Motivation in little kids?

[mommyof2]

My daughter is five (six in April) and in a class with mostly 6 and 7-year-olds. The kids are much more mature than she is, and even for a five-year-old, she's quite behind in social development.

The class is demanding for her, three hours a week, but she loves it. She loves gymnastics. She loves her coach. And she really wants to make the team.

The only problem is that she really doesn't seem to understand that she has to do the best she can while in the gym. She kind of flits and floats around, and every once in a while, puts all her effort in.

She's not connecting the concept of improving and working hard with moving up. She really doesn't seem to get it. As it is now, I don't think she'll be moving up in the summer. She'll be very upset. But she doesn't get that she has to work harder to get it. She's got great abilities, but she feels like she doesn't have to really try. What do you do?

I really need some suggestions for CAREFULLY encouraging her to really do her best in the gym. I want this to be her activity, not mine, but I know that she's just too young to really motivate herself right now.

Would it be terrible to offer a treat after classes that she has worked hard in? I'm not talking about gaining a skill or being better than classmates--I'm talking about her just really staying focused and trying to do the best she can. I'm hoping that could work until she matures a little and starts motivating herself to work hard.

Any insight would be helpful. I know most of you have probably been through stuff like this and I would really appreciate your wisdom.

ETA: I've asked countless times if she'd like to come out of the pre-team program and do a more relaxed class, but she's adamant about wanting to stay in.

 

[mommyof2]

I should add that when she does gymnastics at home, she works her butt off. She has beautiful form and is quite strong.

It's just at the gym that she loses all focus. Kind of backwards, you know? LOL

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Motivation in young kids (mirrored from parents' section)

My daughter is five (six in April) and in a class with mostly 6 and 7-year-olds. The kids are much more mature than she is, and even for a five-year-old, she's quite behind in social development.

The class is demanding for her, three hours a week, but she loves it. She loves gymnastics. She loves her coach. And she really wants to make the team.

The only problem is that she really doesn't seem to understand that she has to do the best she can while in the gym. She kind of flits and floats around, and every once in a while, puts all her effort in.

She's not connecting the concept of improving and working hard with moving up. She really doesn't seem to get it. As it is now, I don't think she'll be moving up in the summer. She'll be very upset. But she doesn't get that she has to work harder to get it. She's got great abilities, but she feels like she doesn't have to really try. What do you do?

I really need some suggestions for CAREFULLY encouraging her to really do her best in the gym. I want this to be her activity, not mine, but I know that she's just too young to really motivate herself right now.

Would it be terrible to offer a treat after classes that she has worked hard in? I'm not talking about gaining a skill or being better than classmates--I'm talking about her just really staying focused and trying to do the best she can. I'm hoping that could work until she matures a little and starts motivating herself to work hard.

Any insight would be helpful. I know most of you have probably been through stuff like this and I would really appreciate your wisdom.

ETA: I've asked countless times if she'd like to come out of the pre-team program and do a more relaxed class, but she's adamant about wanting to stay in.

Easiest solution: wait a year or two. She's five.

I imagine this has got to be hard to hear as a parent, but I really don't think a kid's motivation should come AT ALL from their parents, because I don't think it's beneficial in the long run for the kid, no matter how carefully the parent approaches it.

Anything that suggests to her that how she does in the gym is important to you, no matter how small, will detract from her own motivation.

 

[mommyof2]

Thanks. Any advice, even criticism, is welcome. I've never been so clueless.

 

[ZJsMom]

I wouldn't get too worried about it at this point. She's young and kids this age are just learning about cause and effect. Kids this age are so in the moment it's pretty hard for them to think if I work hard, I'll get this skill down the road, or I'll move up in the spring. I think your role should be to help her learn without pushing her. Does she look up to the older team girls? Maybe when she sees them training, you could point out "look how hard they work. That's how they get to that level." I'm not sure about buying her treats when she works hard, but definitely, I would let her know that you've noticed and praise her.

 

[cathiann]

I'm sure others will disagree, but I see nothing wrong with a small treat to reward good effort. You say she doesn't get that she needs to put in effort at the gym--have you ever mentioned to her that you notice she doesn't always work hard at the gym? She's awfully young to pick up the connection herself--I'd mention that if she wants to be on team, then she has to work as hard at the gym as she does at home. If she doesn't want to work hard--that's just fine, but she most likely won't be chosen for team soon.

Oh--I don't find it surprising at all that she loses focus at the gym--there is a LOT of distractions there with other friends to talk to and other gymnasts to watch.

 

[bogwoppit]

I have had two of my own preschoolers go through gym. One is now 10 and the other is 13. They both still love gym and compete.

My oldest loved gym from day one and always worked hard and picked up skills really quickly, when she hit 8 so did the injuries. What I learned from her was that the child owns the gymnastics, not the parent. I also learned that no matter how talented or driven things like injury can stop anyone in their tracks.

You youngest also started at 3, she was happoy to go to gym unti she was 5 and them she started not wanting to do the diificult (read less fun) stuff. This was frustrating for the coaches and distracting flor the other kids. We tried to work with it for a few weeks, and then I pulled her out and did some swimming for three months until a new session began and she asked to go back. What I learned from her is that not every 5 year old has the attention span to be in a group setting and also the desire has to be internal not external.

SO all that to say, you have a five year old, unless the coach is complaining let her be. If she doesn't get to move up she will be told why and that will either motivate her, OR NOT!!! Some kids mature later, comparing a 5 yr old to 6 & 7 year olds is never going to work.

I wouldn't "treat" (read bribe) her after "a good class" as then she has no reason to find her internal drive. Plus hard work is very subjective and you may just be expecting too much.

Five year olds by nature are very busy, very egocentric and often quite spacey as their imaginations are so strong.

If she is happy in the class let her be, maybe it is Mom that needs training and not the gymmie. How about you can have a nice glass of wine if you can watch gym without comparing her to anyone else!

Seriously though, your thoughts are normal and most beginner gym Mom's go through this stage. What I do know for sure is that your childs success in the gym at 5 means nothing in the long life of a gym career. But the pressure, or lack thereof, can have a significant effect on whether a child will or will not continue to enjoy and participate in sport.

Best of luck, and enjoy these little kid years. I miss those days, especially now my 17 year old is away at college, then you really realise you only have them for a short while and they need to know how to cope alone.

 

[momof5]

My 5 year old was doing the exact same thing earlier this year in her developmental class. So I told her that I would buy her a treat if at the end of her class is she was working hard. I explained exactly what I was looking for and expecting of her. ( When your teacher wants you to work on pullovers don't just do 1 then stand around until she calls out to switch stations but continue to work on pullovers the whole time until its time to switch). She tried for several classes before she got her first treat. She would work hard sometimes and not all the times in the class so I didn't buy it for her. I think this helped her realize what I was talking about. At 5 its hard to understand. I did this only a couple of times and she caught on. I haven't continued to buy treats. Now I just issue a reminder sometimes and always point out when I see her try hard.

 

[bogwoppit]

Just wanted to clarify a thought.

A treat would not be terrible if it was not dangled like a carrot. ie You notice your gymmie working really hard in class and after class you say "Wow you worked so hard today sweetie, how would you like to paint/get ice cream this afternoon". That way you are catching the child in a desired behaviour and you can offer a reward after the fact.

This, in my mind, differs greatly from, "Honey if you work hard in gym today, Mommy will do crafts/get ice cream with you this afternoon".

I see a huge difference in the two approaches and personally I find the first approach more positive and beneficial to the child.

Though frankly I am really not big into the whole reward concept. I do not reward hard work at school and I sure don't do it for gym. They can always get a hug or a high five or even "Wow you really did a great job today", words are often all it needs.

 

[mommyof2]

My 5 year old was doing the exact same thing earlier this year in her developmental class. So I told her that I would buy her a treat if at the end of her class is she was working hard. I explained exactly what I was looking for and expecting of her. ( When your teacher wants you to work on pullovers don't just do 1 then stand around until she calls out to switch stations but continue to work on pullovers the whole time until its time to switch). She tried for several classes before she got her first treat. She would work hard sometimes and not all the times in the class so I didn't buy it for her. I think this helped her realize what I was talking about. At 5 its hard to understand. I did this only a couple of times and she caught on. I haven't continued to buy treats. Now I just issue a reminder sometimes and always point out when I see her try hard.

That sounds just like my daughter. It's not that she doesn't want to try hard--she literally doesn't know HOW to try hard.

This is a skill I want her to learn, not just for gymnastics, but for everything, especially school. It just so happens that gymnastics is a perfect place for her to learn this concept at a very young age.

 

[mommyof2]

Just wanted to clarify a thought.

A treat would not be terrible if it was not dangled like a carrot. ie You notice your gymmie working really hard in class and after class you say "Wow you worked so hard today sweetie, how would you like to paint/get ice cream this afternoon". That way you are catching the child in a desired behaviour and you can offer a reward after the fact.

This, in my mind, differs greatly from, "Honey if you work hard in gym today, Mommy will do crafts/get ice cream with you this afternoon".

I see a huge difference in the two approaches and personally I find the first approach more positive and beneficial to the child.

Though frankly I am really not big into the whole reward concept. I do not reward hard work at school and I sure don't do it for gym. They can always get a hug or a high five or even "Wow you really did a great job today", words are often all it needs.

That makes perfect sense, and I do agree with you. I just feel like my girl needs to first break the habit/cycle of her behavior first. She's so used to being silly in class that she needs to get a little jump-start. Hence the bribery.

Ideally, I'd only need to do that a few times, like the previous poster mentioned. Fingers crossed, right? LOL

I do respect your opinion, though, and think it is good sense.

 

[Midget's Dad]

Midget never went through this but I have seen it before in coaching hockey with the little ones. My advice is to ask her what she wants, and then ask her what she thinks she needs to do to get there.

Even a 5 year old can surprise you with insight into such things.

From there I would use very illustrative parallels to get her to realize that hard work in the gym will help more than goofing off. For midget I tend to to use whatever is her favorite thing at the time and work into it. And then ask if it is ok if you remind her right before class about it. Very important that you ask if you can.

Her sport, your support.

PS. Make sure the talks are quick and to the point. Hardest thing for me to learn with little ones. I am longwinded.

 

[pixie flips]

Her sport, your support.

Ooh, I really like this! Short and to the pointand full of good advice....not to mention catchy. Thanks for sharing.

 

[mommyof2]

Thanks, Bella's Dad.
I have the same issue with being long-winded sometimes. My daughter has a real tough time listening to even the shortest sentences. LOL She's definitely a visual learner, so I REALLY need to keep it simple.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[gymdog]

I think at 5 doing 3 hours a week is a lot in itself and it is hard to ask for so much on top of that in terms of the kids showing "motivation," etc. These are hard qualities even for adults sometimes. It is hard for the kids to understand why they should have to turn themselves into a machine. At this age they are just having fun, and unless they are totally not progressing and complaining every step of the way, I wouldn't worry too much.

The suggestion isn't awful but I also think kids need to learn on their own what is worth working for, and suffer some natural consequences in a safe environment. I don't do the reward thing to motivate kids to work, although I know some coaches who do. Again, I don't think it's terrible. But it just strikes me as mostly unnecessary. I think it's different from once in awhile saying "I'm so proud of you, as a treat why don't we do x this weekend?" More of a surprise and acknowledgement that hard work pays off. I think once you get on a kind of sliding scale and you have to decide which days she worked hard and which days she didn't, you're setting yourself up for trouble, disappointment, misinterpretation, etc.

As coaches we need to have age appropriate expectations and try to keep the kids from losing interest. I don't care if a kid is talking once in awhile as long as they're still excited about showing up. It's a fine line. If you crack down too hard the kids will shut down.

 

[mariposa]

My daughter was much like that at that age. She was a few months past 5 when she started a pre-team type class, 3 hours a week. She was focused some days, sometimes not. Could get totally enthralled in watching the optional level girls and one time was left on the trampoline, just in a daze watching them. LOL. 2 years later, she is doing very well, focuses most of the time and sometimes still plays around, they all do. Her coaches know how to keep them focused and understand they are just kids still.

I am with Bog on the bribery. I think kids need to learn how to motivate themselves from the inside. Some kids, once you start bribing them, you can't stop or they won't do anything without some sort of payoff. Others do fine with some bribery occasionally.

Like Bog said, if you haven't promised anything and happen to see her trying hard, etc, and then say, "Hey, you were working really hard today, let's get an ice cream," it is different than "If you work hard today, you will get an ice cream."

I agree with others on maybe just mentioning that you have to work hard to get what you want in the gym.

Also agree that she is very young and has plenty of time to mature. My kid was easily distractible at that age and just couldn't focus unless her coach kept her really busy. She has matured and is much better at it now and I did nothing to help that.

 

[CoachGoofy]

She's 5.

Preteam will still be there when she's older. It sounds like she really loves it & is still figuring out the cause-effect of hard work = new skills.

(assuming, of course, she isn't overwhelmed like crazy for some reason in the environment. I wonder that about kids who work their heineys off at home and can't focus in the group environment of the gym. But that's the teacher in me going "huh" & occasionally offering kids earplugs).

 

[momofthreegirls]

I have went through a very similar situation with my daughter. Last year was her first year in the preteam program, and she was often unfocused and sometimes would even flat out refuse to try certain skills. I did try small bribes, and sometimes they would work, and other times they would not. I was sad when her end of the year recommendation suggested another year of preteam because she needed "an attitude improvement".

Fast-forward to this year. She just turned 6 last month, and has made vast improvements with her listening ability and focus. The maturing she did between 5 and 6 is amazing. Sometimes she doesn't do her best when the coach is not watching, but her coach is not afraid to call her out on it. She will say "You need to do your best even when you think I'm not looking!"

I do give her little rewards for trying hard and listening well. There is an open gym session on Fridays that begins right after her class ends. They have pizza and juice and play games. If she has a good attitude in school, at home, and in the gym during the week - she gets to stay for open gym. This is one of the highlights of her week.

As for explaining about working hard... DD loves to watch the optional girls practice before her class begins. She'll say "I wish I could do that!" and I will mention that the girls put in a lot of hard work and practice to learn those skills.

Lately it seems accomplishing a new skill is all the motivation she needs. Her face just lights up when she masters something new. Last year, she did not really care. It was certainly a maturity issue for us. Half a year of growing up has made all the difference.

Good luck!

 

[MdGymMom01]

I would think that a lot of the focus and knowing how to work hard is partly ingrained in their personality. Let's face it, not every kid is cut out to be a hot shot superstar gymnast. I think every kid should have the opportunity to try gymnastics if they choose, but it should be on their terms and at their pace. Some kids are born with very serious attitudes and are very driven naturally. Others, can be very goofy, free spirited and just plain silly (in a funny way). My dd tends to be more on the silly side (she will turn 11 YO next week), and she needs to be reminded at practice to stop chatting and stop being so goofy! But when it comes to competing, she can put her game face on and put it all together and pull out gorgeous routines. This playfulness is part of her personality and to be honest, I wouldn't change that for the world!

I think this can be an asset especially on floor and beam because their personality shines through and it looks as if they are playing on a playground and having fun. I guess for me, it isn't really about what level my dd is at or what place she finished in an event, it is more about whether she is happy and really enjoying herself. There is nothing better than watching an old meet video of her and seeing that playfull attitude and smile ear to ear throughout the whole thing!

I am kind of digressing here in my response, but my point is to not worry about it so much. Five is very young to be so serious about gymnastics or any sport. Just let it go and let her have fun. If she doesn't move up--so be it. The important thing is that she is happy and having fun.

 

[Bobby]

...I really need some suggestions for CAREFULLY encouraging her to really do her best in the gym. I want this to be her activity, not mine, but I know that she's just too young to really motivate herself right now....

My DD is only a little younger than yours, and I get where you are coming from (my DD is busting to be invited to be allowed to attend for longer/more days each week). There are a couple of things that have been working well for her:
a) I do give her semi-regular rewards (such as an icecream on the way home) for listening to the coaches and following directions. I see it as a safety issue and a way of supporting coaches/teachers generally;
b) Every now and then I give a subtle reminder that when she's not doing whatever she was told to do (like circuit drills) then she's missing out on turns, which is a shame because she doesn't have as much time to have turns as it is (she finds this logic extremely persuasive). She still is distracted by watching someone else occasionally, but mostly she tries to make the most of the time she has;
c) We generally arrive a little early and leave a little late so she has a bit of time to just admire the big girls and speculate how old she'll be when she can do what they're doing.