Parents Just voicing my frustrations

[veganmami]

So my DD is a L4 this year and had a very successful year on L3. At her last USAG meet she placed 1st AA. She picks up things really quickly and has almost all of her L4 skills for the year on all apparatuses. I would love to see her possibly go up to L5 because she also has a lot of those skills as well. Now, I'm not one to push the coaches, but I'm very frustrated.....


A new girl just joined the team from another gym and she is the same age as my daughter (7) and did L3 where she was last year. She has all of her skills for L4. Her mother complained to the coaches that she was "bored" with L4 so they moved her up and she is trying L5! I don't see her as being any more mature or better than my daughter, but I would like to know why they allowed her to move up to 5. My dd has more of the L5 skills than she does. I feel like the coaches are by-passing my daughter because she's a guaranteed paycheck and this new girl could always go back to her other gym if her mom is not happy. I also feel like going to L5 would push my DD a little harder because she would be with the older girls. Right now, the gym groups l3 and l4 together, so a lot of the time the newer girls slow down the older girls and there is definitely less focus.


Another thing that frustrates me is that last year, the L4's worked exclusivley with one coach. She is an AWESOME coach and I was looking forward to her working with my DD this year. Last year as a L3 my daughter worked with a 17yo coach and whomever was home on college break. This year, that awesome coach moved up to coach those other girls as L5's and we are stuck again with the 17yo and other not-so-good coaches as the head coach works with the L5-6-7's.

Do I have a right to complain? Am I just being an overbearing gym mom that thinks her DD is better than what she is? I don't want to be like that! I don't want to be one of those moms! I was pretty happy overall with the gym as it was a small gym (only like 15 girls on team last year) and this year there are over 28! Any suggestions ideas/ feedback are welcome. Thank you for reading my rant :-/

 

[Deleted member D3987]

So my DD is a L4 this year and had a very successful year on L3. At her last USAG meet she placed 1st AA. She picks up things really quickly and has almost all of her L4 skills for the year on all apparatuses. I would love to see her possibly go up to L5 because she also has a lot of those skills as well. Now, I'm not one to push the coaches, but I'm very frustrated.....


A new girl just joined the team from another gym and she is the same age as my daughter (7) and did L3 where she was last year. She has all of her skills for L4. Her mother complained to the coaches that she was "bored" with L4 so they moved her up and she is trying L5! I don't see her as being any more mature or better than my daughter, but I would like to know why they allowed her to move up to 5. My dd has more of the L5 skills than she does. I feel like the coaches are by-passing my daughter because she's a guaranteed paycheck and this new girl could always go back to her other gym if her mom is not happy. I also feel like going to L5 would push my DD a little harder because she would be with the older girls. Right now, the gym groups l3 and l4 together, so a lot of the time the newer girls slow down the older girls and there is definitely less focus.


Another thing that frustrates me is that last year, the L4's worked exclusivley with one coach. She is an AWESOME coach and I was looking forward to her working with my DD this year. Last year as a L3 my daughter worked with a 17yo coach and whomever was home on college break. This year, that awesome coach moved up to coach those other girls as L5's and we are stuck again with the 17yo and other not-so-good coaches as the head coach works with the L5-6-7's.

Do I have a right to complain? Am I just being an overbearing gym mom that thinks her DD is better than what she is? I don't want to be like that! I don't want to be one of those moms! I was pretty happy overall with the gym as it was a small gym (only like 15 girls on team last year) and this year there are over 28! Any suggestions ideas/ feedback are welcome. Thank you for reading my rant :-/

Mmm...if you have the coaching ability to recognize in bold then you should apply for a coaching job at the gym. or, you could open your own.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

You have the same options as that other mom. Why do you say you are a gaurunteed paycheck?

I would never question why one girl was moved up and another wasn't. I trust the coaches and owner too much for that. However, if you are unhappy with your child's coach, if you don't think she is doing a good job for some reason, you should say something.

 

[sportyspice]

Just ask your coach if your DD can move up to level 5. I think you may be reading too much into this whole situation. Most coaches will listen to a pleasant and respectful request for your daughter to try the higher level - but be prepared to accept the response from someone who is a gymnastics professional. As Pickle's Mom said, never compare your child to another (especially to a coach) its probably the easiest way to lose their respect for anything else you have to say.

 

[Kiwi]

What does your daughter want to do? Is she happy where she is or bored? Also, if she did so well in L3, she might also do very well in L4 and that might be quite enjoyable for her. How would she handle it if L5 was very challenging and she was struggling with it? Just throwing out some questions to ask yourself, because I can't tell from your post why exactly you want your DD to move to L5, other than to 'keep up with the Joneses'.

 

[bogwoppit]

Move ups is the cause of more stress than anything in parents it seems. Bite the bullet ask if your kid can move up, do not mention the other child, coaches hate it when parents say stuff like "well my Suzie can do way more L4 skills than Julie and Julie is moving up, why is that?". There are way more factors to consider than the skills you see alone. So ask for your DD, ask what the rquirements for moving up are and what your DD needs to be able to do to get there. The answers may surprise you, but it may also help yopu understand why this is not the right time.

As to you being a guarantedd check, you have all the same options to leave as the other parents do. If gyms ran on a basis of paranoia they wouldn't last long.

Good luck, you are not the first to feel this way, do use the chance to start a dialogue with your childs coach.

 

[gym_mom]

I think there couldn't be any harm in asking if your dd could stay with her coach and move up to L5. I wouldn't mention (or even hint at) your annoyance about the new girl getting moved up. If anything, the fact that the other kid got moved up at the parent's behest means that you have a better chance of getting your dd moved up too.

I had this conversation with the head coach at my dd's gym once. When she was pre-team, we didn't realize how important it was to come to every single workout. I figured that the real work would start once my dd was on a competitive level, so I let her skip to go to girl scout meetings once a month and other activities occasionally. Imagine my surprise when the rest of the team got moved up except for my dd! Including a girl who had only been there a month or two! Yes, I was super frustrated, but I sat down and had a very earnest conversation with the coach (not mentioning the new girl at all) and he said they would give my daughter a try. She was immediately very focused and came to every workout, and by the end of the season, she was consistently bringing home 1st and 2nd AA at meets.
I hope this success story helps you take a deep breath and advocate for your dd without anger or frustration.

 

[MdGymMom01]

So my DD is a L4 this year and had a very successful year on L3. At her last USAG meet she placed 1st AA. She picks up things really quickly and has almost all of her L4 skills for the year on all apparatuses. I would love to see her possibly go up to L5 because she also has a lot of those skills as well. Now, I'm not one to push the coaches, but I'm very frustrated.....


A new girl just joined the team from another gym and she is the same age as my daughter (7) and did L3 where she was last year. She has all of her skills for L4. Her mother complained to the coaches that she was "bored" with L4 so they moved her up and she is trying L5! I don't see her as being any more mature or better than my daughter, but I would like to know why they allowed her to move up to 5. My dd has more of the L5 skills than she does. I feel like the coaches are by-passing my daughter because she's a guaranteed paycheck and this new girl could always go back to her other gym if her mom is not happy. I also feel like going to L5 would push my DD a little harder because she would be with the older girls. Right now, the gym groups l3 and l4 together, so a lot of the time the newer girls slow down the older girls and there is definitely less focus.


Another thing that frustrates me is that last year, the L4's worked exclusivley with one coach. She is an AWESOME coach and I was looking forward to her working with my DD this year. Last year as a L3 my daughter worked with a 17yo coach and whomever was home on college break. This year, that awesome coach moved up to coach those other girls as L5's and we are stuck again with the 17yo and other not-so-good coaches as the head coach works with the L5-6-7's.

Do I have a right to complain? Am I just being an overbearing gym mom that thinks her DD is better than what she is? I don't want to be like that! I don't want to be one of those moms! I was pretty happy overall with the gym as it was a small gym (only like 15 girls on team last year) and this year there are over 28! Any suggestions ideas/ feedback are welcome. Thank you for reading my rant :-/

Ah, yes, move-ups can be very stressful and confusing and sometimes don't make any sense at all. Let me share a story about our team last year. There were two girls who were younger than my dd who all competed the same level the year before. The two girls had lower AA scores than my dd that previous year but they were moved up to the next level while my dd had to repeat. While my dd and the few other girls that had to repeat had excellent seasons last year (they were the top 3 AA scorers for the entire team), the two girls that got moved up, did not fare so well. They struggled all year and were very frustrated by their seasons. These two girls have since quit this year because of it. Now, I know that winning is not everything, but the confidence that it gave the girls is immeasurable. They are very motivated and seen as leaders on the team because of their work ethic, determination and positive attitudes. And I am not saying that by skipping level 4 you are doomed to do poorly at level 5, I am just saying what happened on my team and how the jump affected the girls overall confidence.

I would ask the coach if your dd can try out a few practice with the Level 5's and see how it goes. I believe that everyone should be given a shot to at least try and if it is more that you or her expected, then at least you know. Since it is summer, I can't see the harm in your dd at least trying a few practices. If it is too much then she can go back to Level 4 and know that she will probably have a great season. Sometimes actual competition experience when you are on top and confident helps open up their personality and they learn to let go and relax a bit.

 

[Sydsmom]

I had the same issue at our gym. But it was my daughter who wanted to move up, she put together a plan of all of the skills she either wanted to learn or improve on. She gave it to all of her coaches, then after 4 weeks of working on those we re-evaluated with her main coach.
Just talk to them...if they really want that guaranteed pay check...they will work with you.
Good luck!! Keep us posted.

 

[Gymdad2]

Yes, in MHO you are in danger of becoming one of 'those' gym parents. If you don't mind listening to an old gymdad who has been around this sport for many years, and have seen just about everyting you can imagine in the gym, I have the following suggestions for you and other beginning gym parents.

1. Do not compare your dd and her successes/skills to others. She is her own person and will learn and develop on her own.

2. Gymnastics is a judged sport, not a competative one. Your dd is performing for the judges, not competing against the other girls.

3. While I congratulate your dd on winning AA in a L3 meet, and it is fine for both of you to be pleased and proud of the result, please keep it in perspective. Winning at one level does not necessarily mean that she is ready to advance to the next level.

4. Feel free to talk to her coach(es) but if you are satisfied with them, then let them coach and do not question each and every decision and move that they make. Of course you are always free to move to another gym if you are not satisfied with the one you are at, but remember that the grass is not always greener.

5. My final, and probably most important piece of advice would be that you should always remember that this is your dd's sport, and your job is to do the driving, pay the tuition and bills, go to all of her meets and be her number one cheerleader. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Good luck to both of you.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Great post Gymdad2. It's a nice "refresher" for all of us!

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

You mentioned that your DD does not have all of her Level 4 skills. Can you share what skills she is missing? At my DD's gym it does not matter if you have any of your Level 5 skills if you don't have ALL your Level 4 skills.

 

[cher062]

Yes, in MHO you are in danger of becoming one of 'those' gym parents. If you don't mind listening to an old gymdad who has been around this sport for many years, and have seen just about everyting you can imagine in the gym, I have the following suggestions for you and other beginning gym parents.

1. Do not compare your dd and her successes/skills to others. She is her own person and will learn and develop on her own.

2. Gymnastics is a judged sport, not a competative one. Your dd is performing for the judges, not competing against the other girls.

3. While I congratulate your dd on winning AA in a L3 meet, and it is fine for both of you to be pleased and proud of the result, please keep it in perspective. Winning at one level does not necessarily mean that she is ready to advance to the next level.

4. Feel free to talk to her coach(es) but if you are satisfied with them, then let them coach and do not question each and every decision and move that they make. Of course you are always free to move to another gym if you are not satisfied with the one you are at, but remember that the grass is not always greener.

5. My final, and probably most important piece of advice would be that you should always remember that this is your dd's sport, and your job is to do the driving, pay the tuition and bills, go to all of her meets and be her number one cheerleader. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Good luck to both of you.

Worth Repeating

I agree with Gymdad. Just remember there is no guarenteed paycheck you are free to change gyms if you are not satisfied with the gym. You are also free to ask the coaches if she can move to L5 too. If you trust your coaches judgement and the program at the gym then I would say too to trust that they have choosen the right path for your DD. Every child is different and who someone else moves through the ranks shouldn't have any impact on how your DD moves up. My question would be If this girl didn't come to the gym and get moved up would you even be questioning your DD's move to L4? If not then I would say forget what is happening with others.

Gymnastics isn't something to be rushed through it's a slow process and just forget the levels and watch the joy in your DD's eyes as she progresses at her own pace.

 

[bar princess's mom]

Here are my two cents on the subject...

I didn't notice in your original post if you mentioned what your DD wanted to do. Just curious as she is the one doing it.

While I agree with the other posters that you should trust the coaches decisions, I feel that you are entitled to open communication about your DD's "career". In our gym, the move up e-mails are followed with a brief informal chat with the coaches where they discuss their reasoning. In my experiences so far (with my DD and some of her teammates whose parents I am close to) they are right on in their thought process. They consider more than just a skill set. They factor in basics and form, personality, drive and future potential.

That being said, it is never appropriate to compare gymnasts unless you have the expertise to do so. There may be things you don't see with an untrained eye. Even if they are both doing the same skills, maybe the other girls form is better. It could also be that they moved the other girl to 5 because her mother "complained" and its not really in her best interest long term. She may be doing harder skills but if the basics are lacking, it will catch up with her later.

Last year, my DD competed Level 4 and she fell in the top 10% of the state score wise and she outscored many of her teammates that moved up. She has her Level 5 skills. Her coaches asked her to remain in Level 4 this year. We discussed the pros and cons of her moving up and staying back. Ultimately, their decision was based partly on pairing her with kids her own age and on the USAG level changes for 2012-2013. Their intent is to have her train her Level 6 skills this year so she can move to the new Level 5 next year (which consists of the old Level 6 skills) and to be able to be ahead of the curve for that season.

Another of her teammates was asked to to remain in Level 4 because they felt she lacked confidence. She has her skills and was middle of the pack last year but they factored her pesonality into the decision.

I think if you approach the coaches with a question about your daughter's progression, you will probably be surprised at how well they know your daughter and how much thought they put into these decisions.

 

[mariposa]

Honestly, I would just let it go. You stated that you were happy overall with the gym before this happened. You also say that your daughter does not have all her level 4 skills. Level 5 is a huge jump from level 4. My daughter did 2 years of level 4 (and had a very successful 2nd year) and her first year of level 5 was tough. She is doing a 2nd year of level 5 and there is plenty she needs to work on even though she did get 9s on 2 events and was in the high 8s on the others. She has almost all of her level 6 skills and even several level 7 skills, but I don't want her competing level 6 or 7. Many kids have skills for the next level, but they shouldn't just "have" the skills, the skills need to be competition ready. Uptraining and having those skills way before competing that level is a good thing, competing skills you just barely "got" or that still need a lot of work makes for a tough season.

Gymnastics is a crazy sport. It can be very easy to get too wrapped up in it and worry and let the drama ruin it all.

Definitely don't compare your kid to other kids ever. Gymdad2's advice was awesome. A great reminder for us experienced gym parents and some great advice for new gym parents.

Welcome to the Chalk Bucket!

 

[NGL780309]

So my DD is a L4 this year and had a very successful year on L3. At her last USAG meet she placed 1st AA. She picks up things really quickly and has almost all of her L4 skills for the year on all apparatuses. I would love to see her possibly go up to L5 because she also has a lot of those skills as well. Now, I'm not one to push the coaches, but I'm very frustrated.....


A new girl just joined the team from another gym and she is the same age as my daughter (7) and did L3 where she was last year. She has all of her skills for L4. Her mother complained to the coaches that she was "bored" with L4 so they moved her up and she is trying L5! I don't see her as being any more mature or better than my daughter, but I would like to know why they allowed her to move up to 5. My dd has more of the L5 skills than she does. I feel like the coaches are by-passing my daughter because she's a guaranteed paycheck and this new girl could always go back to her other gym if her mom is not happy. I also feel like going to L5 would push my DD a little harder because she would be with the older girls. Right now, the gym groups l3 and l4 together, so a lot of the time the newer girls slow down the older girls and there is definitely less focus.


Another thing that frustrates me is that last year, the L4's worked exclusivley with one coach. She is an AWESOME coach and I was looking forward to her working with my DD this year. Last year as a L3 my daughter worked with a 17yo coach and whomever was home on college break. This year, that awesome coach moved up to coach those other girls as L5's and we are stuck again with the 17yo and other not-so-good coaches as the head coach works with the L5-6-7's.

Do I have a right to complain? Am I just being an overbearing gym mom that thinks her DD is better than what she is? I don't want to be like that! I don't want to be one of those moms! I was pretty happy overall with the gym as it was a small gym (only like 15 girls on team last year) and this year there are over 28! Any suggestions ideas/ feedback are welcome. Thank you for reading my rant :-/

I have seen situations where a new gymnast is put in a certain level because they want to make them happy, so I don't think it's crazy to have that thought.

If you really want her to have a chance at L5 you should ask. Just do it in a polite way and whatever you do, DON'T reference the other gymnast.

I can't speak to the readiness of your DD for L5 based on your post. It really depends on what skills she has and how much time she has to get the others. When my DD was in L4 she could do some of the L5 skills, but she was in no way ready to compete L5. She has a few L6 skills right now, but she's not even ready to compete L5 on bars and vault, much less L6.

 

[10.0]

A few points. You don't know all the circumstances surrounding the girl who moved over to your gym, so don't compare her to your DD. Who knows maybe her Mom was really pushy and that is why she gets to do level 5 and she may or very well may not be successful at it. Also my knowledge is most gyms are not too happy when you switch and then want to return.

I am really confused about the coach thing, you say the 17 y/o coach (I guess age determines success at coaching) and the other "not so good" coaches. So I guess if they were the same coaches as last year and your DD was so successful at level 3 they didn't do a very good job?

Yes you are in the beginning stages of being one of "those Mom's" you also say you are happy with the gym but in the rest of the post do nothing but complain about what is going on. If you truly are not happy or are upset talk it over with the owner, tell him/her all your concerns and see what the answer is and if you can't live with it you also have the choice to leave. But like everyone else has suggested don't use the arguement that the other girl got to move up just stick to talking about your DD.

 

[ac7179]

I think that there are two issues here, in reality. The first, and likely the one you are having the most issue with, is that it doesn't seem "fair" that another child may get an opportunity that you feel your child is at least as deserving of. I think this is understandable for any human when they feel slighted, but especially a mom. Secondly, though, and more importantly, you have to look at what is best for your daughter. Rarely will it ever be in a child's best interest to move from Level 3 to Level 5. In my opinion, 5 is the first of the really competitive levels, and here in my state, at least, it is cut-throat! If she didn't have all of her Level 5 skills looking pretty darn good already at this point, I don't think I'd even entertain the possibility of moving her up. I'd rather have an awesome year of Level 4 to help prepare for an awesome year at 5. Clearly, I don't know your child, and if you are really concerned, talk with her coach. But I do think it's natural to get caught in the "not fair" and lose track of what is best for your child in the big picture, and as parents we sometimes have to stop ourselves and look at how much things matter in the big scheme of things.

 

[NGL780309]

A few points. You don't know all the circumstances surrounding the girl who moved over to your gym, so don't compare her to your DD. Who knows maybe her Mom was really pushy and that is why she gets to do level 5 and she may or very well may not be successful at it. Also my knowledge is most gyms are not too happy when you switch and then want to return.

I am really confused about the coach thing, you say the 17 y/o coach (I guess age determines success at coaching) and the other "not so good" coaches. So I guess if they were the same coaches as last year and your DD was so successful at level 3 they didn't do a very good job?

Yes you are in the beginning stages of being one of "those Mom's" you also say you are happy with the gym but in the rest of the post do nothing but complain about what is going on. If you truly are not happy or are upset talk it over with the owner, tell him/her all your concerns and see what the answer is and if you can't live with it you also have the choice to leave. But like everyone else has suggested don't use the arguement that the other girl got to move up just stick to talking about your DD.

I gathered from the OP that she felt like her DD's level was given whatever coach was available rather than a consistent coach. DD was in a situation like that when she was on preteam and I think it's a valid complaint. Young coaches can be great and older coaches not so great, but the younger coaches we had experience with were mostly teenagers that seemed there for the paycheck and had little patience or passion. Not all of them, DD had one really great one. If her DD did well in L3 it's not necessarily an indication that the coaching was great. Maybe she was naturally pretty good.

DD went to a gym for L4 where the coaching was not good at all and one of her teammates did very well. She is just a really naturally talented kid. She moved with us to the new gym and she is just truly an amazing gymnast.

 

[mom2mini]

I agree with everyone about trusting the coaches and not comparing one child w/ another. I know at our gym the skills are critical for moving up: no kip - no level 5