drama. Her daughter was the one that got my DD wanting to try gymnastics in the first place. Anyways sorry about the long rant. That just annoyed me.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Three years, as in from age 3 to age 6? What kind of drama could possibly be involved on preschool gymnastics?

 

[Skye Fernandez]

Lol idk. I kind of assumed maybe she was talking about the older girls. But yea. 3-6? Isn't that supposed to be the fun age? She just recently pulled her daughter out and has been trying to convince me to do the same ever since. Im not sure what her motive is but it's getting really annoying.

 

[Madden3]

At some point all parents have to learn the polite and vague smile and nod when faced with this kind of thing. We are so blessed to have so many parenting choices, but this means we will always be doing something that someone else does not understand or approve of, and there will always be people who are determined to let you know how much they disapprove. When faced with this kind of thing I just smile and nod and think about something pleasant. If I have to say something I keep it vague and simple. "This is working for us right now." or "As long as she loves it, we will do it." That kind of thing. If that is not enough for this person, try changing the subject.

And I have found there can be drama even with the little kids. I never experienced that with my boys, really, very little drama even now, years into competing. But I definitely see/hear some stuff that borders on CGM territory as I watch my 4 year old daughter in her kindergym class. Weird! On the other hand, this does not bother me. If a mother is so upset by drama she has to pull her child out of gym, my guess is there is a good chance she somehow placed herself at the center of it or even created the drama herself.

And of course there really may be a cultural problem at your particular gym where CGPs rule and make everyone else miserable. I have heard that can happen. But if that is the case, that is something you will discover for yourself soon enough.

Oh and building confidence and internal discipline is a huge part of why we have kept our boys in gym even though it is fairly hard financially. I imagine there are studies linking sports and physical activity with academic improvement.

 

[Skye Fernandez]

My DD is in a different gym than what her daughter was. I choose this gym because there where alot of good reviews about the coaches and they have programs that you can participate in to help with the costs. And I have witnessed the moms of older gymnasts be kind of ugly to each other, but like I said. I stay out of it. I've told her in the past as long as my daughter loves it she will stay in it. Shes made comments like "we'll aren't you the parent?" I have just started smiling and changing the subject. I just needed to get that off my chest.

 

[Sasha]

People seek validation for their choices. If the mom convinces you to pull out, that validates her own, potentially difficult, choice and relieves any internal tension she may have for her decision. Most of us find comfort in people who validate our own urgencies.

ETA: But of course that can be annoying and awkward. Hopefully she'll soften in time after this initial change period.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Maybe she can try her daughter in competitive cheer, or even worse, competitive dance! Then she'll realize just how light-weight gymnastics is when it comes to drama mamas .

 

[Skye Fernandez]

Haha no kidding! My DD tried ballet before she tried gymnastics. And it was rough. She ended up only doing a semester of it because she hated it.

 

[sce]

I find the whole situation so ironic. She left gymnastics because of the drama, but she is stirring up drama with you! I would tell her that you respect her decision and that you see things differently. Both of you are doing what you feel is best for your children. Then kindly ask her to stop bringing it up.

 

[MomIdidit!]

I'm glad to hear your dd is performing better academically. I truly believe my dd is a better student because of gymnastics. I agree, there must be tons of studies on sports and academics. I witness my dd every afternoon trying to complete her homework quickly and correctly so she's not late to practice. She's focused and is intrinsically motivated to hand in good assignments, she has told us her coach reminds them all the time....school first then gym. My 8 yo will say to her brothers all the time that she has to work hard in gym and perform well academically in order to have any chance in college gymnastics.

Bravo to the coaches for motivating our gymmies!!!

As far as the drama mamma, I would avoid any gym talk.

 

[Dahlia]

"I'm glad you made the decision that was right for your dd and your family. Please respect the decision we made for our dd and family." After that, if she brings it up, immediately change the subject. Example - Her: "You need to get your dd out of gymnastics ....." You: "The cubs are going to make the post season this year, think they'll make it to the world series?"

 

[wnl256]

People seek validation for their choices. If the mom convinces you to pull out, that validates her own, potentially difficult, choice and relieves any internal tension she may have for her decision. Most of us find comfort in people who validate our own urgencies.

Could also be that mom's DD is putting pressure on mom with "but Ms. Fernandez let her daughter stay in gymnastics. Why did I have to quit?"

Stick to your convictions and make your own choices for your child. Don't let someone else parent your children by proxy. Her problems are not always your problems, and even if they are similar you choose handle them differently. And yes I agree the situation is incredibly annoying.

 

[gracyomalley]

Just a pediatrician's point of view, but many studies support the importance of kids having "islands of excellence" meaning if school isn't easy (even if they do ok) its actually VERY important that they have other activities that come easier, or they can excel in - even if it volunteering at a pet shelter, etc. Sports, arts, music, etc all involve hard work and discipline, working through challenges, dealing with disappointment, problem solving, and learning to deal with others...just like you have to deal with other parents! If your instinct is gym is helping academics, you are likely correct...

 

[duyetanh]

"I'm glad you made the decision that was right for your dd and your family. Please respect the decision we made for our dd and family." After that, if she brings it up, immediately change the subject. Example - Her: "You need to get your dd out of gymnastics ....." You: "The cubs are going to make the post season this year, think they'll make it to the world series?"

You are so much nicer than me. At this point if she said anything else to me, I would ask her point blank, "Why do you care?"
And then once she answered I would say sorry, but it's really none of your biz, and you have voiced your opinion enough already. Thanks.

 

[GymDad9.9]

The oddest thing about this is that the mother of the other girl pulled out of gymnastics trained at a completely different gym than the OP's daughter so whatever drama she experienced at her gym has no relevance to the OP.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I would start..... with this topic is getting really old aand tired. I'm glad you made the decision that works for your child and your family. I am very comfortable with our decision regarding little Skye and it works for our family. Now I am done talking about this.

And from that point on I would just keep to I am not going to discuss this anymore.
And if she keeps up, it would be, asked and answered.

Don't keep engaging about it. You don't have to attend every discussion or arguement you are invited too.