Parents Negative talking at the gym

[RileyG]

I get so tired of hearing negative talk at our gym. The dynamic has changed somewhat with some new families. We have been at this gym several years and like it but lately i want to scream at some parents and say " what is wrong with you???"
I mostly trynto avoid the waiting room.

 

[DisMom]

I have basically stopped going in to the gym. I drop off and pick up from the parking lot. And POOF all of the negative crap is gone!

 

[wallinbl]

Talking positively can be contagious.

 

[RileyG]

Talking positively can be contagious.

Yes i do this but its crazy how with some even that doesnt work.

 

[krisnkids]

I agree with the positive talk, also changing the subject or if its really bad just comment how no matter what you try to stay positive because a negative nelly never helps any situation.

 

[Natasha]

Yes, there are some that will not respond or stop talking negatively even when countered with positive talk, but what positive talk can do is keep the negative talk from spreading even further. If there is no one to counter-act the negative it can spread even more and then new people begin to think it is acceptable.

 

[my4buffaloes]

When people start talking like that to me I comment on how I think we are at the best gym in the area and I have nothing to complain about. Now granted they might not think it is the best gym around, but it usually shuts them up at that point anyway. I have found that trying to counter the negative with a positive helps a lot.

 

[gymgal]

Sometimes people just need good role models (as in more positive talking) but sometimes it goes beyond this and if that's the case, a quick talk with the hc or owner is needed. You don't have to "tattle". Just let them know its happening more often and getting more negative. the staff isn't always aware of how bad it gets until one parent is brave enough to mention it to them. Also, sometimes the booster club can tame it down with just a simple parent meeting or email.

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[KimmeeA13]

This happens in every sport/activity. There are always some who can't seem to find a nice word to say, or make a sport out of second-guessing the coaches. I won't let it keep me from hanging out in the waiting room but I try to do what I can to discourage it by changing the subject, or head it off by pointing out something positive. Usually if the negative Nellies see that they don't have an audience cheering them on they don't keep going down that road. Honestly, I'd love to just ask them why they're here if they don't like it.

 

[Kiwi]

a quick talk with the hc or owner is needed. You don't have to "tattle". Just let them know its happening more often and getting more negative. the staff isn't always aware of how bad it gets until one parent is brave enough to mention it to them.

Hmm, sounds like tattling to me! I would warn against doing this. I was once in a small group of parents who were tattled on by someone who eavesdropped on our private conversation, who didn't know any of us or anything about the situation we were discussing. Whoever it was overheard something she didn't like, jumped to conclusions and complained to the gym manager resulting in a very unpleasant meeting between us and the gym manager trying to sort it all out. We all felt like we had been spied upon and that it wasn't safe to even talk to each other in the gym. I suppose you could say that what we were discussing may have sounded negative, but we were working on a positive solution to the issues when this person's interference blew everything up out of all proportion. I recommend not interfering in other people's business.

 

[krisnkids]

Never tattle on someone unless there is a possibility of harm to a child.
This stuff happens in all sports where parents place a high value on their children's ability. If it happens in the midst of your conversation then end it. If the negatime nelly won't end it, get up and leave the presence odd NN. We are adults and have the responsibility to act as such.

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[wallinbl]

Never tattle on someone unless there is a possibility of harm to a child.

Think about it from the gym owner's perspective. If there is negative talk in the lobby, how does that reflect on his/her business? If some of the talk is not true, how does that reflect? It may well end up costing him/her money due to families leaving the gym.

I'm not saying you go name names (I wouldn't), but depending on the content of the conversations, it's fairly reasonable to let the owner know what's being said.

 

[krisnkids]

Think about it from the gym owner's perspective. If there is negative talk in the lobby, how does that reflect on his/her business? If some of the talk is not true, how does that reflect? It may well end up costing him/her money due to families leaving the gym.

I'm not saying you go name names (I wouldn't), but depending on the content of the conversations, it's fairly reasonable to let the owner know what's being said.

I agree, but there is a difference between tattling on someone and saying to the head coach, "Susie, just to let you know there seems to be some dissention on the level 5 group of moms over such and such". In doing that you aren't tattling on someone but letting the person know there is a potential problem. Most likely, 'Susie' already knows there is a problem.

 

[Natasha]

You can easily let the coach or gym owner know that there is "negative talk" without discussing any details and that is not tattling. Otherwise the gym staff may not know it is even happening and then they can address it. A few years ago "negative talk" was more common in our gym and once our owner was made aware of the lobby atmosphere (without any details) he sent out a letter to all the team parents encouraging them to discuss concerns with him or coaches and let parents know exactly how to contact them, etc, etc. It also gave the "bystander" parents encouragement to not take part in the negativity and to counteract it. Now our booster club pretty much takes care of it. We have a new parent orientation every year and at our fall meeting we discuss how it is in our best interest to keep positive and how we are the ones that need to be responsible for the lobby atmosphere. After all, if negative talk does affect the gym's business, that can directly affect us as tuition will go up.

 

[LizzieLac]

You would be surprised what the owner or coaches are aware of already.

 

[Gymmommy71]

What is the subject of the negative talk? Are they parents saying things like gymnast B is not as good as gymnast A, why is gymnast C competing this level? Are they complaining about administrative things like prices being too high, practice schedules not being clear, meet information taking too long to be annouced? Or are they complaining about how the coaches are coaching their kid?

I'd say making disparaging remarks publicly about a child who is not their own's performance or behavior is unacceptable...I still don't think I'd go to the extent of tattling though, I'm just not that type of person...if another parent wants to make themself look like a mean girl (or mean boy), they are only hurting their own reputation.

Complaining about administrative stuff is going to happen unless the gym is very, very well run (in my experience, many are not ), and when multiple parents are saying it and/or agreeing w/ the complainers it's probably justified. A business that can't get it's act together or overcharges it's customers is going to have people complaining about it...and most of the time "taking it up w/ the owner" isn't an option because the parent doesn't really want to make serious waves and/or leave the gym over whatever it is, but they want an outlet to vent and the other parents who are experiencing it too are just the most understanding bunch.

The third type (critizising the coaching) is just a natural inclination by any parent who's kid isn't winning every event and the all around at every meet they go to. A sport like this involves such an investment in time and money, there is a lot of sacrafice involved, and it's only natural for the parents to become emotionally involved when their kid isn't doing as well as the parent expects them to. I feel that I personally have a pretty rational picture of my DD's abilities since she has been doing this for a while and I have had the opportunity to observe her w/ several different coaches over the years. I have learned from experience that when my DD is struggling w/ something, 9/10 it is usually a limitation in her talent (i.e. she just isn't as good at that thing as the others) and/or something she isn't correcting, and not anything that the coach is doing wrong . However, parents who are new to the sport, etc. still have that "my DD is going to the Olympics someday, why can't you teach her how to do a backhandspring" attitude. I'm sure that the coaches expect that a certain amount of this type of complaining is going to happen - especially in the lower levels - as long as it isn't extreme (like a parent who would go in and start yelling at the coach) I just figure it is what it is. I'm sure it happens in other competitive sports as well, and I'm sure it's why a lot of gyms don't allow parent observation (you may want to point this out to the complainers cause it may scare them into keeping their comments to themselves out of fear that they may loose their right to even watch in the first place ).

 

[gymgal]

Hmm, sounds like tattling to me! I would warn against doing this. I was once in a small group of parents who were tattled on by someone who eavesdropped on our private conversation, who didn't know any of us or anything about the situation we were discussing. Whoever it was overheard something she didn't like, jumped to conclusions and complained to the gym manager resulting in a very unpleasant meeting between us and the gym manager trying to sort it all out. We all felt like we had been spied upon and that it wasn't safe to even talk to each other in the gym. I suppose you could say that what we were discussing may have sounded negative, but we were working on a positive solution to the issues when this person's interference blew everything up out of all proportion. I recommend not interfering in other people's business.

Tattling indicates that specifics are being told. I am not referring to that and I agree that the person who told on your group probably had no business. But this is not what the op was posting about. It was more general ongoing negativity. And one can alert the owner/hc to the fact that negativity is increasing in the lobby without being specific to topic or persons doing it.


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[Amusibus]

Not all negativity is necessarily negative. Healthy communication means both positive and negative. An outright ban on negativity feels a little "Stepford-mom-ish".

 

[DisMom]

Hmm, sounds like tattling to me! I would warn against doing this. I was once in a small group of parents who were tattled on by someone who eavesdropped on our private conversation, who didn't know any of us or anything about the situation we were discussing. Whoever it was overheard something she didn't like, jumped to conclusions and complained to the gym manager resulting in a very unpleasant meeting between us and the gym manager trying to sort it all out. We all felt like we had been spied upon and that it wasn't safe to even talk to each other in the gym. I suppose you could say that what we were discussing may have sounded negative, but we were working on a positive solution to the issues when this person's interference blew everything up out of all proportion. I recommend not interfering in other people's business.

Wow, I totally could have written this post. This is exactly what happened to me when I was having a conversation with 2 other moms. We weren't even talking about gymnastics! But a parent overheard a snippet of our conversation, took it completely out of context, and went running to the HC/Owner. We all got dragged in for a meeting. Fortunately, since there were 3 of us, we were able to back each other up and basically recount our entire conversation and I am pretty sure she believe us. The result, however, is that we also know who went running to tattle on us. Now I have ZERO respect for that person. And as I said in an earlier post in this thread, I don't even go into the gym anymore. I simply refuse to worry about every word that I say and be concerned that someone might take it out of context. It's easier just not to go in at all.

You can easily let the coach or gym owner know that there is "negative talk" without discussing any details and that is not tattling. Otherwise the gym staff may not know it is even happening and then they can address it. A few years ago "negative talk" was more common in our gym and once our owner was made aware of the lobby atmosphere (without any details) he sent out a letter to all the team parents encouraging them to discuss concerns with him or coaches and let parents know exactly how to contact them, etc, etc. It also gave the "bystander" parents encouragement to not take part in the negativity and to counteract it. Now our booster club pretty much takes care of it. We have a new parent orientation every year and at our fall meeting we discuss how it is in our best interest to keep positive and how we are the ones that need to be responsible for the lobby atmosphere. After all, if negative talk does affect the gym's business, that can directly affect us as tuition will go up.

Referring to the situation above, yes, the HC sent out a letter to all team parents BANNING all "negative talk." It was not received well. Yes it is her business, however we (as customers who pay a HUGE chunk of change) are allowed to have opinions and express those opinions. Is engaging in negative talk (publicly/in the lobby) the best or right way to handle it? No, it definitely isn't. But still, you can't just "ban" people from expressing opinions. Sheesh. In the letter, she also (1) said that anyone who was engaging in negative was committing SLANDER and then went on to say that anyone "caught" engaging in negative talk would be asked to leave the gym immediately. Overreact much? Wow...talk about NOT motivating your parents to have a positive feeling about the gym. I think a lot of people lost respect for her after that letter.

Not all negativity is necessarily negative. Healthy communication means both positive and negative. An outright ban on negativity feels a little "Stepford-mom-ish".

EXACTLY. Note my comments above.

For those that said a letter or involvement from the Parent Association could help...ugh. Not always. In our gym, the officers of the Booster Club have the worst rep in the gym. Not necessarily for negative talk (though 2 of them are super negative), but for just being cliquey and elitist. And it was also one of the officers who "tattled" on me and the other moms for having a conversation that had nothing to do with the gym. *sigh*

Sadly, I think this is just part of the sport...or so it seems. I have 3 kids who between them do just about every other sport out there...soccer, softball/baseball, lacrosse, swimming, tennis, cross-country, track...and this issue of "negative talk" and/or tattling just does not exist. Sure, there are some parents who might gripe about things when on the sidelines during a game. But never to the level where the coaches or managers have to send out letters. Never to the extent where other parents "tattle" on the negative-speaking parents. It just doesn't happen. Seems to be unique to gymnastics, at least in my experience. And clearly it just isn't my gym as everyone here seems to have stories about this, to one degree or another.

 

[Foxy's Leos]

There is no great way to try to make them stop. I think just avoiding the situation would be the best. Sit on the opposite end of the viewing section if at all possible. Or bring a book or something to keep you occupied on something then the negative mingle. Hopefully you can avoid a negative situation and remain positive