Parents Parent "Team Spirit"

[Ariekannairb]

I am new to the gym mom thing only being in my second year, but I am curious to know if our gym is typical. I was given the level 3 team mom title, my role being to help orientate parents who are new to the gym as well as help the other team moms arrange team events. When I came in as a pre-team mom there was A LOT of tension with the team parents. On the other hand the pre-team parents got along famously and we have become friends inside and outside the gym. When my DD moved to team this year I was SHOCKED at the lack of...care? from the other team parents outside of the other moms who moved up with us. During the summer there was a bit of a mass exodus and along with the parents who left, the obvious drama left, YAY! I don't know if it is the nature of the sport, but in every other sport my children have participated in the parents have been excited to be there, excited to help with team events, willing to meet outside of gym hours to make parties special or to walk in the town parade. We have tried various events from parades to parties to mom's nights. We have tried sitting in various places in the observation area to get to know the other moms but they really have no interest in getting to know us or participating in events. We realize work schedules and school schedules can be prohibitive so it isn't like we expect 100% participate 100% of the time, but our team is relatively small and for it to be such a small team there is an amazing amount of complacency from the parents when it comes to building a team spirit. Last year this carried over into meets where parents arrived at various times, we really didn't sit together or cheer together. Other teams did and this really bothers me! Some of these issues are being addressed by the coach this year, but is this typical? Where are the gymnastics moms who wear "Team Mom" shirts and who sit together and cheer on the team together? I realize my daughter is competing against her own team mates, but we are still competing as a team as well. I miss what we had with the pre-team and I am very curious to know why it doesn't exist with the team moms, even a tiny bit. Thankfully, this has not carried over to the girls. They all get along very well and are very sad when not everyone shows up to an event. It really seems like some of the girls are missing out just due to their parents not wanting to make the effort to be at events.

 

[bookworm]

We've been in gyms with a ton of team spirit , and those with none at all....the one with the team activities and stuff had all of these events coordinated from the coaches on down and everyone participated because that was the expectation...rare was the kid or family who missed, it was actually kinda nice.

The next gym had ZERO team spirit and to be honest with you, it was like Lord of the Flies....you were lucky to get out of there with your self esteem , and that of your kid's , intact...it was one big competition for everything...at practice, at meets, who could eat the least , who could spend the most ...it was a very odd vibe in that gym...and the coaches had a BIG part in that as they discouraged get togethers of any kind that "would lead to eating" ...yeah , you're reading correct...

Our gym now has a nice balance....when we travel we stay together , and hence, dine together....social events are all inclusive and most people go...I think it just depends on the group you're with..if your team members aren't used to this then maybe you'll just have to build the culture from the lower levels up, but I wouldn't fret about it though

 

[Jen H.]

I am not a *rah rah rah go team* kind of mom. But I definitely do care.
The thing is, I have 3 children and each are involved in competitive sports and one in Girl Scouts. I physically can't be at every single event that each of girls are at. I also work, have a husband, and try to have a bit of a life outside of my family.

I do cheer for each and every one of DD's teammates during competitions, and are as happy for them as I am for my own child when one of them gets a new skill. I do make polite conversation with other team parents, but I just don't really have much left of myself to give at this point!

A lot of the new Moms with newer gymnasts than mine are younger than myself, and I don't have much in common with them other than the commonality of having gymnast daughters. I also see a few CGM's in the making and I do avoid them like the plague. Nowadays, I am mostly just hoping my girl doesn't get hurt.

See, gymnastics is my daughters "thing" not mine. I support her 100%, but I also try to maintain a healthy balance.

Oh, and I would pretty much rather die than wear a "Team Mom" shirt.

 

[kaloss]

I love our gym for this. When we travel, we are encouraged to stay at the same hotels, our coaches "taught" our little ones how to cheer for their teammates and told them that it's what they should be doing for one another. My DD was having a hard time yesterday before practice, crying and just really upset (we couldn't figure out why). The coach literally came and hugged her for several minutes and then the girls all came in and hugged her. They "fought" over who loved her more, the coach or her teammates. She perked up and had a GREAT practice. The parents are just as awesome. When DD made it over the vault for the first time, literally 5 team moms started hooting and hollering in the lobby. We all support each other's girls. As much time as these little ones spend in the gym, it's like a second family!

 

[gymyahoo]

Don't let it bother you if your group of preteam parents stay close and others chose not to get involved or participate. Parents come and go. Jealousy and sour grapes are part of the gymnastics culture. Some parents are just to busy with life or work and it's just the way it goes sometimes. One gym we were at didn't even cheer for my daughter. One gym we left didn't even know we existed when we were there and bad talked us when we saw them at meets. We have a group of 4 to 5 families that we stay close with now. We stay close and if others choose to join us for dinners or hotels we are more than happy to be with them. If not, we don't sweat it.

 

[kandkfunk]

I am a lot like Jen H. After 13 years of gymnastics, I don't have a lot of rah rah left.

My DD goes to a couple parades & festivals each year, but I don't make it a priority to attend. There really is a limit to the number of parades a person can sit through in their lifetime. Plus, it's her sport and I do have another kiddo with a busy schedule that I have to keep up with too.

Don't get me wrong...I love watching my DD and I've never missed a meet, but I'm not really the rah rah type of person either. I cheer heartily for all the girls on our team and others that we've gotten to know over the years, but I'm never going to wear a team mom T-shirt either. I will wear a gym sweatshirt, but I specifically order mine without any identifying info printed on it (i.e no names, no 'gym mom').We used to have a mom that wanted all the parents to bedazzle their own shirts and asked several of the moms to buy matching sweaters in our team colors from Old Navy. In all honesty, all she got from me was a blank stare.

I also don't chat a lot with other parents at the gym because I'm really not there much. It's best for both my DD and me if I limit my time in the gym. I'm sure some compulsory parents have no idea who I am and I'm ok with that!

Gyms do need enthusiastic people like you and your friends. I used to be one of those parents when my DD was first starting out. I am thankful there are now other people who are really motivated to keep the kids and families engaged because sometimes this sport is so exhausting. Have fun and don't stress about the others.

 

[GymBeeMom]

I love watching my kiddos and their teammates do their thing. I help when the coaches or other parents need a hand. I support my kids. My social life is with my friends outside of the gym world and my responsibilities outside of gym get most of my attention. I guess I am supportive but not "into" parent team building stuff. I do think its nice when the parents sit together for meets, until the drama starts...then it sucks

 

[MaryA]

I guess our gym is kind of in the middle. When we travel, we aren't required to stay as a team, but if I'm making hotel reservations, I may shoot out an email to the other moms who have daughters at my DD's level saying, "Hey, I'm staying here" or maybe, "Hey, Google Maps says there's a Mexican restaurant about a mile from the meet venue so we'll probably go there after." or whatever, and maybe some others will join us. When they do, it makes the meet a "good" meet for DD, regardless of how the scores or places shake out, because she loves hanging out with her gym friends. They all seem like good kids and I get very few reports of drama except for occasinally, "Suzie says she wants to quit." I have good friends who are gym moms, and we will sometimes go out for happy hour during Friday practice. Most have kids about the same level as my kid (or kids who have been at the same level as my kid in the past). I know that if we're in a tight spot... DD needs a ride, or needs to go home with someone after Friday night practice so that DH and I can have date night or whatever, that other families will go out of their way to help us out. Sometimes we sit together at meets and sometimes not... I'm not really much of a sitter at meets. Of course, we cheer for every girl on the team. When there's a fundraiser or something that needs parent volunteers, I have a pretty good idea of who I will see there and who I won't. Since DD is not my only child, but is my only gymnast, I would not get a "gym mom" shirt because, let's be honest, gymnastics is a pretty overwhelming sport from a family's perspective anyway, and I don't want to do anything else that leaves my other daughter with the impression that I think being a "gym mom" is any more important than being HER mom. But I have a t-shirt and a sweatshirt with the gym logo on it. My husband already thinks that gymnastics is a cult, and if I started bedazzling my team shirts, I suspect he would schedule an intervention.

 

[Seeker]

Oh, and I would pretty much rather die than wear a "Team Mom" shirt.

Hahahahaha....yeah, I won't be wearing one of those either!

 

[Ariekannairb]

The shirt was just an example Though I love mine and my daughter loves it that I will wear it for her.

Maybe it is because I am a Texan and Texans get into their sports. I don't know. It is probably a bit my personality too I suppose. I have 3 children and all 3 do something different. I am at every single event for each of them. I think it probably also bothers me because I have to sit at the gym during practices due to the driving distance so maybe I am more emotionally invested because I am seeing these girls during the good, the bad and the ugly. I don't know. I don't want crazy parents, but it would be nice to see a little more togetherness. I have never been a part of a sport where so many of the parents seem so uninterested.

 

[berrisweetness]

Wow do you work? I have 5 ( 1 cheerleader, 1 basketball, 1 team gymnast, 1 gymnast class, and an older one that coaches) I work, hubby works and go to school and I can't be at every event for everyone. So me my hubby and my older one divide and conquer. It works for me.

 

[Deleted member 15064]

The shirt was just an example Though I love mine and my daughter loves it that I will wear it for her.

Maybe it is because I am a Texan and Texans get into their sports. I don't know. It is probably a bit my personality too I suppose. I have 3 children and all 3 do something different. I am at every single event for each of them. I think it probably also bothers me because I have to sit at the gym during practices due to the driving distance so maybe I am more emotionally invested because I am seeing these girls during the good, the bad and the ugly. I don't know. I don't want crazy parents, but it would be nice to see a little more togetherness. I have never been a part of a sport where so many of the parents seem so uninterested.

I understand what you are getting at. It's not the t-shirt, or not attending every gathering. It's a certain aloofness that gymnastics might engender compared to other team sports.
I think it has something to do with the way this sport straddles the line between team and individual accomplishment.
A family can follow their own child's progress and choose to ignore the team spirit/building part. Their child's athletic development is not as clearly dependent on the team's growth, though the smart person would realize there is still an important connection.

You sound enthusiast & social. I agree with others - just keep doing what your doing with your newer group of parents. The kids will benefit.

 

[Becauseisaid]

I've been around our gym (2 locations and we use both) long enough that I've seen all types of Moms. Drama Mamas who live for tearing down a kid other than their own. Overprotective Mamas who don't approve of music being played at a Saturday practice. Rah-Rah Mamas who believe every kid is just perfect the way they are. Disinterested Mamas who show up with their head buried in their phone/iPad barely in time to pick their child up and are always trying to con someone into carting their kid around.

Right now, we have a fantastic group of Moms (& Dads and even a Grandfather) that actually include everyone of those stereotypes except the Drama Mama. What makes our group work is that we all are all friendly with one another. Not everyone can stay for every practice, nor wants to. But when we're there, we do speak to one another. If someone can't make it in time, another Mom steps up and takes a child home.

The problem is that you can't MAKE someone a part of the group. You can try to start a conversation, but that's about it. What I've seen so far is that the Drama Mamas and Unhappy Mamas tend to not last long anyway. Not everyone can make every event, but I have noticed that when there are a LOT of events, it becomes even harder to get attendance. Our gym has done a few sleepovers at the gym (3 months apart) that the girls love and several parents stay for. But we only do 3 or 4 outside events a year - festivals & parades. The rarity is what makes the girls and their families want to attend. Could you be trying to do too much?

 

[Midwestmommy]

We have different personalities, but the compulsory parents this year are quite friendly with each other and care about each other and our kids. We do a lot of laughing, and I think there is some shared experience in navigating having a gym kid. The optional parents, on the other hand, are quite aloof. I think it has more to do with some coach and parent drama that happened a while back (more than 2 years ago) and maybe some issues in the booster club back then, but frankly none of us were involved or even know the details, and some weren't part of actual team back them. I would guess once we get to know them they will be fine too. There are two out-of-town meets we are all going to together, and apparently one of the optional team moms refused to tell a compulsory mom which hotel "their group" is staying at for the meet when the compulsory mom asked her. That's not how I "roll" or how I would ever act. But hey I'm more the type that says "whatever," I will just figure out where I want to stay and let others know if they want to join me. If they are like that they probably wouldn't be much fun for us to stay with anyway, so I'm happy to let them be...

 

[Ariekannairb]

Wow do you work? I have 5 ( 1 cheerleader, 1 basketball, 1 team gymnast, 1 gymnast class, and an older one that coaches) I work, hubby works and go to school and I can't be at every event for everyone. So me my hubby and my older one divide and conquer. It works for me.

No, I sit around all day being hand fed bon-bons by Fabio my pool boy. Sorry, I find the tone of your question somewhat condescending. Do I work...I have 3 kids, what do you think?

If you mean do I work outside the home, no, I homeschool my children. Yes, I probably do have some flexibility that moms who work outside the home do not have. But I said in the original post that I understand not everyone can be at everything 100% of the time and I would never expect that.

I understand what you are getting at. It's not the t-shirt, or not attending every gathering. It's a certain aloofness that gymnastics might engender compared to other team sports.
I think it has something to do with the way this sport straddles the line between team and individual accomplishment.
A family can follow their own child's progress and choose to ignore the team spirit/building part. Their child's athletic development is not as clearly dependent on the team's growth, though the smart person would realize there is still an important connection.

You sound enthusiast & social. I agree with others - just keep doing what your doing with your newer group of parents. The kids will benefit.

Yes, I think you are correct. I think I am just adjusting to a different kind of sports dynamic and needed to hear that it isn't unusual.

Anyways, thanks for all of the different perspectives. I won't let it bother me quite so much now

 

[berrisweetness]

If I sounded condescending I didn't mean to. In fact I'm quite jealous that you can attend everything for all of your kids. I wish I could. Although we each cover something so someone is always there to see them. You know how I feel by wanting to see every accomplishment no matter how big or small myself. I see the pictures when they come home but it's not the same, I want to see it for myself. Don't worry about the other parents just work with the group you are with. I was in that same boat before, but I'm there for my kid and the team not those other parents. Good luck with that and enjoy it.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Honestly, the first year Kipper competed, I had no idea this was supposed to be a "team" sport. I was pretty ignorant about gymnastics in general and K only went 2 days a week to gym. At meets (non-sanctioned low levels) we never sat with other parents, and I didn't know any of the other girl's names. By her second year, I had developed a relationship with a couple of mom's and found myself trying to find them at meets. I cheered for their kiddos out of genuine caring and interest, but no one tried to organize any kind of dinner afterwards (or other activities). Last year, some relatively new parents L1-2) saw the absence of a team culture and worked together to do something about it. Several, but not all, mom's got on board and planned some activities. I even volunteered to help plan our parade participation. In that case, it took two kindred spirits who planned different things, included everyone, but understood not everyone would participate. Now, at our new gym...I really don't know what to expect. Out of 10 on the L4 team, 5 are new to the gym. I've been trying to plan dinner after our first meet, but so far not getting many nibbles.

 

[B&M's mom]

Part of the problem may be that unlike other sports where all the team members are at the same game, here each level practices and competes pretty much separately. So you only see your level of kids and parents. It's hard to build team spirit when you don't see the entire team. And if you know that you won't see them at meets, the time committment outside of practice/meets makes it questionable as to how much effort you want to put in to finding activities together.

It's great if you want to try and build more spirit. For those of us who don't have the time or energy to do it, it's wonderful when other parents step up.

 

[Becauseisaid]

No, I sit around all day being hand fed bon-bons by Fabio my pool boy.

I admit it. I laughed. Can you send Fabio over to refresh my drink?

 

[cbifoja]

No, I sit around all day being hand fed bon-bons by Fabio my pool boy.

Is Fabio free on Saturday?