Parents Leaving a gym because of level they want them to compete?

[wallflower]

This question is not for me, but got me thinking because a friend asked me advice in regards to her DD. My DD is very, very happy at our gym with her level, her coaches, everything etc. I'm just wondering if I gave good advice.

So her DD competed one level in the fall and she wanted to compete a level up in the spring. The mom thought this was the plan and was told by one coach that she could do it. Now it seems the gym has decided that is not a good idea and they aren't going to allow her DD or her group do that. This mom is thinking of leaving the gym because she really wants her to compete up a level in the spring and generally because she is just upset about the situation.

I cautioned her that I don't think leaving for that reason is a good idea. They live 5 minutes from the gym. They have great coaches. In general they are happy at the gym and it's a good gym. The DD has a good peer group and I told her in the end it won't matter one bit what level she competed this fall. They will all end up in the same place if they stick with gymnastics and it isn't a race.

I guess I just don't take leaving gyms very lightly. We do the 60 minute drive. I would never give up the 5 minute away gym provided it was a pretty decent gym if I had that option. I would never give it up just so my DD could compete 1 level higher a little sooner. Those that drive 5 minutes have no idea of the sacrifice that it is to drive a kid an hour away daily. It is your life.

I guess in the back of my mind and based on things this mom has said to me, I think that she is really just looking to move her to another gym with more "elite" capabilites. She is an 8 year old level 4. I think its a little early to be making that decision or even thinking the kid has the ability to reach that level. Level 4 isn't a great indicator of gymnastics success in my mind.

Thoughts?

 

[cbifoja]

I agree 100% with your advice. It IS a big deal to leave a gym, especially over something like what you are describing. It very much has a "taking my ball and going home" feel to it. LOL

 

[Bajanswife]

I agree as well. Leaving is always a risk anyway - who's to say you'll get what you want at the next place? Sure you may get to compete the higher level, but you may find something else not to your liking and then what? There are definitely good reasons to leave a gym sometimes, but I don't think this is one of them.

 

[bogwoppit]

This is not worth leaving over. Her DD will be a very strong L5 in the fall with all that time for uptraining, she will also have higher level skills to move on to. To leave a gym where you are essentially happy is a bad plan.

 

[wallinbl]

I agree 100% with your advice. It IS a big deal to leave a gym, especially over something like what you are describing. It very much has a "taking my ball and going home" feel to it. LOL

It depends a lot on how it was handled. Spend a few weeks pumping a girl up about competing a higher level and how much fun that will be and then a week or two later telling her it might not work out is lousy. If that's part of a pattern of mind changing that sends girls on unnecessary emotional roller coasters, then you may have something real to worry about.

If the mom approached the coach about it and one said it might be possible and they later learned it wasn't, then nothing to really worry about.

 

[Gymdad2]

Sounds like the definition of a CGM to me. I wonder what she thinks about my "Marathon, not a Sprint" signature. Maybe she should give it some thought.

 

[wallflower]

From what I understand and I'm not there so I don't have the whole story, one of the two coaches is very chummy with parents and that coach (who is not by any means the head coach) told some of the parents she would like them to do that. It was never anything official or a set out plan. More just like conversations between parents and a coach.

My friend also said that the gym has had girls do that in the past and so these parents don't understand why their girls are different. So it sounds like to me it was a situation where parents made assumptions based on past history and one coach talking in an unoffical capacity.

 

[gymmomtoo]

Yeah, sounds like the HC needs to stop her coaches from making comments out of hand like that. And I agree with your advice. If you are happy with the gym, you don't leave over something like that. Ask for a meeting and discuss why she won't move up, but then deal with the answer.

 

[PortageGal]

I agree with you and the others. Sometimes it's hard for parents to let the coaches do their job. The fact that the entire level is being held back and not just her daughter says a lot. It may also have something to do with the upcoming changes for 2013.

We live about ten minutes from our gym and it's a lifesaver. It would take a lot more than dissatisfaction with staying at L4 for another year. Back in the day when I competed in the 80's, I commuted about 30-40 minutes and even that seemed like it created a hardship on my parents. I think my mom would take a very late lunch hour to take me to gym. But I digress.

I wonder how her daughter feels about the situation and the possiblity of a gym switch?

 

[SGMOM]

It depends a lot on how it was handled. Spend a few weeks pumping a girl up about competing a higher level and how much fun that will be and then a week or two later telling her it might not work out is lousy. If that's part of a pattern of mind changing that sends girls on unnecessary emotional roller coasters, then you may have something real to worry about.

I agree, if the coach had promised the girls they would compete at a higher level, then I would be concerned. I'd also wonder why the gym and the coach were not on the same page. It also depends on when the girls were told and how long they've been working towards that goal, and if it's a pattern of behavior or a one time issue.

As a parent, I wouldn't care as long as my daughter was none the wiser. However, if she had been working her butt off for a year being told if she jumped through enough hoops that she would move up, made it through all the hoops, then the gym changed the rule, I'd care.

Also, if the coach and the owner aren't on the same page, it depends on how much they are off. If it's just one meet or just one season, then maybe it's not a big deal. If the coach has been telling the parent that the gym is holding the child back, or that the child needs to switch to a gym where they will do something with her, then I can see why the parent might start asking questions.

I can't really see leaving a gym over a level unless it's a symptom of a bigger problem, and even then only if the problem is upsetting my child.

 

[GymBee97]

sounds like the parent in "when will Suzie get her kip"

When Will My Susie Start Kipping? - YouTube

 

[sglemon]

Honestly, I don't know how she is ever going to raise a gymnast with her attitude. Gymnastics isn't about instant gratification. It is about hard work, determination and perserverance, which obviously isn't being taught to her child. Also if she starts jumping gyms because she isn't happy, does she realize, she will never be happy? I know this is a sad statement, but everyone always knows who the gym jumpers are, for better or worst.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

I think I would advise her to meet with all coaches involved and just clarify. I can understand that if the coaches told daughter one thing and then all of a sudden it changes where she (the daughter) would be upset. My daughter at 8 years old would have been very upset if she was told she was moving up and then didnt despite being ready. It might be unfair to say they are gym hoppers or that she won't be able to raise a gymnast that way or anything else negative. Not all gyms fit all kids but I would venture to guess that there might be a bit more to the story. After all coaches shouldnt really be out there saying such things in the first place before its actually happening.
It is great that so many have found great places and have children that are happy were they are but it just isnt always the case. I can tell you that from my experience, in some areas, its hard to find a place where the quality and level of gymnastics that is taught is good and safe but at the same time isn't over board. It's a fine balance to strike and seemingly difficult. I know there is always something at every gym but it can take some time to find the best place for some kids. So if that make people gym hoppers than so be it but its important to get each kid to a place that's right for them.
So I would say take a few days think it through, cool off and then meet and talk with coaches. That might clear a lot up for her, or not and then she could leave

 

[Moxiegrl83]

From what I understand and I'm not there so I don't have the whole story, one of the two coaches is very chummy with parents and that coach (who is not by any means the head coach) told some of the parents she would like them to do that. It was never anything official or a set out plan. More just like conversations between parents and a coach.

She should not have done that. Some parents take the words of any coach as the gospel truth, so you have to be careful what you tell parents. Just parents coming up to the desk, asking when their kids are going to move up, it's always the same response whether they are rec or team. It's up to the head coach responsible for their program.

 

[iwannacoach]

It could be a context problem...

The mom thought this was the plan and was told by one coach that she could do it.

I can imagine the mom telling one coach "my dd's dying to compete level* this spring" way back in July or August, and hearing encouraging words from an unwitting coach, along the lines of "Suzie may start kipping any day, and could easily be ready for level* this spring".

The mother hears a "promise" while the words out of the coach's mouth were merely information rather than the result of a decision making "thought process". It's possible the "gym" and the "coach" were not on the same page at that time point, because the conversation took place before there was any need for a discussion, much less a decision.


My Opinion is that competing up a level constructive for kids needing to score out with a meet or two so they can compete another level up in the fall/winter, and that training routine 3 monthes in the fall and 3 months in the spring makes training for the level beyond all the more difficult.

There are substantial skills this child may encounter in a year or two. I'd agree with her coaches if they feel the best preparation for those skill is to train uninteruptedfor the next 9 months without giving routines a single thought. If their "not ready" for their first meet of a repeat season....no big deal because their "upskill training" will be reflected in how quickly they tidy up their routines.

 

[wallflower]

Some interesting thoughts. I definitely don't think my friend is a CGM. I think she just wants her DD to move a little faster and was irritated that it isn't happening.

She did talk to the coaches and they explained to her that normally they would have let the girls compete level 5 in the spring and then compete level 5 in the fall as well. The gym told her they decided against this because they didn't want to teach level 5 routines for just a few meets and then turn around and teach new routines for the fall. Makes perfect sense to me.

I think in general I never take anything one coach says in passing as concrete. When they officially say your child is doing level whatever then I'll believe it. I don't know this coach but a lot of stuff my friend tells me sounds very unprofessional. I would steer clear of any coach who was talking bad about the program they are coaching in, telling parents that the head coach/owner is making wrong decisions regarding their child, talking bad about other kids etc.

 

[SGMOM]

Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?

I think most parents don't understand enough about gymnastics to be able to know the best level and rate of training for their child, and they are pretty self aware. Most parents really can't know what level their child should be, or even is, without outside input. We rely on our child's coach, who should know the child's gymnastics ability best, to set the best path for them. It must be very confusing and unnerving to be getting conflicting information.

These level changes are not exactly a surprise. I'd have to wonder why this artificial disappointment was created for the child in the first place, considering that these new routine changes are no surprise. I hope that your friend wasn't pressured into private lessons for her child to learn old level 5 skills and routines that will never be used.

 

[wallflower]

Thankfully her gym doesn't do private lessons so it wasn't an issue.

Even though I don't agree with her leaving, I'm now thinking selfishly LOL. She tried out at DD's gym on Friday and it sure would be nice to have a carpool.

 

[3rd_time_around]

We had a coach once telling parents that their DD could do Prep Op and skip compulsories to get go optionals. She said a lot of gyms were doing that now.  I overheard and let the "authorities" know so they could stop the flood of misinformation.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Disagreements about competiton levels actually seems to be a pretty common reason that people switch gyms IMO. Like a situation where a kid should be a certain level, but their current/old gym isn't going to compete that level that year for whatever reason. I know my daughters gym had 3-4 new gymnasts transfer in from other gyms one year just because they were having a L6 team! Also, some gyms have certain requirements for level mobility that are more stringent than others (like some draw the line at state qualification at the previous level, some want a 36aa at the previous level, some just want all or most of the skills of the next level, some want the ability to score a certain score at the next next level, etc.), and when a parent feels that it's better for their particular kid to move up than repeat a level, then it is their perogative to leave...and I see that happen a lot too...people switch cause their kid would be level X at gym A, but a level Y at gym B. Since ultimately the parent is paying the bill, and it is their childs career involved, I don't see anything too wrong w/ moving a kid over these reasons (yeah, it's bad in cases when the kid is CLEARLY not ready for the next level, but in that case it's unlikely a new gym would promise such a thing anyways). Just my two cents.