Motivation in little kids?

[nevertooold]

What I am hearing is that you are looking for a way to help your daughter learn the relationship between hard work and success.

5 is not too young to learn that.

I agree with previous posters that bribery is not the answer. But neither is allowing her to goof around and waste your time and money. It is her sport, but it is your time too, and your money. As a parent I do not appreciate my children wasting either of these for me.

I would explain clearly to her my expectations such as... quiet and listening when the instructor is speaking, following directions, putting forth her best efforts, not distracting others, etc.

I would make a simple chart with 2 sides, "worked my best" and "did not work my best" and ask her after practice each day to put a sticker on one side of the chart. Do not argue about where she puts the sticker. Let her know that after a set period of time (maybe 1-2 months) you will count up the stickers and if she is not willing to work her best most of the time then you will not continue to waste your families time and money. Having fun and playing is an important part of childhood, but it can be done at home or at the park for FREE.

Just an idea.

 

[bluesocks]

My daughter is the same age as yours and sounds like she is in a similar class. I have done a lot of talking with her about the connection between practice and getting a skill. For example, when she first started the class she could only climb the rope about 1/2 way up. It took about a month, but she got it! I repeat that story to her often. "Remember when you started in this class? You couldn't climb the rope. Now you can climb it to the top two or three times in one practice. That is so cool! You worked really hard to be able to do that" Same with learning other difficult skills. I tend to repeat the story when I notice her working on a skill she isn't quite getting. That way she remembers how much effort and practice it took to get other skills that are now easy for her.

I think this constant repetition of connecting her work with her accomplishments has really helped her. She told me today that she was able to read the sentence in a little book she had because she practiced a lot. YEA!!!! This is exactly the lesson I wanted her to learn.

BTW I have been reading the forums for about a month now. I am learning so much from everyone else. I thought that I finally had something to add, so thought I would jump in.

blue

 

[coachmolly]

From the impression I'm getting from your post, your dd really isn't out of the ordinary for a typical 5 year old. When I am teaching little ones of that age, I just remind myself that they are only 5, they have plenty of time for team gymnastics later. Now is just the time to teach them to love gymnastics, give lots of verbal praise for good efforts, and help them as much as I can.
There are issues that I will not let slide, even with the little ones. The first is if they are wandering away from class, playing on equipment they should not be on, and/or getting in the way of other students/classes. This is basic gym safety and needs to be learned as soon as they start in the gym. The other is if they are distracting others. If your daughter isn't doing either of these things, I wouldn't really think too much of it.
Sometimes the wild 5 year olds go on to see other girls in their class get moved up and vow to work harder and you see a big turn around. Other times, seeing those around them improve makes little to no difference.
However, that is a coaching perspective. I know when I was a rec. gymnast the few times I goofed around, my mom let me know that that is not what she was paying for. I was a few years older than your dd, though. Let her know that at gymnastics the coach is there to help her and it is her job to listen and try her very best. Praise her when she does a good job and I don't think an occasional treat would hurt. But also remember that she's 5 and has plenty of time to learn to focus. Good luck!

 

[emorymom]

If she intrinsically wants to move up, I don't see a problem with setting up a contract with her where if she behaves appropriately she gets X reward, if she behaves inappropriately in class / slacks she gets Y consequence. Stickers or tokens or chocolate bar after class. At this age. With the assumption that it stops at the move up.

 

[bogwoppit]

If she intrinsically wants to move up, I don't see a problem with setting up a contract with her where if she behaves appropriately she gets X reward, if she behaves inappropriately in class / slacks she gets Y consequence. Stickers or tokens or chocolate bar after class. At this age. With the assumption that it stops at the move up.

But if she wants it badly enough she would do what it takes because.....

a. she is capable and..
b. beacause she wants it badly enough.

I just don't get this need to control the child, all it helps her learn is that when I want to acheive something my Mom will offer me stuff to do a better job, so I'll hold out until the offer comes. No life lesson learned eh!

 

[sally]

Hi there, my daughter has just gone through the same thing, she is 5 years old and is currently in the high perfomance for gymnastics. What I did for her was, I had arranged with her coach some coloured cards green,red and orange. The aim was that every time the coach thought she was trying hard, listening well she would get a green card, she needed to get 10 then she would get a present. the orange card was given for a warning and the red card was time out and the coach would tell me. It worked really well, as she just wanted the present. At the end I had to stop doing it as she was getting green cards every lesson and she does 5 lessons a week so it was costing me a fortune. But it worked and now we have no problems and she is 6 at the end of march.

 

[mommyof2]

I have gotten some great support and advice here, and I truly appreciate it. I've actually been swayed a bit because of something that happened yesterday:

DD was at a dance class (not anything like her tougher gym class) and as they were stretching, the teacher told them to sit in a straddle and touch their toes. Most of the girls in the class did V-sits, but DD stretched to a beautiful straddle with gorgeous lines.

It was a simple little thing, but she pushed herself further than she had to, and she felt great about it after class. However, when I mentioned it to her and asked for a high-five for working hard, she said "Don't I get a treat?"

Hmmmmm.........

It just made me laugh, considering that I just asked this question about treats for work yesterday. I see how that can get to be the focus really quickly.

Thanks again for all the advice and encouragement. It has brought my sanity back.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

If she intrinsically wants to move up, I don't see a problem with setting up a contract with her where if she behaves appropriately she gets X reward, if she behaves inappropriately in class / slacks she gets Y consequence. Stickers or tokens or chocolate bar after class. At this age. With the assumption that it stops at the move up.

This will, I guarantee you, decrease her intrinsic motivation, and odds are very high that once she moves up and the rewards vanish, a lot of her motivation will vanish with them.

In psychology, this is called overjustification, and it is a well-documented phenomenon that is inherent in human psychology. When you take something that a person already enjoys doing and offer them a reward for doing it, the intrinsic enjoyment of the activity vanishes.

This is not mere speculation, this is a known and documented psychological phenomenon.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I have gotten some great support and advice here, and I truly appreciate it. I've actually been swayed a bit because of something that happened yesterday:

DD was at a dance class (not anything like her tougher gym class) and as they were stretching, the teacher told them to sit in a straddle and touch their toes. Most of the girls in the class did V-sits, but DD stretched to a beautiful straddle with gorgeous lines.

It was a simple little thing, but she pushed herself further than she had to, and she felt great about it after class. However, when I mentioned it to her and asked for a high-five for working hard, she said "Don't I get a treat?"

Hmmmmm.........

It just made me laugh, considering that I just asked this question about treats for work yesterday. I see how that can get to be the focus really quickly.

Thanks again for all the advice and encouragement. It has brought my sanity back.

Isn't it funny how quickly they learn this??? Actually, it can totally back-fire on you and before you know it you are buying cell phones, ipods and other things . You would not believe how many parents I have met through cheerleading have started bribing at a young age and it does turn into "if you land your standing tuck, I'll get you a new phone" or "I will give you $100 if you get your layout." I have seen it happen way too often. And guess what happens when they want a new cell phone??? Yes--you guessed it--they stop tumbling and wait for the next electronic carrot.

 

[BarCoach]

I work with another coach who uses candy to get the kids to improve. And it works! But only when she is bribing them. They get used to it, and won't work for anything else. Sometimes I ask for a correction or a skill and the answer i get is, "What do I get if I do it?" My answer of, "You get to do it!" is never good enough. I agree with other posters, she definitely needs to want to do it for herself. Not for some external reward.

 

[gymjoy]

I work with another coach who uses candy to get the kids to improve. And it works! But only when she is bribing them. They get used to it, and won't work for anything else. Sometimes I ask for a correction or a skill and the answer i get is, "What do I get if I do it?" My answer of, "You get to do it!" is never good enough. I agree with other posters, she definitely needs to want to do it for herself. Not for some external reward.

That, in a nutshell, is the whole problem with rewards and punishments.
Alfie Kohn has some interesting books on this: Books by Alfie Kohn

 

[CoachGoofy]

I work with another coach who uses candy to get the kids to improve. And it works! But only when she is bribing them. They get used to it, and won't work for anything else. Sometimes I ask for a correction or a skill and the answer i get is, "What do I get if I do it?" My answer of, "You get to do it!" is never good enough. I agree with other posters, she definitely needs to want to do it for herself. Not for some external reward.

Urgh, seriously?

Someone who I used to work with used bigger ticket bribes (leotards, $30). No way. No. Way.

The big reward for getting a skill is...you get to learn a harder skill! Horray!

 

[emorymom]

This will, I guarantee you, decrease her intrinsic motivation, and odds are very high that once she moves up and the rewards vanish, a lot of her motivation will vanish with them.

In psychology, this is called overjustification, and it is a well-documented phenomenon that is inherent in human psychology. When you take something that a person already enjoys doing and offer them a reward for doing it, the intrinsic enjoyment of the activity vanishes.

This is not mere speculation, this is a known and documented psychological phenomenon.

I'm with you on this.

My feelings though are that sometimes -- like the Wikipedia article described about the Pizza Hut book program -- it may be that sometimes if you get kids to read with extrinsic motivation, they get the skills to derive intrinsic satisfaction from it. In this case my assumption would be that her DD is in a place where her intrinsic satisfaction would be happier if she got the move up because the experience would be more intrinsically rewarding, and after that external pressure would be stopped.

I don't think it should be a way of life, but can be used now and then as a temporary situation.

 

[gym law mom]

I have gotten some great support and advice here, and I truly appreciate it. I've actually been swayed a bit because of something that happened yesterday:

DD was at a dance class (not anything like her tougher gym class) and as they were stretching, the teacher told them to sit in a straddle and touch their toes. Most of the girls in the class did V-sits, but DD stretched to a beautiful straddle with gorgeous lines.

It was a simple little thing, but she pushed herself further than she had to, and she felt great about it after class. However, when I mentioned it to her and asked for a high-five for working hard, she said "Don't I get a treat?"

Hmmmmm.........

It just made me laugh, considering that I just asked this question about treats for work yesterday. I see how that can get to be the focus really quickly.

Thanks again for all the advice and encouragement. It has brought my sanity back.

I meant to comment on this a few days ago, but life got in the way. Showing a beautiful straddle in her dance class did what for her? Made her the center of attention I'm sure even if it was for a minute or 2. You said her gymnastics class is tougher and she probably feels like she is never the "star" so after awhile backs off on working hard. Really 5 yos don't understand cause and affect much(I know some adults with that problem!).

Really I think she is doing just fine and has already figured out the bribe angle so I wouldn't go down that road with her. I bet deep down she was quite proud of showing off that straddle in dance and that feeling of accomplishment may be something you can build on bit by bit for gym.