Parents new to team practices-stressed out 5 year old.

[kellyb]

My daughter (who will be 5 this month) has done gymnastics and LOVED it since she was 2 1/2. She has finished one year in a preteam class and just last week began training for level 2 competition. She has always always been ecstatic to go to class, and constantly practiced at home. She is extremely motivated to learn new things (ie: hours a day independently working on her back handspring on a mattress in the living room floor, sit-ups on her own, etc.). She has attended 2 meets as a spectator and has been looking forward all year to competing herself! Her coaches are wonderful and always very positive with the kids! However, she has stated a couple of times since starting her team practices that she doesn't want to go to gymnastics anymore. Lately, since they have been learning routines, and trying to really perfect their skills-the coaches have been pointing out every detail ( slightly bend legs, etc.) to bring to the kids' attention what they need to change. She is getting stressed and emotional about it-feeling that they "hate her gymnastics" and don't think she is doing well. She feels like she is getting in trouble and that their pointers are "mean and bossy." I watch the practices and can tell you that the coaches are as kind and positive as they can be, but yes--are definitely pointing out EVERYTHING they see to help the kids learn the correct way to do each skill. Is there a way I can explain to her their reason for this, and to help her just listen, learn, and enjoy her practices?? (And to understand why everything is getting detail oriented) Or is she just not ready for this kind of training, maybe needs another year of fun rec classes? This has totally blindsided me-and I'm not sure how best to handle it as a mom.

 

[bogwoppit]

Hey and welcome to the chalkbucket.

One of the things that really sticks out in your post is this, "ie: hours a day independently working on her back handspring on a mattress in the living room".

One of the problems with allowing your child to do things like that at home is that they learn their skills badly and then coaches have to spend hours in the gym fixing them.

Much of team practice is spent repeating the same skills over and over again. Nitpicking at skills, perfecting tiny mistakes over and over again. This can be very wearing for some kids.

I would try to discourage her from working skills at home that are advanced, leave those to the coaches.

 

[gymbeam]

i wonder if hearing from the coaches that they think she is doing fantastic and that this is the same way all of the other girls had to learn would help? maybe you could email the coach or catch them at the gym and tell them exactly what you wrote here and ask if they could just give her a quick little pep talk. couldn't hurt to try!

 

[kellyb]

yep-I don't really encourage it. I just resorted to putting the mattress in the floor since otherwise, she was attempting to do them on TOP of the bed and the couch. And "hours a day" may be an exaggeration. I certainly don't try to coach her at home. I'm not a gymnast by any stretch. I really only said that as an example of her attention span and determination/work ethic being totally there. My main concern is that even though she has the ability and desire to do well, they level of detailed focus has been raised a little and it seems to be pushing her boundaries emotionally. That's what I am really trying to feel out and figure out how to approach.
Thanks for your input

 

[bogwoppit]

Her doing a skill over and over again at home badly will not help her at all. I would tell her no skills at home unless a coach tells her she must do them.

As a coach there is nothing harder to fix than a skill learned at home on a mattress without a coach.

If she hates the nitpicking in the gym this will help her.

Some kids are not ready for team at age 5 for sure. But if you allow her to do advanced skills at home she will definitely be frustrated by the slow progression in the gym and the very detail oriented coaching.

 

[kellyb]

yep-I don't really encourage it. I just resorted to putting the mattress in the floor since otherwise, she was attempting to do them on TOP of the bed and the couch. And "hours a day" may be an exaggeration. I certainly don't try to coach her at home. I'm not a gymnast by any stretch. I really only said that as an example of her attention span and determination/work ethic being totally there. My main concern is that even though she has the ability and desire to do well, they level of detailed focus has been raised a little and it seems to be pushing her boundaries emotionally. That's what I am really trying to feel out and figure out how to approach.
Thanks for your input

Her doing a skill over and over again at home badly will not help her at all. I would tell her no skills at home unless a coach tells her she must do them.

As a coach there is nothing harder to fix than a skill learned at home on a mattress without a coach.

If she hates the nitpicking in the gym this will help her.

Some kids are not ready for team at age 5 for sure. But if you allow her to do advanced skills at home she will definitely be frustrated by the slow progression in the gym and the very detail oriented coaching.

I definitely see your point here. Thanks for your reply.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I coach several girls in the 4-7age range who take any corrections very poorly. Not poorly as in disinterested to fix the issues, poorly as in breaking out crying and running to mom if I tell them "oh, nice job with that tuck jump, try to get those knees up closer to your tummy!" In a positive voice....
I have resorted to every now and then starting practice with sitting them all down in a circle and remind them that I am a teacher and I am there to teach them how to do gymnastics. If I am asking them to do something differently, it's because I want to help them become even better at gymnastics than they already are. I tell them that making mistakes is important when we are learning and that I am in no way upset with them when I give them corrections.
Now, granted, these kids are rec kids and not in team. With my TOPs girls I don't hesitate to give the corrections, at that point they need to get used to getting corrections and trying hard to fix minute details. I still give them in a positive way, but I do take for granted that they want to improve and are ready to at least try to apply the corrections I give them even if they are 5...

Also, I wholeheartedly agree with Bogwoppit. I tell the girls that they can, and should, practice the following at home: stretches (splits in particular), handstands and sit-ups. That's about it....

 

[seoulmama]

Honestly, there's no benefit to competing at age 5.... Honest. I know it's tempting because she clearly has so much talent, but I think letting her just take a rec class not so focused on correcting everything is a great idea and revisit team in a year. It won't hurt her at all, she is still very young.

 

[Committed]

It's just the age. At 5yo, my DD was devastated when a coach told her to quit being a wiggly fish. She had no idea what it meant, so she chalked it up as Coach calling her names.
DD is very literal. Though the coach tried to use "kid" terms, she completely missed the mark.

 

[Ex member]

My dd is 7 and she sometimes takes corrections as if she she getting told off, She is told she has to do things a certain way and the when she doesn't quite "get it" and the coach has to repeat the same corrections for a few weeks then dd feels like she is doing something wrong, dd finally understood how to apply the correction and did the drill a lot better (they were doing really high swings on the strap bar, close to going all the way over).

I think the personality of the child effects they way in which the correction is given, some children like my youngest feels like so is in trouble and others like my oldest dd just tries to do what is asked but she couldn't then she wouldn't worry, she just gets on with it.

Gymnastics is a steep learning curve, physically and mentally, I think some of the ways they deal with corrections and such is a maturity thing, some cope better then others from an early age and some take a little longer to except taking corrections.

Going back to my youngest dd, she said her coach told her to shape her body in a certain way while swinging on the strap bar, dd says "I am trying but coach keeps saying the same thing", I haven't heard this conversation, just going by what dd has told me. Dd had been feeling like she was doing something wrong when she couldn't apply the correction and she felt like the coach was thinking "dd is not listening", I just told dd too keep trying, dd did keep trying and she did the drill without getting any corrections last time she tried it (according to dd).

 

[iwannacoach]

Too much, too fast, and too young. Don't even try to make it work.

 

[Rapunzel]

I've also got this problem with my 9yr old, as things are getting tougher there are less "wow that was great" and more nitpicking. I understand it, she doesn't.
She's a bright kid, I've explained to her how it works but she's decided it's not for her and has currently "quit".
Looking at the top girls train, the ones that do well are the ones that listen to the correction, smile nod and then execute it - but these are older girls, 11+ and a lot more experienced. Maybe getting the score sheets after a meet help, for me it comes back to that gymnastics is a great way of kids learning resilience - which is a good life-skill to have. At 5, I think its a lot to expect of them, at 9 they probably should be getting it.

 

[Flossyduck]

I think that either of your suggestions might be best depending on the child and you are best placed to know your daughter.

It may help to have the coaches remind her that she is doing great and the corrections are there to help her get even better. At 5 most kids need plenty of positive reinforcement and will find it hard to understand constant requests to do better when they are working so hard, even when put nicely. So she may settle in and get used to it with support and explanation.

Or it may be that she would be better off spending more time in rec having fun. She may find she misses pre-tea and it helps her understand why things are different. At worse she can just have fun for a while longer.

I don't believe that doing another year of rec will harm her at all. She is young and has plenty of time, but if you think she might be helped to enjoy pre-team them give it a whirl.

There's almost certainly no practical, gymnastic, benefit from one option over the other in the long term so honestly I think this is just a personal decision you need to make knowing your daughter.

 

[Flossyduck]

I've also got this problem with my 9yr old, as things are getting tougher there are less "wow that was great" and more nitpicking. I understand it, she doesn't.
She's a bright kid, I've explained to her how it works but she's decided it's not for her and has currently "quit".
Looking at the top girls train, the ones that do well are the ones that listen to the correction, smile nod and then execute it - but these are older girls, 11+ and a lot more experienced. Maybe getting the score sheets after a meet help, for me it comes back to that gymnastics is a great way of kids learning resilience - which is a good life-skill to have. At 5, I think its a lot to expect of them, at 9 they probably should be getting it.

I'm really sorry to hear that your dd has 'quit'? Rapunzel, but it did make me giggle when you say said she has 'currently quit'. I sense some frustration there

O ften find myself wondering what it is about these kids that makes them keep going back in the gym to fall, bruise themselves, exhaust themselves, scare themselves - be told to improve, work harder etc. And then they go back the next day. Maybe your daughter had a moment of clarity

 

[Rapunzel]

Yes, a touch of frustration. She hasn't stopped doing handstands and shouting"look" as she's hitting them for longer and longer.

 

[tooootsie]

Honestly, there's no benefit to competing at age 5.... Honest. I know it's tempting because she clearly has so much talent, but I think letting her just take a rec class not so focused on correcting everything is a great idea and revisit team in a year. It won't hurt her at all, she is still very young.

I agree, I think wait till she is a little older and more mature. A kid on team has to be able to take corrections and apply them. I also have a 5 year old (turning 6 in 4 months, so older) and she takes corrections very well from her coaches, she just nods and applys them. Now if big sis who is on her team too (7) calls her out on getting corrections after practice she gets mad and hits her sister lol. I think you should talk to her about how she needs to listen to coaches and not assume they are picking on her.

 

[Becauseisaid]

OP - You say that your DD will be 5 this month. So may I assume that she's not in school yet?

Regardless of what you decide to do - rec, pre-team, quit, whatever - this seems like a great teaching moment for you as a Mom. Since your DD should soon be entering school, this is the type of thing that you can prepare her for now. I know you've said that you've explained to her that the coaches are just trying to make her better, but this may be something she needs to hear multiple times.

Perhaps you could come early one day to practice and sit and observe the older girls practicing. I'm sure your DD will notice that the coach is being more critical about form and how to do things. You can ask her "Is that coach being mean or just making sure the gymnast is doing it right.".

I like to ask my DD leading questions to make her think through things and reach conclusions in her own mind and I've been doing it since she was a pre-schooler. Perhaps you could lead her with questions like, "What do you think would happen if the gymnast did <insert whatever you're watching here> wrong? Could she get hurt?". I know you're dealing with a limited attention span, but questions like this will plant the seed that the coaches aren't being mean...they're trying to keep the girls safe!

You'll discover that starting this conversation will help with school too when she is expected to do something a particular way and the teacher gets on to her about doing it differently. I literally put my DD in gymnastics when she was almost-4 specifically so she would learn about being in a class setting, listening to a teacher, and taking turns (well, also for body awareness as she grew, but that's not relevant to the current conversation).

 

[mobeans]

Women's Artistic Gymnastics is about those nitpicky details-after all it is what they will get deductions on during meets. She may not be emotionally ready for team if she is getting upset about it. The coaches job is to point out what they need to correct. Tbh I am not sure my DD could have handled the emotional aspect of team yet age 5. One of DDs teammates is very laid back and a fantastic tumbler for her age. However she often wanted to skip practice and would cry when she was constantly corrected. She is 8 now and able to handle the discipline of team better. Could your DD just do a fun rec class for now? Team will still be there in a year or two . Good luck!

 

[munchkin3]

Just cuz she can do the skills doesn't mean she is emotionally ready to compete them.
We have many kids who are able to do crazy skills, but are not mentally ready to compete. We have girls that stayed back because of mental maturity.

the minute a kid gets moved up, there is a period of time where they are freaked out because not only do the skills get harder, the coaches get tougher.....and tougher, and tougher.....we have L9 and L 10s That are not mentally ready.....they need to cook a bit longer....

My 9 yo, understands that when she moves up a level, the coaches are brutal.....I can explain it to her and she understands why (she still hates it though and there are tears) ....a 5 or 6 year old, not so much.....

Practice ballet positions 1 thru 5 at home. 1 million times would be helpful.....

 

[Seeker]

5-yr olds shouldn't be stressed. Back off, make it fun for her again and reevaluate when she's a bit older.